Lazy Thursday Afternoons

I work a short week, so thursdays are basically my fridays.

Calls tend to drop off this time of day, so I find I have a lot of extra time on my hands. I've read all the news on Fark.com, I've read all the webcomics, questionable content, userfriendly.org, I've checked all my email, and I've even done all the work I can do for the week. I'm kind of bored.

It's times like this, I wish I had a vag.

Or a nice pair of boobs. I mean, sure, I've got manboobs and all, but it's just not the same. I can fondle them, and grope them, and pinch my nipples, and sure, there's a little whisper of sexual excitement there when I pinch them, but I'm not "The Gay" as Dimitri would refer to it, so fondling a man, even myself, doesn't really do it for me. And it's not that I'm even sexually aroused, really. I mean, I'm at work, right? It's a cubicle farm filled with generally geeky, unhealthy looking males for the most part. Nothing here to get me even mildly aroused.

But if I had a vag, or a nice rack, oh man. Extra time just turns into happy fun time. I'd probably be wearing a tiny skirt and some low cut blouse or something, and I could just whip those bad girls out and flop them about, let the cool office air caress the nipples a bit, probably would have completely skipped wearing panties this morning too, so even though there's no breeze, my vag would be exposed to the cool air coming out of the ac duct over my head. I'd probably be dripping wet already, just thinking of going home and playing starcraft 2... I wonder at times like this, if women geeks get hot over starcraft 2? Makes me wish I knew some women geeks. Or, women of any kind. Preferably live ones.

If I had a vag, I could probably sneak off to the women's room, find a nice quiet stall and just have a resounding orgasm or a dozen or something. I mean, it's a wonder to me that women, the attractive ones, that is, can even walk around without constantly fondling themselves. I fondle myself constantly and I don't even like myself very much. One, I'm a bit of a dick, and two, well, I'm a geeky, unhealthy looking nerdy type who works in a cubicle farm. Come to think of it, if I had a vag, I'd probably never leave my house.

Reminds me of that song, how's it go, If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning, etc etc... I should look up the lyrics to that and just walk around the office singing "If I had a vag, I'd..." wait, I can't sing I'd vag in the morning, that just doesn't make sense. Hmmmmmm. Need to give that one some thought.