So before I went away on my camping trip, I could have sworn I ordered Zombieland to watch while I was away, for those rainy days inside the cabin. Yea, I don't rough it, but that's not the point. There was some crazy mixup with amazon and not only didn't I get zombieland, but according to amazon, I never even ordered it. What gives? A mis-click of the mouse, you might say.
But then I get back and lo and behold Zombieland was on one of the premium channels this past weekend. Now, aside from showing me just how bald woody harrelson has become, and I'm guessing he's sensitive about it because he wears a lot of hats in this movie, this movie showed me just how in touch with the future that I really am. Despite never having seen this movie before, I could not get over how many times I was able to predict what was going to happen in the film. Which either means it was extremely predictable, or that I should be buying lottery tickets, playing the stock market, or at the very least, reading palms in the circus.
Just the few examples that I can remember, Woody and his zombie-killer partner come across these two girls in a supermarket after the zombie apocalypse and one of them has been bitten by a zombie. As we all know, once bitten, you are a time bomb waiting to explode into ferocious, brain hungering dead thinginess, so you must be killed immediately if not sooner. I don't know where that expression comes from, to be honest, I mean, how much sooner can you get than IMMEDIATELY? Anyway, my point is, I was like "oh, these chicks are running a scam, they are going to rob woody." And BAM so they did, driving off in woody's truck. Next, woody and his friend run across his abandoned truck, and woody is all careful like, he has his sidekick stay in the vehicle and approaches on foot. I was like "The girls are waiting to steal the vehicle! don't do it!" But, no, woody gets back to the car after finding nothing in his abandoned truck and BAM the girls are already in the back seat after having pulled a gun on the sidekick. Too easy. Finally, they decide to work as a team and drive to Bill murray's mansion in hollywood to hide out in style. Turns out Bill murray is alive! And he is dressed up like a zombie to "fit in" he says, because the zombies never attack their own. Of course they don't, and if anyone can do a good zombie, it's bill murray! So bill scares the crap out of woody, and they have a good laugh about it, and then they decide to go scare woody's sidekick, who is watching ghostbusters in bill's home theater. I immediately knew this was a bad idea. I said "he's going to kill bill!" And I wasn't even referring to Quentin Tarantino movies at this point. Sure enough, he did indeed shoot bill murray. I mean, first rule of zombieland should have been, never scare a guy with a gun. Seriously. Second rule, never dress up as a zombie when people are driving around shooting zombies. HELLO! Duh. Then bill murray is dying and someone asks him "Any regrets?" And I'm like "Garfield." and Bill says "Maybe Garfield." I was like :-o I have witnesses to all of that, so don't even think I made this shit up.
Other than it's predictability, the movie wasn't that great. The girls looked underage, the stars were mostly second rate (no offense woody, loved you in cheers), and the only thing interesting for me was the sheer number of rules the sidekick made for surviving the zombie apocalypse. I mean, we could certainly use it as a training film to train future generations to survive the coming zombiepokyclipse, if there are any future generations after that, anyway. But other than that, not really any redeeming features, other than the rules popping up every few seconds to remind us of them. And the rules, frankly, are pretty common sense. I always check the bathroom for zombies before I do a number 2 and that's even while I am stone cold sober.
As an aside, Bill Murray has some awesome fans. Here's a website for example...
http://christwire.org/2010/07/boycott-bill-murray-for-a-better-america/
These people have an amazing sense of humor, they totally play this off as a christian site that hates bill murray and it just comes off as a tribute to the man's awesomeness. I loved reading it, and now have an urge to party with Bill. Except I don't usually carry drugs on my person, which, from the looks of it, is what would attract bill to my party in the first place. Oh well.
Now, unlike every media and news site in the known universe, which has been BANNED from reviewing starcraft 2 until it's release, I CAN REVIEW IT TODAY!!! That's right, I am not a news site and Blizzard has no control over me releasing a review of Starcraft 2 today instead of tomorrow. So there! :-P So, here's the review...
Starcraft 2 is pretty much just like the original starcraft. Yea, plays almost exactly the same way, has the same units and structures as far as I could tell. I mean, I only played the beta and I only played the zerg because all the other races are losers and can't hold a candle to the power of zerg awesomeness, but the two times i played, my zerg ally destroyed my enemies before I got a chance to finish setting up my base, and the second time, I managed to finish my base only to get swarmed by a fleet of carriers and protoss walkers because I hadn't actually made any troops yet. I know there was a lot of concern over what units would counter others, but to be honest, I haven't played the game that far to run into that sort of thing. The feel of the game is EXACTLY the same as the first starcraft, only the graphics are slightly updated. Which, is good enough for me! I am buying it and maybe I will even play it for 3 years straight, only breaking for meals and sleep, like I did the first one.
I predict Starcraft 2 will be a huge success, so buy stock in blizzard and then reap the benefits.
I love strategy games, what can I say. My longest game of chess lasted nearly 3 months. :-)
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