Why I Will Never Be a Manager

Or this could just as easily be titled, "Why I don't pirate games."

Back in the day, when I was 25 ish, I got promoted to something called a Team Lead at my assembly line job. I didn't really know what it meant at the time, only that someone asked me to do it, that it was by vote of everyone in the department, and somehow I'd managed to garner the majority vote. Yes, exactly, ME. Whoda thunk it?

Needless to say, I took my attitude towards work and my co-workers and applied it to being a team lead. I said hi to my fellow workers every morning, generally worked my ass off all day, and tried to make things better for everyone concerned. I know what you're thinking. Dismal failure, right?

I improved quality from 91% to 97%, and production went up about 150%.

Don't ask me why. Just doing my job as I understood it. Trying to make it easier for my fellow employees to do their job, basically. And the easier it gets for them, the happier they are, and the more work they do. At least, that's what my thoughts on the whole thing were, and it seemed to work out for the best.

I don't really know how most companies work things. I'm just a part-time tech support geek. On a guess, I'd say improving production by a mere 5%, or quality by one or two points at all, would net you a fast track into upper management. But if I was headed that way, it was all sidetracked by a neck injury that still gives me pain to this day.

This would probably be a backwards attitude at most companies nowadays. At least, the ones I have worked at. For the most part, to get into management, you have to be the biggest meanest ass you possibly can be, and you are virtually guaranteed to be promoted. I do have this one small little problem, however. Think of it as a handicap, if you like.

I have ethics. And morals. And damned if I can just slip them aside to get what I want.

Now, I'm not perfect. If I see a really hot chick and I want to get into her panties, I don't care if she has a boyfriend. Some of you are going what? How can you say you have morals, you homewrecker! No, I'm sorry, but society just looks at things wrong. I don't care if they have the majority. If I can get a woman into bed then she wasn't that solid on her boyfriend, anyway. My morals will stop me from getting her drunk first, and a naked drunk chick sleeping in my bed is as safe as she can be, because I won't take advantage. But the minute she says yes, well, then she's mine, boyfriend or not. And if I even think her decision wasn't conscious, wasn't willing, or wasn't desired, I'll back off on my own. I mean, It's not like I don't have a good relationship with my right hand, you know?

I've tried to shunt my morals to the side. I really can't do it. There's this line I'm supposed to speak at the end of every tech support call. Basically, I'm supposed to ask the customer to give me good feedback via emails to my boss. Yes, it's a ridiculous rule in and of itself, but begging for compliments is basically a requirement for my job. And, I just can't do it. It basically makes me feel like a whore (not that there's anything wrong with whores), and one time, I forced myself to do it (mostly because I was being monitored at the time), and had the customer throw it right back in my face. He said "Oh, now you want me to email your supervisor and tell them what a great job you did, huh?" Yea, that pretty much ended whatever chance I had at making it to upper level management here, because I felt like such a dick for even asking. I haven't asked since.

My boss here, nice guy that he is, really thinks I should do that. He doesn't understand why I have such a hard time with selling my soul to the devil and raping my morals and ethics so I can do what the company tells me to, and eventually, maybe get that coveted team lead position at my current place of employment, that would end up giving me an extra 65 cents an hour. Yea, management, they make the big bucks. I'll pass, and be able to look myself in the mirror every morning. Or at least, most mornings. Some mornings, not even I can stomach this hairy mug.

These morals/ethics also are why I can't pirate a computer game. It just feels wrong. I know, ethics can be such a handicap in life, why the hell am I, an otherwise perfect guy in all respects, saddled with them? Eh, who knows. I got nothin.