Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Horror Movie #16 - The Devil's Rock

MOVIE:  The Devil's Rock (2011)

OVERALL ENJOYMENT:  Loved it!  Edge of my seat the whole time!

PLOT:  A pair of Allied commandos head to a small island to sabotage a small german gun installation in preparation for D-day.  Hearing screams while approaching their objective, they begin to wonder who's being tortured, and a sabotage mission slowly becomes a rescue mission.

GOOD POINTS:  No CGI.  Excellent effects for a B-movie.  Gore aplenty.  Half naked chick.  Great acting.  Great scenery.  This movie pretty much satisfied every requirement I could ask for in a horror movie.  I was impressed.

BAD POINTS:  Okay, you got me.  I can't think of any.  Small cast maybe?  Not enough nudity for my taste?  I'm reaching here.

SPOILERS:  Holy shit man!  Holy shit.  Most of the action in the movie happens in one room.  It's almost like one of those police thrillers where all the acting and action takes place in a police interrogation room, or something like "12 angry men" where all the action takes place in one jury room.  The acting is that good.  I was blown away.  I got pissed at my mom for interrupting the movie!  Not, "oh, I'll just pause it and go back to it in a bit"  No, this was GODDAMMIT WHO IS TAKING ME AWAY FROM THIS AWESOMENESS?  Yea, that good.  Here let me break it down for you.  One of the commandos heads into the tunnels beneath the installation, hoping to free whatever prisoners the germans are holding.  Up to this point, he thinks it's a normal mission (just a routine patrol, lol) and he and the viewers are wondering where the fuck all the germans are.  Suddenly there's a loud gunshot.  He sneaks along through the dimly lit tunnels and finds a young german soldier.  Dead.  The german soldier has shot himself through the head.  Suicide.  Apparently, all is not well at the german base.  lol  I started to realize this movie was going to be different when the two commandos were approaching the island.  The location scenery was just too goddamn pretty.  No B-movie has the budget for that kind of quality shooting.  Then when they were making their way through the woods, past little streams and rivulets and muck of the forest, I realized I was in for a fun ride!

IMPRESSIONS:  Fuck me!  When I started this bad boy I was NOT expecting this!  I find a crappy little movie I've never heard of before on Netflix, the reviews give it 4 and 5 stars and I think, "Well, for a B-movie, that's not bad, let's give it a shot."  I didn't realize, they don't mean, 4 or 5 stars for a B-movie.  They mean QUALITY GOODNESS.  I would say this is hollywood quality acting, script and plot.  Hollywood quality cinema, location shots, everything but no CGI effects.  If this movie had come out in the 80's, it would be a classic by now, ranking up there with Hammer house of horrors films.  I think the only reason it qualifies as B-movie is probably the lack of CGI effects and a huge cast.  Honestly, not only don't you need them for this movie, it would probably hurt the plot.  No point in adding filler!  This movie is perfect without it.  Make sure you fucking go to the bathroom before you start this movie or you WILL hold it til the end.  I don't care if your bladder explodes and piss shoots out your eyeballs, you'll wait to call 911 until the credits roll.  And make sure you see the end credits!  Just like "The Grey" more shit happens after they roll!  lol  Yet another reason to always watch the end credits...  been doing that for years.  Long before Ferris bueller's day off, even.  What?  You didn't know there was more at the end of Ferris bueller's day off?  Go, watch the end credits.  I'll wait.

All in all, awesome movie, worth watching again and again, like the movie "Devil."  I just found out recently that "Devil" was by M. Night Shyamalama ding dong, or whatever his name is (at least, I thought he was listed as the writer?  i could be wrong).  I've seen his other movies.  Aside from "Unbreakable" which is more a superhero movie than a horror movie, and which was saved by Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson's acting skills, I thought Sham-a-llama was pretty much done trying to trick us into believing his movies were good.  But "Devil," well, it's played about 10 times on HBO this month and I seen it every time.  I'd review it again but I already did review it, I think.  lol  I'll check, if I haven't already reviewed it, it's worth a full review of it's own.  "The Devils' Rock" is on netflix, however, not HBO.  Both excellent films.

You know I thought about starting a rating system in my blog as a way to give this movie a good score, but i can't really come up with a good one.  5 out of 5 stars just seems too simplistic.  A letter grade is misleading, because even though this is a B-movie, it deserves an A+ score.  So honestly, I guess all I can do is give my enjoyment of the movie a rating, which is "Loved it!"  There, i went back and added it to my blog.  I hope you guys can appreciate what I saw in this movie.

OTHER NEWS:  Awww, I missed the presidential debates tonight!  I feel so bad.  All that political goodness and i MISSED IT!  Actually, I think they are still on.  lol  You guys know me, I can't stand politics.  Like I care what two lying, greedy ex-lawyers want to say to each other.  Give me a break.  On the plus side, less than a month left of the political posturing and loads of bullshit, and then they shut up for a while!  Wheeeeee!  Time to play computer games in celebration!

See you tomorrow night for more horror goodness, if I can find anything to match tonight's awesomeness!

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