Ah, the younger generation

So, most of you know that I am 40 now.

So I had my nephew over at my house this weekend, and we had some time to kill. So I was on Crackle.com, and I noticed they have Silent Rage for viewing. Now I have posted about Silent Rage before, it's like the only chuck norris movie that had an extensive supporting cast (well, I saw the original Delta Force this past weekend and that one was pretty decent as far as supporting casts go, too) and it was the only scifi/horror movie he's ever done. I think it's one of his best roles because he is literally fighting for his life during the whole movie. It's not just one of those "I kicked him and he dead now" movies. Plus, Chuck is the only person in the movie who seems to know martial arts, and it doesn't seem to help him much at all. You know what, for Silent Rage, it doesn't really matter who plays the sherriff, and yet Chuck seems to do just fine in the role. The fact that he knows martial arts is just a plus. Which is why I liked him so much in it.

Anyway, I digress, my real point is, my nephew hated the film. In fact, my other nephew dropped by while we were watching it and declared it stupid. I immediately disowned them both and took them out of my wills. My nephew told me the film took too long to get wherever it was going, and moved too slowly to get there. I completely disagreed of course. I think it's more that, my nephews seem to have ADD and I have the opposite, a LONG attention span. Seriously, I think any show less than a half hour long is a waste of time to watch because I can't get into it and forget what's happening with it. Whereas, you get a show an hour or more in length and it seems to grow in my estimation. Also, I like the idea of building suspense, and apparently, this is a foreign concept to younger people nowadays.

Take for instance, the reaction of one of my bosses at work. He was trying to tell me a futurama joke, and since futurama is probably less than a half hour long, I have never seen the show. Which rendered his joke extremely unfunny. I told him I had never sen the show and he called me a retard. That's probably against some company policy, but eh, it's just my long attention span. I enjoy the buildup, I enjoy suspense, I enjoyed them not showing the Alien in Alien until almost the last possible scene. I guess that's why they are remaking all my old hollywood favorites, because the younger generation just doesn't get it.

Speaking of younger generation not getting it, I had the displeasure of seeing Valkyrie over the weekend. It's been a long time since I've seen a Tom Cruise movie, mostly because I think he's insane, makes bad movies, and should stop acting altogether and check himself into an institution for some happy pills. But, you know me, I like to review my personal life decisions from time to time, just to make sure I am not making a mistake and missing something important...

Like the time I tried watching South Park. I have a firm dislike for musicals, mostly because watching them makes people gay, and I have an even firmer dislike for half hour musicals because of my afore-mentioned long attention span. But, I had heard so much about South park and how it was hugely popular that I said to myself "You know, I might be missing something important." So I turned on South Park and they were singing cartoons. Yep, just singing some random nonfunny song. At least I didn't think it was funny, and I have a good goddamn sense of humor, so if I didn't think it was funny, IT GODDAMN WASN'T. So I turned it off, thinking I wasn't missing anything at all. Then, oh, I'd guess maybe 3 or 4 years later, someone else told me how great south park was, and I thought "Well, look, maybe I picked a bad time to watch it. It can't ALL be musical numbers, right?" So I turned it back on. They were singing again. I gave up.

This lays the foundation for WHY i watch stupid movies like valkyrie. I think, every so often, that I could be wrong, that maybe, just MAYBE, i have erred. To err is human, right? What separates us from crazy people is the ability to go back, rethink our decision, and go "well, come to think of it, ramming a corkscrew into my testicles was probably not a very good idea." So every so often, I go back and revisit Tom Cruise movies to see if they still suck. They do. Valkyrie blows. End of story.

I should also mention at this point, that I also don't watch the simpsons. I know. I'm crazy. They are enormously funny. I'm a commie spy who is against anything capitalist. No. I've just watched it and didn't think it was that good. I know, I go against the very grain of society. Lynch mob line forms to the right. I even watched the simpsons movie hoping to get a hint of why people enjoy the cartoon so much. I went through the entire movie without so much as a twitter or giggle, until the very end while the credits were rolling. Then I laughed when homer hit his thumb with a hammer or something. Yes, physical humor is always funny. That was the only part through the whole movie that I laughed at. it's not that the movie wasn't enjoyable in it's own right, I guess, as much as any cartoon that doesn't have aliens, nudity, or monsters in it, I just didn't find it that good. It did not inspire in me a desire to watch the cartoon at all.

Hey, maybe I am crazy! At least I review my decisions to make sure they are correct, right? :-)