Saturday, October 4, 2014

Horror-thon review #4 - Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (2014)

First weekend of the month, and I can't find any Halloween movie marathons on TV anywhere.  Sure, Chiller always has horror movies, but, I mean, they aren't exactly the best ones you've ever seen.  There was one where a rubber fish scared some people in a boat for like 2 hours.  Yea, that was pretty much it.  Not exactly the most amazing movie I've ever seen.  heh.  Syfy Channel has movie marathons every Saturday (and that's why I like the Syfy channel, because, who does that anymore?), but the movies aren't the best you've ever seen, either, and Syfy runs a lot of staple horror movie stuff, like Sharknado followed by 5 different shark movies all on the same day.  Which is fine if you love shark movies, but not very Halloween-y, right?

Tonight's movie came from my Netflix queue, where I have a couple hundred horror, thriller and Sci-Fi movies ready to be viewed.  YEAH BABY!  MOVIE HEAVEN!  Sorry, I get a little carried away, sometimes.  I probably should be carried away.  By men in white coats.  Ahem.  Uh...  Right, the movie.  The movie is Cabin Fever: Patient Zero! (2014)

Cabin Fever came out a few years back, and was a story about an escaped flesh-eating virus.  I saw that one, and it wasn't bad, but not particularly outstanding.  Personally I thought there was too much blood and gore.  Like, unnecessary amounts of blood and gore.  As opposed to necessary amounts of blood and gore, which is totally acceptable.  I didn't see the second movie in the series, but I heard it was pretty bad.  Cabin Fever: Patient Zero isn't bad, really, just sort of a solid B-movie, if you like that kind of thing.

Patient Zero is really two separate tales that intersect near the end, which, is fine if you like that kind of thing.  Personally, I prefer one contiguous story, but hey, it worked out.  Story line one stars Sean Astin (yes, Samwise Gamgee from the Lord of the Rings...  am I the only one who thinks Sean Astin from Goonies, whenever I hear his name?  Also in the Strain which I have been watching for months, and NEVER connected him to), as Patient Zero, the original person infected with the flesh-eating virus, who is sent to an island biomedical facility where they can concoct an antidote to the virus he has.  Story line number two is about a group of hard-partying rich kids who travel to an isolated island for a bachelor party.  Why, yes, now that you mention it, it IS the same island!  As you may have also figured out, everything goes to shit when both stories connect.

Sean Astin puts in a solid acting performance in this tale.  If it hadn't been for his presence, this probably would have been your typical B-movie flesh-eating virus zombie horror flick.  Uh, so, now it's like a B+ horror flick.  heh.  Sean actually doesn't get a ton of screen time, but he's a pivotal member of the cast.  The most screen time is given to the partying rich kids, since, well, come on, this IS a horror movie.  If you don't have a bunch of drunken, half-naked teenagers, then there's no one around to get slaughtered!

In this movie, I particularly felt for the character of Penny.  In every horror flick, I usually pick out an underdog character I really like, and root for them through the whole movie.  In many cases, it's the monster, but in this movie, it wasn't the virus.  It's hard to identify with viruses, even if they do infect the SHIT out of me about 7 or 8 times a week (I get ill a LOT during cold and flu season).  Penny is a hard-partying girl with a nice rack, who has a thing, and has always had a thing, for the main protagonist (and I don't mean Sean Astin).  In the movie, that guy is getting married tomorrow, and NOT to Penny.  So, I felt bad for her, poor thing.  And of course, it's a movie about a flesh-eating virus, and she's a party girl...  you do the math.  :-/

Hopefully I was at least semi-coherent during thie review.  Chilly weather has finally arrived in force around here (early october, sounds about right), and I have an earache, a sore throat, and a headache.  Which, also sounds about right for me for this time of year.  Did I mention I get sick a lot during cold and flu season?  Maybe I should try to counteract the virii and illnesses by altering my blood chemistry with ridiculous amounts of alcohol.  Hmmm.  Sounds like a plan!  :-D

I always wonder if that wouldn't be a better cure than what doctors do in hospitals to clear up infections.  I mean, think about it, most illnesses need a specific set of conditions to reproduce themselves, which only exist within the human body.  If we change the conditions within the human body that the virus needs to replicate itself, does that not neutralize any possibility that the virus can reproduce and damage the host?  I believe it does.  The trick is altering the blood chemistry without killing the host, and that means....  Beer!  Is there anything it can't do?  if nothing else, you'll make the host feel less pain.  heh  Wine will work too, I suppose.  Happy drinking, and Happy Horror!

Til tomorrow night, everyone.  Cheers!

PS:  I am in no way advocating the replacement of proper medical science with alcohol.  Wait...  no, that's exactly what I was doing.  Carry on, but don't hold me responsible, because I am totally and irrevocably irresponsible.  Thank you, and good night!

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