Okay, quick review of Revenant, and then right into the fall series' new and returning show times. Keep in mind, this isn't an exhaustive list of all the new and returning shows, just the ones that I may or may not watch.
Revenant (2015) stars Leonardo DiCaprio as Hugh Glass, an 1820's guide leading a bunch of fur trappers through a trapping excursion in the wilderness. I don't know where this exactly happened, but it's cold there, and there's mention of Pawnee, so, wherever they live, I don't know. Anywho, Mr. Glass and his half-indian son are with a bunch of rough and ready trappers who get attacked by indians, and have to fight their way back through the wilds to a nearby fort. Along the way, Leo gets raped by a bear. Hey, that's what I heard!
Revenant is all action, really. It starts out with a hunt, moves to the indian attack, and only gets more action-y from there. There's not a lot of character growth, everything happens over the course of maybe a week at most, and there's a lot of dying going on. Dialogue is at a minimum, and there's no explanation along the way. I found myself having a hard time distinguishing one group of fur-cloaked, bearded men from the next, and they were all just shooting and going all stabby on each other. I think there was a coherent plot in there, if you could suss it out, though the ending could be a little confusing. I wouldn't watch it again, mostly because there wasn't really a monster in there (unless you count the bear), and none of the action was particularly innovative, as far as I could tell. I guess it was an exciting movie, as I said, all action, but none of it seemed to leave much of an impression on me. Revenant is on HBO if you want to catch it yourself.
Now, on to the series. Let's start with the ones that premiered already, that I missed. Turns out that I missed the STRAIN (don't know when it premiered at all) but it's on sunday nights at 10 on FX. The Strain is a drama about Vampires in modern day NY being tracked and hunted by a Vampire Hunter and a doctor from the CDC. I saw the first couple seasons but it's kind of dragging on now and I don't know if I'll watch any more of it.
DUSK TIL DAWN premiered its third season a couple weeks ago on El Rey. It's on tuesday nights at 9 pm, I think? Another vampire show, this one based off the quentin tarantino / george clooney movie, From Dusk Til Dawn. The movie itself spawned 2 sequels, and the first season of the series was basically a detailed retelling of the movie, from the vampire perspective. I missed most of last season due to sheer boredom, and this season is so confusing now, I have no idea what's going on. It's not that the main characters (the gecko brothers) aren't back (although played by two different actors, of course), it's just that, I don't really know why they are doing any of this. There's a vampire queen from the first movie that I think could use some more character development, but she has about 30 seconds of screen time per episode. This season, I noticed Tom Savini (who was actually in From Dusk Til Dawn) showing up, which is cool, and it looks like all the various characters are coming together in some sort of vampire/human Scooby Gang, but I'm not sure if I can catch up on what's going on. Seems like nobody ever really dies in this show, and the enemies of last season are this season's heroes. I'm a bit lost, and that's never a good way to watch a show.
LUCIFER (9 pm mondays on Fox) begins a second season tonight (9/19). Satan comes to earth to start managing a bar during an extended vacation, falls in lust with a detective (played by lauren german, so I can understand why), and then the show turns into a buddy cop drama/comedy. I believe that's referred to as a "Dramedy" but I hate shortening two perfectly good descriptive words into a misunderstood mish-mash of garbled communication. Lucifer is supposedly based on a comic book that the show has already substantially deviated from, as I understand it, but that's just from reading what's been said on the internet. I've never actually read the comic, but I do like watching Lauren German. Highlight from the first season is Chloe (Lauren) divulging her pre-cop career as a porn actress. Giggity, as they say. Giggity, indeed.
Marvel's AGENTS OF SHIELD (10 pm tuesdays, ABC) premieres on the 20th of September. I love this show, and apparently, Ghost Rider is joining the cast. Not the Nicholas Cage version, either. After losing several regular cast members last season, I only hope the show is still good.
The 21st of september (wed) had two premieres that might be interesting. LETHAL WEAPON (8pm, Fox) is (hopefully) based off the buddy cop series of movies that Mel gibson and danny glover started back in the 80's. I know mel Gibson is almost universally despised nowadays, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't show up in this series. But, the movies were fun to watch, and for nostalgia's sake, I may check out the series. Also premiering is DESIGNATED SURVIVOR (10pm, ABC), a new Keifer Sutherland vehicle about an unimportant member of the government who becomes commander in chief after all the superior leaders of government die in some artfully-contrived "accident" that keifer probably planned all along. Don't give me that shit, I know he planned it! He planned it ALL! But, I may be wrong. I'm going to find out, maybe by watching it, maybe by just forgetting I ever made the prediction in the first place.
Friday the 23rd brings 3 series premieres. MACGYVER (8pm, CBS) is a re-hash of the old 80's series that richard dean anderson used to star in. I'm pretty sure it's not going to be renewed for a second season, because there's no way this show will fly today, but I may watch the series premiere just to see how bad it is. After that, there's EXORCIST (9pm, Fox), which is apparently a retelling of the scariest movie of all time. The only hype i've seen about this is actress Geena Davis (good to see her returning to some sort of starring role) saying that the series is freakin scary. Sounds good enough for me. At 10pm on Syfy, it's VAN HELSING. I don't know anything about this show, but after seeing the Van Helsing movie with Hugh jackman, knowing Van helsing from his numerous mythical battles with Dracula, and generally being a fan of things that kill vampires (sunshine, garlic, wooden stakes... wait, what?), I'm going to see how bad Syfy can muck it up.
Quite a week lined up! The rest of the month (and next) isn't as exciting, with a few minor exceptions. LUKE CAGE premieres on Netflix on the 30th of September, obviously there's no date or time for that, and I'll probably binge-watch the whole series the first week. ASH VS EVIL DEAD begins a second season on Starz at 8 pm on October 2, and right after that, WESTWORLD premieres n HBO at 9 pm. Westworld is apparently a serial remake of the Westworld movie from the 70's (80's?), about subservient vacation-bots run amok, and looks intriguing. I don't have to tell you about Ash vs evil dead, do I? Come on. It's actually got Bruce Campbell returning to the role that made him an A-list superstar (I may be exaggerating a smidgin). There's some other things premiering in October, but I don't have descriptions for what they are, so all I can do is check them out, and make recommendations later, if they are any good.
That's all I got for now! Enjoy Lucifer later, and have a good premiere week. Next month, October Horror movie review-a-thon begins! :-D I know, you guys been waiting all year for this. I hope I won't disappoint.