At least, I think it's season 3?
The years tend to blur together when you get to be my age, right? I try to separate the seasons based on the killers that she's faced, so if she faced the serial killer that first season and the Maenad chick the second season, then this must be the third! There we go. I'm not just a genius because I have good PR people, you know.
So the main reason I like this show... Anna Paquin. Yea, I know, I'm a dirty old man. But I thought she was cute ever since I first seen her and she's finally deigned to show off some of her naughty bits in this series, and that is frankly the only reason I started watching it. I'm not saying she's a spectacular actress, or she's a raving beauty, or she's cute as a basket of kittens, but she's a decent actress, she's cute and she has a decent body, and when you are at bat three times and you hit the ball three times, you are doing freakin good whether they are home runs or not, right? Besides, she's got that girl-next-door-who-isn't-that-hot but she's always had the hots for you look about her, and that's sexy in it's own right.
So the nice thing about this show is that, despite it being mostly about vampires, is that they have other things in there too. Honestly, when I first heard about the show, here's what I thought. I went "Ah fuck, another goddamn vampire thing coming out. jesus F-ing christ, why won't they let the dead stay dead?" Because I really goddamn hate vampires. And I don't even mean I hate vampires in a, They killed my granddad when I was 3 kind of thing, I mean ever since Bram Stoker wrote dracula, which, I haven't read but have heard it is a great literary work, writers have been using that whole undead thing to try and recapture that tortured villain aspect and re-use it to sell books. It's a tried and true literary crutch, is how I view it. Sure, it'll help you walk when your leg is broken, but no one who has two working legs should be carrying one around to gain sympathy. Same thing for writers. If you can write, you don't need a crutch. Unless of course you like writing like a cripple. Frankly, I think vampires have been done to death in literature, and I know they are enormously popular right now, but that's like saying you are writing about sex because sex sells. Vampires sell books. Why, I don't know. I can't stand hearing about the bloodless things. But enough about my distaste for vampires, not everyone shares my dislike of zombies with slightly more animation and slightly more sex appeal than the average rotting corpse shuffling about searching for warm brains...
But True Blood grew on me. They had as the main character a psychic, or more precisely, a telepath, and they quickly introduced a wealth of new supernatural characters here and there. Sure, there are still vampires and humans, and they form the backdrop of the show, and honestly, that's a good thing. Humans are so, human-y, and vampires are mindless dead things struggling for power and blood, and they are so predictable you don't really need to be a telepath to know what they are thinking. And yes, right now I AM thinking about tacos. See how easy it is?
That having been said, I am decidedly against the turn the season premiere took. Sure, Anna Paquin's boobies are nice and all, but I want to see more of her ass. And they didn't even show her boobies in last night's episode. Nope, they showed GRATUITOUS MALE NUDITY. I was appalled. Yea, I guess there should be some equality in the whole nudity thing, so I guess if I have to tolerate the sight of some male asscheeks in my view while I am waiting to see boobies, I'm not going to vomit up my dinner or anything. I mean, I've heard my own asscheeks are the stuff of nightmares, and although I have never seen them, I am sure I don't want to. What do you mean, why haven't I ever seen them? They are behind me, ya numbnuts! I don't have eyes in the back of my head! At least they chose to show off what I am guessing are the two most attractive men in the show. The main character's brother, I think his name's Jason or something, and the vampire sherriff, Eric, who apparently ties up each new stripper in his basement and fucks the crap out of them vampire-style until they agree to work for half price. At least, that would be MY bargaining tactic. Then they practically have a gay moment between the main character's two favorite love interests from the last two seasons. Luckily it was just a dream sequence, and frankly, i found it amusing after I knew it was not headed in that direction, but honestly, I am here for the boobies and the female arse, and of course the battles between supernatural entities, and all this male nudity is more disturbing than a pack of werewolves high on V-juice.
Which brings me to the actual werewolves. They just made them wolves. Yea. I know. Wolves may be beautiful creature in their own right, and obviously a wolf with the cunning of a man and the ability to blend into human society is a problem in and of itself, but if you are going to have vampires who can't stand sunlight and get stakes driven through their hearts like every other goddamn vampire legend, WHY THE HELL CHANGE THINGS NOW? I saw in the little after-thingy they had on that they chose to use real wolves because they didn't want to try and make a hokey computer generated wolfman, and they didn't want to try and use wolf models because they just wouldn't look right, and I agree, for those reasons, real wolves are better, but I don't agree with making fucking 7 or 8 foot tall rampaging beasts with clawed talons capable of ripping your head off with one swipe of it's paw into a cute lil doggy. Sorry. The whole point of werewolves is their in-between form, otherwise, they are just shapeshifters like sam the bar owner. Those guys blew it. I mean seriously, last season had a Maenad who changed into a minotaur like creatuire and clawed the shit out of Sookie, so why the HELL would you need to use computer animation to make werewolves? Guys in rubber wolf-gloves and wolf masks would have been fine! You did it last season with the Maenad and you do it every show with the vampires, what changed? The budget? You can afford to use real wolves but you can't buy a goddamn wolf costume from a goddamn halloween shop? WTF?!?!
So, not only is there more male nudity than female, but they are now making horrible decisions based on, of all things, the ease at which they can use them in the show without making them look hokey. Come on, you have vampires in the show, everything is already hokey, RUN WITH IT!!! Tards. Unless they seriously change this shit around fast, I may stop watching this show, and if I stop watching, every red blooded straight american male in the world will hate it. Trust me, I know. I'm straight. If I hate it, I'm not the only one.
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