Friday, October 13, 2017

#13 - 13 Cameras (2015)

I usually do a Friday the 13th review on Friday the 13th, especially when that Friday the 13th falls in the month of October, where the Friday the 13th movies are usually shown en masse on a whole crapload of channels.  I think I've reviewed every single Friday the 13th movie out there on every other Friday the 13th there ever was (even a couple Saturday the 14ths), so I am not going to review a Friday the 13th movie this Friday the 13th.  Whew.  That's alotta Friday the 13ths!

13 Cameras (2015) is about a married couple expecting a baby, that move into a new house that they are renting from some dude.  The wife doesn't like the "some dude" they are renting the house from, and I only call him that because you don't actually learn his name until the end of the movie, so for the first hour, you'll be calling him "that guy" like the wife does.  "That guy" smells bad, and speaks in one-word sentences, and looks creepy as hell.  But, as we all know, looks can be decieving!

I don't know any of the actors in this movie, but I guess the acting was passably okay.  This isn't my usual kind of monster movie in that, hey, there's no actual monsters, but a friend told me about this movie, and suggested I watch it.  So, I did!  Also, it's the only movie I've seen recently that had "13" in the title, and since it IS Friday the 13th, you're stuck with it!  Actually, while there maye not be any monsters in this movie, it is extremely creepy.  There's some nudity, so that's always fine for a straight nerd such as myself, and the womenfolks aren't too shabby-looking, so that's good.  Other than that, what else is there to say?  Passable acting, creepy movie, a few jump scares.  I probably wouldn't watch it again, because it's not really my type of movie, but I suppose it wasn't too bad the first time around.  Certainly qualifies as a horror movie, that's for sure.  I caught 13 Cameras on Netflix, so if you're looking to watch it, it's still up there.

In other news, The Orville finally got around to doing something more interesting thaan rehashing old Sci-Fi tropes.  Yes, it's a blatant knock-off of Star Trek, but that's not why I had a problem with it.  My problem was that the stories were the same tired old crap you'd find on reruns of Lost in Space.  Not the first episode of the orville, surely (where the Captain walks in on his wife having sex with a blue-skinned alien, that's certainly new) and not last night's episode (finally meeting the Krill was pretty cool, also, aren't krill microscopic shrimp?  just saying), but all the episodes in between felt like unfunny, boring filler material just to pad out the season.  I know not every episode can be about the Krill and their feud with humans (actually, why can't it?), but that sort of thing is certainly more interesting than a mid-level exploration vessel floating around space bumping into "rocks," aka "blobs of dark matter," no matter how hot Charlize Theron is.  Come on, Seth Mcfarlane, you can do it!  More funny, more shooty, and more of your first officer in bed with aliens!  Damn, that woman is hot.  Maybe the captain can hook up with that extra-strong girl alien, too.  I would totally tap that, whether she could toss me over her lap and spank me, or not.  On the other hand, some guys are into that kinda thing, so that's just a bonus.

Huh, I actually just looked up the cast of the Orville, and realized those women aren't just there as eye-candy.  Halston Sage plays Alara Kitan, and she was also in Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, which I think I reviewed here last October.  Adrienne Palicki was actually Bobbi on Agents of SHIELD (I lusted after her there, too), which just goes to show me, these two ladies are also fine actresses in their own right.  My apologies, ladies!  If only we could see more of you, and I don't mean that in an entirely innocent way.  ;-)

Okay, that's all for tonight.  Got Exorcist and Inhumans coming up shortly, and I don't want to miss them.  I'll catch you guys tomorrow night with another review, and in the meantime, enjoy the rest of your lucky Friday the 13th!  Yeah!  I think I've said Friday the 13th more times in this review than anyone, ever, in the entire history of the world!  Friday the 13th, for the win!  Friday the 13th.  :-D

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