MOVIE: Blood and Donuts (1995)
PLOT: A vampire wakes from a 25-year nap, renews old acquaintances and makes new friends.
GOOD POINTS: Points for the rather realistic portrayal of waking up after 25 years. I know sometimes even after a couple hours I can wake up all sore and stiff and ... well.
BAD POINTS: Emo-est vampire I have ever seen. Worse than even Tom Cruise. Really. No nudity. I would say the lead chick was hot, if you are into 1980's-era Brooke Shields lookalikes who need to trim their eyebrows a bit.
SPOILERS: Okay, so... he gets a little depressed, takes a nap, wakes up, feels even worse, and decides to end it all? Man. Do they make anti-depressants for vampires? This guy needs an whole bottle. Oh wait, they do, it's called BLOOD. And you know what happens when you don't take your medication! That's right. The big guys in white coats hold you down, and next thing you know, you wake up tied to a bed. Maybe that's a fun night for some people, but honestly, how do you pee while tied down. Also, the cab driver falls, apparently has internal injuries so bad he dies, and then the lead chick electrocutes him with a car battery to bring him back to life. And... then he's just fine after! Wtf. What happened to the internal injuries? lol No, ALL GONE! Who knew DC current could heal broken bones and severed arteries? The waitress in a donut shop, that's who! Boy, she's smart. Good thing she reads all those books at work while she's supposed to be serving the damn donuts.
IMPRESSION: Okay, I can't say as I was overly fond of this movie. I saw it years back and remembered it for some reason, so i thought I'd watch it again and try and figure out why i remembered this one as opposed to all the other horror movies I'd forgotten over the years. Can't really figure out why. It could have been the slow, deliberate way of speaking the taxi driver had, making it sound like english was his fourth or fifth language. Might have been the uncomfortable way that the emo vampire laid his hand on the cab driver's knee while chatting to him and nodding knowingly. Certainly the scariest part of the whole movie. Oh, i remember it was probably the big bad villain type guy. if anyone has ever seen "Nightbreed" (1990) he was the villain in that, too. Similarly scary. There's a scene in this movie where he's sitting in a bowling alley taking to one of his subordinates about scuff marks on the table and you get the impression that he's about to just KILL EVERYONE IN THE PLACE. lol Pretty scary stuff. Oh, just looked him up, it's apparently David Cronenberg, the guy who directed a whole bunch of horror films, like "The Dead Zone," "Scanners" and "The Fly." Holy shit. I did not know that. Now I'm impressed, not only is he a good writer and director, he's also TOTALLY CREEPY IN PERSON. lol In any case, as for the movie, I wouldn't say it was great and the vampire is an emotional idiot but hey, there's mobsters, killers, blood, donuts and the supernatural going on. What have you got to lose other than an hour and a half of your life you can never get back? Come on. You'd have spent it watching reruns of "seinfeld," spilling beer on your t shirt, and stinking up the couch cushions with your abominable gaseous emanations. Like that's better?
OTHER NEWS: Got nothin! See you tomorrow night for movie #16!