Yep, it's that time of year again! OHMRAT is just around the corner! The October Horror Movie Review-A-Thon is a comin! I may not actually get 31 movies reviewed in 31 days this year, not only because I just lost all my premium channels (no money for them at the moment) but the horrors of real life have finally caught up with me. and by horrors, i mean i need to look for work. Yes. I'm sorry. I know that word is as horrifying to me as it is you people, and i'm sorry to have said. some would say i've gone too far, just by mentioningt he word. But this is generally a horror movie review blog, so i know you folks are made of sterner stuff.
Tonight's movie is Lou (2022) which just dropped on netflix (currently the only streaming service i have, but i'm working on it). Lou is about an old woman living on an island, next door to a mother and her child. They showed Reagan on TV, so I'm going to guess this was set back in the 80's. Lou is going through some stuff, and can be downright ornery at times. But then a massive rainstorm hits the island, and someone kidnaps the mother's child. With phone service out and no one to turn to, the mother runs to Lou for help, and Lou... helps.
I don't want to give anything more away than that, but suffice it to say I did not see the twist coming on this one until about 2/3rds of the way through. Yeah, i am getting old, now that you meantion it, and maybe I am losing my touch. But in retrospect it wasn't too surprising, really. Top marks for action on this one, it starts out and then rewinds a bit so you can see what's going on then fast forwards again to get you back to the action, which, i thought was unnecessary sicne you basically just saw all of that and didn't need to see it over again, but i guess they wanted to show you the same sequences that you just saw in the new light of understanding. so, the beginning is a littl annoying but not too much to throw me off the movie completely. things get better after that. was a good watch. definitely a good popcorn movie. shit, i even liked the ending. how the hell often does that happen? yeah, i don't know either.
Matt Craven plays Sheriff Rankin, and I only mention him first because when I saw him i went HOLY SHIT IT'S MATT CRAVEN because i hadn't seen him in a while. and yes i did shout it aloud like that. Allison Janney plays the title character of Lou, the old woman with a lot going on. Logan Marshall-Green plays Philip, Jurnee Smollett plays Hannah (the mother) and Ridley Asha Bateman plays Vee, the daughter. There are some bit parts for the other characters but nobody i recognized as being important. Interesting side note, I wondered where I knew Logan Marshall-Green from, and he looked so damned familiar to me that I mistook him for Tom Hardy at first, but the voice is not the same. Turns out Logan Marshall Green played the "mechanic" in Devil (the old killer elevator movie from 2010 i've reviewed on here a few times, remember?) and Matt Craven played one of the security guards from that movie, so these two have worked together before! Man! six degrees of separation, amirite? Where the hell is kevin bacon when you need him?
So, lessee, lots of rain, a little old-80s-crap going on in the background, and mostly lots of action here. decent fight sequences, looked semi realistic. i'm always amazed when character go through hell and just keep getting back up again for more punishment, but i guess thre's more than on captain america in the world. maybe, in a way, we're all like captain america, but we don't wear red and blue spandex or have a butt like that. what's my point, you ask? i'm not really sure, i lost my train of thought. i guess what i'm trying to say is, if more of us had vibranium shields, the world would be a safer place. on second thought, no, that's just ridiculous, i mena, who the hell can toss a shield and bounce it off stuff and then catch it like captain america? i certainly couldn't. shit, i hurt my hands just breaking twigs to make kindling for the fire pit. sometimes my knees, too. yea, you know when you have a thick stick and you lean it against your knee and pull with both arms to break the stick? yea, well, when your knee cracks instead of the branch, it's time to stop that. trust me.
Let's see, what else is going on in the world. Oh, the queen died this month. i was as shocked as anyone else that a 96 year old woman would pass away due to natural causes. took me totally by surprise. she looked so young. i would not have guessed she was a day over 85. I watched her roll out of balmoral over the internet and then spend a bunch of days with people streaming past her coffin on all sides, and just like everyone else, i asked, "why did that royal guardsman pass out?" but the important thing is, she's been laid to rest next to her husband now, and her coffin is lined with lead so superman cannot look through hr clothes with his x-ray vision anymore. yea, come on, you know that little smirk on his boy scout face was from just x-ray-visioning every woman that walked by him. don't even start your shit, you know he does. nobody who spends all his days fighting bad guys smiles like that all the time. it wears you down, you know? yeah, trust me, i know.
all right, i will start posting horror movie reviews again next month (probabl all from netflix, at this rate), assuming i can afford to still pay for my internet. no promises. shit's going downhill fast, and i'm hoping for a miracle, or, you know, at least a part time job. i'd take one or the other, they're both about as equally likely at this point. til then, superman, you perverted bastard, stop x-ray-visioning me, you're probably giving me skin cancer on my ass. yea, don't think i can't feel that. it's like heat vision without the... hey, you.. you son of a bitch, you burned off the back of my pants. i thought i felt a draft! you prank loving motherf-... STOP THAT GIGGLING!
