2 - The Wretched (2019)

Okay, now tonight's movie was an actual horror flick, not like last night's movie, and it's on netflix, in case you want to check it out.  Off to a rocky start but that's expected after what was essentially a two-year absence.  Of course I was going to be a little bit rusty, but that's what tetanus boostr shots are for!  Yeah!  Right.  Now what was I saying?  Oh yes, the movie review.

The Wretched (2019) is about a forest spirit that comes into town to wreak havoc.  I mean, I'm not giving anything away here, the movie description on netflix literally mentions a forest spirit.  The coming into town to wreak havoc part, that's what I added.  So.  Um.  Yeah.  That's basically what happens.  I mean it starts out so-so, there's some derpy-looking teenager arriving on a bus with a busted arm or something, to spend some time with his dad, and his dad's new neighbors are a little weird, and then, well, you know how this shit works.  All hell breaks loose.  I mean, it's pretty much the summation of every horror movie ever made.  Apparently we think there are walls around Hell and every time hell breaks loose, we got to slap some metaphorical spackle on that shit, and cover the hole.  Sorry, i get ahead of myself.

So this movie had a bunch of completely unknown actors, at least to me.  There was some teenage hijinks and the usual doubting parents because let's face it, every parent thinks their kid is whacked out on drugs and alcohol and lying to them...  and for the most part, they are usually right.  But not this time, nuh uh, nossirreebob!  heh cool i worked in a nossirreebob, have not done that in a while.  I am very proud of myself.  gonna take a minute and bask in the glow of my own unique cleverness.  ok, moving on.  So after the teenage hijinks were over we get into the nitty gritty of the story, the battle with the forest spirit.  I kept thinking "Damn, that forest spirit is hard to kill." not that I have much experience killing forest spirits.  I mean.  I accidentally ran over a baby rabbit with a lawnmower once, and i still feel really bad about that.  That was pretty horrible, though, I was just a teenager and I probably should have sought some therapy over that one.  Anyways.  Enough about my trauma.  Forest spirit looked pretty decent, so the effects were not horrible.

What else to say about this movie.  Cute ladies, some nudity, some blood and gore.  Kinda short.  Coulda done with some explanation of more of the characters.  One kid seems to pop up in the story just for the express purpose of getting kidnapped, like she literally wasn't in the tale before and then poof she's being kidnapped, but maybe I just wasn't paying much attention and I missed her earlier in the film or something.  hey, it happens, I am not perfect.  I know, it's hard to believe.  Me, not perfect?  Nonsense, you say?  well, I thank you for the compliment, but really, uh, anyways, we should be moving on before I start telling you about my crappy golf game.  The Wretched, worth a watch, on Netflix.

What else is going on in the world.  Who cares?  It's spooky season.  The world can take care of itself, because I just do not have the spoons to deal with it this month.  Fuck it.  I'm gonna have me a bratwurst and a beer and enjoy the rest of my day.  Happy Oktoberfest, and I'll see you all with another review as soon as I find some decent horror to view.  Later!