"Why don't we just get in that running car and drive away?" and points to a running car, right near them.
And they all look at her like she's nuts, and decide to go and hide behind the rack of chainsaws. And then the voice-over says something like "When you're in a horror movie, you make bad decisions." It may have also been a Snickers commercial. Anyway, so they hide behind the Chainsaws, and the killer is standing there behind them, takes off his mask and shakes his head as if to say "These guys are IDIOTS!" And it's true. Then the kids run out from behind the chainsaws and scream "The cemetery! The cemetery! Let's go hide there!" Yes. Genius.
So you won't be surprised when I tell you, they've made an entire movie off of kids in horror movies making bad decisions. It's called Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010) and it's the first movie I've reviewed this month that I've seen before, but I ran across it in my Netflix queue and frankly, it's just funny. Everyone who's seen this movie has rated it 5 stars, at least, on Netflix, anyway. One guy wrote "Not since Citizen Kane have we seen such dramatic storytelling, such an incredible rush of feeling and emotion... I was moved to tears! Ten stars!" I'm totally shitting you. I just made that up. But the movie really is pretty funny. :-D
Tucker and Dale Vs Evil is about two backwoods fellows by the names of Tucker, the smooth one, and Dale, the clumsy oaf. Tucker has sunk all his savings into purchasing a fishing cabin in the mountains, and Dale's going along with him to help him clean it up. Along the way, they purchase a bunch of tools to assist them. A scythe, a chainsaw, an axe, a wood chipper, a nail gun, etc. A bunch of college frat buddies head into the woods to set up camp and get hammered, coincidentally, right near Tucker's new vacation home. The college kids see the backwoods guys carting around these power tools, and think they are quite creepy. Tucker and Dale think several of the college girls with the frat guys are quite attractive, and Dale's trying to work up the courage to ask one out. Unfortunately, he approaches her while he happens to be holding a very long, very sharp Scythe, and, well, I won't give the rest away. Like most of these kinds of movies, a series of awkward coincidences and humorous situations result in a quirky comedy, fun for the whole family!
To say Tucker and Dale vs Evil is a black comedy is probably an understatement. I'd be sure if I knew exactly what a black comedy was, but I'm just a guy who loves horror movies. How others organize, categorize, and define them is usually beyond me. Suffice it to say, it's a Cabin-in-the-woods scenario, and people die, so it's technically a horror movie. Alan Tudyk is the only recognizable star, at least as far as I know, from the Firefly and Serenity series and movie. The movie is quite funny, not, you know, Christmas Vacation level of funny, but it's hardly a moment that goes by that something goofy doesn't happen, and bad decisions pile up a mile a minute. Good acting, horror-movie level of special effects, and a fun watch. Also, there's a good body count. No nudity, though.
I guess one of the most interesting aspects of Tucker and Dale vs Evil is how stereotypes and a total lack of communication can be so devastating. I know certainly from my own life how true this is, and I'm sure on the level of humans in general, we just have a very hard time communicating with each other. I think most of these horror movies could just be avoided if the "monsters" and "heroes" in these kinds of stories just stopped for a moment, gave each other a hug, and tried to understand each other's point of view. I guess what I am saying is, can't we all just get along? :-D
I'm still watching Madame Secretary and the Strain on sundays, although tonight is the season finale of The Strain. Sadly, I guess that means I won't have much to watch on sunday nights, at least until next spring and Game of Thrones is back on HBO. Geez. Long time to wait. Good thing I have the patience of a mountain.
Madame Secretary is beginning to be less interesting to watch. Tonight's episode was about how the secretary was willing to sacrifice her husband's code of ethics to rig a deal to save a CIA agent captured while spying on the pakistanis. I found this episode pretty hypocritical, and the old madame Secretary pretty much dropped to the level of fecal excretions in my point of view. I think it was the Pakistani ambassador on the show who said the most ethical thing, when he said something to the effect that if the US wanted to spy on it's allies, then it should accept the consequences of their actions. And yet, the Secretary squeaks out a deal to save a spy. I grant the CIA agent was blameless in this, and shouldn't have died, however, I think the writers could have come up with a much more pleasing scenario than to have the secretary debase herself and destroy her moral values to save what amounts to a spy. Frankly, it seems to be going against the very character of the Secretary to have even considered violating her and her husband's ethics, even if it was to save a spy's life. If I was her, I'd have considered the Pakistani's words very carefully, and somehow figured out a way to make the pakistanis back down by making them see the consequences of their own actions. But, that's just the way I'd have written it. Suffice it to say, the show is now disappointing. However, the college aged daughter of Tea Leoni is pretty hot. They try to hide it in her loose-fitting, baggy clothing, but she was standing at the fridge there in one of the scenes, and she got a nice little arse on her. Oh yea. I'm a total perv, but you love it. :-)
I''m wondering how long Last Week Tonight with John Oliver will be on the air on sunday nights. I know it's HBO and it's only a half hour a week, but don't they have some sort of season, or something? Meh, In any case, he's pretty funny and less political, more of a news-skewering pundit (if I'm using that word correctly... political terms, bleh) who laughs his ass off over everything idiotic that people do over the past week. I like him so far, even if he did pick on the Miss USA pageant, or whatever it was. Hey, if women want to parade around on TV in bikinis and be judged by overweight fat guys with bad haircuts, well, who am I to tell them no? Women's prerogative, baby! You don't see him poking fun at the strip clubs, do you? Nope, because that's some serious female empowerment right there. You want a scholarship, honey? Just become a stripper! You make 2 grand a week if you're any good, and that's some serious scholarship money! You can afford to go to Harvard with that shit. Still, he's pretty funny, and skewers everyone with equal aplomb.
Oh, and an addition to last night's review, that I forgot to add in. Cabin Fever, Patient Zero, is quite probably the only movie I have ever seen, where you can watch a formerly-hot-chick-turned-semi-zombie-by-flesh-eating-virus get her head bashed in by a giant, floppy black dildo. It's true. Just had to add that, because... come on. That's genius.
That's all for tonight. Til tomorrow, then!