Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Series Premiere Week Wrap-up

Just a quick post to review who made the cut from last's week's premiere week.  Only a few more days til my halloween horror movie review-a-thon begins!  Assuming it does begin.  It's been a rough week, but so far, I'm still alive.  And as long as I live, I will continue to bring you the Halloween Horror movie Review-a-thon!  Well.  Unless I lose my limbs.  Or come down with the flu.  Or the sniffles.

Okay, so the first casualty of the fall premieres was American Horror Story.  I guess this season's theme is Roanoke, but it's not anything to with the missing colony, as far as I can tell.  The format is a bunch of actors pretending to be real-live witnesses telling their story, interspersed with actors playing actors playing the actors who are playing the "real" people telling their stories.  I know it sounds confusing, and the pop-back-and-forth format is very annoying, at least to me.  Also, what I've seen so far has been pretty boring, not scary.  Maybe I didn't give it enough time, but if the first hour is boring, why stick around?

The Strain and Dusk Til Dawn have met similar fates to American Horror Story.  This is the third season for both of them, and after missing so much of what's going on, it's just hard to pick up on the flow of the story by watching an episode here and there.  With nothing new really going on in either series, I'm not interested enough to tune in to keep track.

Lucifer (monday nights) still looks interesting, especially with the addition of Cylon 6 (from Battlestar Galactica) to the cast.  Can't recall the actress's name offhand, but she's not unattractive, and the basic premise of the show is still working.  I'll keep watching, but that's the only thing left on Monday nights.

Marvel's Agents of SHIELD is on Tuesdays.  Of course this one survived the cuts.  Clark Gregg is still leading the cast, and with the addition of Ghost Rider to the dwindling team (now down to a handful), they might actually survive whatever menace the writers have cooked up for them this season.

Lethal Weapon (wednesdays) may be on its way out.  The whole Murtaugh/Riggs dynamic is fine, but there's nothing new here.  I'm still watching it because Damon Wayans is still pretty funny, and Jordana Brewster (Riggs' psychiatrist) is still pretty hot.  I'm hoping the show starts getting fresh really soon.  Designated Survivor (also wed) seems pretty boring, considering Keifer Sutherland is playing a government bureaucrat commanding a bunch of advisors.  Sure, the president and congress are gone, but who were they?  The show didn't even give me a hint who those people were, so I don't even care about them.  All I've got left is Keifer doing non-action, and I'm not saying he can't act without action...  What I am saying, is action is better to watch than non-action.  If the show doesn't get exciting soon, I'll probably get bored just from watching keifer trying to act presidential.  Shit, if I wanted to see people trying to act presidential, I'd watch Trump and Clinton.

MacGyver (fridays) epically failed within the first ten minutes.  I was simultaneously bored and amused by how badly the show did things.  Macgyver manages to catch bullets with a steel serving platter, the guy shooting him doesn't bother to aim at his legs, and macyver somehow manages to make a parachute out of canvas, a knife and duct tape in under ten seconds.  Yea.  The old macgyver actually had some sort of explanations as to how things got done, and the new macgyver doesn't explain anything.  He just does the most ridiculous crap you can imagine, in the most contrived situations you could possibly think of.  This Macgyver would be more apt thanking jesus for all the appropriate things being within easy reach every time he gets into trouble, because you never see this guy going "Shit, shit, can't find a paperclip!  We're all going to diiieeee!"  Not a keeper.  I suspect the show will get cancelled before the end of the first season.

Exorcist (also fridays) looks promising.  Not really scary enough (I've seen a LOT of horror by now, and I was alive when the movie Exorcist came out), but it's trying hard, and it might get there.  It's trying to surprise the viewer, and i can't fault a show for trying hard to make me want to watch it.  Not quite scary yet, but interesting, and the twists haven't been too predictable.  Well, I predicted them, but I'm the black jesus of horror movies.  I have no idea what that means.

I didn't even bother to check out Bull.  Or Dr. Bull. OR whatever show the guy from NCIS is starring in.  It's just another legal show.  The whole catchphrase is...  "He's NOT a lawyer...  He's a Jury Consultant! (wink wink nudge nudge)"  Yeah.  I think I get it.  It's another show about legal shit.  Look, I know laws are important to stop rapists and murderers from raping my kids and killing my elderly mom.  What I don't know, is anyone who idolizes lawyers.  OR Jury Consultants.  Sorry.  Not my heroes.  Lawyers are even less popular than polticians, and according to the news lately, police officers are rapidly dropping in popularity.  Mostly for just randomly shooting unarmed black men.  And yea, I know Bull's not a lawyer.  It's close enough not to care.  I figure Bull will get cancelled before the end of the first season.

Still waiting on Grimm.  I guess this is the final season, but it's not starting til mid-season, or something.  I'm also checking out Van Helsing (fridays) and Channel Zero (whenever it premieres) on Syfy.  I'll let you know how those go.

That's all for tonight.  Catch you guys in a few days, hopefully for the first horror movie of october.  Oh, baby.  My pants are blazing for you, newton crosby!  I'm excited.  Horror movies!  Awesomeness.  :-D

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