So before I went away on my camping trip, I could have sworn I ordered Zombieland to watch while I was away, for those rainy days inside the cabin. Yea, I don't rough it, but that's not the point. There was some crazy mixup with amazon and not only didn't I get zombieland, but according to amazon, I never even ordered it. What gives? A mis-click of the mouse, you might say.
But then I get back and lo and behold Zombieland was on one of the premium channels this past weekend. Now, aside from showing me just how bald woody harrelson has become, and I'm guessing he's sensitive about it because he wears a lot of hats in this movie, this movie showed me just how in touch with the future that I really am. Despite never having seen this movie before, I could not get over how many times I was able to predict what was going to happen in the film. Which either means it was extremely predictable, or that I should be buying lottery tickets, playing the stock market, or at the very least, reading palms in the circus.
Just the few examples that I can remember, Woody and his zombie-killer partner come across these two girls in a supermarket after the zombie apocalypse and one of them has been bitten by a zombie. As we all know, once bitten, you are a time bomb waiting to explode into ferocious, brain hungering dead thinginess, so you must be killed immediately if not sooner. I don't know where that expression comes from, to be honest, I mean, how much sooner can you get than IMMEDIATELY? Anyway, my point is, I was like "oh, these chicks are running a scam, they are going to rob woody." And BAM so they did, driving off in woody's truck. Next, woody and his friend run across his abandoned truck, and woody is all careful like, he has his sidekick stay in the vehicle and approaches on foot. I was like "The girls are waiting to steal the vehicle! don't do it!" But, no, woody gets back to the car after finding nothing in his abandoned truck and BAM the girls are already in the back seat after having pulled a gun on the sidekick. Too easy. Finally, they decide to work as a team and drive to Bill murray's mansion in hollywood to hide out in style. Turns out Bill murray is alive! And he is dressed up like a zombie to "fit in" he says, because the zombies never attack their own. Of course they don't, and if anyone can do a good zombie, it's bill murray! So bill scares the crap out of woody, and they have a good laugh about it, and then they decide to go scare woody's sidekick, who is watching ghostbusters in bill's home theater. I immediately knew this was a bad idea. I said "he's going to kill bill!" And I wasn't even referring to Quentin Tarantino movies at this point. Sure enough, he did indeed shoot bill murray. I mean, first rule of zombieland should have been, never scare a guy with a gun. Seriously. Second rule, never dress up as a zombie when people are driving around shooting zombies. HELLO! Duh. Then bill murray is dying and someone asks him "Any regrets?" And I'm like "Garfield." and Bill says "Maybe Garfield." I was like :-o I have witnesses to all of that, so don't even think I made this shit up.
Other than it's predictability, the movie wasn't that great. The girls looked underage, the stars were mostly second rate (no offense woody, loved you in cheers), and the only thing interesting for me was the sheer number of rules the sidekick made for surviving the zombie apocalypse. I mean, we could certainly use it as a training film to train future generations to survive the coming zombiepokyclipse, if there are any future generations after that, anyway. But other than that, not really any redeeming features, other than the rules popping up every few seconds to remind us of them. And the rules, frankly, are pretty common sense. I always check the bathroom for zombies before I do a number 2 and that's even while I am stone cold sober.
As an aside, Bill Murray has some awesome fans. Here's a website for example...
http://christwire.org/2010/07/boycott-bill-murray-for-a-better-america/
These people have an amazing sense of humor, they totally play this off as a christian site that hates bill murray and it just comes off as a tribute to the man's awesomeness. I loved reading it, and now have an urge to party with Bill. Except I don't usually carry drugs on my person, which, from the looks of it, is what would attract bill to my party in the first place. Oh well.
Now, unlike every media and news site in the known universe, which has been BANNED from reviewing starcraft 2 until it's release, I CAN REVIEW IT TODAY!!! That's right, I am not a news site and Blizzard has no control over me releasing a review of Starcraft 2 today instead of tomorrow. So there! :-P So, here's the review...
Starcraft 2 is pretty much just like the original starcraft. Yea, plays almost exactly the same way, has the same units and structures as far as I could tell. I mean, I only played the beta and I only played the zerg because all the other races are losers and can't hold a candle to the power of zerg awesomeness, but the two times i played, my zerg ally destroyed my enemies before I got a chance to finish setting up my base, and the second time, I managed to finish my base only to get swarmed by a fleet of carriers and protoss walkers because I hadn't actually made any troops yet. I know there was a lot of concern over what units would counter others, but to be honest, I haven't played the game that far to run into that sort of thing. The feel of the game is EXACTLY the same as the first starcraft, only the graphics are slightly updated. Which, is good enough for me! I am buying it and maybe I will even play it for 3 years straight, only breaking for meals and sleep, like I did the first one.
I predict Starcraft 2 will be a huge success, so buy stock in blizzard and then reap the benefits.
I love strategy games, what can I say. My longest game of chess lasted nearly 3 months. :-)
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Proud Ignorance, oh how I despise thee
I'd like to take a moment to talk about ignorance.
There are several kinds of ignorance, and they are all bad, really, but some can't be helped. For instance, I was ignorant of the fact that I had some guy named Dimitri following my blogs. Mainly because I never check my comments because I don't ever expect anyone to read these things. But I did happen to be checking my list of posts to see where I was and I noticed his comments, so, HI Dimitri! No, I am not "the gay," but hey thanks for asking. Yes I do love sci fi and the Aliens vs predator movies are pretty decent. I find it confusing to think that my review of transformers, revenge of the fallen that says it's actually not bad would somehow define my sexual preferences, but hey! I admit the movie wasn't exceptional, just filled with giant robots and lots of action and honestly, how much more can you expect of transformers movies? It met my expectations, that's all I can say. Feel free to respond to my blogs again and we'll talk sci fi movies until we can't stand each other's opinions and vow to never speak again.
Now this form of ignorance, where you just don't know something, happens all the time, can't be helped and is the least offensive form of ignorance. Note how, once I discovered I actually did indeed have followers who commented, I tried to respond to them. Thus I recognized that I was, in fact, ignorant, and tried to make up for my ignorance. See how that works?
There's another kind of ignorance that I myself have demonstrated. Stubborn ignorance can be a pain in the ass, but honestly, sometimes the knowledge that pokes it's hairy, gruesome light into your ignorance can be world-shattering, and confuse the very ground you walk on, which can make one extremely reluctant to let it go. I had been taught, when I was a wee little man, to spell correctly. I've even won spelling bees. So when I was doing a crossword puzzle with a friend some months back, and the word we were looking for was Dilemma, I said "HAH! they even spelled it wrong!" And my friend, who is not a native english speaker, said "What?" To which I proceeded to spell it Dilemna. And he said "uh, that's not how you spell Dilemma." and I said "Yea it is, go look it up." So convincing was i in my ignorance, that yes, he did go look it up. And showed me proof that I was not only wrong, but completely ignorant of being wrong. And then i exhibited stubbornness about it. I checked past dictionaries. I checked online websites. I scoured the earth for evidence that would indicate that Dilemma had, at least in the past, been spelled dilemna. But no, I was just taught wrong, way back in the day. Apparently, as far as I can figure out, we were using vocabulary books that had dilemma spelled with an n. But, when you have 30 vocabulary books spelling it with an N and one dictionary that's sitting gathering dust on a shelf, who the hell is going to check the spelling in the dictionary when it is so clearly spelled out in the vocabulary/spelling workbooks? Amazingly enough, I think what happened is, these vocabulary books were sent worldwide, because apparently, some people around my age in new zealand, australia, britain and other countries with native english speakers, also spell it with an N. Sure, it's not the right way to spell it, and the dictionaries in those countries spell it dilemma, but we were all taught the wrong way. However, despite my stubbornness, I have since adopted the spelling as dilemma and now, spelling it with an n looks wrong to my eyes, as it should be.
Now here's the brand of stubbornness that really bugs me. I am calling it willful or proud ignorance,for lack of a better name. There's tons of examples in everyday life, I've run into a couple just here today at work, mainly due to people calling in and asking for help, and then not giving me any clues as to what the problem is so that I can actually help. You know just a general "I have a problem, fix it!" type scenario. "What's the problem?" I would ask. "I don't know." Yea, i can't really work with that, sorry. Good luck with it.
Another prime example, and this just occurred to me, is religion, catholicism specifically. I'm using that as an example because I was born catholic. But at some point, I learned about other religions, and realized hey, mine not only wasn't the only one but it was the same as every other religion, and yet, all the religions say that their religion is the only right one and all others are wrong... which, led me to understand that they must ALL be wrong. So my ignorance at the point was simply that, ignorance, I just didn't know. Others, however, cling to the religion of catholicism worse than I clung to the spelling of dilemna. It would have been like, if my friend had showed me the correct spelling and I went BLASPHEMER!!!! BURN HIM!!!!! because that's literally what the fanatical religious nuts do. Fossils, evolution, concrete evidence of anything that might possibly contradict what is written in the bible, becomes the tool of Satan. It's all unreal to them, a completely untrue illusion that us deceivers are using to try and sway them from their righteous path. And that's just willful ignorance of the worst sort. No matter how much the people may need emotional guidance, denouncing fossilized bones as the tools of the devil is just idiocy.
Okay, out of time again. I really should stop doing my job completely here so I'd have more time to post, but I think eventually they might fire me for it, and then where would I get the time to blog? I'd have to go find another job, slack off there enough to blog, and it's just a vicious cycle that's best avoided, I think.
There are several kinds of ignorance, and they are all bad, really, but some can't be helped. For instance, I was ignorant of the fact that I had some guy named Dimitri following my blogs. Mainly because I never check my comments because I don't ever expect anyone to read these things. But I did happen to be checking my list of posts to see where I was and I noticed his comments, so, HI Dimitri! No, I am not "the gay," but hey thanks for asking. Yes I do love sci fi and the Aliens vs predator movies are pretty decent. I find it confusing to think that my review of transformers, revenge of the fallen that says it's actually not bad would somehow define my sexual preferences, but hey! I admit the movie wasn't exceptional, just filled with giant robots and lots of action and honestly, how much more can you expect of transformers movies? It met my expectations, that's all I can say. Feel free to respond to my blogs again and we'll talk sci fi movies until we can't stand each other's opinions and vow to never speak again.
Now this form of ignorance, where you just don't know something, happens all the time, can't be helped and is the least offensive form of ignorance. Note how, once I discovered I actually did indeed have followers who commented, I tried to respond to them. Thus I recognized that I was, in fact, ignorant, and tried to make up for my ignorance. See how that works?
There's another kind of ignorance that I myself have demonstrated. Stubborn ignorance can be a pain in the ass, but honestly, sometimes the knowledge that pokes it's hairy, gruesome light into your ignorance can be world-shattering, and confuse the very ground you walk on, which can make one extremely reluctant to let it go. I had been taught, when I was a wee little man, to spell correctly. I've even won spelling bees. So when I was doing a crossword puzzle with a friend some months back, and the word we were looking for was Dilemma, I said "HAH! they even spelled it wrong!" And my friend, who is not a native english speaker, said "What?" To which I proceeded to spell it Dilemna. And he said "uh, that's not how you spell Dilemma." and I said "Yea it is, go look it up." So convincing was i in my ignorance, that yes, he did go look it up. And showed me proof that I was not only wrong, but completely ignorant of being wrong. And then i exhibited stubbornness about it. I checked past dictionaries. I checked online websites. I scoured the earth for evidence that would indicate that Dilemma had, at least in the past, been spelled dilemna. But no, I was just taught wrong, way back in the day. Apparently, as far as I can figure out, we were using vocabulary books that had dilemma spelled with an n. But, when you have 30 vocabulary books spelling it with an N and one dictionary that's sitting gathering dust on a shelf, who the hell is going to check the spelling in the dictionary when it is so clearly spelled out in the vocabulary/spelling workbooks? Amazingly enough, I think what happened is, these vocabulary books were sent worldwide, because apparently, some people around my age in new zealand, australia, britain and other countries with native english speakers, also spell it with an N. Sure, it's not the right way to spell it, and the dictionaries in those countries spell it dilemma, but we were all taught the wrong way. However, despite my stubbornness, I have since adopted the spelling as dilemma and now, spelling it with an n looks wrong to my eyes, as it should be.
Now here's the brand of stubbornness that really bugs me. I am calling it willful or proud ignorance,for lack of a better name. There's tons of examples in everyday life, I've run into a couple just here today at work, mainly due to people calling in and asking for help, and then not giving me any clues as to what the problem is so that I can actually help. You know just a general "I have a problem, fix it!" type scenario. "What's the problem?" I would ask. "I don't know." Yea, i can't really work with that, sorry. Good luck with it.
Another prime example, and this just occurred to me, is religion, catholicism specifically. I'm using that as an example because I was born catholic. But at some point, I learned about other religions, and realized hey, mine not only wasn't the only one but it was the same as every other religion, and yet, all the religions say that their religion is the only right one and all others are wrong... which, led me to understand that they must ALL be wrong. So my ignorance at the point was simply that, ignorance, I just didn't know. Others, however, cling to the religion of catholicism worse than I clung to the spelling of dilemna. It would have been like, if my friend had showed me the correct spelling and I went BLASPHEMER!!!! BURN HIM!!!!! because that's literally what the fanatical religious nuts do. Fossils, evolution, concrete evidence of anything that might possibly contradict what is written in the bible, becomes the tool of Satan. It's all unreal to them, a completely untrue illusion that us deceivers are using to try and sway them from their righteous path. And that's just willful ignorance of the worst sort. No matter how much the people may need emotional guidance, denouncing fossilized bones as the tools of the devil is just idiocy.
Okay, out of time again. I really should stop doing my job completely here so I'd have more time to post, but I think eventually they might fire me for it, and then where would I get the time to blog? I'd have to go find another job, slack off there enough to blog, and it's just a vicious cycle that's best avoided, I think.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Surprise, surprise, surprise!
I was pleasantly surprised this weekend!
No, I did not lose 3 pounds nor gain a quarter inch penis size due to excessive viagra usage. I decided to stay in saturday night, instead of going out and partying with 3 women at once, mainly because, you know, I wasn't actually invited out to any parties saturday night and if I started hanging out with three random women at a random party, I'd probably have gotten pepper sprayed, kicked in the gonads, and arrested, but my main reason was I wanted to watch some cool movies. And, while getting kicked, tasered and arrested could qualify as a fun evening, I really wasn't in the mood for foreplay that evening.
Instead, I tried to watch the Invention of lying, with um, whatsisname.... I forget. That british guy. Wrote for the office or something. Bleh. Anyway, I found the whole premise ridiculous, but tried to give it the benefit of the doubt for at least the first hour. Mainly because, nothing else good was on TV til the second hour. But yea, I actually switched to watch a poorly made sci fi movie instead of the invention of lying, mainly because it sucked balls. And yes, the poorly made sci fi movie was more entertaining. Oh, sorry, not sci fi anymore, it's now SYFY. Damn arseholes.
Then Jennifer's Body came on another channel. I was not expecting to enjoy this movie. I saw Megan Fox in Transformers and Transformers 2, and like most males of adolescent mindset (despite me being 40 years old), I've been reading news articles about the, erm, zany things she says when she doesn't have a script, and I've pretty much concluded that she was a drug-addled, brain-dead bimbo. Nothing against Megan Fox, I mean, pretty much all of Hollywood consists of drug-addled, brain-dead bimbos, and that includes the male actors as well. I mean, look at Mel Gibosn. Erm. Anyway. My point being, despite the whole demon-possession thing, the most i expected to see was a little nudity. Which, given that it's Megan Fox and her body is really her only asset, I wouldn't mind sitting through an ok movie to see her naked. I know. I need to get out more.
However, I was ridiculously blown away by this movie. I'm not saying it could go toe to toe with Aliens or anything, but the first thing I noticed is, it was a love story about two teen girls in love. Sure, one was a bitchy Megan Fox and the other was a mousy, subservient little blond, and they were from totally different social circles, but I was still surprised at the relationship there. And then all hell broke loose. Literally.
So megan takes her mousy lil blond love slave out to a bar, and megan is busy flirting with the band while the blond is all like no, this is bad, we should go, and megan tells her to woman up or whatever. And then the bar burns down. In the confusion, the band's lead singer slips megan a drink, probably laced with roofies, and takes her into the band's van. Now here I am thinking, ooh gang bang on megan fox, and I don't know why I was thinking that because the band is so emo they couldn't possibly be straight. I mean... it's an ALL-BOY BAND. Duh. So instead of a gangbang, they sacrifice megan to demons in return for fame and fortune. Now, unfortunately, Megan is, as we all know, NOT a virgin, which, as anyone who has ever sacrificed a non-virgin to the dark gods can tell you, is a BAD THING. I can't even begin to list the number of movies this happens in, but apparently, these emo boy bands are too busy dry humping each other in the back of a van to watch movies, so of course they have no idea. Suffice it to say, a demon is called, but things go badly, and Megan ends up being a demon. Which makes for the title of Jennifer's body.
Anyway, my time is short at the moment so I'll sum up, this movie starts a little slow but turns out pretty freakin good. I mean, had they not used megan fox, I think this film would have done MUCH better at the theaters and been acclaimed as an excellent horror movie. I have heard that people got the impression that the film was trying too hard to become a cult classic, but I don't really see how that could be. How do you "intend" a film to become a cult classic? That's like saying they intended a movie to do horribly at the box office but make some poor smattering of money from DVD sales. The only thing that ever once threw me out of the movie instead of being enraptured by it, was the appearance of lance henrikson, who of course, was in Aliens. Maybe that's why they thought it was trying to be a cult classic? i don't know. In any case, I would seriously vote this movie into cult classic fame and have reconsidered my below average opinion of megan fox because of it. Seriously, it's good enough to wipe her mediocre performance in transformers entirely from my mind.
Also, I saw 2012 with John Cusack. I heard that movie was bad as well. I think I need to stop listening to reviews because they are often wrong, because I thought 2012 was decent. I mean, I wouldn't watch it again, unlike jennifer's body, but it wasn't bad the first time.
Time to go home, but one final note, I am pretty sure Jennifer's body did not actually contain any nudity, much to my dismay. :-(
No, I did not lose 3 pounds nor gain a quarter inch penis size due to excessive viagra usage. I decided to stay in saturday night, instead of going out and partying with 3 women at once, mainly because, you know, I wasn't actually invited out to any parties saturday night and if I started hanging out with three random women at a random party, I'd probably have gotten pepper sprayed, kicked in the gonads, and arrested, but my main reason was I wanted to watch some cool movies. And, while getting kicked, tasered and arrested could qualify as a fun evening, I really wasn't in the mood for foreplay that evening.
Instead, I tried to watch the Invention of lying, with um, whatsisname.... I forget. That british guy. Wrote for the office or something. Bleh. Anyway, I found the whole premise ridiculous, but tried to give it the benefit of the doubt for at least the first hour. Mainly because, nothing else good was on TV til the second hour. But yea, I actually switched to watch a poorly made sci fi movie instead of the invention of lying, mainly because it sucked balls. And yes, the poorly made sci fi movie was more entertaining. Oh, sorry, not sci fi anymore, it's now SYFY. Damn arseholes.
Then Jennifer's Body came on another channel. I was not expecting to enjoy this movie. I saw Megan Fox in Transformers and Transformers 2, and like most males of adolescent mindset (despite me being 40 years old), I've been reading news articles about the, erm, zany things she says when she doesn't have a script, and I've pretty much concluded that she was a drug-addled, brain-dead bimbo. Nothing against Megan Fox, I mean, pretty much all of Hollywood consists of drug-addled, brain-dead bimbos, and that includes the male actors as well. I mean, look at Mel Gibosn. Erm. Anyway. My point being, despite the whole demon-possession thing, the most i expected to see was a little nudity. Which, given that it's Megan Fox and her body is really her only asset, I wouldn't mind sitting through an ok movie to see her naked. I know. I need to get out more.
However, I was ridiculously blown away by this movie. I'm not saying it could go toe to toe with Aliens or anything, but the first thing I noticed is, it was a love story about two teen girls in love. Sure, one was a bitchy Megan Fox and the other was a mousy, subservient little blond, and they were from totally different social circles, but I was still surprised at the relationship there. And then all hell broke loose. Literally.
So megan takes her mousy lil blond love slave out to a bar, and megan is busy flirting with the band while the blond is all like no, this is bad, we should go, and megan tells her to woman up or whatever. And then the bar burns down. In the confusion, the band's lead singer slips megan a drink, probably laced with roofies, and takes her into the band's van. Now here I am thinking, ooh gang bang on megan fox, and I don't know why I was thinking that because the band is so emo they couldn't possibly be straight. I mean... it's an ALL-BOY BAND. Duh. So instead of a gangbang, they sacrifice megan to demons in return for fame and fortune. Now, unfortunately, Megan is, as we all know, NOT a virgin, which, as anyone who has ever sacrificed a non-virgin to the dark gods can tell you, is a BAD THING. I can't even begin to list the number of movies this happens in, but apparently, these emo boy bands are too busy dry humping each other in the back of a van to watch movies, so of course they have no idea. Suffice it to say, a demon is called, but things go badly, and Megan ends up being a demon. Which makes for the title of Jennifer's body.
Anyway, my time is short at the moment so I'll sum up, this movie starts a little slow but turns out pretty freakin good. I mean, had they not used megan fox, I think this film would have done MUCH better at the theaters and been acclaimed as an excellent horror movie. I have heard that people got the impression that the film was trying too hard to become a cult classic, but I don't really see how that could be. How do you "intend" a film to become a cult classic? That's like saying they intended a movie to do horribly at the box office but make some poor smattering of money from DVD sales. The only thing that ever once threw me out of the movie instead of being enraptured by it, was the appearance of lance henrikson, who of course, was in Aliens. Maybe that's why they thought it was trying to be a cult classic? i don't know. In any case, I would seriously vote this movie into cult classic fame and have reconsidered my below average opinion of megan fox because of it. Seriously, it's good enough to wipe her mediocre performance in transformers entirely from my mind.
Also, I saw 2012 with John Cusack. I heard that movie was bad as well. I think I need to stop listening to reviews because they are often wrong, because I thought 2012 was decent. I mean, I wouldn't watch it again, unlike jennifer's body, but it wasn't bad the first time.
Time to go home, but one final note, I am pretty sure Jennifer's body did not actually contain any nudity, much to my dismay. :-(
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Back in the Black
No, this is not an ethnic anal porn post, despite the title, which merely implies I have returned to a state of positive net worth.
So after camping for two weeks... with family... which brings its own set of issues... I have returned! I also managed to contract some nearly fatal illness which, due to my incredibly advanced and healthy constitution, merely resulted in having a tummy ache for a week. But I am better now. Or.. I had food poisoning due to eating what my sisters cooked for me. It's a toss-up which one occurred. It's all a blur now. I hope everyone had a nice 4th while I was gone and for the first time in years, no one famous died while I was on vacation, so I am all happy about that.
I tried to catch up on the shows I missed while I was gone. I can't even find any references to Happy Town any more. I have no idea what happened the last two episodes I missed, which, would have been the last of this season, as far as I know, perhaps the last two episodes ever unless the series gets picked up, I would imagine. So that story arc is just completely unfinished in my mind. I can't find any way to watch the episodes via hulu. so I am screwed for now.
True Blood, I did catch up on. So apparently, Sookie got dumped and, if I am not completely mistaken, would hook up with both a random werewolf and eric the bloodless without a moments hesitation. I mean, seriously, she's bawling her eyes out about being dumped by Bill to this random werewolfy guy and she goes "oh, you're warm" and feels his chest. Or, something to that effect. is it just me, or does Sookie seem like a total slut lately? I mean, yea, at first she was all "I'm so sweet and pure and morally superior." and now it's all like "I'd fuck a stray dog if it could turn into a human!" I don't know, I guess it's all well and good to make the character more earthy but i don't know if I am ready for sookie the monster-slut. Vampires, werewolves, shifters, next thing you know she'll be into necrophilia just in case the dead guy could turn into a zombie.
I mean, sure, on the one side, this would open up a whole new world of HBO-porn, but I thought that's what cinemax was for? I mean, where else are you going to see emotionally packed blockbusters like Cleavagefield? Plus, if True Blood becomes a show where everyone just goes around fucking everyone else, then isn't it just a damn soap opera with undead at that point? And more importantly, would I be considered gay just for watching a soap opera? Because I never have, never ever. Well... There was this one way back in the day called swan's crossing or something that starred a young sarah michelle gellar but I swear I only watched it because she was a total bitch and I wanted to bone her, which by default makes me straight. But, errm, i really digressed there.
So sookie's a dumped psycho ex girlfriend slut type person, there's werewolves in the henhouse, and... no. I think that's it. I would dearly love to see more of Henley/chloe/lauren german from Happy town, and by seeing more of her, I mean, having her handcuffed naked to my bed, but the odds of that happening by the time I get home from work are extremely remote. And, as we all know, I will have moved onto the next hot babe by the time the weekend gets here. I am such a fickle bitch.
Luckily, my out of town company should be leaving soon and I'll get done mowing the back 40 acres by this evening, just in time for me to enjoy my weekend of pouring rain. Oh hey, it's not all doom and gloom though, despite the heat, I seem to be sleeping like a dead rock every night. No alcohol involved. No idea how that's working, but hey! Days seem the same and I am feeling good so I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth! Mostly because it'd probably bite my damn nose off and I am not sure how many teeth a horse should have anyway. I mean, come on, wtf do I know about horses? Last time I saw one on TV it was at the kentucky derby and I was like "If a woman had hindquarters like that I'd bend her over my desk!" But.. uh... yea. Maybe that's more than you wanted to know.
So, funny story to close out this post. We are playing cards the other night to welcome me back, not that welcoming me back was the point of the game, but that's how I think of it, because, you know, I AM the center of my own universe and all. But.. where was I? OH right, so we are all playing in the kitchen and my one sis is snoring like a buzzsaw out on the couch. And we are laughing about it for several minutes and all of a sudden she wakes up and says she is not snoring, she's "having an asthma attack." Yea. I laughed. I have been teasing her about it all week now, because she seems to have these every night and they usually last from the time she goes to bed until she wakes up in the morning, but that's not snoring, no it's an "asthma attack." Riiiiiiiight. lol I'll have to remember that one the next time she is visiting and says I am snoring too loud. heh
So after camping for two weeks... with family... which brings its own set of issues... I have returned! I also managed to contract some nearly fatal illness which, due to my incredibly advanced and healthy constitution, merely resulted in having a tummy ache for a week. But I am better now. Or.. I had food poisoning due to eating what my sisters cooked for me. It's a toss-up which one occurred. It's all a blur now. I hope everyone had a nice 4th while I was gone and for the first time in years, no one famous died while I was on vacation, so I am all happy about that.
I tried to catch up on the shows I missed while I was gone. I can't even find any references to Happy Town any more. I have no idea what happened the last two episodes I missed, which, would have been the last of this season, as far as I know, perhaps the last two episodes ever unless the series gets picked up, I would imagine. So that story arc is just completely unfinished in my mind. I can't find any way to watch the episodes via hulu. so I am screwed for now.
True Blood, I did catch up on. So apparently, Sookie got dumped and, if I am not completely mistaken, would hook up with both a random werewolf and eric the bloodless without a moments hesitation. I mean, seriously, she's bawling her eyes out about being dumped by Bill to this random werewolfy guy and she goes "oh, you're warm" and feels his chest. Or, something to that effect. is it just me, or does Sookie seem like a total slut lately? I mean, yea, at first she was all "I'm so sweet and pure and morally superior." and now it's all like "I'd fuck a stray dog if it could turn into a human!" I don't know, I guess it's all well and good to make the character more earthy but i don't know if I am ready for sookie the monster-slut. Vampires, werewolves, shifters, next thing you know she'll be into necrophilia just in case the dead guy could turn into a zombie.
I mean, sure, on the one side, this would open up a whole new world of HBO-porn, but I thought that's what cinemax was for? I mean, where else are you going to see emotionally packed blockbusters like Cleavagefield? Plus, if True Blood becomes a show where everyone just goes around fucking everyone else, then isn't it just a damn soap opera with undead at that point? And more importantly, would I be considered gay just for watching a soap opera? Because I never have, never ever. Well... There was this one way back in the day called swan's crossing or something that starred a young sarah michelle gellar but I swear I only watched it because she was a total bitch and I wanted to bone her, which by default makes me straight. But, errm, i really digressed there.
So sookie's a dumped psycho ex girlfriend slut type person, there's werewolves in the henhouse, and... no. I think that's it. I would dearly love to see more of Henley/chloe/lauren german from Happy town, and by seeing more of her, I mean, having her handcuffed naked to my bed, but the odds of that happening by the time I get home from work are extremely remote. And, as we all know, I will have moved onto the next hot babe by the time the weekend gets here. I am such a fickle bitch.
Luckily, my out of town company should be leaving soon and I'll get done mowing the back 40 acres by this evening, just in time for me to enjoy my weekend of pouring rain. Oh hey, it's not all doom and gloom though, despite the heat, I seem to be sleeping like a dead rock every night. No alcohol involved. No idea how that's working, but hey! Days seem the same and I am feeling good so I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth! Mostly because it'd probably bite my damn nose off and I am not sure how many teeth a horse should have anyway. I mean, come on, wtf do I know about horses? Last time I saw one on TV it was at the kentucky derby and I was like "If a woman had hindquarters like that I'd bend her over my desk!" But.. uh... yea. Maybe that's more than you wanted to know.
So, funny story to close out this post. We are playing cards the other night to welcome me back, not that welcoming me back was the point of the game, but that's how I think of it, because, you know, I AM the center of my own universe and all. But.. where was I? OH right, so we are all playing in the kitchen and my one sis is snoring like a buzzsaw out on the couch. And we are laughing about it for several minutes and all of a sudden she wakes up and says she is not snoring, she's "having an asthma attack." Yea. I laughed. I have been teasing her about it all week now, because she seems to have these every night and they usually last from the time she goes to bed until she wakes up in the morning, but that's not snoring, no it's an "asthma attack." Riiiiiiiight. lol I'll have to remember that one the next time she is visiting and says I am snoring too loud. heh
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