31 - Fright Night (2011)

Last review of the month!  Got my 31 reviews in!  Yay!  Woohoo!  yippee!  Yaaaaaaa hooo hoo hoo hooooooeeeee!  Sorry, i got excited.  that last yahoooiee was a bit overboard.  No, trust me, i know, two hoo-hoo's is one thing, but three is right the hell out.

Fright Night (2011) is a story about a boy named Charley, poor high-school kid barely kept his girlfriend happy.  Then one day he was checking out his neighbor, and out of this house come a smooth-talkin vampyr.  Vampire, that is.  Bloodsucker.  Not the sparkly kind, either.

Sorry, couldn't resist a little beverly hillbillies humor.

i still prefer the original 1985 version of Fright Night, but this reboot isn't bad at all.  It's got the late Anton Yelchin as Charley Brewster, Colin Ferrell as the neighborly vampire, Jerry.  Toni Collete plays Charley's mom, David Tenant plays Peter Vincent this time around, and Imogen Poots is Charley's girlfriend Amy.  Effects were good, acting was excellent, the plot was cohereht and the ending was satisfying.  Can't really beat that combination, now can we?  I've seen it plenty of times and I keep coming back for more.

That's it for this month!  31 reviews in 31 days!  OHMAT is offically a winner this year!  Yay!

I think I am high on chocolate and sugar.  As I should be.  All is well.

In other news, I am still watching horror movies, and will be, all day and all night.  :-)

Happy Halloween, everybody!

29, 30 - The Influence, Rocky Horror

Continuing a stream of movies I have not seen before, two new ones tonight.  And yes, I know you're looking at the title and going "wait, he's never seen the rocky horror picture show before?" to which i answer "No, no I have not, and yes, I know it's like 45 years old, what's your point?" to which you would probably say something like "Dude!"  And then I'd just kind of look at you and shrug.  I don't know, I have all these weird conversations with people in my head, and reality never seem to go that way.

The Influence (2019) is about a nurse who returns home to care for her dying mother, and finds an evil influence in her childhood home.  Yea, that's pretty much the synopsis for the movie ripped right from netflix.  It's kind of hard to improve on it without giving things away.

This flick was another foreign language flick.  Spain seems to be making a lot of horror films lately, for which I applaud their efforts.  Viva espana!  or something like that.  Seriosuly though, you can't go wrong making a horror film.  Either you make a goofy piece of garbage and it becomes a cult classic, or you make a really good horror flick and it becomes a cult classic.  One way or another, the fans are going to find you, they're going to get you get you get you get you, one way, or another...  Sorry I've lapsed into song lyrics.  The acting was decent, the effects about average for a flick of this type.  The props department seemed to go out of their way on this one, finding a lot of old skulls and antlers and bones and magical amulets, and quite frankly the spider wrangler must have had his hands full.  of spiders.  Plot was coherent, at least.  Ending was okay.  Check it out on netflix if you want.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) is about a recently-engaged couple who get a flat on a lonely old road and end up hiking back to a castle full of sexual deviants.  Well, for the time.  I mean, this was 1975.  By today's standards, the "sexual deviants" are pretty normal.

I had never seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show before today.  Mainly because there are a lot of singing numbers in it.  Susan Sarandon plays Janet Weiss, Barry Bostwick plays Brad Majors, and Tim Curry is, of course, Dr. Frankenfurter.  Meatloaf (the rock singer, not the ground beef dish) makes a brief appearance.  I forced myself to watch it this time.  No really, I had to force myself to watch it.  The singing numbers just sort of make me want to head into the other room and fold clothes.  It's a weird sort of response to musical numbers, I grant you.  In any case, we all know how the story goes.  I'm not going to give away any major spoilers here, even for a 45-year-old movie.  But let's face it.  They sing a lot.  That's not even a spoiler.  I'm not really a huge fan of musicals.

Acting was good, I mean, it's a cult classic, ffs.  I was watching it with some friends who mentioned something about "callbacks."  Took me a while to figure out what they were talking about.  I guess that's when the audience actually shouts back at the actors on the screen as they do their lines or whatever.  I was told this is so much better as a play, but I've never gone to see a play in my life, so I'm probably not going to start now.  Seeing Tim Curry belting out a song in drag was kind of cool.  Tim Curry is always awesome and Susan Sarandon has always been breathtaking.  Effects were, well, I mean, you've seen it, right?  I'm probably the only one on the planet who hasn't already seen it.  I guess this movie is viewed at midnight on Halloween night every year in some theater in NYC or something.  I have no idea.  I don't go to plays.  I think I mentioned this already.  Anyways, if you like musicals, i guess this one is a must.  No monsters, though.  Kind of a let down, there.

In other news, I am now all caught up.  One movie left to review for tomorrow and I have several options to go.  Since losing most of basic cable I'm not seeing the normal string of alloween movies that I'd watch every year, and this is probably the first year since the late 70s that I am not seeing it, but hey, I have the movie memorized, ffs.  If I miss it one year, I'll just pick up the tradition again next year, right?  Right.  Assuming I am able to.  I hope I am.  It's late, and I am still sore, and still recovering.  My left eye is doing this twitchy thing and my left arm is aching like it was broken and never quite healed correctly, but that never happened so I am just guessing that's what it feels like.  Hope you guys had a good Halloween weekend, and since it's now officially after midnight, Happy Halloween!  I'll be back tomorrow for one final review, capping off OHMRAT (October Horror Movie Review-A-Thon) for another year.  For now, enjoy what's left of your night!  Or get some sleep, you look tired.  Or, put down the bottle and find your pants.  Whichever applies to you.  You know which it is.

27, 28 - Eerie, Hubie Halloween

Yep, still trying to catch up on the movies for this month, but you know what?  Some of these movies really suck.  And since there's nobody at home tonight on the saturday two days before Halloween, except possibly me, I am watching whatever I gosh-darned well want to.

Eerie (2018) is about an all-girls catholic school that gets rattled by the suicide of a young girl.  There'sa  counselor that tries to look into what's going on, but she gets her impromptu investigation shut down by the senior nun who runs the school.  What's the nun trying to hide?  IS THERE EEVIL AFOOT?  ;-/

I think my summation is probably better than the actual movie here.  This one wasn't bad, another foreign-language film that occasionally switches to english just to throw off the subtitles. The plot is coherent, but the movie relies on jump-scares to generate tension and that's just lame.  Acting and effects were cheap and easy for a movie of this type.  Would probably have been better without the jump scares, but i guess they had to call it a horror movie for some reason.  Other than that, actually wasn't bad.  Check it out on netflix. worth a watch, the ending was actually not horrible.  One thing i want to mention before I wrap this up, the one young girlw as talking about all the horrible things her mother had done to her, and that horrible thing was... she cut her hair.  No, like, short.  yeah.  i laughed.  i think this movie was unintentionally funny, but not really scary, which makes it funny-scary.

Hubie Halloween (2020) is becoming a bit of a halloween favorite for me.  Hubie lives in Salem, and defends the people from monsters on halloween night every year.  The only problem is, there are no monsters.  So Hubie is kind of a pain in the but to the police, and everyone in town picks on him and makes fun of him.  But this halloween... yeah.  you know it.  This halloween is going to be different.

I think I first reviewed this one back in 2020, when it came out, but I'm reviewing it again.  It's got some good messages in it, and ends heart-warmingly well, which is unusual for a horror movie, but not for a horror comedy, which this is.  And lets face it, spooky season isn't just for fear-loving adults like myself, but also for the little kid in us that loves to be scared and safe at the same time.  Everyone in adam sandler's (hubie) usual films is in this, Rob Schneider, Steve Buscemi, some comedians from saturday night live, and even Ray Liotta, probably the last decent movie i saw him in before his death.  So if you're looking for a movie that makes you want to eat some halloween candy and hug your recently-deceased mother even though she's been in your house since her death almost 8 months ago, this is definitely the movie you want to watch.  I know, that's very specific, but there's at least one or two of you out there who know what I mean.  Yes, I'm talking to you.

In other news, it's halloween weekend and i'm still a movie behind.  Three movies to catch up on in two days!  Can I do it?  Can i review 31 moives in 31 days?  Probably not!  Tell you guys what, if I don't get 31 movie rviews in by monday night, I will eat a whole pizza, by myself, earlier tonight.  Hah, tricked you, I've already eaten a whole pizza by myself this evening, so the jokes' on you!  I'm covered either way.  If I flub it up and don't make it to 31 movie reviews, I've already eaten the whole pizza, and if i do make it to 31 reviews by monday night, then I had a hearty and very filling supper this evening!

I hope all of you are having fun this spooky season.  Maybe next year I'll actually be at a halloween party instead of sitting home watching sad halloween movies by myself.  Hey, stop giggling, it could happen.  I've been to Halloween parties before.  Okay, mostly when I was a kid, but not always.  Hey a lot can change in a year!  if I don't freeze to death this winter or starvve to death over the summer, I might actually be doing okay by next spooky season!  I guess we'll see how things go.  I am certainly living in exciting times.  Have fun peeps!  Halloween is almost upon us!

25, 26 - Hellhole, May the Devil Take You

 Okay, it's already after midnight so I am going to zip through these super quick.

Hellhole (2022) is a story about a bunch of women going missing near an old Monastery, so a police officer goes in there undercover to see if he can figure out what exactly is going on at the place.

I liked Hellhole.  It's a striaght-up horror fest with a bunch of cannibal monks hiding in plain sight.  Foreign film on netflix.  there were subtitles.  Acting was decent.  one of the funniest and most expected things i have always figured was supposed to eventually happen in a horror movie, finally happened, and took me by surprise.  made me laugh pretty hard.  not gonna ruin it for you, but you'll see what i mean.  trust me, the main protagonist finds it inappropriately hilarious as well.  Watch this one on netflix if you get the chance, i may watch it again next month if i have the time.  lots of gore, though.  effects were pretty decent for a movie of this type.  there was even a monster, too.  Ending was even good!

May the Devil Take You (2018) is one of those indian (like, from india) foreign horror flicks that deals with a lot of mthology I don't always follow.  Usuall there's witches involved?  I think there's one here too.

So this one was not as good as Hellhole, but they are both on netflix.  Acting was a little over the top.  Mostly jump scares here.  voodoo dolls are a thing.  I guess this one was good enough to spawn two sequels already, but I haven't seen those yet.  Maybe another time.

Okay, it's late, and there's not much else going on so I am calling it a night!  Til next time!

23, 24 - The Chalk Line, Cam

Okay, this post is going to be late, and count for tomorrow, but dammit, I don't care.  So here I am, late at night, watching horror movies, and someone asks me for recommendations for horror movies.  and of course i'm like Whaaattttttt?  because, you know.  This is what i do.  i watch horror movies.  And then i can recommend stuff.  Yeah, most of the horror movies I watch are crap.  but not all of them.  And that's the important thing.  Not all of them are crap.  Just most of them.

The Chalk Line (aka Jaula, 2022) is about a childless couple who almost run over a little kid standing in the middle of the road at night.  She's sick, and thankfully they get her to the hospital before a passing motorist squishes her like a grape, as old mr miyagi would have said.  Unfortunately, the little girl also seems to have some behavioral issues.  Like, she can't function unless you draw a chalk box on the floor for her to move around in.  She won't leave the box.  and she freaks out if there is no box.  So weird, right?  That's where the movie gets the title!

The Chalk Line was not a bad horror movie.  No monsters, so no real special effects were required.  Foreign film, on netflix, so there were subtitles. I didnt know the actors, but most of them seemed decent.  It's a little confusing for the first hour or so of the movie.  There was a quick flashback about 2/3rds into the movie that kinda explains everything that was going on, so don't miss it, or you'll be really confused.  Worth a watch.  I even liked the ending.  Again, no monsters or aliens, but just a plain, normal, scary humans horror flick.  Because, let's face it, humans are scary.  This is why i don't leave my house.  Unless there's candy.  i mean, the candy van roams my neighborhood every few months, and let's face it, the candy van has the best candy.  i mean, it's right there on the side of the van.  Free Candy.  So.  i mean, free candy is the best candy, right?  Right.  course, the candy van has nothing to do with The Chalk line.  I'm jsut saying.  Free Candy is good.

Cam (2018) is about an ambitious camgirl trying to move up in the world, and probably make some bucks along the way.  Alice aka Lola_Lola has three rules she doesn't break.  She never says I love you to her fans, and there's a couple other ones that are equally important, but i forgot those.  So Lola is working a show in front of an audience one night, and that's when the really weird shit starts happening.

I'm not a huge fan of cam.  Okay, it gives you kind of an insight into how someone could end up a camgirl.  I mean, the answer is always money.  And I suppose thre's a lot of competition for a limited number of rich guys who spend money on those sorts of things, not that I have ever seen them, because i don't have two dollar bills I can rub together.  I mean, I can kind of get the point of competing for limited resources.  Everyone wants the top-paying jobs out there, but there's only so many jobs, and only so many people who can do those jobs.  Me, I wanted to be an adventurer, but I took an arrow to the knee.  Or a house painter.  But only using the color purple.  I know it's kind of a limited niche market.  I guess the acting was okay, though I didn't recognize most of the actors and actresses in this, and it wasn't even a foreign film.  I think the main protagonist goes through a crazy number of odd things to try and recitfy her situataion, and not all of them seem sane.  is the point of this film that the cam girl environment was a little crazy to begin with, so it wasn't a big stretch?  I don't know.  I didn't like the ending on this one, but feel free to check it out on netflix if you care to.  Some nudity.  Everything else in here was hard to relate to, at least for me, but it may be just because I am getting old.  Maybe young kids today, they get this film.  Maybe it resonates with them.  Maybe they understand it in ways I couldn't possibly fathom, given another 50 years of life.  I only have one thing to say to them.

Get off my lawn.

In other news, it's late.  There's a big hairy spider camped outside one of the back windows of my house, and I can't get to him, and that bugs me.  heh.  Bugs me.  I know a spider is not a bug, but, I mena, that's kind of funny.  I make joke.  Right, I'm tired.  Okay, I'm off.  Probably can'tpost again tomorrow ngiht, too much to do.  I'll catch up one of these days, I swear!  Can I manage 31 movie reviews in 31 days?  That's the challenge, isn't it?  I've failed before!  I may fail again!  Honestly, odds are 50/50 at this point, I'm kind of unreliable.  Stay tuned to find out!  Same Meandering Scribe time, same meandering scribe channel!  BIFF!  POW!  ZONK!  Sorry, just seemed like there should be some old-school batman fight sounds there at the end.  I may have overplayed my hand.

21, 22 - Things Heard and Seen, Raw

A week to go before Halloween!  I'm so excited!  And I'm not even doing anything this year.  All I got is basic cable and I haven't even seen any of the halloween movies this year.  Quite strange actually.  It's like the grinch xmas cartoon.  Even if all the things you usually do on haloween are taken away, halloween comes anyways.  Cool!  Good to know.

Things Heard and Seen (2021) is a movie about a husband and wife who relocate to a smaller town upstate from the big city.  The wife was an art restorer of some kind (much like Sigourney Weaver's character in ghostbusters 2, which now confuses me, ebcause wasn't she a cellist in ghostbusters?  huh.  odd), but gives up her work to become isolated in her new community because she's having a hard time making friends.  Of course, the husband is having no trouble making new friends, at his new job, or even at the library.

This wasn't a bad movie.  Ending kinda sucked, but it has Amanda Seyfried as the wife, some guy i didn't recognize as the husband, and F Murray Abraham as the husband's boss.  Karen Allen and Michael O Keefe sneak in there in a few places as the sheriff and his wife, and Natalia Dyer from Stranger Things plays a friend of the husband.  Special effects were decent for a movie of this type, but nothing outstanding.  Was kind of a slow start, some basic creepiness and a bit of building tension, but then it sort of petered out near the end.  Pretty sure there's no spoilers there, but watch it on netflix if you want to.  I can't say it was really worth a watch, but it wasn't the worst horror movie I've ever seen.  The acting was at least decent.  I won't watch it again, though.  Was sort of lame, all things considered.

Raw (2016) was about a young woman training to be a vet who develops a taste for human flesh.  This is pretty much the movie's synopsis, so i am not giving anything away.  Pardon me while I savage this movie like a hungry cannibal.

This might quite possibly be the lamest horror movie i have ever seen.  One, it's a body horror movie.  So.  You're basically being freaked out by your own body.  I don't have body dysmorphia (although I really should have ryan reynold's body, and not this one, so maybe i do relate slightly), so i found it hard to understand what the fuss was about.  Also, i've never really had a hankering for human flesh, and this movie does not give you a logical reason to suspect the protagonist just sort of developed one.  It just kind of happens out of the blue, and there weren't even drugs involved.  So basically the movie expects you to take this leap of logic and pretend that all humans have this hidden lust to eat each other, and that we're only held back by civilized society.  Which, is kind of ridiculous.

The movie starts out extremely slowly.  There is the most boring hazing incidents in the history of cinema for the first half hour of this movie.  I was tempted to turn it off several times out of sheer boredom, and the movie did not get better.  The movie is in french, and I didn't recognize any of the actors.  This movie's only saving grace is the the young lady studying to be a vet is mildly cute, and there is a bit of nudity along the way.   Even the ending was unsatisfying, as perhaps having to resort to eating human flesh would seem to indicate.  I cannot recommend anyone watch this trash.  It wasn't even that I was grossed out by the cannibalism.  It was just that the movie sucked.  Watch it on netflix and find out for yourself, or don't, and save yourself the mental equivalent of boring-movie-induced brain damage.

In other news, it's almost midnight and i'm trying to get this in before the day switches over to tomorrow.  Still trying to catch up, so I'll catch you guys with more reviews next time.

19, 20 - Incident in a Ghostland, Don't Kill Me

Wheee few movies behind again.  No worries, i am trying to catch up.  Life gets in the way a lot, doesn't it?  Like ferris beueller says, if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.  What?  You don't know who ferris bueller is?  Goddamn kids these days.  Get off my lawn.

Incident in a Ghostland (2018) is on netflix.  It's about a pair of sisters and a mom who have a run-in with a kooky guy in a candy truck.  And yes, that is just as creepy as it sounds.  Years later, one of the sisters comes home to see how her family is doing, and the answer is... not well.

This wasn't a bad movie.  I don't want to give too much away by discussing the plot at length, so i won't.  Hah!  fooled you.  you thought I was going to give away spoilers, didn't you?  Well, you were right.  I didn't really recognize any of the actors in this one, but they did a decent job.  No real monsters, some nudity, lots of creepiness, like an above-average amount of creepiness.  Effects were about average for a movie of this type.  Not really something I'd watch again, but it was a decent first-time watch.  Some of the parts were a little hard to watch, and that's saying a lot coming from a guy who's spent the last 45 years watching horror movies.  Check it out on netflix and bring the popcorn!  make sure there are no lethal spiders in it, first though.  That's what happened in arachnophobia.  ended badly for the morticians.

Don't Kill Me (2022) is also on netflix.  it's definitely a foreign film but still pretty well done.  a teen named Mirte and her lover Robin accidentally OD on drugs, and that would be the end of the movie, except Mirte doesn't stay dead.  That's pretty much in the first 5 minutes, so i'm not giving away any spoilers, either.

I also didn't know any of the actors in this movie.  Lots of nudity, and obviously there's a dead woman in it.  Pretty well done, effects were kind of cheap for a movie of this type but they got the job done.  No jump scares, surprisingly.  Lots of movies of this type depend on the jump scares to get you, but this one just rolled with ithe action, and there was plenty of it.  I liked it for that.  On netflix if you want to watch it, and i do recommend checking it out.  I love that the Don't Kill me title sounds like begging at first, but becomes a warning as the movie goes on.  I will probably watch this one again at some point, if I get the chance.  I mean, it's no Darkness Falls or Halloween, but it's definitely not bad.

In other news, I am pretty sore today, I overdid it again!  Yeah, I have a tendency to do that, but I mowed my lawn, washed some screens and took a ride yesterday, so i am totes getting shit done this weekend.  Had rough patch last night, boy.  The anxiety was through the roof.  Almost a full-blown panic attack, but i managed to head it off at the pass and finally got back to sleep.  Probably be worse tonight, because the pain is going to be worse tonight.  Or, I might just sleep like a rock because I am exhausted.  I'll let you know.  Temps here are in the 70s, which is unsual for western NY in the second half of October!  Sunny and warm and watching horror movies is my jam.  Just gonna enjoy tomorrow and take it easy and hopefully catch up on horror flicks.  Tonight, I am going to eat ice cream and play computer games.  See you guys soon!  :-)

18 - Night Teeth (2021)

Okay, my head is kinda fried tonight, so I'm gonna make this quick.  Why is it fried, you ask?  Chronic pain issues!  Yeah, been bugging me all day.  Course, the day's been kind of a waste anyways, Rain and cold and windy all day long.  Yeah, nothing going on anyways.  Just one of those days, you know?  Just gotta get through it and hope the next one is better.  I was going to make this quick, right, thanks for reminding me.

Night Teeth (2021) is the story of a substitute driver and his adventures across LA on one fateful night.  Benny's older brother Jay is the usual driver, and Jay's girlfriend has been kidnapped!  So Jay has a little business to take care of, because Jay's the leader of the Boyle Street Gang, and he's got a full night ahead of him.  So Benny, Jay's little brother, takes over his professional driver duties.  Unfortunately, Jay's enemies have planned ahead, and have hired Jay to drive them around all night.  Only problem is, they don't get Jay, they get Benny.  And that changes everything.

Night Teeth is a vampire movie, in case that's hard to figure out.  It shouldn't be.  I mean, it's kinda there in the title.  Night Teeth.  It's either vampires or werewolves, right?  In this case, Vampires.  So let's see, decent effects for this kind of movie, nothing outstanding.  More attention is paid to the driving and the conversations than to the actual fighting, which, just sort of happens in the background a lot.  I mean I guess that's how violence is sometimes.  Just happens in the background.  Or at least, that's how it is in this movie.  Only recognized a couple actors in this, Megan Fox had a brief cameo and Alfie Allen (from game of thrones, the old one, not the new one) has a slightly more involved part.

This movie wasn't bad.  Worth a watch, at least, I think it was worth it.  Nothing world-shaking happens.  It's basically the same plot as Collateral, with Jamie Foxx and Tom Cruise, where Tom Cruise is a hitman and Jamie Foxx is a cab driver, only with vampires.  On netflix if you want to check it out.  No nudity, which was a surprise considering the cast, and not as much violence as I'd like, which was weird considering the plot of the movie.  I don't know, maybe I just kinda zoned out during the violence, which is unusual for me.  I'm not at my best right now.

In other news, there is no other news.  I'm a vegetable.  I'd say kinda like broccoli, but at this point, I'm not even that interesting.  More like cauliflower.  Yeah, that sounds about right.  I took a nap this afternoon and just kinda blanked out for 40 minutes and woke up without any sensation of having rested or feeling rested.  Just blink, and it's 40 minutes later.  I guess I was tired.  But hey, I am always like this after a drive.  Chronic pain issues and all.  So I'm going to end things here and hope I'm more with it tomorrow evening, which, I will probably miss because I'm playing D&D.  So I'll see you guys thursday!

15, 16, 17 - Spiders 1, 2 and 3

Okay, netflix failed me.  Was too hard to find movies on short notice.  I had to resort to TV.  As it turns out, there's a TV station on basic cable called Comet that plays monster movies on a daily basis.  They cut out nudity and swear words, of all things, and there are commercials, but at least they show the movies.  Oh well.  Until netflix comes up with some more horror for me to watch, I'm scrounging.  Maybe I should cave in and buy a subscription to Shudder over the internet.  May have to.

Spiders (2000) opens the "giant mutant spider" series of movies with an experiment that starts at "Area 21," some supposedly-secret government base, goes into outer space to inject "alien DNA" into an extremely venomous breed of spider, and then the space shuttle where the experiments are occurring crashes into Area 21, but this doesn't stop the killer spider from terrorizing area 21 and a trio of college journalists for the rest of the movie.

Spiders 2 (2001) continues the series of giant mutant spiders with experiments conductewd on a cargo ship at sea.  A couple on a sailboat ends up in the drink, and is rescued by a passing cargo ship.  Everything seems great until the ship's doctor begins experimenting on one of them.  Richard Moll from Night Court fame plays the Doctor!  I recognized him instantly.

Spiders 3D (2013) hopefully ends the giant mutant spiders series of movies where a space station contining mutant spiders crashes back to earth and ends up in a NY city subway.  A subway worker and his family get involved in tracking the thing down and trying to stop the invasion of giant spiders wreaking hovoc on the big apple.

These weren't exactly the best monster movies i have ever seen, but they are your basic popcorn-munching horrror movies that are chock full of action.  About the only actors I recognized were Richard Moll (the guard from night court), and Patrick Muldoon (from numerous B-horror flicks).  Euphoria fans might recognize Sydney Sweeney as Patrick's daughter in Spiders 3D.  huh!  Turns out Sydney Sweeney has also been in Dead Ant (giant ant movie which i think I reviewed a few years back) and Night Teeth, which I believe is on netflix and I haven't seen yet.  Well, I think I know what I am watching tomorrow night on Netflix!  :-D

In other news, I think I am now fully caught up on the movie reviews.  I felt kind of bad about reviewing such 20-year-old movies as the spiders series, but i typically watch several horror movies a day if I can find them, and I caught these on Comet on TV and couldn't resist a good spider movie marathon.  I figured since I was watching them anyways, I might as well review them!  Plus, I took a nice ride in the countryside yesterday to snap some fall foliage pics and I'm sore as hell (chronic pain issues are aggravated by driving, sadly), so forgive me if my post is lacking the usual level of snappy humor you've grown used to over the years.  I am sure my sense of humor will return soon.  So, you guys got stuck with giant mutant spider movie reviews.  Well, it is that time of year.  I walked through a dangling web earlier and damn near crapped myself.  Creepy lil spiders.  You know, I am going to walk my house and make sure there aren't any waiting to drop on me from the ceiling.  See you guys next time!

13, 14 - No One Gets Out Alive / Curse of Bridge Hollow

Yep, I am behind again.  I'm not even sure why I am bothering to do 31 movie reviews this months.  It really is very difficult and time-consuming to find a horror movie to review every day.  It's not that there aren't 31 horror movies out there, it's that I've already seen and reviewed most of them already.  still i didn't manage it last year because i was too busy, and i feel like I owe you guys a month's worth, so here they are.  we'll see what happens next year.  Here are two more i have not seen and not reviewed yet.

No One Gets Out Alive (2021) follows the story of an illegal immigrant from mexico renting a room at a boarding house and running into some odd shenanigans.  Ambar is having a bad enough time trying to work a day job and find a place to stay, let alone worrying about being deported, and having nightmares about the time she nursed her ailing mother.  On top of all that, she's got to deal with bad dreams about an old stone box that some archaeologist picked up from somewhere.  I mean, let's face it, she's having a bad week.

This isn't a bad movie.  Gets a little weird towards the end but not so bad you can't tell what's going on.  Some parts are in spanish, because Ambar is spanish.  Some of the actors looked a bit famiiliar to me but I couldn't place where I'd seen them before.  Acting was passably okay, effects were all right for a movie of this type.  On netflix if you want to watch it.  I think it was worth a watch, but I'm not sure if I'd watch it again.  Once you'd seen it the first time, there's not much more point to a second viewing.  The movie wasn't so filled with action that it's a popcorn-munching roller coaster, so watching it once should be sufficient.

The Curse of Bridge Hollow (2022) is about a teen girl who accidentally lights a magical turnip that releases the spirit of Stingy Jack, presumably the origin of the legends about Jack-O-Lanterns.  I'm kinda spoiling things a little bit, but that's basically what happens in the first 15 minutes or so, so it's not like I'm really ruining the movie for you.  The teen girl then has to do something even more horrible to get Stingy Jack back into his pumpkin.. she has to... team up with her dad!  :-o  (shudder)

The Curse of Bridge Hollow is also on netflix, if you want to see it.  More comedy then horror, but still watchable.  Lots of known actors in this one, almost all veterans as far as I can tell, so generally good acting across the board here.  Special effects were enjoyably good.  Was even sort of funny in spots, though the comedy elements were not too over the top.  Might even be worth a second watch next october, as it was one of those enjoyable popcorn movies with a decent amount of action.

In other news, it's late and i am still a movie behind, but I am not going to get to it tonight.  I'll try and snag two tomorrow, if there's time.  Been kind of a rough week for me, though nothing out of the ordinary has happened, so nothing to worry about.  Just need to rest up a bit more and I should be right as rain soon enough.  Hopefully then i can catch up.  Two more weeks of reviews to go!  I hope i'm not frantically trying to type up reviews on Halloween night, like usual.  :-D  Til next time!

12 - Ghost of War (2020)

Yep, I know, I'm a little behind again.  One day, it's not horrible.  I'm already almost caught up, just need to write some more reviews, but that's tomorrow's work.  In other news it's late and i want to get this review in before it 's after midnight, so i'm just going to jump right in.

Ghosts of War (2020) is about a squad (ok it's 5, i'm not sure how many that is, but i'm calling it a squad) of soldiers during ww2 heading to a mansion to hold it until reinfrocements arrive.  It's a nice mansion, and it' already been liberated from the germans, but there's one problem with it.  It's haunted.

First, I want to say, I love horror movies set during ww2.  There have been so many of them over the years and putting a bunch of worn-out ww2 soldiers into the middle of a horror setting is brilliant.  The Nazis make perfect villains, and the idea that they'd do anything (including breaking the laws of nature) to preserve themselves is very believable.  My second thought is trying to figure out why they decided to put a squad of soldiers there already, and then, send these five guys in to relieve them.  I mean, it's a little confusing.  At one point, and I don't want to give anything away so i will be vague, but the soldiers are told that if they leave, they will die.  But the other squad left just fine.  So (1) knowing kinda how it ends, I am a little confused as to why the first squad was there in the first place, and (2) why they did it that way.  Meh.  So here's my real problem with this movie.  If you're going set a ovie in a ww2 horror setting, leave it there.  It's like they wrote themselves into a corner and didn't know how to get out and they used the usual bad writing tricks to save themselves.  It's annoying.  Anyways, let me move on before I get into a rant.

Okay, I recognzied some of the actors in this.  Several of them look like they were just in a war movie i saw somewhere else.  they have that look about them, you know?  Like they just went through hell, and haven't quite come out the other side yet.  I was surprised to see billy zane pop up as a german officer, but it was pretty funny.  I'm watching one of them in so help me todd, a series on regular TV.  I didn't think I'd like it, but it's like a crime-solving thing where the main character (todd)'s partner is actually his mom, and I thought that was funny.  Anyways, so there's a few recognizable faces, the acting and effects were decent for a movie of this type, and it's on netflix if you want to watch it.  I did not like the ending, but maybe you have a different opinion.  I swear, it was good right up until then.  I mean, they had an hour and 15 minutes of decent b-movie horror going on here, and then they just, blew it.  Oh well.  I think any ending would have been better than what they came up with, but then, what they came up with wasn't even an ending.  Bleh.  I'm ranting again.

In other news, it's almost halfway through the month, and i seem to be doing okay finding movies to watch.  I thought I'd have trouble this year, but so far so good.  I've only seen one movie once already and it just came out and i didn't review it when it did, so that one (Day Shift) doesn't really count.  Plus, it was a decent movie.  So don't blame me if some of these movies i review are crap.  I have no way of knowing how bad or good they are going to turn out, because i have never seen any of them before.  Maybe next year, if I am in a better position, I will do a month of just halloween favorites.  Films I have seen over and over through the years, ones i find really represent the month of october and halloween, and are bona fide good and fun movies to watch.  But not this year.  I am not in that position yet.  But I am working on it.

Til next time, ppls!  I know, I'm still a review behind.  Almost caught up, i swear.

11 - Umma (2022)

So hard to find horror movies on just one service.  Oh well.  Took me forever to track this one down, but I haven't seen it before, and that's the important thing.  Also, I have indigestion right now.  Ugh.  Shouldn't have eaten three slices of pumpkin cake so soon after dinner.  I mean, it's tasty and all but much better going down than coming back up, amirite?

Umma (2022) - Umma apparently means mother in korean.  So tonight's netflix movie is about a mother who ran away from her abusive mother and started a new life with her daughter, except now, her mother has found her, and has come home.  Which, is probably bad, because her mom is dead.

Yea, I'm not really giving anything away that isn't revealed in the first ten minutes of this short (one hour and about 20 minutes) movie.  Sandra Oh plays Amanda, Dermot Mulroney is her friend from town (no, not that white man from town, this is not about gypsies, that's another movie entirely) and there's a small supporting cast that I didn't recognize, but they get the job done.  Effects are decent, some korean culture tossed in for good measure, a few light scares.  It's not a bad watch, but unlikely I will watch it again.  Check it out on netflix if you want to keep up with me.  Eleven movies down, 21 to go!

In other news, Angela Lansbury died at age 96.  I remember my dad watching her in murder she wrote back in the late 80s and early 90's.  I guess she's been doing mostly stage plays since then because i really don't recall seeing her in anything since.  I knew she was still alive and all because I've seen little bits and pieces about her the last ten years or so but nothing major.  RIP!

In other other news, my mom would have turned 90 last week, but has been deceased for a little over 6 months now.  I wished her a happy birthday and had ice cream she would have enjoyed.  RIP too, mom.  I have no idea where you are right now, but I hope you're having fun.

Catch you guys tomorrow or the day after for another movie review.  I may not post tomorrow.  I'm probably DMing a D&D session for my buds.  Should be the end of their adventure unless my players really screw things up.  Which, can happen!  Bad dice rolls and all.  I'll catch up on thursday.  Night for now!

10 - The Privilege (2022)

Whee finally found something i can watch!  Hopefully netflix comes out with a new movie every day this month, otherwise i am going to be running short on movies to review.  Also, i have a headahe coming on, so I am going to keep this brief.

The Privilege (2022) is a german film about body horror, I guess is as close as you could call it.  The tagline is something about rich german kids going to an elite school and finding out something weird, but the story really had nothing to do with thae school as far as i could tell, and that's not even a spoiler because nothing really has anything to do with the school?  Idk why they even mention it.

Not a bad horror flick, maybe worth a watch, on netflix.  I've known about the zombie ants they mention in biology class during the movie for a long time now.  Acting was decent.  Weird exorcism sub-plot that kinda goes nowhere.  Special effects were kind of lame, bad CGI crap they used to use in the Syfy movies of the week about ten years ago, but I guess it serves the purpose here.  Obviously the actors are all german so I didn't recgnize any of them from other horror movies i've seen, but that's probably the second german horror movie i've seen this month so maybe they will become familiar to me in time.  Would be nice to see more countries come out with their own horrror movies besides just japan, whop have had a lock on horror since 1954's godzilla movie.  Which i still find amazing, 9 years after they got bombed into surrendering during WW2, they come out with godzilla.  totes amazeballs.  why, yes, stewardess, i speak jive.  anyways, maybe germany will have more horror movies coming out.  I'm hopeful, I love a good horror movie.  probably not going to watch this one again, though, it wasn't really that great.

Yay finally cuahght up, 10 movie reviews in 10 days!  In other news yea that headache is settling in so i'm going to have some tylenols and distract myself with computer games til they kick in.  Have a nice evening, catch you on the rebound!  yea, that's right, da scribe is hip to the jive!

9 - Mr. Harrigan's Phone (2022)

Happy Columbus / Indigenous Peoples' Day!  I was waiting for a friend to come visit but it looks like he's not going to make it today.  So, I watched a movie to try and get caught up.  I knew the moment i started watching it where it came from (it's a netflix movie written by stephen king) because king has a distinctive style and references in his writing that I have grown accustomed to recognizing over the years.  Plus, it said so at the end of the movie, so it was kind of hard to miss.

Mr. Harrigan's Phone (2022) is about a young boy who meets an old man.  The old man is having trouble reading and has hired the boy to read old books to him.  The relationship lasts until the boy enters high school, and somethign bad happens, but the relationship doesnt end there.  Like most of King's stories, I'd be giving things away if I said more, so I'm just going to end it ehre and let you watch this one on your own.

Donald Sutherland gives an excellent performance as Mr. Harrigan.  I admit I have not seen Mr. Sutherland act for a while and expected his acting talent to have suffered some of the effects of aging, but if it has, I was unable to find any.  His performance as the titular Mr. Harrigan was excellent and appropriately creepy in all the right spots.  I imagine they could have done something with special effects to approximate Mr. Harrigan's vengeance, but not showing him at all was just as good.  A simple view of the end result in which Mr. Harrigan "dispatched his enemies with haste" was supremely effective in and of itself.  The rest of the cast did an appropriately good job and I won't mention any of them here because I've never seen them in anything else that I can recall.

I only have one problem with this movie and I get that it violates the suspension of disbelief rule, which was otherwise in full effect for me, but this one is a contrsdiction that the movie makes for itself, and that always triggers me.  Mr. Harrigan hires this boy to do his reading for him, saying his eyes are failing and he needs the boy to read the old novels in his bookshelf for him.  This relationship continues for at least a good 5 years, as stated in the story, until the boy is in high school.  At which point, the boy (craig) buys Mr. Harrigan a cell phone (where the title comes from).  But, if his eyes were too bad to be able to read, how was he able to discern the text and information on his phone, which he seems to readily take to?  I imagine there is the possibility that Mr. Harrigan just wanted some company, and if that's what the movie was trying to point out most obviously by making sure the viewer knew that Mr. Harrigan could see perfectly well, then that makes more sense and is not actually a contradiction to its own established plot.  I'm thinking that's probably the case, because otherwise this was a pretty decent psychological / spirtual horror movie, and I don't want to think the movie made an accidental mistake.

Okay, in other news, I am still one movie behind so maybe I can catch up today.  Not much else going on in the news, you know, aside from the usual wars, corruption and madness that plagues mankind on a daily basis.  I'm still quite sore today and slept poorly so if you notice mistakes in my spelling, cut me some slack, jack.  That's something they used to say in the 70's.  Hopefully I shall return later this evening with another review, and be all caught up.  All new movies so far this month, or at least, ones i have not seen before.  Well, technically I did see Day Shift once before, but that was only a couple months ago when it came out, and it was good enough to watch again.  Hopefully I can keep this streak of new movies going, instead of having to review something I've seen before, but whata re the odds?  I don't think I've ever had an OHMRAT where I could even find 31 horror movies I had not seen before.  I mean, let's face it, I watch horror movies a LOT.  :-)  Til later then, hope you are enjoying the holiday, if at all possible.  Sunny out.  maybe I'll grab some fresh air, too.

8 - Old People (2022)

Right, well, this is going to post very early on ther 10th, but the point is, i watched it on the 9th and it's number 8 for the month.  So i have two movies to watch tomorrow and then I am all caught.  if I can find two movies to watch tomorrow.  But it's late, I better get toth e review before I nod off in mid sentence.  Has happened before.  Probably will again.

Old People (2022) is a horror film similar to 28 days, only instead of a rage virus we're looking at some sort of ancient (heh, ancient, old people, see what i did there?) curse, similar to the witch's curse movies that I reviewed earlier today, only there aren't as many flashbacks.  Anyways, to sum up, a woman returns home with her kids to her ex-husband's place to attend the marraige of her younger sister to her betrothed.  Along the way they pick up her dad, who is in one of the old folks homes.  As is usually the case, the home is understaffed and the old people are treated like refuse, but they bring her dad tot he wedding and then the wedding night comes and, as usual, you guessed it.. all hell breaks loose.

This is a german-made film, so i didn't recognize any of the actors.  The acting was decent, special effects were pretty minimal, but it made sense, i suppose.  The old folks did a great job of appearing threatening.  i mean it's kind of like one of those evil-kid films but it's like an evil old-person film and sometimes a veteran actor can really do evil better than a kid can, I suppose.  I don't know.  I think kids scare me more anyways.  Meh.  It's on netflix, not a bad watch, but I probably won't want to see this one again.  might be worth a watch if you're looking for some horror.  nothing outstanding, and no really cool monsters, so it goes to the bottom of my list.

that's all for tonight, will be watching more movies soon to catch up.  Just not tonight.  it's late and i need my sleepies.  geting old, you know.  hell, i've lived at least a tenth of my life give or take 10000%.  i can't say what sort of technological and biological advances we will have in the future so i don't want to short-change myself.  good talk!

5, 6, 7 - Fear Street Trilogy (2021)

Yes, I know I am running a little behind on my movie reviews, but i'm working on catching up.  Was just a busy weekend.  I watched the fear street trilogy and had watched all of them by friday, but sadly was unable to post in time to get them up friday night.  But whatever!  it's not like you care about my personal troubles!  You are just here for the movie reivews!  So let's get to them!  Why do I keep putting exclamation points at the end of everything?!

Fear Street 1994, 1978, 1666 (2021) - Fear Street is the saga of Sunnyvale vs Shadyside.  In Sunnyvale, everyone is wealthy and everyone is safe and everyone is happy and everyone is healthy.  No bad things ever happen in Sunnyvale.  Why, they don't even have car accidents!  In Shadyside, basically just on the other side of town, bad things happen all the time.  People go insane, they beat each other up, people are stabbed and killed and there's basically a serial killer going on a killing spree there every other week. Of course, they don't actually have a sherriff in Shadyside, they just send the sheriff of sunnyvale over to clean up the mess once the killing is done.  In the midst of this mess live Deena and Josh, the latest residents of Shadyside to fall victim to the curse of the Witch, Sara Fier.

Okay, basically this is a 5-hour movie broken up into three parts for easy viewing.  Part one is titled Fear Street 1994 and you definitely have to watch these things in order to understand what's going on, and not chronological order.  So, don't start with 1666 and work your way up because that will just screw everything up and your head will explode.  Trust me, i am still cleaning up the walls.  So, 1994 is obviously the year this starts, and Deena and Josh are sister and brother heroes who get sucked into the Witch's Curse right after the latest round of killings happens.  Everyone knows about the witch's curse.  Sara Fier was hung as a witch, and cursed the residents of Shadyside.  No one really believes in the curse, except there's no good reason why someone goes crazy every few months and starts murdering innocent shadysiders for no particular reason.  Deena and Josh end up getting sucked into it when Deena's ex-girlfriend gets involved, and then... yea.  All hell breaks loose.  Of course.  Part one happens mostly in 1994, and be warned, there's 2 major flashbacks that happen, so be ready for those.  Normally I don't like flashbacks but when they go tot he trouble of breaking them up into succinct and distinctly-viewable piecees like this, I'm intrigued.

Part 2 happens in 1978, and is a flashback from 1994 to some summer camp killings in shadyside in 1978.  As I mentioned, you only have to wait a week before the next bad thing happens in Shadysde, and in 1978, the bad thing that happened was that Tommy Slater went nuts and hacked up some kids with an axe.  Part 2 is all about that.  Part 3 is titled Fear Street 1666, and details yet another flashback (easily watchable chunks, so i didn't get annoyed by them, thanks for that) to 1666, when the witch Sara Fier was hung, and then we snap back to 1994 for the final conclusion to this epic saga.  1666 is when all the bad things started happening in Shadyside, and tells you how all this started.  All these movies came out in 2021, I think

This wasn't a bad set of movies.  Pretty classic Witch's Curse stuff.  Multiple brands of killers involved, axe murderers, and so on.  Some of them are pretty creepy, like the girl who sings a song as she stalks you down and starts cutting you up with her switchblade.  Tommy Slater seems an obvious rip-off of Jason Voorhees fromt he friday the 13th films, even going so far as to have a sack over his head like in the 2nd and 3rd Friday the 13th films, before he picked up and put on his signature hockey mask.  Just ona  side note, I once carved a halloween jack-o-lantern with eyes and holes in the classic Jason hockey mask pattern.  All the trick or treaters loved it, and I got many compliments.  Anyways.  Enough about how awesome I am.  So Tommy Slater is a Jason ripoff, who cares.  It works for the movie.  I am sure several other killers were ripped off from other horror franchises too, but I didn't really care about the rest.

Special effecsts were decent for this sort of film.  There was a little bit of nudity in part 2, but the only only actress I really recognized in this whole movie series was Sadie Sink, I think her name is, from Stranger Things.  The rest of the cast was good but I don't think I've seen them in other places yet.  Available on netflix if you want to watch it, and have not done so already.  Good viewing, and I will probably try and watch the whole set of movies again next spooky season, just for fun.

In other news, it's still spooky season, and I'm still two movies behind, so I am going to go find some other movies to watch before the weekend is out!  Slow news week, as far as I know, not that I pay much attention to the news these days.  See you in my next review, will will probably be in a couple hours.  Man I really have an urge for Halloween candy right now.

4 - Day Shift (2022)

Yes, finally a decent vampire movie.  It has been a while since I have seen one.  Technically I saw this one during the summer months when it came out, but I went through my blog and noticed I hadn't reviewed tonight's flick, so I watched it again.  Definitely passes the rewatchability test, which is a vital mark of a decent movie.  More action than horror, but hey, vampire movie with action is just another day in the life of an unpaid and hopefully-not-soon-to-be-homeless-horror-movie-reviewer.  Wow that's a lot of hyphens.

Day Shift (2022) stars Jamie Foxx as Bud Jablonski, a pool cleaner who has an unusual side-gig as a vampire hunter.  Most of Bud's issues in life arise not from Vampires, but from the vampire hunter's union, which pays out poor bounties on the vampire teeth that the hunters collect, taking absorbitant fees out of every bounty.  Bud's marriage is also on the rocks, mostly because he can't tell his wife, who he's seperated from, about his job as a fearless vampire killer.  Bud's just trying to make ends meet, when, well, you know.  All hell breaks loose and all.

Okay, so we got Jamie Foxx as Bud Jablonski, Dave Franco as Seth, Bud's weaselly union rep who is supposed to be spying on Bud for the Union.  Snoop Dogg plays Big John Elliott, a cowboy vampire killer who backs Bud up from time to time.  Peter Stormare is Troy, an illegal vampire-tooth broker who works out of a pawn shop or something.  I didn't recognize any of the rest of the actors in this movie but they all did decent jobs.  There's lots of action in this movie, which is always good for a vampire movie, because you don't want this to turn into another Twilight and ruin the good name of vampire movies all over again.  heh.  I make myself giggle sometimes.  Day Shift is on netflix, if you want to watch it.  I've seen it twice now, and it's still pretty good.  I may watch it again next october, too, if I can.  Snoop Doog references the Lost Boys at one point, saying "That's what I like about LA.  All the damn Vampires." which, if you've seen Lost Boys, you know is almost the same line Grampa speaks when he talks about Santa Carla.  I don't mean to toot my own horn here, because I am usually not that felxible, but I recognzied the line immediately, and chuckled.  There are some laughs in this movie, but it's mostly action, which is a totally fine combination and a great popcorn movie.  Loved it, will watch again.

In other news, oktoberfest has ended and spooky music is now playing on the sounds of the season music channel on cable tv.  Yeah.  You know when i am listening to music channels, my options for entertainment are limited.  Too poor to afford more at the moment.  Working on getting an income and thus saving my own life.  Hoping for the best!  Been really worried lately.  Got maybe a few more months of money before I am flat broke.  Anxiety, depression and chronic pain issues prevent me from doing more than like, one thing a day.  My supportive friends online tell me it's okay if all I can do some days is feed and take care of myself, and yes, that's important, but sometimes it's just not enough to just feed myself.  I also need to make money to make sure I can feed myself tomorrow, and the day after, and so on.  Meh.  I guess everyone worries about the future at times.  I'm no different than anyone else.  We all have problems to overcome.  Hopefully I can manage it.  I guess we all fail eventually, but I was hoping for a few more good years of fun before it all went to hell.  Ah well.  We'll see what happens.

But I devolve into depression.  Must be tired.  I am sure i will feel better and more hopeful after a good night's sleep.  See you guys with another movie review in another day or two.  Hope you are enjoying your lives as much as you can, given your individual circumstances.  You never know when life will throw you a curve ball, bean you in the forehead and get you carted off the field on a stretcher, amirite?  Sorry, odd baseball reference.  came out of nowhere.  I'll stop trying to be clever and go play computer games to get my mind off things.  See you next time.

3 - The Munsters (2022)

 Oh, i'm just trying to find decent movies to watch, and it's the hardest part of OHMRAT every year.  I look and look, and it's a race to see if I can find a movie to watch before the day is over, and squeezing the review in before midnight so it registers on the right day.  The life of a movie critic isn't easy, amirite?  Yeah, all you movie review critics out there know what i am talking about.  Usually, you guys get paid for it.  Me, I work for free.  I mean.  I don't want to, it's just.. nobody is paying me.  yet.  Hoepfully soon.

The Munsters (2022) is... not a horror movie.  Or a comedy.  Or...  well, i mean.  it's a movie, I guess.  I would say it's coherent, but... ok, it's awful.  I mean, awful, awful.  Oh my god.  Robb Zombie made this mess.  I thought his Halloween remakes were bad, but oh my god.  I don't know how he convinced netflix to pay for this steaming pile of crap.  I don't know what the man does for a living, but if people are paying him to make movies for him, they are idiots.

The only person i know in this movie is Sheri Moon Zombie, (who i just realized, is married to Rob Zombie, which makes more sense now), and she plays Lily, Herman's future wife.  This movie is more of an origin story for the munsters rather than a reboot, which is just, awful, I mean, he destroyed the origin story of Michael Myers, and then did it again with the Munsters.  I mean, i watched the munsters on TV and they were nothing like this.  I couldn't even get through this movie last night, I had to shut it off.  it made me so disappointed I just couldn't even finish it.  I'm not going to lie and say i sat through the rest of it, either.  I fast forwarded through the second half, watching a few minutes at a time, til I got tot he end.  The end wasan't even good.  There were no funny parts. like none.  Zero.  The dialogue was awful.  At one point there was a Sonny and Cher musical number.  For no particular reason.  It wasn't scary.  Zero scares.  This movie had absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever.  I feel bad just for having watched it.  It's extremely rare a movie makes me feel this bad for wassting my time on it.  I mean, i sit around drooling on myself and watching guys in godzilla suits duking it out in old japanese monster movies.  I mean, come on. if I can enjoy that and not enjoy the Munsters?  It has to be awwwful.

Okay, to sum up.  The Munsters.  netflix.  Awful.  I would tell you not to watch it, but nobody seems to believe me when I try to help them, so you can decide if you want to waste your time on it or not.  I will probably never watch another rob zombie movie in my life.  Just on the memory of this awful thing.  Ugh.  Like purposely eating a worm.  Only nobody dared me.  ugh.  Moving on, trying to forget I ever aw this.

In other news, I missed last night's post because I picked an awful movie to watch, so there's another movie review coming up very soon.

2 - The Wretched (2019)

Okay, now tonight's movie was an actual horror flick, not like last night's movie, and it's on netflix, in case you want to check it out.  Off to a rocky start but that's expected after what was essentially a two-year absence.  Of course I was going to be a little bit rusty, but that's what tetanus boostr shots are for!  Yeah!  Right.  Now what was I saying?  Oh yes, the movie review.

The Wretched (2019) is about a forest spirit that comes into town to wreak havoc.  I mean, I'm not giving anything away here, the movie description on netflix literally mentions a forest spirit.  The coming into town to wreak havoc part, that's what I added.  So.  Um.  Yeah.  That's basically what happens.  I mean it starts out so-so, there's some derpy-looking teenager arriving on a bus with a busted arm or something, to spend some time with his dad, and his dad's new neighbors are a little weird, and then, well, you know how this shit works.  All hell breaks loose.  I mean, it's pretty much the summation of every horror movie ever made.  Apparently we think there are walls around Hell and every time hell breaks loose, we got to slap some metaphorical spackle on that shit, and cover the hole.  Sorry, i get ahead of myself.

So this movie had a bunch of completely unknown actors, at least to me.  There was some teenage hijinks and the usual doubting parents because let's face it, every parent thinks their kid is whacked out on drugs and alcohol and lying to them...  and for the most part, they are usually right.  But not this time, nuh uh, nossirreebob!  heh cool i worked in a nossirreebob, have not done that in a while.  I am very proud of myself.  gonna take a minute and bask in the glow of my own unique cleverness.  ok, moving on.  So after the teenage hijinks were over we get into the nitty gritty of the story, the battle with the forest spirit.  I kept thinking "Damn, that forest spirit is hard to kill." not that I have much experience killing forest spirits.  I mean.  I accidentally ran over a baby rabbit with a lawnmower once, and i still feel really bad about that.  That was pretty horrible, though, I was just a teenager and I probably should have sought some therapy over that one.  Anyways.  Enough about my trauma.  Forest spirit looked pretty decent, so the effects were not horrible.

What else to say about this movie.  Cute ladies, some nudity, some blood and gore.  Kinda short.  Coulda done with some explanation of more of the characters.  One kid seems to pop up in the story just for the express purpose of getting kidnapped, like she literally wasn't in the tale before and then poof she's being kidnapped, but maybe I just wasn't paying much attention and I missed her earlier in the film or something.  hey, it happens, I am not perfect.  I know, it's hard to believe.  Me, not perfect?  Nonsense, you say?  well, I thank you for the compliment, but really, uh, anyways, we should be moving on before I start telling you about my crappy golf game.  The Wretched, worth a watch, on Netflix.

What else is going on in the world.  Who cares?  It's spooky season.  The world can take care of itself, because I just do not have the spoons to deal with it this month.  Fuck it.  I'm gonna have me a bratwurst and a beer and enjoy the rest of my day.  Happy Oktoberfest, and I'll see you all with another review as soon as I find some decent horror to view.  Later!

1 - The Devil all the Time (2020)

Yea, it's that time of year again, boys and girls.  It's time for OHMRAT, The October Horror Movie Review A Thon.  It's only the first of the month, and already all hell is breaking loose, but enough about my personal life.  Let's get to the movie.

The Devil All The Time (2020) is not really what i would call a horror movie, but sadly, Netflix has listeed it on the Halloween "Streams and Screams" section of its page.  Why did I watch over two hours of Not-horror movies, do you ask?  Because I am a bit of a masochist and I enjoy hurting myself.  No, I really didn't know there wasn't going to be any horror in it.  I mean, there was killing and bodies and, I guess, the horror of humanity?  But I live with the horror of humanity every damned day.  So for me, this was about as scary as the nightly news.  Which, granted, can be pretty frightening sometimes.  Quick plot summary, a boy grows up in a bad place, and it doesn't get any better.

I wasn't particularly a fan of this movie, mainly because there were no monsters in it.  There was Bill Skarsgard, Tom Holland and Robert Pattinson in it, and some other folks who I didn't bother to look up, because I didn't care enough and I'm having a bout of depression due to chronic pain issues, so quit nagging about it before I start crying.  There were no cool CGI special effects because there were no monsters, no demons, no ghosts and no aliens, and I am pretty upset about that.  I would go watch another movie, but like I said, this was over two hours of drama, and it took me an hour of buildup before i realized it was jut going to be boring-ass human drama, all through the rest of the movie.  I did cry then, making this the first actual horror movie to make me cry, out of sheer boredom.

Horrible way to start off a month of horror movie reviews, and I was going to go find an actual horror movie to review, but you know what?  After a couple hours, i just want to warn folks that The Devil All The Time is more of a human drama movie than what I personally would call a horror movie, but hey!  Opinions do vary.  Maybr you'll watch it, and be horrified by the evil acts that humanity commits upon one another.  if so, you really need to get out more.  Or watch the news.

In other news, it's the first of october!  yay!  The spooky season is here!  I have already decorated my house for Halloween.  Which is good because I think I've used up all my energy for the month.  It's already getting cold around here.  We've gone from 80s around labor day to high's in the 50s and 60s.  By the end of october, we'll be down to daily highs in the 30s and 40s, and it'll be time to put up xmas decorations, but I get ahead of myself.  Oktoberfest is winding down, the first time they've had it in several years, due to Covid.  Did you know that's really the only time Oktoberfest is ever cancelled?  World Wars and Global pandemics.  I hope to get there someday, but I am going to have a bratwurst and some beer this weekend, because I am nowhere near being able to afford to go to germany right now.  But not tonight, because i had some painkillers.  Important reminder for kids, do not mix painkillers and alcohol.

All right, I am not sure if I am going to make it to 31 reviews this month, but I will do waht i can.  1 down, 30 to go.  Woohoo!