Reviews #8 and #9

Tonight's movies are THEM! and Return of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane.

I think I'm either making a habit of reviewing one good movie and one crappy one, or that's just coincidentally the ones I happen to watch on any particular evening. I grant they can't all be movie greatness, but Outbreak on a Plane? Aren't we taking this whole "snakes on a plane" thing too far? Also, I know passenger jets are large and all, but when did they start having more nooks and crannies than a skyscraper?

First, let's get to THEM! This was a monster movie from the 50's, a decade which saw an explosion of flicks about aliens, monsters and so on. Probably triggered by that whole alien landing thing in roswell new mexico back then, but what the hell do I know? I wasn't even born then.

THEM! is a movie full of suspense. I'm not really sure if any of the stars of the day appeared in this movie, because I don't recognize any big-name stars of the 50's or anything, but I did recognize a few faces from movies and series later on, so either these were established character actors or aspiring actors who were trying to pad their resume by showing up in monster movies. Still, I think the acting in THEM! was good and the suspenseful nature of the plot was superb.

THEM! starts out in the desert, with a patrol car finding a small girl wandering alone in the desert in a state of shock. Apparently her parents, their trailer, and a nearby general store have been wrecked and the occupants either killed or missing. The only apparent link between the two crimes was the presence of sugar at both places. The police are, of course, baffled by the nature and horror of the crimes, until an elderly scientist and his scientist daughter are called in to try and identify a print found at one of the scenes. The scientist manages to bring the little girl out of her semi-comatose state, and the girl proceeds to scream "THEM! THEM! THEM!" repeatedly, apparently giving the movie its title.

I liked this movie the first time i saw it, and it definitely passes the rewatchability test. Sure it was made in the 50's, and I think it's in black and white, but pretty much every scene is designed to advance the plot with utmost suspense and terror, and there's action enough to suit even the most violent fans of the genre. There's one scene I didn't notice the first time I saw this movie when I was younger, but was looking for this time. When the police first get the little girl into an ambulance, the doctor lays her down on a stretcher. At that moment, the signature sound that is made by the creatures in the film is heard, and both the policeman and the doctor look around into the desert, wondering what it could be. Completely unnoticed by them, the little girl sits bolt upright at the sound with a look of horror on her face, and by the time the sound fades and the police officer asks the doctor if he had any idea what the noise was, the little girl is laying back down again. The noise they selected to mark the approach of the creatures was actually quite good. I have no idea what the noise is from, but I think I hear it every so often in the middle of winter, when the wind is blowing hard around the outside of the house. Just my imagination, I am sure.

Anyway, if you're looking for a well made, suspenseful monster movie from the classic 50's, this is a good one. One of the few things I didn't like about this movie is they don't really wrap up the loose ends... several things happen to characters during the story, and you'd like to check back on those characters to make sure they are ok, but the story drives right along to its conclusion without a backward glance. And, much like most of the older movies, all the credits are up front, so mere seconds after the climactic final battle and the instant the final line is spoken, you see THE END and the movie is over.

Now on to Return of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a plane. This would be the crappy movie of the evening. Now, it wasn't horrible, but the actors were second rate, the plot was weak and there wasn't enough suspenseful action to fill a thimble.

The movie starts out with a group of businessmen arguing over how dangerous the cargo on their airplane is, and what they should do about it. Apparently, they've managed to sneak an experiment on board in the guise of "top secret government contracts" and the airline has graciously allowed them to store it in the cargo area of the plane under armed guard. Obviously, the cargo has something to do with zombies, all hell breaks loose, and you're treated to an hour and a half of shooting, gore, zombies getting sucked out through holes in the fuselage, and explosions. Pretty typical of the genre, in any case.

I really didn't give this movie much thought, and maybe that's it's strength. If you don't think about it, it's just a couple hours of filler movie you can eat popcorn while watching and do something else, keeping an eye on the TV set while you play Minecraft for instance, which is how I watched it. The only thing that stuck in my mind was the elderly pilot, who spent the first few minutes of the movie describing how this was his last flight, and immediately after landing he was retiring as a pilot, and he and his loyal wife were going on a cruise followed by second honeymoon. I knew he was dead the minute he started on about that, but come on. What movie involving a plane have you ever seen where the pilot was NOT somehow incapacitated? Where would the excitement be if the plane just flew onwards, healthy pilot and copilot competently getting the plane to it's destination safely and efficiently, and landing it without incident? I mean honestly, if all movies followed the pattern that movies involving planes follow, then anyone behind the wheel of car, anyone driving a tank, and bus drivers and train conductors would all be the first ones to go. And sure, sometimes they are, but who the hell would ever want to drive or pilot again after that? Someone should make a spoof where anyone driving anything is afraid to even get near the pilot's seat, else he or she die instantly just from the sheer inevitability of it.

I'm not even sure of the title, this movie was pretty forgettable. It might not have been return of the living dead, but there was definitely Outbreak on a Plane after the initial title. If you got time to kill and crappy zombie movies are your thing, go ahead if you haven't seen this, but be prepared to yawn a bit. Nothing really stood out about it at all.

That's all for tonight, it's late and I am sleepy! More movies tomorrow!