For me, Horror isn't really about the scare factor. To be honest, after a lifetime of watching these kinds of movies, there's very few horror movies that actually scare me anymore. It's always been about the monsters. I love seeing cool-looking monsters. Not up close, mind you. From a good distance. Preferably on TV, from half a world away, in a fictional movie. I'm not a brave man.
Croczilla (2012) is set in China, I believe. Which, is pretty far away from where I am. Oh, and this is NOT a cheap Syfy channel movie of the week, even though the title makes it sound like it is. Come to think of it, some of those Syfy channel movies aren't too awful, but anyway, this is a straight up, foreign-made monster movie. The effects are good, even though the monster is, well, pretty much a normal Crocodile.
Croczilla is about a Crocodile named Amao. A crocodile tamer has to sell off his bunch of crocs to make good with his wife, and because he can't afford them anymore. There's a bunch of small ones, and a really, really big one... Amao. The story the crocodile tamer has been told is that they are taking the crocs to another zoo, and they'll feed them well, but you can tell that's a lie. It's never clear whether the tamer believes them or not, but he sells them anyway, and the crocs, including the big one, are crated up and carted away to a restaurant specializing in croc meat. Needless to say, Amao doesn't quite make it to the dinner table.
First, let me just say, this movie isn't really scary, but it was listed on Netflix as Asian Horror, where I watched it. Since I've seen some pretty good Asian Horror films, like The Host, and the Ring (actually, come to think of it, I never did see that one, did I? I'll have to see if i can find it this month), I figured I'd give this one a shot. Sure, there's some surprise-y parts, and well, let's face it, there's a giant goddamn crocodile rampaging through the countryside, so, that's kind of scary. This is more an action movie, and I've heard some reviewers call it a comedy, but it's really not too funny, maybe in a couple places. It certainly takes itself seriously, and the acting is good, and the special effects are well done. There's a good sized cast and a crapload of extras, so, this movie had to cost some decent money to make. Obviously, it's an asian cast, and the dialogue is dubbed over into English, so I can't really tell you who the stars are, or whether they were good in other movies. They could all be Chinese A-list actors, for all I know. The female lead is attractive (when she's not screaming), the rest of the cast look appropriate for their roles, and they all act like they are who they say they are, and that's about all I can say about their respective talent.
This was a decent movie. I doubt I'd watch it again, because, well, it WAS just a movie about a rampaging croc, and in that respect, it wasn't all that scary for a guy used to seeing unstoppable, misshapen monsters shrugging off bullets fired at them while they bite the heads off of babies and laugh maniacally. However, the movie flowed well, had a good story, and had that unique Asian horror flavor I've come to expect from that side of the world. Also, you basically root for the Crocodile all through the movie, which, is cool. Usually, you're rooting for the hot chick, whose boobs you saw two scenes ago while she was in the shower and you immediately fell in love with her, but not in this movie. I was rooting for the monster the whole way. I even put on my little cheerleader outfit, and got out my pom-poms, and did a little cheer. Yea, you know the outfit I am talking about. There's pics all over the net. And no, I haven't shaved my legs yet, but you like that, don't you? I bet you do, you sickos. Oh, and there's no nudity in this movie, so don't bother fast-forwarding through for the boob shot. There just isn't one. There are multiple shots of a croc smashing through shit, so, if you're looking for that, this is the movie for you. Also, if you're scared of crocs, then technically, this IS a horror flick. I love crocs. I held one when I was a kid! I really did. It was awesome! Okay, it was a baby gator, and its mouth was taped shut, but I held it!
That's all for tonight. Watching Z nation later. I've been searching AMC, Syfy, Chiller and TCM for any horror movie marathons, but I haven't found anything yet. I'll let you guys know if I run across anything, because I'm sure not everyone has access to Netflix, where I get most of my horror flicks. Happy Horror-watching! Until tomorrow night, and review #4.
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