Tonight we have a Mummy triple feature! All from hammer studios, and if anyone knows me, they know I love Hammer studios! Sure, I could have reviewed some other movies, but I have strict rules. I have to have seen the movie relatively recently (the last day or two) to review it, and I won't review a movie before I've seen it. I spent today watching Killer Klowns from Outer Space (an excellent campy clown movie) and Mummy movies, and I THINK I reviewed Killer Klowns last October. Another of my rules is, I try real hard not to duplicate my reviews. Sure, I may mention the movie in another review, and say a few words about it, but I don't review it more than once. So it's Mummy movies tonight!
#29 - THE MUMMY! This is the original done by hammer studios, starring Christopher Lee as the Mummy, and Peter Cushing as one of the men who broke into the tomb. Well, technically, he didn't, because he had a bum leg at the time, but he was... nearby... I guess. Well, he didn't die at the end so technically the curse of the Mummy's tomb is still valid, since he didn't actually enter it, he should be exempt, right?
Three archaeologists find their way into this old mummy's tomb, a mummy by the name of Ananka. As the story goes, Ananka (a royal woman of some reknown) died of an illness, but she was loved by Karis, an egyptian high priest who possessed the Scroll of Life (a common theme in these movies). Karis broke the most sacred rules of her tomb to try and restore her to life using the Scroll, but was caught, and cursed to an eternity of undeath as a guardian of her tomb. So, when the archaeologists opened her tomb, and read the scroll, Karis was restored to life, and with the assistance of an Egyptian priest, goes about avenging the violation of her tomb.
This was an excellent movie, with outstanding actors, good plot, and excellent settings. Needless to say they tried to replicate it with several followup movies, the first of which is...
#30 - CURSE OF THE MUMMY'S TOMB! A rich guy funds an expedition to recover some egyptian artifacts, including a mummy. However, the mummy disappears on opening night, and several deaths follow.
I didn't find this movie particularly good, but it had the standard mummy themes, there's always a modern girl who resembles an ancient priestess or something, and there's always a the Scroll of Life. In this case, the words from the scroll are inscribed on an amulet, and the mummy is actually an ancient king this time, one of the sons of Ramses II. The other son actually makes an appearance as well, and again, there's a decent plot involved, and again, the girl reminds the mummy of someone he knows and again, the mummy refuses to kill her. None of the actors from the first movie come back except for the egyptian, which leads us to...
#31 - BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY'S TOMB! Each of these stories is almost completely different. The mummies are different people, the archaeologists are different, and the plot is completely different, but again, there's always the Scroll of Life, the modern girl who's a dead ringer for the ancient chick, and ... well in this case, the mummy IS the ancient chick.
A girl is approaching the age of 18, when she is given a ring by her father, an archaeologist. Shortly afterwards, he is struck down by an illness, and while he is unconscious, she begins to find out about the strange mummy he has in the basement. A living mummy, a woman thousands of years old, unchanged, looking as fresh as the day when her hand was cut off and the ruby ring was torn from her hand... a ruby ring the girl now wears!
This movie wasn't that great either, but there's a touch of nudity in it and according to the reviews on Netflix, the chick is really hot. I did find her attractive and the view from the rear was exceptional, but i did not find her such a raving beauty. In any case, a completely different plot this time, but the scroll of life was still there.
Well that's it! 31 movies seen and reviewed! Tomorrow begins the Christmas season, no doubt, with Thanksgiving coming up next month, and I may post less, but I'll try and keep everyone updated on what's going on with my job search, movies I've seen, games I've played (on a side note, don't get Stronghold 3, there's no skirmish mode, very lame), and hopefully, books I've written! I'm off to watch Trick R Treat, one of my personal traditions on Halloween night. Oh, and I have company I should try to socialize with for a few minutes, I suppose.
Happy Halloween everyone! :-D
Monday, October 31, 2011
Reviews #24 to #28
It's rather late and I have 5 reviews, so I'm just going to get right to it.
#24 - THE EXORCIST! I could go on for days about this movie, but I'm only going to give it two paragraphs or so. Basically, it's been voted the scariest movie of all time. I've seen it, and honestly, it's not bad. lol Sure there's lots of religious symbolism and it's all about catholicism and exorcisms and a lot of other isms, but essentially it's a story about the battle between good and evil, using catholicism as a reference point. Because honestly, it's difficult to compare good and evil without a reference point, isn't it? Catholicism is as good a backdrop as any! Plus it has Linda Blair, Max Von Sydow (how that man can look old in this movie, made in 1970's, and still be alive and acting today, I have no idea!), and while Linda Blair's career didn't exactly skyrocket with this movie, well the movie itself sure does stand the test of time.
Reagen is basically a normal teen girl with a few issues. She can't digest green pea soup, she's got really bad acne, and men in black like to tie her to beds. Honestly, is this such a bad thing? Why they can't just stop feeding her green pea soup, give her some meds for the acne and ... well quite frankly, if she's possessed by the devil, as is the premise of this movie, untying her from the bed is probably a bad idea. You know something I've never understood, if a demon possesses someone, why the HELL does it hang around and wait for a priest? Hell, I'd take the body and take off with it! Sure, maybe you can beat the priest and overcome the whole exorcism thing, maybe you can't, but why not avoid the whole situation? Eh, I never understood demons. In any case, they bring in a couple priests, one of whom is Max Von Sydow, to try and help her. Yu know he's an old ass-kicker from way back, so there's going to be a brutal cage match in there somewhere! NO HOLDS BARRED BABY!
#25 - MASK MAKER! A couple going through some relationship issues buys a cheap farm. Needless to say, there's a good reason it's cheap. There's a whole legend about the farm, and the local townsfolk not only know it, but were part of it. Will the couple live through meeting the old residents of the farm? The dead ones?
This movie was not that great, but it was fairly recent. Basically a slasher flick with some college coeds and a bit of backstory to it. Couple of older character actors, the type that are so good I can't even remember where I've seen them before. Now THAT's acting ability.
#26 - GRIZZLY PARK! Another bit of a stinker, this one had a pack of criminals sentenced to "community service" that are tasked with cleaning up a park at the end of a season. Unfortunately for the criminals, there's both a wild bear on the loose and a more violent variety of criminal, as well as a couple rangers to deal with. On the plus side, great shots of the park, and the bear costume the one wears is awesome! Actually it blows, but I guess the kids are drunk/high/stupid enough to believe it's the real thing for a minute... Sad.
Still, I give it props for the ending. One of the few endings that actually turned out nicely instead of me going "that was lame." lol
#27 - VAN HELSING! I know, I know. This doesn't technically qualify as horror, more of an action flick. But come on, it's got dracula, frankenstein, the wolfman, the brides of dracula, and of course, van helsing! Any movie that tries to smush all these horrific characters together deserves a break, right? I haven't seen that done since Abbot and Costello films! Or maybe the Monster Squad. Now there's a movie I should review. Still, unique takes on ... well pretty much EVERY monster in this film, including van helsing and the hunchback of notre dame, so I give them props for coming up with new material. Most films that do this don't bother giving them story lines, they just plop them into the film and assume you've seen enough horror films to know who they are, which this film did NOT do. Instead, they gave every monster a personality and every personality a reason for being. Almost like real life! But, you know, with fangs. They should make a van helsing 2, except all the monsters died off in the first one. Hmmmm.
Van Helsing, a sort of Holy Assassin for the roman catholic church, has been sent to romania to take out dracula before the last of a line of devout christians meets their end in purgatory. The only trouble is, there's only two of the line left, and one's already a werewolf! Not even mentioning that van helsing has some sort of relationship with dracula, one that he can't remember, and anything and everything can happen!
#28 - TO THE DEVIL A DAUGHTER! You know, when I read the reviews for this on Netflix, and saw someone mention Christopher Lee along with Richard Widmark, I was already primed. But the mention of Mastassia Kinski naked sold me on it. So of course I immediately watched the movie, because, you know, after watching Cat People so many times, I think she's goddamn sexy. So, I watch the movie, all the while thinking, damn, she looks so young in this film, this was probably one of her first ones. Because, you know, a lot of actresses start out doing horror to get started. So despite her nude scenes being a little weird (the catholicism-based scenes were almost satan-porn, as far as I could tell), I still thought SWEET SHE'S NAKED! So I look her up on IMDB.com, and she did this movie when she was 14 or 15 years old. So I'm apparently going straight to hell when I die. On the plus side, I'll know everyone there. Also, this movie is on the disturbing side of things. SO much blood! I nearly passed out just from watching! Now for the summary.
A nun meets her father once a year on her birthday, and her 18th birthday is in two days. So she is released from her nunnery on an island to take a plane to meet him, and instead of meeting her at the airport, the father asks a well-known author to pick her up for him. So the nun goes with the author, who has been warned by the father that there may be some trouble, as the nun was raised by satan worshippers. The author, a bit of an expert in these matters, thinks it's a bunch of malarkey, but he thinks he might get some material for his next book out of it. Unfortunately, as he begins to research just what he's got himself into, he finds out he is wholly unprepared for what happens, and then it's Richard Widmark vs Christopher Lee in a cage match BATTLE TO THE DEATH! Apparently, good and evil like cage matches. Who knew thy were wrestling fans?
As I understand it, this flick was the last film made by Hammer studios in 1976 before they shut their doors. 1950s to 1976 is a pretty good run, and I believe they've reopened their company recently. I can only hope they return to their horror movie roots. Shit, Christopher Lee is still alive, get him in there! AHA so is Nastassia Kinski, and she's legal now! To the Devil a Daughter 2, anyone? Anyone?
Three movies to go. I hope I have time to watch them all and review them tomorrow.
#24 - THE EXORCIST! I could go on for days about this movie, but I'm only going to give it two paragraphs or so. Basically, it's been voted the scariest movie of all time. I've seen it, and honestly, it's not bad. lol Sure there's lots of religious symbolism and it's all about catholicism and exorcisms and a lot of other isms, but essentially it's a story about the battle between good and evil, using catholicism as a reference point. Because honestly, it's difficult to compare good and evil without a reference point, isn't it? Catholicism is as good a backdrop as any! Plus it has Linda Blair, Max Von Sydow (how that man can look old in this movie, made in 1970's, and still be alive and acting today, I have no idea!), and while Linda Blair's career didn't exactly skyrocket with this movie, well the movie itself sure does stand the test of time.
Reagen is basically a normal teen girl with a few issues. She can't digest green pea soup, she's got really bad acne, and men in black like to tie her to beds. Honestly, is this such a bad thing? Why they can't just stop feeding her green pea soup, give her some meds for the acne and ... well quite frankly, if she's possessed by the devil, as is the premise of this movie, untying her from the bed is probably a bad idea. You know something I've never understood, if a demon possesses someone, why the HELL does it hang around and wait for a priest? Hell, I'd take the body and take off with it! Sure, maybe you can beat the priest and overcome the whole exorcism thing, maybe you can't, but why not avoid the whole situation? Eh, I never understood demons. In any case, they bring in a couple priests, one of whom is Max Von Sydow, to try and help her. Yu know he's an old ass-kicker from way back, so there's going to be a brutal cage match in there somewhere! NO HOLDS BARRED BABY!
#25 - MASK MAKER! A couple going through some relationship issues buys a cheap farm. Needless to say, there's a good reason it's cheap. There's a whole legend about the farm, and the local townsfolk not only know it, but were part of it. Will the couple live through meeting the old residents of the farm? The dead ones?
This movie was not that great, but it was fairly recent. Basically a slasher flick with some college coeds and a bit of backstory to it. Couple of older character actors, the type that are so good I can't even remember where I've seen them before. Now THAT's acting ability.
#26 - GRIZZLY PARK! Another bit of a stinker, this one had a pack of criminals sentenced to "community service" that are tasked with cleaning up a park at the end of a season. Unfortunately for the criminals, there's both a wild bear on the loose and a more violent variety of criminal, as well as a couple rangers to deal with. On the plus side, great shots of the park, and the bear costume the one wears is awesome! Actually it blows, but I guess the kids are drunk/high/stupid enough to believe it's the real thing for a minute... Sad.
Still, I give it props for the ending. One of the few endings that actually turned out nicely instead of me going "that was lame." lol
#27 - VAN HELSING! I know, I know. This doesn't technically qualify as horror, more of an action flick. But come on, it's got dracula, frankenstein, the wolfman, the brides of dracula, and of course, van helsing! Any movie that tries to smush all these horrific characters together deserves a break, right? I haven't seen that done since Abbot and Costello films! Or maybe the Monster Squad. Now there's a movie I should review. Still, unique takes on ... well pretty much EVERY monster in this film, including van helsing and the hunchback of notre dame, so I give them props for coming up with new material. Most films that do this don't bother giving them story lines, they just plop them into the film and assume you've seen enough horror films to know who they are, which this film did NOT do. Instead, they gave every monster a personality and every personality a reason for being. Almost like real life! But, you know, with fangs. They should make a van helsing 2, except all the monsters died off in the first one. Hmmmm.
Van Helsing, a sort of Holy Assassin for the roman catholic church, has been sent to romania to take out dracula before the last of a line of devout christians meets their end in purgatory. The only trouble is, there's only two of the line left, and one's already a werewolf! Not even mentioning that van helsing has some sort of relationship with dracula, one that he can't remember, and anything and everything can happen!
#28 - TO THE DEVIL A DAUGHTER! You know, when I read the reviews for this on Netflix, and saw someone mention Christopher Lee along with Richard Widmark, I was already primed. But the mention of Mastassia Kinski naked sold me on it. So of course I immediately watched the movie, because, you know, after watching Cat People so many times, I think she's goddamn sexy. So, I watch the movie, all the while thinking, damn, she looks so young in this film, this was probably one of her first ones. Because, you know, a lot of actresses start out doing horror to get started. So despite her nude scenes being a little weird (the catholicism-based scenes were almost satan-porn, as far as I could tell), I still thought SWEET SHE'S NAKED! So I look her up on IMDB.com, and she did this movie when she was 14 or 15 years old. So I'm apparently going straight to hell when I die. On the plus side, I'll know everyone there. Also, this movie is on the disturbing side of things. SO much blood! I nearly passed out just from watching! Now for the summary.
A nun meets her father once a year on her birthday, and her 18th birthday is in two days. So she is released from her nunnery on an island to take a plane to meet him, and instead of meeting her at the airport, the father asks a well-known author to pick her up for him. So the nun goes with the author, who has been warned by the father that there may be some trouble, as the nun was raised by satan worshippers. The author, a bit of an expert in these matters, thinks it's a bunch of malarkey, but he thinks he might get some material for his next book out of it. Unfortunately, as he begins to research just what he's got himself into, he finds out he is wholly unprepared for what happens, and then it's Richard Widmark vs Christopher Lee in a cage match BATTLE TO THE DEATH! Apparently, good and evil like cage matches. Who knew thy were wrestling fans?
As I understand it, this flick was the last film made by Hammer studios in 1976 before they shut their doors. 1950s to 1976 is a pretty good run, and I believe they've reopened their company recently. I can only hope they return to their horror movie roots. Shit, Christopher Lee is still alive, get him in there! AHA so is Nastassia Kinski, and she's legal now! To the Devil a Daughter 2, anyone? Anyone?
Three movies to go. I hope I have time to watch them all and review them tomorrow.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Horror Movie Reviews #22 and 23
The first review of the night is AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON!
This is quite possibly the best werewolf movie ever made, paws-down. Sure, they've got great CGI effects nowadays, but you can always tell they are CGI because they don't move like real things. Which is fine if you are trying to portray something that is NOT real, but I digress. The point being, if you want to be afraid of something, it has to LOOK real, and LOOK scary. An American Werewolf in London uses makeup and the special effects of the time (pre-CGI) to make the goddamn scariest transformation sequence I have ever seen, combined with absolutely the scariest and evillest looking werewolf I have ever seen, to really scare the crap out of the viewing audience.
But here, let me set the movie up for you. Two buddies are backpacking across europe. For some reason, they decide to start with northern england. Not really sure why, because at the start of the movie, they are riding in the back of a truck full of sheep during the greyest, dreariest day I have ever seen. On the other hand, maybe that was a sunny day for northern england. I hear the weather sucks there. In any case, the sheep truck driver tells the boys to keep to the road, and stay off the moors. KEEP OFF THE MOORS! To this day I still shout it to people late at night. Usually while drunk. So the boys make it to the lovely little town of East Proctor, where they stop to warm up at the Slaughtered Lamb. They are greeted so warmly in this lovely little spot that they decide to move on within the space of minutes. Fortunately, the otherwise cheerful townsfolk decide to warn the boys again... Stick on the road... KEEP OFF THE MOORS! And frankly, who'd want to visit the moors at night? In a driving rainstorm? Without a flashlight? In any case, boys being boys, they get to chattering inanely about the usual things, and before you know it, WOOOPS! They've strayed off the road. And they are on the Moors. AW FUCK. Next thing you know, the horrible howling starts, and growling and well, you'll have to watch the rest for yourself.
This movie is awesomeness in a box. David Naughton puts in a wonderful performance as the title character, Griffin Dunne is his buddy who spends most of the movie looking like something I found leftover in my mom's fridge, and Jenny Agutter is the cutest goddamn nurse I have ever seen. The supporting cast in this movie is pretty goddamn awesome, too. This movie is the first to put forth the idea that the ghosts of the werewolf's victim stick around to haunt them until the curse of lycanthropy is lifted. And by lifted, I mean, the werewolf dies. I particularly like how, each of the werewolf's victims retain their exact personality they had at the moment of death. There's this drunken couple that were on the way to a party, and while they are talking to the main character, their faces all ripped and torn, they are the happiest goddamn dead people I've ever seen. lol The end was rather predictable, but other than that I don't think any other part of the movie is. And the music! From Blue Moon to Bad Moon Rising, it's practically a signal for weird shit to start happening. Frankly, I could have done with a bit more Jenny Agutter nudity and a bit less David Naughton nudity, but no sense trying to remake a masterpiece.
DEAD AND BURIED: I was actually thinking of reviewing night of the comet along with werewolf in london, but I found an 80's horror flick I hadn't seen before! on Netflix! I was all like NO F'IN WAY! So, of course, I had to click on it to see if I'd seen it before. I hadn't! And this movie... you know I really don't understand why I can always figure out the end before it happens. The Last Exorcism, that I review a couple weeks back, was the only one I had no idea what would happen. This one, once I kind of figured out what was going on, the ending was a foregone conclusion because it was the only one that made sense. Still, not a half bad movie, acting was so so, effects were ok, bit of nudity, Robert Englund in it, i think it qualifies as your basic 80's horror flick! But let me set the scene for you again.
A photographer stops on a deserted beach to take some pictures. Next thing he knows, there's a beautiful woman in his shot. Needless to say, in every horror flick, hot chicks are trouble. Much like real life, come to think of it. This movie is no different. Before he can change a roll of film, the poor photographer is netted by the locals and strung up to burn in the fires of hell! Or an overturned vehicle. Which, probably burns almost as hot. Which just leaves the town sheriff to try and figure out if it was just an accident... or if the fire was set to cover up the murder?
This movie even has Barry Corbin in it. At least, I think that's his name. In any case, while it's not the best movie ever made, I had never seen it before. It wasn't bad. Bit of nudity, lots of zombies, good plot twist, horrific murders, black magic. What's not to like?
Okay, I have the weekend left to catch up! Luckily I have absolutely no social life to speak of, so I can just watch movies all weekend! Now watch, I'll get like 2 or 3 invites to Halloween parties and won't be able to watch anything! lol
This is quite possibly the best werewolf movie ever made, paws-down. Sure, they've got great CGI effects nowadays, but you can always tell they are CGI because they don't move like real things. Which is fine if you are trying to portray something that is NOT real, but I digress. The point being, if you want to be afraid of something, it has to LOOK real, and LOOK scary. An American Werewolf in London uses makeup and the special effects of the time (pre-CGI) to make the goddamn scariest transformation sequence I have ever seen, combined with absolutely the scariest and evillest looking werewolf I have ever seen, to really scare the crap out of the viewing audience.
But here, let me set the movie up for you. Two buddies are backpacking across europe. For some reason, they decide to start with northern england. Not really sure why, because at the start of the movie, they are riding in the back of a truck full of sheep during the greyest, dreariest day I have ever seen. On the other hand, maybe that was a sunny day for northern england. I hear the weather sucks there. In any case, the sheep truck driver tells the boys to keep to the road, and stay off the moors. KEEP OFF THE MOORS! To this day I still shout it to people late at night. Usually while drunk. So the boys make it to the lovely little town of East Proctor, where they stop to warm up at the Slaughtered Lamb. They are greeted so warmly in this lovely little spot that they decide to move on within the space of minutes. Fortunately, the otherwise cheerful townsfolk decide to warn the boys again... Stick on the road... KEEP OFF THE MOORS! And frankly, who'd want to visit the moors at night? In a driving rainstorm? Without a flashlight? In any case, boys being boys, they get to chattering inanely about the usual things, and before you know it, WOOOPS! They've strayed off the road. And they are on the Moors. AW FUCK. Next thing you know, the horrible howling starts, and growling and well, you'll have to watch the rest for yourself.
This movie is awesomeness in a box. David Naughton puts in a wonderful performance as the title character, Griffin Dunne is his buddy who spends most of the movie looking like something I found leftover in my mom's fridge, and Jenny Agutter is the cutest goddamn nurse I have ever seen. The supporting cast in this movie is pretty goddamn awesome, too. This movie is the first to put forth the idea that the ghosts of the werewolf's victim stick around to haunt them until the curse of lycanthropy is lifted. And by lifted, I mean, the werewolf dies. I particularly like how, each of the werewolf's victims retain their exact personality they had at the moment of death. There's this drunken couple that were on the way to a party, and while they are talking to the main character, their faces all ripped and torn, they are the happiest goddamn dead people I've ever seen. lol The end was rather predictable, but other than that I don't think any other part of the movie is. And the music! From Blue Moon to Bad Moon Rising, it's practically a signal for weird shit to start happening. Frankly, I could have done with a bit more Jenny Agutter nudity and a bit less David Naughton nudity, but no sense trying to remake a masterpiece.
DEAD AND BURIED: I was actually thinking of reviewing night of the comet along with werewolf in london, but I found an 80's horror flick I hadn't seen before! on Netflix! I was all like NO F'IN WAY! So, of course, I had to click on it to see if I'd seen it before. I hadn't! And this movie... you know I really don't understand why I can always figure out the end before it happens. The Last Exorcism, that I review a couple weeks back, was the only one I had no idea what would happen. This one, once I kind of figured out what was going on, the ending was a foregone conclusion because it was the only one that made sense. Still, not a half bad movie, acting was so so, effects were ok, bit of nudity, Robert Englund in it, i think it qualifies as your basic 80's horror flick! But let me set the scene for you again.
A photographer stops on a deserted beach to take some pictures. Next thing he knows, there's a beautiful woman in his shot. Needless to say, in every horror flick, hot chicks are trouble. Much like real life, come to think of it. This movie is no different. Before he can change a roll of film, the poor photographer is netted by the locals and strung up to burn in the fires of hell! Or an overturned vehicle. Which, probably burns almost as hot. Which just leaves the town sheriff to try and figure out if it was just an accident... or if the fire was set to cover up the murder?
This movie even has Barry Corbin in it. At least, I think that's his name. In any case, while it's not the best movie ever made, I had never seen it before. It wasn't bad. Bit of nudity, lots of zombies, good plot twist, horrific murders, black magic. What's not to like?
Okay, I have the weekend left to catch up! Luckily I have absolutely no social life to speak of, so I can just watch movies all weekend! Now watch, I'll get like 2 or 3 invites to Halloween parties and won't be able to watch anything! lol
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
#20 and #21 - Wednesday Night Double Feature!
Anyone who has been following my blog knows that Wednesday nights are double feature nights during the month of October!
Actually I just made that up. If it has happened that way, it's been kind of a coincidence.
Tonight's first review is NIGHT OF THE DEMONS! Now this movie is sort of a remake of the one back in the 1980's starring Linnea Quigley, who was HUGE in horror movies at the time, b horror movies, I should say. She was in Return of the Living Dead! Cult classic if i ever saw one, and one of my favorite movies of all time. If Jamie Lee Curtis was the A movie Scream queen, then Linnea quigley was the B Movie scream queen. And I'm not making this up, it was an actual headline of an article I read back in the 80's. lol Linnea Quigley even has a cameo appearance in this remake, playing a slutty-looking candy-giver, and if you've ever seen Linnea Quigley, you know that's pretty much her trademark.
The rest of the cast... Well, I've never seen them before in my life. Honestly you'd think some of these teen actors and actresses would be in more than one movie so I knew who they were, but nooooooooo, one movie and suddenly they think of themselves as stars... please! Until I am comparing you to Jamie Lee Curtis in my blog, you aren't famous!
In any case, pretty much the same thing happens in this movie as in the first one. A Halloween party at a spooky old haunted house ends up awakening Demons who then proceed to possess, mutilate and kill in the grisliest ways possible. There was a fair amount of nudity in the first one, and there's even a bit of girl on girl action in this one, but otherwise the two movies are pretty damn similar. If you like demons, possession, gore, boobs, and good music, this is a good movie for you. Honestly, the first movie was a lot scarier. I'm not really sure why. I haven't seen the old one in ages, but this one just seemed rather rushed by comparison. Hmmm. Maybe I am being unfair, I think they were both pretty much B movie horror, but maybe Linnea Quigley was just a better actress? (shrugs) I also think the first movie spent a little more time with backstory and explaining things? Eh who knows. I need to watch it again and compare.
THE BURNING is the second review of the night. I thought I had seen every 80's slasher pic there was, and then i saw this little gem in the netflix lineup, and i was like WHAT! An 80's slasher pic I haven't seen? IT CANNOT BE! And, as it turns out, i was right, because I had seen it before, I just didn't recognize it at first glance.
A bunch of summer-campers decide they've had enough of the local drunken, belligerent caretaker, so they play a practical joke on him. A joke that ends in tragedy as the caretaker is horribly burned. Five years later, the caretaker is released from the hospital, only to seek vengeance on the nearest group of summer-camp counselors he can find!
This movie had tons of young soon-to-be stars in it. Jason Alexander, Holly Hunter, Fisher Stevens, and even a couple lesser known stars from the 80's. I was honestly shocked at the number of people I recognized, and even more shocked as I read the closing credits at the end of the movie, and saw that it was filmed entirely on location in Western New York! Where I live! :-o
I wondered why the background shots looked so great, and why the foliage seemed so familiar.
Yea, the reviews are kind of short tonight, but the movies aren't that outstanding. The night of the Demons remake was shot in 2010 or something, and the Burning was done way back in 1981, but both are solid B-movie horror flicks. If you want to see Holly Hunter as a teen, Fisher Stevens as the skinniest geek I've ever seen, and Jason Alexander when he still had a shot at getting a date, watch the Burning. Otherwise, nothing scary to see here! Move along!
Actually I just made that up. If it has happened that way, it's been kind of a coincidence.
Tonight's first review is NIGHT OF THE DEMONS! Now this movie is sort of a remake of the one back in the 1980's starring Linnea Quigley, who was HUGE in horror movies at the time, b horror movies, I should say. She was in Return of the Living Dead! Cult classic if i ever saw one, and one of my favorite movies of all time. If Jamie Lee Curtis was the A movie Scream queen, then Linnea quigley was the B Movie scream queen. And I'm not making this up, it was an actual headline of an article I read back in the 80's. lol Linnea Quigley even has a cameo appearance in this remake, playing a slutty-looking candy-giver, and if you've ever seen Linnea Quigley, you know that's pretty much her trademark.
The rest of the cast... Well, I've never seen them before in my life. Honestly you'd think some of these teen actors and actresses would be in more than one movie so I knew who they were, but nooooooooo, one movie and suddenly they think of themselves as stars... please! Until I am comparing you to Jamie Lee Curtis in my blog, you aren't famous!
In any case, pretty much the same thing happens in this movie as in the first one. A Halloween party at a spooky old haunted house ends up awakening Demons who then proceed to possess, mutilate and kill in the grisliest ways possible. There was a fair amount of nudity in the first one, and there's even a bit of girl on girl action in this one, but otherwise the two movies are pretty damn similar. If you like demons, possession, gore, boobs, and good music, this is a good movie for you. Honestly, the first movie was a lot scarier. I'm not really sure why. I haven't seen the old one in ages, but this one just seemed rather rushed by comparison. Hmmm. Maybe I am being unfair, I think they were both pretty much B movie horror, but maybe Linnea Quigley was just a better actress? (shrugs) I also think the first movie spent a little more time with backstory and explaining things? Eh who knows. I need to watch it again and compare.
THE BURNING is the second review of the night. I thought I had seen every 80's slasher pic there was, and then i saw this little gem in the netflix lineup, and i was like WHAT! An 80's slasher pic I haven't seen? IT CANNOT BE! And, as it turns out, i was right, because I had seen it before, I just didn't recognize it at first glance.
A bunch of summer-campers decide they've had enough of the local drunken, belligerent caretaker, so they play a practical joke on him. A joke that ends in tragedy as the caretaker is horribly burned. Five years later, the caretaker is released from the hospital, only to seek vengeance on the nearest group of summer-camp counselors he can find!
This movie had tons of young soon-to-be stars in it. Jason Alexander, Holly Hunter, Fisher Stevens, and even a couple lesser known stars from the 80's. I was honestly shocked at the number of people I recognized, and even more shocked as I read the closing credits at the end of the movie, and saw that it was filmed entirely on location in Western New York! Where I live! :-o
I wondered why the background shots looked so great, and why the foliage seemed so familiar.
Yea, the reviews are kind of short tonight, but the movies aren't that outstanding. The night of the Demons remake was shot in 2010 or something, and the Burning was done way back in 1981, but both are solid B-movie horror flicks. If you want to see Holly Hunter as a teen, Fisher Stevens as the skinniest geek I've ever seen, and Jason Alexander when he still had a shot at getting a date, watch the Burning. Otherwise, nothing scary to see here! Move along!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Reviews 15 through 19! Halloween series!
Yea yea, I know I am cheating a little, but I am way behind and these movies are almost the signature movies for the entire month. How can I not review them? I'm talking about the originals this time, not the crappy Rob Zombie remakes. I reviewed those last year.
HALLOWEEN and HALLOWEEN 2! Halloween starts with a simple enough scene. It's 1963, and a girl is hooking up with her boyfriend while babysitting her little brother. Typical enough for any teenager. Except this teenager's little brother is none other than Michael Myers, and this night is none other than October 31st. I'm not really sure how old this little boy is, as the camera basically follows his eyes as he watches his sister go upstairs, then the boy places a mask over his face, and through the masked view, we see little Michael go upstairs and then stab his sister multiple times with a large knife. He then heads outside, presumably to do further mayhem, but is instead interrupted by the timely arrival of his parents. At least, I assume they are his parents. In any case, any trace of the little boy that was Michael Myers appears to be gone when they pull of his clown mask. What triggered Michael's killing? Did he have abusive parents? Was he possessed by the spirit of Samhain? Did he just hate his sister's hair style? We never find out for sure.
Flash forward to 1978, and we find Laurie Strode, apparently either adopted after the death of her real parents, or her real parents changed their last name from Myers to Strode, because Laurie is apparently Michael Myers' sister. I'm not quite sure which, although I am sure the story explains at some point. Younger sister, I would assume, because this is 15 years after Michael's little psychological break, and Laurie (played by Jamie Lee Curtis in her first movie role) is 17 and in high school. Dr. Loomis, Michael's psychiatrist, is fully convinced of the evil in Michael by this time. In fact, as Dr. Loomis himself says, he spent years trying to reach the boy, and then years trying to keep him locked away. Dr. Loomis is played by Donald Pleasance to great effect, although John Carpenter's first choice was actually Christopher Lee, and quite frankly I don't think anyone could have handled how horrifying this movie would have been with Christopher Lee as Dr. Loomis. Not that Donald Pleasance didn't do a fantastic job of it, just saying. In any case, Michael is about to be transferred to a more secure facility under the care of Dr. Loomis, only as Dr. Loomis arrives, Michael has already killed the hospital staff and steals Dr. Loomis' ambulance, hellbent on returning to finish the job he started 15 years previous. The date is October 30th.
Then the movie sort of slows down a bit. Building suspense, we follow Michael Myers all around town as he stalks Laurie Strode. Maybe he's trying to make sure she is his sister, maybe he's waiting for the right time, maybe he has an overactive sense of drama. In any case, come Halloween night, Michael dons a mask from a costume shop (an unpainted Captain Kirk mask) and gets busy killing people. Michael's not really picky in the killing, he'll spend a half hour stalking a single teenage girl in her own home just to catch her at a bad time (read, half undressed), and yet take a few minutes out of his busy schedule to slaughter a station full of police officers. Hey, when you've only got one night a year to get your business done and you take the time to visit your fans, it really lets them know you care.
The rest of Halloween, and all of Halloween 2, follow Laurie Strode as she loses her friends to Michael, one by one, and then does battle with him herself, with the help of the local police, and Dr. Loomis, who has tracked Michael to Haddonfield, New Jersey (although it was actually filmed in California). Even after Dr. Loomis shoots him 6 times at the end of Halloween, Halloween 2 begins with the rest of that same night, as Laurie strode heads to the hospital after barely surviving the first movie, and Michael follows her there, killing everyone and everything that gets in his way. Seriously, shotgun blasts to the face just piss this guy off. I don't think I've ever seen two movies that chronicle the events of a single night before, and I don't think I've seen one since. Aside from a little bit of the first movie spent giving you the idea of what's going on, you practically follow the events in real time, much like what was done with the series "24" back when it was exciting.
I can't say enough good things about these two movies. Not only are they suspenseful, terrifying, spooky, and generally a slasher flick in every other way, but it launched the careers of Jamie Lee Curtis, John Carpenter, and... well, not the guy who played Michael Myers. Apparently that was just some extra who worked for $25 a day helping build the sets.
HALLOWEEN 3: Season of the Witch! Okay, if any of you have seen this and are wondering what it has to do with Michael Myers, Laurie Strode and whatnot, don't. It doesn't. Some movie company snatched up the rights to do Halloween 3, hoping to cash in on the fame of the Halloween series. Which is a goddamn shame, honestly, because Season of the Witch was actually a decent flick and should have stood on it's own instead of them trying to sneak it into the Halloween name.
Season of the Witch has Tom Atkins, the male lead from The Fog, an awesome B movie horror actor at the time, which lent great star power to the film, and he's pit up against a group of... well, I'm not sure what you'd call them. There's basically one guy, an old man, and a bunch of, shall we say, doppelgangers? In any case, this movie is almost more about Halloween than Halloween, as at one point, Tom Atkins asks the bad guy why he's doing what he's doing, and the villain talks like a guy who's 3000 years old, about sacrificing children and animals in honor of Samhain (pronounced sow-in) and says the world is due for a little sacrifice now and then. Maybe he should start a chain of restaurants and call them TGIS (thank god it's Samhain)?
Honestly, the movie was not bad at all, excellent B-Movie stuff, and did not deserve a bad rap because the idiot producers chose to steal the "Halloween 3" name. A bit of trivia, while Tom Atkins is tied up in the villain's stronghold, they put on TV for him and on the screen is a scene of Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, if I am not mistaken.
HALLOWEEN 4 and 5! After losing momentum with the loss of Halloween 3 as a potential title, it took years to come out with Halloween 4. However, despite losing Jamie Lee Curtis as the female lead (who eventually came back for Halloween H20), they got a whole new cast with the exception of Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasance returns). This movie picks up about ten years after the events of the first two movies. Dr. Loomis, scarred horribly after the events of Halloween 2, is not even consulted, as the foolish hospital administrator decides to move Michael Myers, who has been comatose since the events of ten years past, to a less secure facility. Honestly, why do they always decide to move him on October 30? Why not move him in the middle of July? Wtf? In any case, as soon as Dr. Loomis hears the ambulance transporting Michael Myers has had an accident, he is out of the administrator's office and on his way to Haddonfield. Where, Michael apparently has a niece...
Michael Myers' niece is not 17 this time, which just confuses me, as Michael seems to have an affinity for 17 year old girls, but a younger girl (Danielle Harris, who was also in the Halloween remake by Rob Zombie years later), Jamie Lloyd. In any case, Jamie has lost her parents, fostered into another family, and Michael spends most of Halloween 4 hunting her down, only to have her again be saved by Dr. Loomis. By the time Halloween 5 rolls around, it's a year later. Jamie, traumatized by the events of Halloween 4, now has some psychic connection to Michael, and she can sense his actions to some extent. Dr. Loomis tries to use Jamie's connection to track Michael, but it's a useless gesture, as Michael again kills everything that moves. I mean, it's a slasher pic, what did you expect, right?
The funny thing about the Halloween series of movies is that the killer, ultimately the most recognizable feature of the series, is played by a different actor in every movie. In fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if at the end of Halloween 5, he had taken off his mask and it had been William Shatner under there. lol
Each of the Halloween movies has a bit of nudity in it here and there, and they are all fun to watch. Except Halloween 3, which is still fun to watch but I don't think has any nudity in it. It'll be interesting to see if, while remaking the Halloween films, Rob Zombie decides to take the same detour and have Halloween 3 have absolutely nothing to do with Michael Myers. lol They did eventually make a Halloween 6, but it wasn't called that, didn't have much to do with haddonfield, and wasn't nearly as good, but did have a few short scenes with Donald Pleasance as Dr. Loomis, so if nothing else, he managed to appear in more of the Halloween films than any other actor. Honestly, for the remakes, they should have got Christopher Lee to play Dr. Loomis. Would have been AWESOME. He's still alive and kicking! Maybe they can get him for Season of the witch? Hmmmm.
19 reviews down, 12 to go! 6 Days! Can I do it? Only time will tell!
HALLOWEEN and HALLOWEEN 2! Halloween starts with a simple enough scene. It's 1963, and a girl is hooking up with her boyfriend while babysitting her little brother. Typical enough for any teenager. Except this teenager's little brother is none other than Michael Myers, and this night is none other than October 31st. I'm not really sure how old this little boy is, as the camera basically follows his eyes as he watches his sister go upstairs, then the boy places a mask over his face, and through the masked view, we see little Michael go upstairs and then stab his sister multiple times with a large knife. He then heads outside, presumably to do further mayhem, but is instead interrupted by the timely arrival of his parents. At least, I assume they are his parents. In any case, any trace of the little boy that was Michael Myers appears to be gone when they pull of his clown mask. What triggered Michael's killing? Did he have abusive parents? Was he possessed by the spirit of Samhain? Did he just hate his sister's hair style? We never find out for sure.
Flash forward to 1978, and we find Laurie Strode, apparently either adopted after the death of her real parents, or her real parents changed their last name from Myers to Strode, because Laurie is apparently Michael Myers' sister. I'm not quite sure which, although I am sure the story explains at some point. Younger sister, I would assume, because this is 15 years after Michael's little psychological break, and Laurie (played by Jamie Lee Curtis in her first movie role) is 17 and in high school. Dr. Loomis, Michael's psychiatrist, is fully convinced of the evil in Michael by this time. In fact, as Dr. Loomis himself says, he spent years trying to reach the boy, and then years trying to keep him locked away. Dr. Loomis is played by Donald Pleasance to great effect, although John Carpenter's first choice was actually Christopher Lee, and quite frankly I don't think anyone could have handled how horrifying this movie would have been with Christopher Lee as Dr. Loomis. Not that Donald Pleasance didn't do a fantastic job of it, just saying. In any case, Michael is about to be transferred to a more secure facility under the care of Dr. Loomis, only as Dr. Loomis arrives, Michael has already killed the hospital staff and steals Dr. Loomis' ambulance, hellbent on returning to finish the job he started 15 years previous. The date is October 30th.
Then the movie sort of slows down a bit. Building suspense, we follow Michael Myers all around town as he stalks Laurie Strode. Maybe he's trying to make sure she is his sister, maybe he's waiting for the right time, maybe he has an overactive sense of drama. In any case, come Halloween night, Michael dons a mask from a costume shop (an unpainted Captain Kirk mask) and gets busy killing people. Michael's not really picky in the killing, he'll spend a half hour stalking a single teenage girl in her own home just to catch her at a bad time (read, half undressed), and yet take a few minutes out of his busy schedule to slaughter a station full of police officers. Hey, when you've only got one night a year to get your business done and you take the time to visit your fans, it really lets them know you care.
The rest of Halloween, and all of Halloween 2, follow Laurie Strode as she loses her friends to Michael, one by one, and then does battle with him herself, with the help of the local police, and Dr. Loomis, who has tracked Michael to Haddonfield, New Jersey (although it was actually filmed in California). Even after Dr. Loomis shoots him 6 times at the end of Halloween, Halloween 2 begins with the rest of that same night, as Laurie strode heads to the hospital after barely surviving the first movie, and Michael follows her there, killing everyone and everything that gets in his way. Seriously, shotgun blasts to the face just piss this guy off. I don't think I've ever seen two movies that chronicle the events of a single night before, and I don't think I've seen one since. Aside from a little bit of the first movie spent giving you the idea of what's going on, you practically follow the events in real time, much like what was done with the series "24" back when it was exciting.
I can't say enough good things about these two movies. Not only are they suspenseful, terrifying, spooky, and generally a slasher flick in every other way, but it launched the careers of Jamie Lee Curtis, John Carpenter, and... well, not the guy who played Michael Myers. Apparently that was just some extra who worked for $25 a day helping build the sets.
HALLOWEEN 3: Season of the Witch! Okay, if any of you have seen this and are wondering what it has to do with Michael Myers, Laurie Strode and whatnot, don't. It doesn't. Some movie company snatched up the rights to do Halloween 3, hoping to cash in on the fame of the Halloween series. Which is a goddamn shame, honestly, because Season of the Witch was actually a decent flick and should have stood on it's own instead of them trying to sneak it into the Halloween name.
Season of the Witch has Tom Atkins, the male lead from The Fog, an awesome B movie horror actor at the time, which lent great star power to the film, and he's pit up against a group of... well, I'm not sure what you'd call them. There's basically one guy, an old man, and a bunch of, shall we say, doppelgangers? In any case, this movie is almost more about Halloween than Halloween, as at one point, Tom Atkins asks the bad guy why he's doing what he's doing, and the villain talks like a guy who's 3000 years old, about sacrificing children and animals in honor of Samhain (pronounced sow-in) and says the world is due for a little sacrifice now and then. Maybe he should start a chain of restaurants and call them TGIS (thank god it's Samhain)?
Honestly, the movie was not bad at all, excellent B-Movie stuff, and did not deserve a bad rap because the idiot producers chose to steal the "Halloween 3" name. A bit of trivia, while Tom Atkins is tied up in the villain's stronghold, they put on TV for him and on the screen is a scene of Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, if I am not mistaken.
HALLOWEEN 4 and 5! After losing momentum with the loss of Halloween 3 as a potential title, it took years to come out with Halloween 4. However, despite losing Jamie Lee Curtis as the female lead (who eventually came back for Halloween H20), they got a whole new cast with the exception of Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasance returns). This movie picks up about ten years after the events of the first two movies. Dr. Loomis, scarred horribly after the events of Halloween 2, is not even consulted, as the foolish hospital administrator decides to move Michael Myers, who has been comatose since the events of ten years past, to a less secure facility. Honestly, why do they always decide to move him on October 30? Why not move him in the middle of July? Wtf? In any case, as soon as Dr. Loomis hears the ambulance transporting Michael Myers has had an accident, he is out of the administrator's office and on his way to Haddonfield. Where, Michael apparently has a niece...
Michael Myers' niece is not 17 this time, which just confuses me, as Michael seems to have an affinity for 17 year old girls, but a younger girl (Danielle Harris, who was also in the Halloween remake by Rob Zombie years later), Jamie Lloyd. In any case, Jamie has lost her parents, fostered into another family, and Michael spends most of Halloween 4 hunting her down, only to have her again be saved by Dr. Loomis. By the time Halloween 5 rolls around, it's a year later. Jamie, traumatized by the events of Halloween 4, now has some psychic connection to Michael, and she can sense his actions to some extent. Dr. Loomis tries to use Jamie's connection to track Michael, but it's a useless gesture, as Michael again kills everything that moves. I mean, it's a slasher pic, what did you expect, right?
The funny thing about the Halloween series of movies is that the killer, ultimately the most recognizable feature of the series, is played by a different actor in every movie. In fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if at the end of Halloween 5, he had taken off his mask and it had been William Shatner under there. lol
Each of the Halloween movies has a bit of nudity in it here and there, and they are all fun to watch. Except Halloween 3, which is still fun to watch but I don't think has any nudity in it. It'll be interesting to see if, while remaking the Halloween films, Rob Zombie decides to take the same detour and have Halloween 3 have absolutely nothing to do with Michael Myers. lol They did eventually make a Halloween 6, but it wasn't called that, didn't have much to do with haddonfield, and wasn't nearly as good, but did have a few short scenes with Donald Pleasance as Dr. Loomis, so if nothing else, he managed to appear in more of the Halloween films than any other actor. Honestly, for the remakes, they should have got Christopher Lee to play Dr. Loomis. Would have been AWESOME. He's still alive and kicking! Maybe they can get him for Season of the witch? Hmmmm.
19 reviews down, 12 to go! 6 Days! Can I do it? Only time will tell!
Friday, October 21, 2011
Review #10 to #14
Nothing like the smell of horror in the morning, I always say!
Actually, that's the first time I've ever said that, but feel free to quote me if you like.
Tonight's review series starts with CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON! This is classic 1950's horror at it's finest. A geologist looking for fossils along the amazon river unearths the fossilized claw of some semi-humanoid aquatic creature. Believing it to be an unknown species of ancient amphibian, the geologist seeks assistance from his marine biologist friends at the local university. The head of the department, seeking funds for the college and research grants, immediately funds an expedition along the amazon river to unearth further clues as to the whereabouts of the rest of the fossilized remains. Needless to say at this point, the secluded lagoon at the end of the small tributary the research expedition finds itself on ends in terror as they realize that the fossilized remains are of a creature still living in the deep dark depths of the Black Lagoon!
This movie spawned two sequels, i believe? The second of which has a lab technician named Jennings (a young Clint Eastwood) in a short appearance. The original was in black and white, and has tons of atmosphere. It's not particularly creepy or scary but if you're looking for suspenseful monster horror with a beautiful amazonian backdrop, this is it!
Review #11 - GHOST RIDER! I may have already reviewed this movie, and you may not think of it as a horror flick, but it has all the classic elements. Peter Fonda is Mephistopheles, who the lead character makes a deal with to save his father's life. Unfortunately, as most deals with the devil, it does not end well for Johnny Blaze, who is called upon years later to fulfill his bargain and become the Ghost Rider, the devil's bounty hunter. Unfortunately, his bounty is none other than the unruly son of Mephistopheles, an upstart demon named Blackheart, who is seeking the unholy contract for the 1500 souls of the entire corrupt town of San Benganza to maximize his power and allow him to overthrow his father's rule.
Most people didn't like this movie, and I think the obvious reason is the casting of Nicholas cage as the lead character. Not even the entire supporting cast could really help out on this one, with Eva Mendes as the love interest, Peter Fonda and Sam Elliot rounding things out. Still, you've got demonic possession, the devil himself, contracts for souls, battles between demons, hell, an entire goddamn town so evil that all 1500 people in it sold their souls to the devil! How can that not be a horror movie? Unfortunately for the ghost rider series, Nicholas Cage has already committed himself to a sequel.
Review #12 - SLITHER! This movie feels like an homage to The Slime. A meteorite lands on earth, and a bit of a lout about to cheat on his wife is infected with an alien parasite. Unfortunately, the alien parasite never counted on human emotions, and the guy it infests is still deeply in love with his wife. Unfortunately, as the parasite spreads to the townsfolk, alive or dead, they all become one with the merged consciousness of the parasite/lout who was first infected, and now the wife has to not only deal with the mutated remains of her husband, but an entire town of parasite-controlled zombies who feel that she is now cheating on him for not sticking by him in his difficult time of... erm.. transformation. Hey, in sickness and in health, right?
I thought this movie was pretty awesome. You've got Nathan Fillon as the sheriff, a cast full of character actors, and Michael Rooker as the villain! You can't go wrong here. I even watched it on Syfy again recently, which cut out the nudity (if there was any?) and the swearing, and it was still fun to watch. Definitely a popcorn-muncher, and probably didn't do exceptionally well because it's a solid B-monster movie, but I think you get your money's worth with this one, and as someone who's been out of work almost 6 months now, that means a lot!
Review #13 - BITTEN! You'd think they'd done vampire movies to death, but no! No. Sadly, no. Still, every once in a while there's a decent one that comes out, and while this isn't one of them, I could put up with it long enough to finish watching it. So you got your basic night-shift, overworked Emergency Medical Technician guy who just got dumped by his girlfriend. His partner, an older, balding medic with IBS, tells him to go home and get some sleep one night, and he runs into a blood soaked corpse in his back alley who turns out not to be a corpse, but a recently attacked victim of a vampire. Who then, of course, proceeds to require a regular blood supply to stay alive.
I liked this movie in the sense that, the fact that the EMT guy's new girlfriend is a vampire almost seems to be coincidental. I'm not sure who wrote the script, but without doubt, it was somebody who went through a bad breakup and doesn't like women much. Basically, as he's nursing her back to health, and within the course of days, their relationship goes from hot sex, to cajoling, to demanding, and finally to argumentative, psycho breakup by the end. Much like my last ... well, every girlfriend I've ever had. And no, i did not write this movie, and I am not bitter! lol I wasn't really fond of the end of this movie, and it could have been done better, but the rest of it was sort of funny, if you've never been in a relationship, or perhaps more so if you have, and can sympathize.
Review #14 - THE FOG! This is the original, 1980 version. I reviewed the remake a few years back when it came out, and compared it unfavorably to the original, which I will now review, just in case I haven't done so already. A hundred years ago, the founders of Antonio Bay lured a boatload of rich leper-pirates to their death to steal their gold in order to fund the church and the town. Now, on the eve of the anniversary of the town's founding, a spooky fog rolls into the bay and a trio of liquored-up fishermen on the Seagrass are the first victims, but certainly won't be the last.
This has to be one of the creepiest goddamn movies I ever seen. Rich, if you want something scary, try this one. From the short little "ghost story" narrated by John Houseman at the beginning, through the sunniest and creepiest day in one of the most beautiful seaside towns i have ever seen, to the following evening's climactic events, this movie just oozes creepiness and atmosphere. Much like my nephew tim's arse. Only less smelly. There's Hal Holbrook as the town priest, Janet Leigh as the event coordinator, and her real life daughter, Jamie Lee Curtis, as the poor girl who comes to town at a bad time. Seriously, the events that happen in broad daylight on the day of the 100th anniversary are almost more scary. Just the scenes of Adrienne Barbeau on her way to work are terrifying, because while they show the town and surrounding countryside, including some beautiful ocean views, they build the suspense into a torrent of dread because you know all hell is going to break loose once night falls. And again, suspense trumps shock and gore every time.
Okay, I'm a bit horror'd out for tonight. I'm watching another one right now, but I'm not sure it's good enough for a review. More reviews next time!
Actually, that's the first time I've ever said that, but feel free to quote me if you like.
Tonight's review series starts with CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON! This is classic 1950's horror at it's finest. A geologist looking for fossils along the amazon river unearths the fossilized claw of some semi-humanoid aquatic creature. Believing it to be an unknown species of ancient amphibian, the geologist seeks assistance from his marine biologist friends at the local university. The head of the department, seeking funds for the college and research grants, immediately funds an expedition along the amazon river to unearth further clues as to the whereabouts of the rest of the fossilized remains. Needless to say at this point, the secluded lagoon at the end of the small tributary the research expedition finds itself on ends in terror as they realize that the fossilized remains are of a creature still living in the deep dark depths of the Black Lagoon!
This movie spawned two sequels, i believe? The second of which has a lab technician named Jennings (a young Clint Eastwood) in a short appearance. The original was in black and white, and has tons of atmosphere. It's not particularly creepy or scary but if you're looking for suspenseful monster horror with a beautiful amazonian backdrop, this is it!
Review #11 - GHOST RIDER! I may have already reviewed this movie, and you may not think of it as a horror flick, but it has all the classic elements. Peter Fonda is Mephistopheles, who the lead character makes a deal with to save his father's life. Unfortunately, as most deals with the devil, it does not end well for Johnny Blaze, who is called upon years later to fulfill his bargain and become the Ghost Rider, the devil's bounty hunter. Unfortunately, his bounty is none other than the unruly son of Mephistopheles, an upstart demon named Blackheart, who is seeking the unholy contract for the 1500 souls of the entire corrupt town of San Benganza to maximize his power and allow him to overthrow his father's rule.
Most people didn't like this movie, and I think the obvious reason is the casting of Nicholas cage as the lead character. Not even the entire supporting cast could really help out on this one, with Eva Mendes as the love interest, Peter Fonda and Sam Elliot rounding things out. Still, you've got demonic possession, the devil himself, contracts for souls, battles between demons, hell, an entire goddamn town so evil that all 1500 people in it sold their souls to the devil! How can that not be a horror movie? Unfortunately for the ghost rider series, Nicholas Cage has already committed himself to a sequel.
Review #12 - SLITHER! This movie feels like an homage to The Slime. A meteorite lands on earth, and a bit of a lout about to cheat on his wife is infected with an alien parasite. Unfortunately, the alien parasite never counted on human emotions, and the guy it infests is still deeply in love with his wife. Unfortunately, as the parasite spreads to the townsfolk, alive or dead, they all become one with the merged consciousness of the parasite/lout who was first infected, and now the wife has to not only deal with the mutated remains of her husband, but an entire town of parasite-controlled zombies who feel that she is now cheating on him for not sticking by him in his difficult time of... erm.. transformation. Hey, in sickness and in health, right?
I thought this movie was pretty awesome. You've got Nathan Fillon as the sheriff, a cast full of character actors, and Michael Rooker as the villain! You can't go wrong here. I even watched it on Syfy again recently, which cut out the nudity (if there was any?) and the swearing, and it was still fun to watch. Definitely a popcorn-muncher, and probably didn't do exceptionally well because it's a solid B-monster movie, but I think you get your money's worth with this one, and as someone who's been out of work almost 6 months now, that means a lot!
Review #13 - BITTEN! You'd think they'd done vampire movies to death, but no! No. Sadly, no. Still, every once in a while there's a decent one that comes out, and while this isn't one of them, I could put up with it long enough to finish watching it. So you got your basic night-shift, overworked Emergency Medical Technician guy who just got dumped by his girlfriend. His partner, an older, balding medic with IBS, tells him to go home and get some sleep one night, and he runs into a blood soaked corpse in his back alley who turns out not to be a corpse, but a recently attacked victim of a vampire. Who then, of course, proceeds to require a regular blood supply to stay alive.
I liked this movie in the sense that, the fact that the EMT guy's new girlfriend is a vampire almost seems to be coincidental. I'm not sure who wrote the script, but without doubt, it was somebody who went through a bad breakup and doesn't like women much. Basically, as he's nursing her back to health, and within the course of days, their relationship goes from hot sex, to cajoling, to demanding, and finally to argumentative, psycho breakup by the end. Much like my last ... well, every girlfriend I've ever had. And no, i did not write this movie, and I am not bitter! lol I wasn't really fond of the end of this movie, and it could have been done better, but the rest of it was sort of funny, if you've never been in a relationship, or perhaps more so if you have, and can sympathize.
Review #14 - THE FOG! This is the original, 1980 version. I reviewed the remake a few years back when it came out, and compared it unfavorably to the original, which I will now review, just in case I haven't done so already. A hundred years ago, the founders of Antonio Bay lured a boatload of rich leper-pirates to their death to steal their gold in order to fund the church and the town. Now, on the eve of the anniversary of the town's founding, a spooky fog rolls into the bay and a trio of liquored-up fishermen on the Seagrass are the first victims, but certainly won't be the last.
This has to be one of the creepiest goddamn movies I ever seen. Rich, if you want something scary, try this one. From the short little "ghost story" narrated by John Houseman at the beginning, through the sunniest and creepiest day in one of the most beautiful seaside towns i have ever seen, to the following evening's climactic events, this movie just oozes creepiness and atmosphere. Much like my nephew tim's arse. Only less smelly. There's Hal Holbrook as the town priest, Janet Leigh as the event coordinator, and her real life daughter, Jamie Lee Curtis, as the poor girl who comes to town at a bad time. Seriously, the events that happen in broad daylight on the day of the 100th anniversary are almost more scary. Just the scenes of Adrienne Barbeau on her way to work are terrifying, because while they show the town and surrounding countryside, including some beautiful ocean views, they build the suspense into a torrent of dread because you know all hell is going to break loose once night falls. And again, suspense trumps shock and gore every time.
Okay, I'm a bit horror'd out for tonight. I'm watching another one right now, but I'm not sure it's good enough for a review. More reviews next time!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Reviews #8 and #9
Tonight's movies are THEM! and Return of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane.
I think I'm either making a habit of reviewing one good movie and one crappy one, or that's just coincidentally the ones I happen to watch on any particular evening. I grant they can't all be movie greatness, but Outbreak on a Plane? Aren't we taking this whole "snakes on a plane" thing too far? Also, I know passenger jets are large and all, but when did they start having more nooks and crannies than a skyscraper?
First, let's get to THEM! This was a monster movie from the 50's, a decade which saw an explosion of flicks about aliens, monsters and so on. Probably triggered by that whole alien landing thing in roswell new mexico back then, but what the hell do I know? I wasn't even born then.
THEM! is a movie full of suspense. I'm not really sure if any of the stars of the day appeared in this movie, because I don't recognize any big-name stars of the 50's or anything, but I did recognize a few faces from movies and series later on, so either these were established character actors or aspiring actors who were trying to pad their resume by showing up in monster movies. Still, I think the acting in THEM! was good and the suspenseful nature of the plot was superb.
THEM! starts out in the desert, with a patrol car finding a small girl wandering alone in the desert in a state of shock. Apparently her parents, their trailer, and a nearby general store have been wrecked and the occupants either killed or missing. The only apparent link between the two crimes was the presence of sugar at both places. The police are, of course, baffled by the nature and horror of the crimes, until an elderly scientist and his scientist daughter are called in to try and identify a print found at one of the scenes. The scientist manages to bring the little girl out of her semi-comatose state, and the girl proceeds to scream "THEM! THEM! THEM!" repeatedly, apparently giving the movie its title.
I liked this movie the first time i saw it, and it definitely passes the rewatchability test. Sure it was made in the 50's, and I think it's in black and white, but pretty much every scene is designed to advance the plot with utmost suspense and terror, and there's action enough to suit even the most violent fans of the genre. There's one scene I didn't notice the first time I saw this movie when I was younger, but was looking for this time. When the police first get the little girl into an ambulance, the doctor lays her down on a stretcher. At that moment, the signature sound that is made by the creatures in the film is heard, and both the policeman and the doctor look around into the desert, wondering what it could be. Completely unnoticed by them, the little girl sits bolt upright at the sound with a look of horror on her face, and by the time the sound fades and the police officer asks the doctor if he had any idea what the noise was, the little girl is laying back down again. The noise they selected to mark the approach of the creatures was actually quite good. I have no idea what the noise is from, but I think I hear it every so often in the middle of winter, when the wind is blowing hard around the outside of the house. Just my imagination, I am sure.
Anyway, if you're looking for a well made, suspenseful monster movie from the classic 50's, this is a good one. One of the few things I didn't like about this movie is they don't really wrap up the loose ends... several things happen to characters during the story, and you'd like to check back on those characters to make sure they are ok, but the story drives right along to its conclusion without a backward glance. And, much like most of the older movies, all the credits are up front, so mere seconds after the climactic final battle and the instant the final line is spoken, you see THE END and the movie is over.
Now on to Return of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a plane. This would be the crappy movie of the evening. Now, it wasn't horrible, but the actors were second rate, the plot was weak and there wasn't enough suspenseful action to fill a thimble.
The movie starts out with a group of businessmen arguing over how dangerous the cargo on their airplane is, and what they should do about it. Apparently, they've managed to sneak an experiment on board in the guise of "top secret government contracts" and the airline has graciously allowed them to store it in the cargo area of the plane under armed guard. Obviously, the cargo has something to do with zombies, all hell breaks loose, and you're treated to an hour and a half of shooting, gore, zombies getting sucked out through holes in the fuselage, and explosions. Pretty typical of the genre, in any case.
I really didn't give this movie much thought, and maybe that's it's strength. If you don't think about it, it's just a couple hours of filler movie you can eat popcorn while watching and do something else, keeping an eye on the TV set while you play Minecraft for instance, which is how I watched it. The only thing that stuck in my mind was the elderly pilot, who spent the first few minutes of the movie describing how this was his last flight, and immediately after landing he was retiring as a pilot, and he and his loyal wife were going on a cruise followed by second honeymoon. I knew he was dead the minute he started on about that, but come on. What movie involving a plane have you ever seen where the pilot was NOT somehow incapacitated? Where would the excitement be if the plane just flew onwards, healthy pilot and copilot competently getting the plane to it's destination safely and efficiently, and landing it without incident? I mean honestly, if all movies followed the pattern that movies involving planes follow, then anyone behind the wheel of car, anyone driving a tank, and bus drivers and train conductors would all be the first ones to go. And sure, sometimes they are, but who the hell would ever want to drive or pilot again after that? Someone should make a spoof where anyone driving anything is afraid to even get near the pilot's seat, else he or she die instantly just from the sheer inevitability of it.
I'm not even sure of the title, this movie was pretty forgettable. It might not have been return of the living dead, but there was definitely Outbreak on a Plane after the initial title. If you got time to kill and crappy zombie movies are your thing, go ahead if you haven't seen this, but be prepared to yawn a bit. Nothing really stood out about it at all.
That's all for tonight, it's late and I am sleepy! More movies tomorrow!
I think I'm either making a habit of reviewing one good movie and one crappy one, or that's just coincidentally the ones I happen to watch on any particular evening. I grant they can't all be movie greatness, but Outbreak on a Plane? Aren't we taking this whole "snakes on a plane" thing too far? Also, I know passenger jets are large and all, but when did they start having more nooks and crannies than a skyscraper?
First, let's get to THEM! This was a monster movie from the 50's, a decade which saw an explosion of flicks about aliens, monsters and so on. Probably triggered by that whole alien landing thing in roswell new mexico back then, but what the hell do I know? I wasn't even born then.
THEM! is a movie full of suspense. I'm not really sure if any of the stars of the day appeared in this movie, because I don't recognize any big-name stars of the 50's or anything, but I did recognize a few faces from movies and series later on, so either these were established character actors or aspiring actors who were trying to pad their resume by showing up in monster movies. Still, I think the acting in THEM! was good and the suspenseful nature of the plot was superb.
THEM! starts out in the desert, with a patrol car finding a small girl wandering alone in the desert in a state of shock. Apparently her parents, their trailer, and a nearby general store have been wrecked and the occupants either killed or missing. The only apparent link between the two crimes was the presence of sugar at both places. The police are, of course, baffled by the nature and horror of the crimes, until an elderly scientist and his scientist daughter are called in to try and identify a print found at one of the scenes. The scientist manages to bring the little girl out of her semi-comatose state, and the girl proceeds to scream "THEM! THEM! THEM!" repeatedly, apparently giving the movie its title.
I liked this movie the first time i saw it, and it definitely passes the rewatchability test. Sure it was made in the 50's, and I think it's in black and white, but pretty much every scene is designed to advance the plot with utmost suspense and terror, and there's action enough to suit even the most violent fans of the genre. There's one scene I didn't notice the first time I saw this movie when I was younger, but was looking for this time. When the police first get the little girl into an ambulance, the doctor lays her down on a stretcher. At that moment, the signature sound that is made by the creatures in the film is heard, and both the policeman and the doctor look around into the desert, wondering what it could be. Completely unnoticed by them, the little girl sits bolt upright at the sound with a look of horror on her face, and by the time the sound fades and the police officer asks the doctor if he had any idea what the noise was, the little girl is laying back down again. The noise they selected to mark the approach of the creatures was actually quite good. I have no idea what the noise is from, but I think I hear it every so often in the middle of winter, when the wind is blowing hard around the outside of the house. Just my imagination, I am sure.
Anyway, if you're looking for a well made, suspenseful monster movie from the classic 50's, this is a good one. One of the few things I didn't like about this movie is they don't really wrap up the loose ends... several things happen to characters during the story, and you'd like to check back on those characters to make sure they are ok, but the story drives right along to its conclusion without a backward glance. And, much like most of the older movies, all the credits are up front, so mere seconds after the climactic final battle and the instant the final line is spoken, you see THE END and the movie is over.
Now on to Return of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a plane. This would be the crappy movie of the evening. Now, it wasn't horrible, but the actors were second rate, the plot was weak and there wasn't enough suspenseful action to fill a thimble.
The movie starts out with a group of businessmen arguing over how dangerous the cargo on their airplane is, and what they should do about it. Apparently, they've managed to sneak an experiment on board in the guise of "top secret government contracts" and the airline has graciously allowed them to store it in the cargo area of the plane under armed guard. Obviously, the cargo has something to do with zombies, all hell breaks loose, and you're treated to an hour and a half of shooting, gore, zombies getting sucked out through holes in the fuselage, and explosions. Pretty typical of the genre, in any case.
I really didn't give this movie much thought, and maybe that's it's strength. If you don't think about it, it's just a couple hours of filler movie you can eat popcorn while watching and do something else, keeping an eye on the TV set while you play Minecraft for instance, which is how I watched it. The only thing that stuck in my mind was the elderly pilot, who spent the first few minutes of the movie describing how this was his last flight, and immediately after landing he was retiring as a pilot, and he and his loyal wife were going on a cruise followed by second honeymoon. I knew he was dead the minute he started on about that, but come on. What movie involving a plane have you ever seen where the pilot was NOT somehow incapacitated? Where would the excitement be if the plane just flew onwards, healthy pilot and copilot competently getting the plane to it's destination safely and efficiently, and landing it without incident? I mean honestly, if all movies followed the pattern that movies involving planes follow, then anyone behind the wheel of car, anyone driving a tank, and bus drivers and train conductors would all be the first ones to go. And sure, sometimes they are, but who the hell would ever want to drive or pilot again after that? Someone should make a spoof where anyone driving anything is afraid to even get near the pilot's seat, else he or she die instantly just from the sheer inevitability of it.
I'm not even sure of the title, this movie was pretty forgettable. It might not have been return of the living dead, but there was definitely Outbreak on a Plane after the initial title. If you got time to kill and crappy zombie movies are your thing, go ahead if you haven't seen this, but be prepared to yawn a bit. Nothing really stood out about it at all.
That's all for tonight, it's late and I am sleepy! More movies tomorrow!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Review #7 - The Ward
Hey here we go, an actual decent movie!
The Ward, directed by John Carpenter! Yes, the guy who made the Fog, The Thing, yea, all those "the Something" movies!
I saw a short interview with john carpenter recently on TCM and he looked super old, and was complaining about his shoes. I feel kind of bad for the guy, getting old and all, but he seems to still be making decent movies, so I hope he feels as young as I do!
This particular one starred Amber Heard! Yes, she who sounds like Scarlett johannsen, or however you spell her name. And yes, Hannah from england, who apparently read my blog at one point, I would also like to see her naked. And yes, apparently, more than one person reads my blog! Brando, who is often anonymous, some foreign singer or something named Dimitri, who wants to compare sci-fi movies with me sometime (maybe next month, dimitri, this month is all horror). So that makes at least three! Perhaps not all regular, of course. OH and i can't forget my buddy Rich who now lives in Australia! And while Rich and I have not swilled a beer together in some time, we have been out to eat on many an occasion, and even played a few games online together. Rich! I think you'd like The Ward, too.
I only mention my readers because I just figured out how to read the comments section all at once... apparently I missed a few comments over the years, so if you wanted a reply back right away... well... sorry? :-) I'm a bloody genius, yes, however, I'm not perfect. lol
Now, let's get to the review. Kristen (amber Heard) is apparently a pyromaniac. She set fire to a farmhouse, and the police, who happened to be driving by at the time (bad timing, that) caught her and took her to an asylum. This all happens back in the late 50's and early 60's, by the way, when asylums were all the rage in mental care. Why they'd think she was crazy for enjoying a good barbecue, I don't really know. Frankly, I'm a bit of a pyro myself, and while I've never set fire to anything besides a grill or some handily arranged wood logs in a fire pit, I do understand the fascination of watching things burn. I was getting a bit entranced by the flames, quite honestly, when the scene cut to show Kristen being taken to the mental hospital. I was disappointed.
Luckily, Kristen is taken to the "hot chicks" ward of the mental facility. I say this because almost all of the girls in the ward are fairly attractive. I must say, I think I am in the wrong line of work when orderlies get to hose down the nude arrivals and... NEW... I meant to say new, not nude... and then get to strap them down to a bed and do unspeakable things to them. Ah well. Where was I? Oh yes. So Kristen meets her new ward-mates, Iris, um.... well there were other girls but I can't remember all their names. Anyway, the girls in Kristen's ward begin disappearing. Apparently, the room Kristen is in belonged to a girl named Alice, and ever since Alice disappeared, strange things have been happening in the Hot Chicks ward... Hmmmmmm...
This movie is rather predictable, in a sense. Although scary, it's more of the "jump out of your skin when something happens suddenly on screen" rather than a good, suspenseful kind of horror. Still, the sudden shocks this movie delivers was more than enough to trigger my adrenal glands, even if they are a bit overactive. I was able to figure out what was going on almost immediately, which, for me, is kind of a drawback, seeing as I then knew how it was going to end, but the movie still managed to deliver some good shocks. Hell, it was almost like electro-convulsive therapy in it's own right. Which should satisfy some people because they probably think some good electroshock therapy would do me good. lol
There was no actual nudity in this movie, which is odd for a film about asylums from the 50s and 60s. As I understand it, conditions inside mental wards at that time were deplorable and depraved to the point of... well, lunacy, I should think, and not to use that as an excuse to show off Amber Heard's therapeutic form is just ludicrous! I mean, there was even a shower scene! How can you have a shower scene and not show off anything? Shit, there were like 4 other girls there, certainly if Amber was feeling shy on the set that day, one of the other ones could have shown off something? But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, just soapy upper backs! And yea, I know you can see nudity online, but that's not the point, is it?
Well, still a decent flick. It's not "the Fog" or anything, but worth a watch. I doubt it'd survive a second viewing, so it probably fails the rewatchability test, but if you are a fan of Amber Heard, who sounds like Scarlett johanssen, you mgiht want to give this a view. Honestly, for being the star of the film, she doesn't have that many lines, and she seems to have foregone her husky "I'm trying to sound like scarlett johanssen" voice. For good effect on that one, watch "The Stepfather" remake they did a couple years back. Which not only shows of Amber's voice acting, but her, ah, other talents as well. In a bikini, at least. She does have a decent arse.
I'm not sure if I am hearing thunder at the moment or my own pulse, but I am feeling MUCH better today. I am well on my way to recovering from the flu, thank you very much. Ah a quick check of the weather on WUNDERGROUND.COM (that's right, I still use it, because it's better than weather.com, and always will be, my stubborn, inaccurate nephew) assures me that I am NOT any more insane than usual, and there IS in fact a T-storm around my area. Good to know. Thunder and rain always puts me right to sleep. Like a gentle lullaby, really. I never understood people who were afraid of storms. Mother Nature loves you!
Bloody hell the 19th already! 11 days to review 24 more films... holy crap. I may not get all 31 in, dammit, but I will try! Perhaps I should review the other horror films I have actually seen this month, but I haven't thought they were good enough for a review? Hmmmmm. We shall see.
The Ward, directed by John Carpenter! Yes, the guy who made the Fog, The Thing, yea, all those "the Something" movies!
I saw a short interview with john carpenter recently on TCM and he looked super old, and was complaining about his shoes. I feel kind of bad for the guy, getting old and all, but he seems to still be making decent movies, so I hope he feels as young as I do!
This particular one starred Amber Heard! Yes, she who sounds like Scarlett johannsen, or however you spell her name. And yes, Hannah from england, who apparently read my blog at one point, I would also like to see her naked. And yes, apparently, more than one person reads my blog! Brando, who is often anonymous, some foreign singer or something named Dimitri, who wants to compare sci-fi movies with me sometime (maybe next month, dimitri, this month is all horror). So that makes at least three! Perhaps not all regular, of course. OH and i can't forget my buddy Rich who now lives in Australia! And while Rich and I have not swilled a beer together in some time, we have been out to eat on many an occasion, and even played a few games online together. Rich! I think you'd like The Ward, too.
I only mention my readers because I just figured out how to read the comments section all at once... apparently I missed a few comments over the years, so if you wanted a reply back right away... well... sorry? :-) I'm a bloody genius, yes, however, I'm not perfect. lol
Now, let's get to the review. Kristen (amber Heard) is apparently a pyromaniac. She set fire to a farmhouse, and the police, who happened to be driving by at the time (bad timing, that) caught her and took her to an asylum. This all happens back in the late 50's and early 60's, by the way, when asylums were all the rage in mental care. Why they'd think she was crazy for enjoying a good barbecue, I don't really know. Frankly, I'm a bit of a pyro myself, and while I've never set fire to anything besides a grill or some handily arranged wood logs in a fire pit, I do understand the fascination of watching things burn. I was getting a bit entranced by the flames, quite honestly, when the scene cut to show Kristen being taken to the mental hospital. I was disappointed.
Luckily, Kristen is taken to the "hot chicks" ward of the mental facility. I say this because almost all of the girls in the ward are fairly attractive. I must say, I think I am in the wrong line of work when orderlies get to hose down the nude arrivals and... NEW... I meant to say new, not nude... and then get to strap them down to a bed and do unspeakable things to them. Ah well. Where was I? Oh yes. So Kristen meets her new ward-mates, Iris, um.... well there were other girls but I can't remember all their names. Anyway, the girls in Kristen's ward begin disappearing. Apparently, the room Kristen is in belonged to a girl named Alice, and ever since Alice disappeared, strange things have been happening in the Hot Chicks ward... Hmmmmmm...
This movie is rather predictable, in a sense. Although scary, it's more of the "jump out of your skin when something happens suddenly on screen" rather than a good, suspenseful kind of horror. Still, the sudden shocks this movie delivers was more than enough to trigger my adrenal glands, even if they are a bit overactive. I was able to figure out what was going on almost immediately, which, for me, is kind of a drawback, seeing as I then knew how it was going to end, but the movie still managed to deliver some good shocks. Hell, it was almost like electro-convulsive therapy in it's own right. Which should satisfy some people because they probably think some good electroshock therapy would do me good. lol
There was no actual nudity in this movie, which is odd for a film about asylums from the 50s and 60s. As I understand it, conditions inside mental wards at that time were deplorable and depraved to the point of... well, lunacy, I should think, and not to use that as an excuse to show off Amber Heard's therapeutic form is just ludicrous! I mean, there was even a shower scene! How can you have a shower scene and not show off anything? Shit, there were like 4 other girls there, certainly if Amber was feeling shy on the set that day, one of the other ones could have shown off something? But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, just soapy upper backs! And yea, I know you can see nudity online, but that's not the point, is it?
Well, still a decent flick. It's not "the Fog" or anything, but worth a watch. I doubt it'd survive a second viewing, so it probably fails the rewatchability test, but if you are a fan of Amber Heard, who sounds like Scarlett johanssen, you mgiht want to give this a view. Honestly, for being the star of the film, she doesn't have that many lines, and she seems to have foregone her husky "I'm trying to sound like scarlett johanssen" voice. For good effect on that one, watch "The Stepfather" remake they did a couple years back. Which not only shows of Amber's voice acting, but her, ah, other talents as well. In a bikini, at least. She does have a decent arse.
I'm not sure if I am hearing thunder at the moment or my own pulse, but I am feeling MUCH better today. I am well on my way to recovering from the flu, thank you very much. Ah a quick check of the weather on WUNDERGROUND.COM (that's right, I still use it, because it's better than weather.com, and always will be, my stubborn, inaccurate nephew) assures me that I am NOT any more insane than usual, and there IS in fact a T-storm around my area. Good to know. Thunder and rain always puts me right to sleep. Like a gentle lullaby, really. I never understood people who were afraid of storms. Mother Nature loves you!
Bloody hell the 19th already! 11 days to review 24 more films... holy crap. I may not get all 31 in, dammit, but I will try! Perhaps I should review the other horror films I have actually seen this month, but I haven't thought they were good enough for a review? Hmmmmm. We shall see.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
30 Days of Night 2 and Let Me In
Okay, I'm going to make these two reviews short and sweet because I feel like crap.
I saw 30 DAYS OF NIGHT 2: Dark Days last night. I remember reviewing 30 days of night a couple years back. Not that great a movie, but better than the sequel. As you may recall from the first movie, up in Barrow, Alaska, this group of vampires used the month long night they have up there to gorge themselves on an entire town of helpless humans, and it was only the sheriff and his estranged wife who managed to survive. Sort of. The sheriff became a vampire to save his wife, you see, and at the end, he watched the sun come up... with predictable results.
So this movie begins with the wife, apparently on the lecture circuit, trying to warn people about vampires and what really happened up there, only no one believes her. Except 3 people, who lost ones they love to vampires, just like she has. So she joins this brave band od vampire hunters with the sole goal of finding and slaying Lilith, the vampire queen. Lilith is apparently the one who organizes these month-long vampire cruises to the arctic, sort of like an undead travel agent. Only, you know, slightly less upbeat.
You know what confuses me... They take this girl on without knowing a thing about her, into a vampire nest, without ever having found out if she can handle herself. They say they've done these vampire-killing excursions before, yet the first time the plan deviates, the girl freaks out, and someone dies. The supposed leader of the group is way too soft to have gone around killing vampires by the score, and the whole group falls apart at the first sign of trouble. Frankly, I thought it was some sort of setup, because they are getting their intelligence about Lilith's location from a supposed "good" vampire, and these losers are obviously ill-equipped to handle any sort of problems that crop up, it's a wonder any of them lived through the first vampire killing at all.
Possibly the only good parts about this movie are that the main heroine is sort of hot, the vampire queen chick is cute, especially naked and covered in blood (looks more like cherry kool aid to me, but hey, I'm easy), and aside from some minor characters getting in the way, these two go at it mostly alone. Chick fight. Awwww yeah. That's what I'm talkin bout.
Other than that, eminently forgettable. I doubt I'd watch it again except I saw it on Syfy and they blurred out the good parts.
LET ME IN: This was the american remake of the one I watched earlier this week. Usually the american remakes are either gorier, more violent, or more explosive, but in this case, the two movies are almost exactly the same, down to identical dialogue. Honestly, I preferred the foreign version, because at least there were more instances where you were slightly creeped out by the vampire's behavior, or like the incident I described in the first movie review, her eyes shined in the dark as a surprise for the audience, but the main character missed it completely. They didn't even put that scene in the american remake, and the other instances where the vampire showed off more of itself than it wanted to, were not as good as the foreign version.
Something they added to the american version, that I don't think was even in the foreign version was a series of pictures of the vampire girl and her old human protector as a young boy. Now here's where things get confusing, the american remake is set in the early 80's, and the guy who's her protector is possibly in his 60's (his age is kind of vague, but he's obviously getting too old to kill for her), and yet he is shown in the pictures with her as a young boy. Yet the pictures are those 3-pics-in-a-row kind of thing you'd get in those little photo booths you'd find in gaming arcades, where you'd put in a quarter and get a quick bunch of pics of you and your friend or whatever? Which would mean those pics would have had to have been taken in one of those booths, what? 1920's? 1930's? Did those sorts of booths, where the film is instantly developed by the booth machine, even exist back then? I highly doubt it. And what's with that whole, you can't take pics of vampires thing?
I understand they were trying to emphasize the creepiest part of the foreign movie, by cementing the idea in your head that the boy is just a replacement for the old, used up protector, but that's what made the foreign film so creepy... you could never tell if the vampire girl actually loved the boy she was befriending and protecting, or was just manipulating his emotions the same way she did with her last protector. And that's what made it so creepy. In the american remake, it's almost spelled out for you, dumbed down, as it were, and that just makes it too obvious to be creepy. Also, they changed the ending just enough for it to be less suspenseful, less exciting. I'm not really sure why, but they did. I don't know how you can take an entire movie word for word, scene for scene, and then change the ending to make it worse for no apparent reason, but hey, that's what they did.
Given the choice, I'd highly recommend you see the foreign version, Let The Right One In. The title's a bit stupid since there's basically only one vampire, so it's not a matter of choosing which one to let in, and neither is there any confusion about whether she's human or not, at least to the audience, so I guess they were hard up for a title. Let me In would be a better title in any case, but aside from that, the foreign version is better in every way. I think the actors even did a better job, and since the dialogue and scenes are otherwise identical except for the changes for the worse, there's no point in even seeing the american version. The only things different that were mildly interesting were the american actors, and that the setting was well-reinforced with various 80's phenomena to cement the setting in place, so much so that putting a time and date on it were unnecessary.
Well, there's sunday night's reviews. There's no way I am getting a novel written this month with the blog and all these physical ailments lately, so I am putting that off til next month, allowing me to focus more on the horror movies this month, and getting my reviews done. Yay!
I hope everyone is enjoying the horror movie season more than I am. Bleh... you know I don't usually mind virii having a party in my body, but damn! Don't overstay your welcome! And clean up after yourselves. Empty RNA cans everywhere and there's a dead cat in the pool, wtf is up with that? And don't even ask what the body-equivalent of a dead cat in the pool is. I couldn't even begin to guess.
Reviews #5 and #6 down, 25 more to go!
I saw 30 DAYS OF NIGHT 2: Dark Days last night. I remember reviewing 30 days of night a couple years back. Not that great a movie, but better than the sequel. As you may recall from the first movie, up in Barrow, Alaska, this group of vampires used the month long night they have up there to gorge themselves on an entire town of helpless humans, and it was only the sheriff and his estranged wife who managed to survive. Sort of. The sheriff became a vampire to save his wife, you see, and at the end, he watched the sun come up... with predictable results.
So this movie begins with the wife, apparently on the lecture circuit, trying to warn people about vampires and what really happened up there, only no one believes her. Except 3 people, who lost ones they love to vampires, just like she has. So she joins this brave band od vampire hunters with the sole goal of finding and slaying Lilith, the vampire queen. Lilith is apparently the one who organizes these month-long vampire cruises to the arctic, sort of like an undead travel agent. Only, you know, slightly less upbeat.
You know what confuses me... They take this girl on without knowing a thing about her, into a vampire nest, without ever having found out if she can handle herself. They say they've done these vampire-killing excursions before, yet the first time the plan deviates, the girl freaks out, and someone dies. The supposed leader of the group is way too soft to have gone around killing vampires by the score, and the whole group falls apart at the first sign of trouble. Frankly, I thought it was some sort of setup, because they are getting their intelligence about Lilith's location from a supposed "good" vampire, and these losers are obviously ill-equipped to handle any sort of problems that crop up, it's a wonder any of them lived through the first vampire killing at all.
Possibly the only good parts about this movie are that the main heroine is sort of hot, the vampire queen chick is cute, especially naked and covered in blood (looks more like cherry kool aid to me, but hey, I'm easy), and aside from some minor characters getting in the way, these two go at it mostly alone. Chick fight. Awwww yeah. That's what I'm talkin bout.
Other than that, eminently forgettable. I doubt I'd watch it again except I saw it on Syfy and they blurred out the good parts.
LET ME IN: This was the american remake of the one I watched earlier this week. Usually the american remakes are either gorier, more violent, or more explosive, but in this case, the two movies are almost exactly the same, down to identical dialogue. Honestly, I preferred the foreign version, because at least there were more instances where you were slightly creeped out by the vampire's behavior, or like the incident I described in the first movie review, her eyes shined in the dark as a surprise for the audience, but the main character missed it completely. They didn't even put that scene in the american remake, and the other instances where the vampire showed off more of itself than it wanted to, were not as good as the foreign version.
Something they added to the american version, that I don't think was even in the foreign version was a series of pictures of the vampire girl and her old human protector as a young boy. Now here's where things get confusing, the american remake is set in the early 80's, and the guy who's her protector is possibly in his 60's (his age is kind of vague, but he's obviously getting too old to kill for her), and yet he is shown in the pictures with her as a young boy. Yet the pictures are those 3-pics-in-a-row kind of thing you'd get in those little photo booths you'd find in gaming arcades, where you'd put in a quarter and get a quick bunch of pics of you and your friend or whatever? Which would mean those pics would have had to have been taken in one of those booths, what? 1920's? 1930's? Did those sorts of booths, where the film is instantly developed by the booth machine, even exist back then? I highly doubt it. And what's with that whole, you can't take pics of vampires thing?
I understand they were trying to emphasize the creepiest part of the foreign movie, by cementing the idea in your head that the boy is just a replacement for the old, used up protector, but that's what made the foreign film so creepy... you could never tell if the vampire girl actually loved the boy she was befriending and protecting, or was just manipulating his emotions the same way she did with her last protector. And that's what made it so creepy. In the american remake, it's almost spelled out for you, dumbed down, as it were, and that just makes it too obvious to be creepy. Also, they changed the ending just enough for it to be less suspenseful, less exciting. I'm not really sure why, but they did. I don't know how you can take an entire movie word for word, scene for scene, and then change the ending to make it worse for no apparent reason, but hey, that's what they did.
Given the choice, I'd highly recommend you see the foreign version, Let The Right One In. The title's a bit stupid since there's basically only one vampire, so it's not a matter of choosing which one to let in, and neither is there any confusion about whether she's human or not, at least to the audience, so I guess they were hard up for a title. Let me In would be a better title in any case, but aside from that, the foreign version is better in every way. I think the actors even did a better job, and since the dialogue and scenes are otherwise identical except for the changes for the worse, there's no point in even seeing the american version. The only things different that were mildly interesting were the american actors, and that the setting was well-reinforced with various 80's phenomena to cement the setting in place, so much so that putting a time and date on it were unnecessary.
Well, there's sunday night's reviews. There's no way I am getting a novel written this month with the blog and all these physical ailments lately, so I am putting that off til next month, allowing me to focus more on the horror movies this month, and getting my reviews done. Yay!
I hope everyone is enjoying the horror movie season more than I am. Bleh... you know I don't usually mind virii having a party in my body, but damn! Don't overstay your welcome! And clean up after yourselves. Empty RNA cans everywhere and there's a dead cat in the pool, wtf is up with that? And don't even ask what the body-equivalent of a dead cat in the pool is. I couldn't even begin to guess.
Reviews #5 and #6 down, 25 more to go!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Wednesday Night DOUBLE FEATURE
Okay, yea, it's wednesday, and I decided to head to the local web drive-in called NetFlix. Tonight NetFlix was showing a double feature of movies that I personally selected from their vast library of horror flicks! So without further ado, here's reviews #3 and #4!
DEAD SNOW: I heard about this movie a couple years back, I think it was. Back when I still had a job, the idea of a bunch of Nazi zombies running around in the snow sounded AWESOME to me. As it turns out, this is yet ANOTHER foreign horror movie! ALSO with swedish actors! At least, I think they were. They had names like bjorn and olga and steve and.... ok, well there weren't any steve's so it was probably sweden. Come to think of it, there probably weren't any olga's either. But I'm almost 20% sure there was a bjorn in there somewhere. Had to be sweden if there was a bjorn in it, right? Well, that's my line of thinking.
So in this movie, a bunch of swedish friends decide to visit a mountain cabin for some well deserved R+R. I mean, they are med students, for crying out loud, and one of them passes out at the sight of blood! JUST LIKE ME! :-o It scares me how much I have in common with the people in all these horror movies I review. (checks behind him) Ok, there's no one sneaking up on me with an axe. I was worried I was that one guy, who is so focused on what he is doing that the camera shows the killer sneaking up behind him and raising the axe, and he just has no idea that he's about to- HOLY CRAP MOM DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!! I'm busy typing and she pokes her head in my door to say goodnight. I almost died right there. Holy shit.
You know what bothers me about this movie? There's no explanation whatsoever. I mean, yea, this hiker drops by and scares the kids with his tales of what happened during WW2 in the area, basically, a really mean troop of german soldiers took up residence in the town, killed and tortured and raped and looted, and then the residents of the town rose up against them and slaughtered them all but the german commander and a few of his troops escaped with the town's gold. Which is fine, it lets you know who the zombies are, but how the HELL did they suddenly arise now? What, they've been hiding under a snowbank for 50 years? Why the fuck did they come back JUST NOW? Nothing. No explanation.
I think this is more a comedy horror film than anything else. There's tons of gore, and a fairly protracted battle against a horde of nazi zombies, but probably the funniest laugh out loud part of the movie comes when a guy is bitten on the arm by a zombie before he is able to dispatch it. Now, these are medical students, but one of them was a film buff, and he warned the rest of them not to let themselves get bitten, because of the risk of them becoming zombies like in all the films. So without any evidence that he might become a zombie, he amputates his own arm with a chainsaw and cauterizes the bloody stump. Then, proud of himself and ready for more, he saunters back to where his buddy is waiting, and then a zombie bites him in the scrotum. He dispatches this zombie as well, then looks down at his scrotum... then the bloody chainsaw... then his scrotum... Then just shakes his head as if to say FUCK IT and gets ready for the next wave of zombies. lol Yea I laughed so hard i coughed up a lung. No, not part of it, a whole one. I think it was the left one. Did I mention I was sick? Damn cold and flu season.
So yea, if you like B-movie horror comedy, go for Dead Snow! I laughed a bit.
THE LAST EXORCISM: I've got this buddy in Australia. He asked me to find him some truly scary horror films. I've been reading steven king since I was 7, and watching horror films all my life, so this could be a bit hard for me. The Exorcist was pretty scary, right? Let's start with that kind of movie.
The Last Exorcism is a documentary about a reverend who's been faking it. He's an entertainer, pure and simple. He uses tricks and fast talk to pull the wool over the eyes of the average true believer so he can make his living for a long time. But at this point, the pastor is so fed up with the deaths attributed to his church that he's had enough. He decides it's time to come clean, invites in a film crew to watch him perform his fake miracles, while he explains to the camera how it's done, because he's out of the business after this. So he picks a letter at random, some poor farmer in a hick town in louisiana is having demon possession troubles and he's going to go perform his song and dance on film as part of his documentary to expose how the church tricks it's faithful into giving more.
Unfortunately, and as you and I both suspected, things don't turn out exactly as he expects.
I liked this movie. Honestly, the actors in this did a bang up job. The farm folk are truly terrifying, just because they are farm folk. The father is wholly ignorant of science and completely believes in the power of the lord to save his daughter, and the daughter is completely creepy as the supposed "possessed," and even the brother is scary as your typical back-road hick who doesn't like outsiders. Your only view is through the eyes of the camera, you only see what it sees, so you as the viewer only know what it shows you. This has been used before of course, in movies such as Blair witch and Quarantine. To be honest I don't think it was done any better or differently here, but the nice part about this movie is, it also shows all the before-story leading up to the action and the after-story, at least as much as the cameraman could film. I was surprised by the plot twists multiple times, and honestly had no idea how the movie was going to end. For me, this is unusual. As I've said, I've seen a few of these things. lol
One of the biggest things about this movie is the scenery. It was actually shot in louisiana, to the point where I can actually recognize some of the locations. Yes, I have been to louisiana. In fact, i think I stayed at that farmer's house and may have had sex with his daughter, too. Hmmm. Odd coincidence, nothing more.
For my buddy in Australia, I recommend this one. This was scary in the "I have NO idea how this is going to end" way. There are times when you go "oh, of course that's how it is." only to have the movie go "Fuck you, it's not like that at all." and then you argue with the movie, saying "no, it is, i saw this and that was said and then this happened so this is what comes next." and the movie talks back at you like "Dude, you are so high right now, I want a piece of what you are smoking." and you look at the screen like a zombie yourself for several minutes and then you pass it a joint, like it's going to take it. It's a SCREEN you moron! It doesn't smoke! And then you realize you've got a fever and you have to go lay down now.
At least, that's how things went with me. My head hurts. More horror tomorrow.
DEAD SNOW: I heard about this movie a couple years back, I think it was. Back when I still had a job, the idea of a bunch of Nazi zombies running around in the snow sounded AWESOME to me. As it turns out, this is yet ANOTHER foreign horror movie! ALSO with swedish actors! At least, I think they were. They had names like bjorn and olga and steve and.... ok, well there weren't any steve's so it was probably sweden. Come to think of it, there probably weren't any olga's either. But I'm almost 20% sure there was a bjorn in there somewhere. Had to be sweden if there was a bjorn in it, right? Well, that's my line of thinking.
So in this movie, a bunch of swedish friends decide to visit a mountain cabin for some well deserved R+R. I mean, they are med students, for crying out loud, and one of them passes out at the sight of blood! JUST LIKE ME! :-o It scares me how much I have in common with the people in all these horror movies I review. (checks behind him) Ok, there's no one sneaking up on me with an axe. I was worried I was that one guy, who is so focused on what he is doing that the camera shows the killer sneaking up behind him and raising the axe, and he just has no idea that he's about to- HOLY CRAP MOM DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!! I'm busy typing and she pokes her head in my door to say goodnight. I almost died right there. Holy shit.
You know what bothers me about this movie? There's no explanation whatsoever. I mean, yea, this hiker drops by and scares the kids with his tales of what happened during WW2 in the area, basically, a really mean troop of german soldiers took up residence in the town, killed and tortured and raped and looted, and then the residents of the town rose up against them and slaughtered them all but the german commander and a few of his troops escaped with the town's gold. Which is fine, it lets you know who the zombies are, but how the HELL did they suddenly arise now? What, they've been hiding under a snowbank for 50 years? Why the fuck did they come back JUST NOW? Nothing. No explanation.
I think this is more a comedy horror film than anything else. There's tons of gore, and a fairly protracted battle against a horde of nazi zombies, but probably the funniest laugh out loud part of the movie comes when a guy is bitten on the arm by a zombie before he is able to dispatch it. Now, these are medical students, but one of them was a film buff, and he warned the rest of them not to let themselves get bitten, because of the risk of them becoming zombies like in all the films. So without any evidence that he might become a zombie, he amputates his own arm with a chainsaw and cauterizes the bloody stump. Then, proud of himself and ready for more, he saunters back to where his buddy is waiting, and then a zombie bites him in the scrotum. He dispatches this zombie as well, then looks down at his scrotum... then the bloody chainsaw... then his scrotum... Then just shakes his head as if to say FUCK IT and gets ready for the next wave of zombies. lol Yea I laughed so hard i coughed up a lung. No, not part of it, a whole one. I think it was the left one. Did I mention I was sick? Damn cold and flu season.
So yea, if you like B-movie horror comedy, go for Dead Snow! I laughed a bit.
THE LAST EXORCISM: I've got this buddy in Australia. He asked me to find him some truly scary horror films. I've been reading steven king since I was 7, and watching horror films all my life, so this could be a bit hard for me. The Exorcist was pretty scary, right? Let's start with that kind of movie.
The Last Exorcism is a documentary about a reverend who's been faking it. He's an entertainer, pure and simple. He uses tricks and fast talk to pull the wool over the eyes of the average true believer so he can make his living for a long time. But at this point, the pastor is so fed up with the deaths attributed to his church that he's had enough. He decides it's time to come clean, invites in a film crew to watch him perform his fake miracles, while he explains to the camera how it's done, because he's out of the business after this. So he picks a letter at random, some poor farmer in a hick town in louisiana is having demon possession troubles and he's going to go perform his song and dance on film as part of his documentary to expose how the church tricks it's faithful into giving more.
Unfortunately, and as you and I both suspected, things don't turn out exactly as he expects.
I liked this movie. Honestly, the actors in this did a bang up job. The farm folk are truly terrifying, just because they are farm folk. The father is wholly ignorant of science and completely believes in the power of the lord to save his daughter, and the daughter is completely creepy as the supposed "possessed," and even the brother is scary as your typical back-road hick who doesn't like outsiders. Your only view is through the eyes of the camera, you only see what it sees, so you as the viewer only know what it shows you. This has been used before of course, in movies such as Blair witch and Quarantine. To be honest I don't think it was done any better or differently here, but the nice part about this movie is, it also shows all the before-story leading up to the action and the after-story, at least as much as the cameraman could film. I was surprised by the plot twists multiple times, and honestly had no idea how the movie was going to end. For me, this is unusual. As I've said, I've seen a few of these things. lol
One of the biggest things about this movie is the scenery. It was actually shot in louisiana, to the point where I can actually recognize some of the locations. Yes, I have been to louisiana. In fact, i think I stayed at that farmer's house and may have had sex with his daughter, too. Hmmm. Odd coincidence, nothing more.
For my buddy in Australia, I recommend this one. This was scary in the "I have NO idea how this is going to end" way. There are times when you go "oh, of course that's how it is." only to have the movie go "Fuck you, it's not like that at all." and then you argue with the movie, saying "no, it is, i saw this and that was said and then this happened so this is what comes next." and the movie talks back at you like "Dude, you are so high right now, I want a piece of what you are smoking." and you look at the screen like a zombie yourself for several minutes and then you pass it a joint, like it's going to take it. It's a SCREEN you moron! It doesn't smoke! And then you realize you've got a fever and you have to go lay down now.
At least, that's how things went with me. My head hurts. More horror tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Horror Review #2 Let the Right One In
I'm not a huge fan of foreign horror movies. Sure, Japan makes a few good ones from time to time, but for the most part, I prefer to see the American versions so I don't have to read the subtitles to understand what's going on. The only trouble is, sometimes the Americanized versions aren't quite as good as the original. I haven't seen the Americanized version yet, so I can't compare the two, but if it's even close to how good this one is, I'll watch that one too.
Let the Right One In comes from Sweden, as far as I can tell. I think it's swedish, anyway. Look, they were speaking a foreign language and it was snowing all the time, all right? It could have been Alaska for all I know. Anyway, this movie is a tender, heartwarming drama about a tormented and lonely little boy who meets a lonely little girl, and they hit it off, and what transpires afterwards is enough to warm the cockles of my cold icy heart.
Sure, the little girl is a vampire, but that's not the point. This movie is right up there with Return of the Living Dead 3 as far as tenderness goes. I cried at the end of that movie, goddamit. Cried like a little baby who'd lost his bottle. Not this one, but it was a close thing. Close, I tell you. (sniff) Spoilers to follow.
Oskar is, much like me as a child, picked on by his classmates. I identified with him immediately in that respect. Unlike me, Oskar does not fight back at all, being a meek, emotionally torn child who just doesn't have it in him to hurt another human being, though he fantasizes about killing one of the bullies picking on him. It's about this time that he meets his new neighbor, Eli.
There is no secret about what Eli is. At least, not from the audience. To Oskar, she is merely a girl about his age who seems to spend so much time out in the cold that she is used to it. Since he does the same thing, this doesn't come as much of a shock to Oskar. Yet from the start of the movie, we see Eli and her, well, let's call him a companion, hunting blood for her. There is no explanation, really, of how Eli got there, or who she is, or how old. To Oskar, she says only that she is 12, and has been 12 for a long time. Things only really start to become troublesome when Eli's companion mangles a killing, and is discovered. But what happen after that I will leave to you to watch.
There's a few drawbacks to this movie. One is, one of Eli's victim's survives her attack, and transforms into a vampire like Eli. Only, while visiting a friend who has a lot of cats, the cats swarm and attack her like the scene in Sleepwalkers (which I reviewed last October), much to the same effect. It's almost as if the scene was ripped directly from that movie. Another is Eli's relationship with her companion. From the beginning of the movie I suspected there was a lot more in common with Eli's companion and Oskar than was obvious, and by the time the end of the movie came around, they seemed even more alike. Which does not mean good things for Oskar, but eh.
The horror in this movie was understated to great effect. Eli seems nothing more than a waif, much like the little girl vampire from Interview with a Vampire, only Eli is much stronger. Her true strength does not even become apparent til the end of the movie, almost as if she is holding back for dramatic effect. There are several scenes where you have to look closely to even notice she's not just a little girl, even though her vampiric side is in full bloom at the time. One such instance, which you might even miss and yet has no bearing on the story, is when Oskar takes Eli into a dark room. While the door is open and light filters in behind her, Eli looks perfectly human, yet once Oskar closes the door and fumbles around for the light switch, all you can see in the dark are Eli's glowing eyes, for just a brief instant, and then CLICK the lights go on and Eli is human once more. Oskar never sees them, as her back is to him, and a few other such instances occur, just to let you know that Eli is not so much a girl as she is an inhuman killer.
But that is perhaps the true horror of this tale, as you realize at the end, just how much Oskar and Eli's companion have in common, and whether Eli is truly Oskar's new best friend, or... not?
Good movie, bit of a slow start. I was tempted to switch off on several occasions, as I usually prefer my monster movies a bit more over the top, and this one is rather ponderous almost all the way through. Honestly, perhaps the scenes where Oskar is being bullied were a bit too close to home for me, but still, this movie came highly recommended, and I am passing along that recommendation.
The differences, for instance, of this movie and last night's movie are extreme, as they are almost total opposites. Perhaps the only thing they share is that the identity of the killers in both movies is immediately known to the audience, but whereas Piranha seeks to distract you with nudity, loud music and explosions to reach the end of the film, Let the Right One In keeps you in suspense for not only the start of the movie, but the entirety of the film, right up to the closing credits.
Definitely not a popcorn-muncher, but something i'll happily watch again in the dead of night, just to make sure i didn't miss any of the sneaky-vampire moments.
Let the Right One In comes from Sweden, as far as I can tell. I think it's swedish, anyway. Look, they were speaking a foreign language and it was snowing all the time, all right? It could have been Alaska for all I know. Anyway, this movie is a tender, heartwarming drama about a tormented and lonely little boy who meets a lonely little girl, and they hit it off, and what transpires afterwards is enough to warm the cockles of my cold icy heart.
Sure, the little girl is a vampire, but that's not the point. This movie is right up there with Return of the Living Dead 3 as far as tenderness goes. I cried at the end of that movie, goddamit. Cried like a little baby who'd lost his bottle. Not this one, but it was a close thing. Close, I tell you. (sniff) Spoilers to follow.
Oskar is, much like me as a child, picked on by his classmates. I identified with him immediately in that respect. Unlike me, Oskar does not fight back at all, being a meek, emotionally torn child who just doesn't have it in him to hurt another human being, though he fantasizes about killing one of the bullies picking on him. It's about this time that he meets his new neighbor, Eli.
There is no secret about what Eli is. At least, not from the audience. To Oskar, she is merely a girl about his age who seems to spend so much time out in the cold that she is used to it. Since he does the same thing, this doesn't come as much of a shock to Oskar. Yet from the start of the movie, we see Eli and her, well, let's call him a companion, hunting blood for her. There is no explanation, really, of how Eli got there, or who she is, or how old. To Oskar, she says only that she is 12, and has been 12 for a long time. Things only really start to become troublesome when Eli's companion mangles a killing, and is discovered. But what happen after that I will leave to you to watch.
There's a few drawbacks to this movie. One is, one of Eli's victim's survives her attack, and transforms into a vampire like Eli. Only, while visiting a friend who has a lot of cats, the cats swarm and attack her like the scene in Sleepwalkers (which I reviewed last October), much to the same effect. It's almost as if the scene was ripped directly from that movie. Another is Eli's relationship with her companion. From the beginning of the movie I suspected there was a lot more in common with Eli's companion and Oskar than was obvious, and by the time the end of the movie came around, they seemed even more alike. Which does not mean good things for Oskar, but eh.
The horror in this movie was understated to great effect. Eli seems nothing more than a waif, much like the little girl vampire from Interview with a Vampire, only Eli is much stronger. Her true strength does not even become apparent til the end of the movie, almost as if she is holding back for dramatic effect. There are several scenes where you have to look closely to even notice she's not just a little girl, even though her vampiric side is in full bloom at the time. One such instance, which you might even miss and yet has no bearing on the story, is when Oskar takes Eli into a dark room. While the door is open and light filters in behind her, Eli looks perfectly human, yet once Oskar closes the door and fumbles around for the light switch, all you can see in the dark are Eli's glowing eyes, for just a brief instant, and then CLICK the lights go on and Eli is human once more. Oskar never sees them, as her back is to him, and a few other such instances occur, just to let you know that Eli is not so much a girl as she is an inhuman killer.
But that is perhaps the true horror of this tale, as you realize at the end, just how much Oskar and Eli's companion have in common, and whether Eli is truly Oskar's new best friend, or... not?
Good movie, bit of a slow start. I was tempted to switch off on several occasions, as I usually prefer my monster movies a bit more over the top, and this one is rather ponderous almost all the way through. Honestly, perhaps the scenes where Oskar is being bullied were a bit too close to home for me, but still, this movie came highly recommended, and I am passing along that recommendation.
The differences, for instance, of this movie and last night's movie are extreme, as they are almost total opposites. Perhaps the only thing they share is that the identity of the killers in both movies is immediately known to the audience, but whereas Piranha seeks to distract you with nudity, loud music and explosions to reach the end of the film, Let the Right One In keeps you in suspense for not only the start of the movie, but the entirety of the film, right up to the closing credits.
Definitely not a popcorn-muncher, but something i'll happily watch again in the dead of night, just to make sure i didn't miss any of the sneaky-vampire moments.
Monday, October 10, 2011
October Horror Fest Begins with PIRANHA!
Right, well, it's october and I haven't reviewed any horror movies yet! and it's the tenth already! Ack!
My only excuse is, my mother was having some health issues. She's doing fine, thanks.
Now before I review the first movie, I have some beefs. The first is, the new season of House blows. House's whole team is gone, all the cute girls are gone, and the only people left on the show from last season are the people I didn't care for very much. Look, i know the basic plot of every episode is, Dr. House solves a medical conundrum, but duh... We know that's going to happen anyway because, as I believe I mentioned, it's the PLOT OF EVERY EPISODE. What i was watching the show for was to see if he could solve the problems in his own life... which, apparently, he can't. And the show better get some of the old cast back or it's boring for me. I will stop watching, don't think I won't! I WANT THIRTEEN BACK GODDAMMIT! She was so hot. (whine)
My second beef is with these stupid Direct TV commercials, the ones advertising the ability to have the same movie on in every room of your house... What the hell is that all about? Okay, here's my problem. First, you'd need to be rich enough to have TV's in practically every room of your house for it to be terribly useful. Second, you'd have to be rich enough not to have to share your TV's with other members of your family, or in other words, you are rich and single. OR, every person in your household wants to watch the same movie that you are, and doesn't mind you pausing it while you meander from room to room in your house doing whatever it is you're doing while you should be just watching the TV, and what are the odds of that? Thirdly, what in your life is so important that you have to wander from one room to another just to get it done while you watch TV? I mean, if things are so damn important that you can't sit your ass down for a couple hours to watch TV, then why the HELL are you watching TV in the first place? So not only are they advertising this service to a very miniscule section of their audience (the fairly wealthy) but they are trying to sell them a service that they don't need if they have the time to sit down and watch TV, or that they can't afford the time to actually use if they don't have the time to watch TV in the first place... So who the hell is buying this? I guess it's true, you do get promoted to your level of stupidity. Whoever is in charge of advertising for Direct TV is a bloody moron.
Movie #1: PIRANHA! Not the 1978 version this time, or whatever. I saw the 2010 version recently! It's actually not bad. It's playing on Showtime this month if you haven't seen it already.
Reasons I like this movie: It's got gratuitous nudity! Yes, and I don't just say that because I'm a horny old goat. I say that because back in the 1980's, they threw gratuitous nudity into EVERY monster movie. I'm not really sure why, but it made all of them infinitely better. I mean, think about it, you're watching a crappy monster movie, and you're about to switch to something else, and then BAM there's a pair of nice floppy boobies bouncing across the screen! Certainly an attention grabber, right? I mean, if you're of the male persuasion, or of the female population that prefers the same gender, it is. The truth is, a lot of these monster/horror movies I enjoy don't have the best plots. There are holes, they left all the explanation on the cutting room floor, whatever. Nudity will distract you from a bad plot long enough to get you back to the horror and action! Think of it as a plot forwarding device. Also, there's a lot of gore! I mean, amounts of gore that even I cringed at, and that's saying something. PIRANHA reminded me of my youth, when movies could still shock me, when boobies were something that popped into every other scene, and when the senseless violence was so over the top that it just made me burst into outright laughter! Plus, it's got Elizabeth Shue in it, and i haven't seen her in ages, and I am still in love with her from every other movie I've ever seen her in, and damn it, if she won't return my calls and her bodyguards keep me away, then this is the only way I can see her!
Things I didn't like about Piranha: It plays like a Syfy channel movie of the week, with gore and nudity thrown in. I mean, seriously, there's a death not 5 minutes into the movie, as far as I could tell, unless I missed the beginning. There's no suspense whatsoever, and what little explanation is given is tossed in in bits and pieces, most of it by Christopher Lloyd, who, quite frankly, is a great actor and should have had tons more air time, but still, the viewers have to piece together the explanation of how the piranhas got there and where they came from in bits and pieces. Which, is fine if you're a reasonably intelligent human being and you have a halfway decent memory, but if you're the average Joe-Bob "Buck" McHenry, you're going to look at this movie and go "What in the HELL is a Piranha? Ain't that those candy-filled horsies the kids break open on their birthdays?" Yea, so that's probably one reason why this movie didn't do well at the theaters, no explanations. Another reason would be, no suspense. The piranhas kill quick and fast and everybody! lol
I'd like to see more movies like this in two respects... one, the nudity and gore are reminiscent of the 80's horror films that I loved so much. Two, it's not a remake... Sure, it's piranha, but it's an entirely new plot, new location, new setting, new heroes! The only thing the same is the stupid trick with the rope they use to get away from the piranhas. It's like they watched the first movie for ideas! lol The only things they need to do is put in more suspense, and dumb it down JUST a smidgen. Too much dumbing down kills anything, I mean, look at console gamers, just as an example. And if you have to ask what that means, I can already tell you are a console gamer. ;-)
More movie reviews to come! Somehow I have to squeeze 30 more movie reviews in the next 3 weeks? And I am trying to write a book this month! HAH! Where the HELL will I ever find the time? Eh, sleep is overrated. Will I get it all done? Probably not! Such is life. lol
My only excuse is, my mother was having some health issues. She's doing fine, thanks.
Now before I review the first movie, I have some beefs. The first is, the new season of House blows. House's whole team is gone, all the cute girls are gone, and the only people left on the show from last season are the people I didn't care for very much. Look, i know the basic plot of every episode is, Dr. House solves a medical conundrum, but duh... We know that's going to happen anyway because, as I believe I mentioned, it's the PLOT OF EVERY EPISODE. What i was watching the show for was to see if he could solve the problems in his own life... which, apparently, he can't. And the show better get some of the old cast back or it's boring for me. I will stop watching, don't think I won't! I WANT THIRTEEN BACK GODDAMMIT! She was so hot. (whine)
My second beef is with these stupid Direct TV commercials, the ones advertising the ability to have the same movie on in every room of your house... What the hell is that all about? Okay, here's my problem. First, you'd need to be rich enough to have TV's in practically every room of your house for it to be terribly useful. Second, you'd have to be rich enough not to have to share your TV's with other members of your family, or in other words, you are rich and single. OR, every person in your household wants to watch the same movie that you are, and doesn't mind you pausing it while you meander from room to room in your house doing whatever it is you're doing while you should be just watching the TV, and what are the odds of that? Thirdly, what in your life is so important that you have to wander from one room to another just to get it done while you watch TV? I mean, if things are so damn important that you can't sit your ass down for a couple hours to watch TV, then why the HELL are you watching TV in the first place? So not only are they advertising this service to a very miniscule section of their audience (the fairly wealthy) but they are trying to sell them a service that they don't need if they have the time to sit down and watch TV, or that they can't afford the time to actually use if they don't have the time to watch TV in the first place... So who the hell is buying this? I guess it's true, you do get promoted to your level of stupidity. Whoever is in charge of advertising for Direct TV is a bloody moron.
Movie #1: PIRANHA! Not the 1978 version this time, or whatever. I saw the 2010 version recently! It's actually not bad. It's playing on Showtime this month if you haven't seen it already.
Reasons I like this movie: It's got gratuitous nudity! Yes, and I don't just say that because I'm a horny old goat. I say that because back in the 1980's, they threw gratuitous nudity into EVERY monster movie. I'm not really sure why, but it made all of them infinitely better. I mean, think about it, you're watching a crappy monster movie, and you're about to switch to something else, and then BAM there's a pair of nice floppy boobies bouncing across the screen! Certainly an attention grabber, right? I mean, if you're of the male persuasion, or of the female population that prefers the same gender, it is. The truth is, a lot of these monster/horror movies I enjoy don't have the best plots. There are holes, they left all the explanation on the cutting room floor, whatever. Nudity will distract you from a bad plot long enough to get you back to the horror and action! Think of it as a plot forwarding device. Also, there's a lot of gore! I mean, amounts of gore that even I cringed at, and that's saying something. PIRANHA reminded me of my youth, when movies could still shock me, when boobies were something that popped into every other scene, and when the senseless violence was so over the top that it just made me burst into outright laughter! Plus, it's got Elizabeth Shue in it, and i haven't seen her in ages, and I am still in love with her from every other movie I've ever seen her in, and damn it, if she won't return my calls and her bodyguards keep me away, then this is the only way I can see her!
Things I didn't like about Piranha: It plays like a Syfy channel movie of the week, with gore and nudity thrown in. I mean, seriously, there's a death not 5 minutes into the movie, as far as I could tell, unless I missed the beginning. There's no suspense whatsoever, and what little explanation is given is tossed in in bits and pieces, most of it by Christopher Lloyd, who, quite frankly, is a great actor and should have had tons more air time, but still, the viewers have to piece together the explanation of how the piranhas got there and where they came from in bits and pieces. Which, is fine if you're a reasonably intelligent human being and you have a halfway decent memory, but if you're the average Joe-Bob "Buck" McHenry, you're going to look at this movie and go "What in the HELL is a Piranha? Ain't that those candy-filled horsies the kids break open on their birthdays?" Yea, so that's probably one reason why this movie didn't do well at the theaters, no explanations. Another reason would be, no suspense. The piranhas kill quick and fast and everybody! lol
I'd like to see more movies like this in two respects... one, the nudity and gore are reminiscent of the 80's horror films that I loved so much. Two, it's not a remake... Sure, it's piranha, but it's an entirely new plot, new location, new setting, new heroes! The only thing the same is the stupid trick with the rope they use to get away from the piranhas. It's like they watched the first movie for ideas! lol The only things they need to do is put in more suspense, and dumb it down JUST a smidgen. Too much dumbing down kills anything, I mean, look at console gamers, just as an example. And if you have to ask what that means, I can already tell you are a console gamer. ;-)
More movie reviews to come! Somehow I have to squeeze 30 more movie reviews in the next 3 weeks? And I am trying to write a book this month! HAH! Where the HELL will I ever find the time? Eh, sleep is overrated. Will I get it all done? Probably not! Such is life. lol
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