You know, I try really hard to review actual horror movies for the october Horror movie review-a-thon. Course, since I haven't seen about half of them before, I can't really tell how the movie's going to go, can I? Tonight's movie just didn't live up to the hype. Now, I grant you, Strippers vs Werewolves might have clued me in that this wasn't, you know, an actual horror movie. But, I've seen a few other movies in the genre and honestly, all the other stripper vs werewolf movies I have seen were actually pretty scary, all right? Can I help it if this particular one didn't live up the high standards that other stripper vs werewolf movies have set? No. No I can't.
So, basically, a stripper's in a private alcove with a guy. And he goes all werewolfy on her. And she stabs him in the eye with a silver fountain pen. Which makes it all right then, doesn't it? Yes. Yes it does. And the manager of this particular stripper club luckily has to be the one stripper club manager who's had dealings with werewolves before, because, well, they don't just run around everywhere, do they? No. No of course they don't. So she knows what she's dealing with. And of course they try to hide the body, but wtf, they're strippers, right? Wtf do strippers know about hiding bodies in modern day london? Exactly. Well, I don't have to tell you the rest of the movie. Says it all right there in the title, doesn't it? STRIPPERS VS WEREWOLVES. Duh.
I'm not really sure how to critique this movie. More of a comedy than a horror film, really. Certainly not done for the purpose of scaring people. And come to think of it, it really wasn't even that funny, so how could it be a comedy? Exactly. Let's call it a drama. A tender, heartwarming drama about strippers bonding in the face of tremendous adversity. In the form of werewolves. In that sense, it was a bloody great movie. I was moved. Before the werewolves, or Ante-Lycanthropes, or AL for short, shall we say, the strippers were just, you know, co-workers. After the werewolves, or Post-Lycanthropes, or PL for short, there was an unbreakable bond formed, a truly emotional, passionate bond between them. They may even be all lesbians now. Yes, they probably are. So, you've got a group of Post-Lycanthrope lesbian strippers who are more of a family than co-workers, and what's more heartwarming than an entire family of lesbian strippers? Goddamn, it brings a tear to me eye.
So, there were a few experienced actors in this movie, but it really didn't save it. Sure, the acting was actually pretty good. That guy who played freddy krueger was in it. Robert Englund! That's him. He didn't have much more than a cameo, really, but hey, what can you do. A guy needs to eat. I wouldn't watch it again, but i guess the story was coherent, and there were a bunch of boobs. And I don't mean just the cast! lol
Well that's it for tonight. Still getting over my sickly-ness. I think my body's fighting off an infection, but I don't know how successful it is so far. Doesn't feel like I'm winning most days, but I've only had it less than a week now. I feel like one of those bodies in a monty python skit that aren't quite dead yet. BRING OUT YER DEAD! (ding, ding) BRING OUT YER DEAD! Here's one for you. Hey, he's not dead! Yes, he is! No, I'm not! Shut up you! I'm feeling much better, actually!
Well, I'm not feeling much better, but a tiny smidge. At this point I'd just let him throw me on the cart with the other dead'uns. I feel like if this was a horror movie, and not strippers vs zombies, I'd be patient zero in the zombie apocalypse. And honestly, what more can you ask from life than to be the star of a zombie apocalypse? Once you've done that, it's all downhill from there! Doesn't bode well for Brad Pitt, does it?
Til tomorrow night then.
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