Gaming Update

heh, I almost typed the title of this post as gsming update.

Like you people need updates on how much I orgasm. It's ALL THE TIME. I have splooge in my shorts right this very second, and I'm still at work.

Erm, right, so back to games. I only have Supreme Commander 2 on my computer at the moment. It's okay. It's going to have to do until I try Settlers 7 later today. I mean, I hate to give money to the DRM (Digital Rights Management, or copyright protection, for those who don't know) whores, but what can you do? At least I didn't buy Assassin's Creed 2. It's like $60. I mean, where the fuck do they get off charging me extra so they can pay for their crappy DRM servers? What? You didn't hear about this? Well let me farkin edjumacate you!

Those dickwads at Ubisoft, in their infinite stupidity (again with the stupidity, it's taking over the world, oi vey), decided that all their games, from now on, would need to contact ubisoft's own servers every few seconds just to keep playing them. This was their "anti-pirating" measure. Now, I have never pirated a game in my entire life, NO, NEVER, NOW SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH AND LET ME FINISH, but this seems ridiculous even to me. I mean, what happens if my internet connection goes down? What happens if Ubisoft's servers go down? Come to think of it, the last I heard of Ubisoft's DRM servers is that they were down, and had been for several days. Smooth, Ubisoft. Smoooooooth. Fucktards.

I mean, Assassin's Creed (1) wasn't even that good. First off, it was like you weren't actually even doing anything, because basically you're just a normal guy who gets imprisoned and experimented on in this creepy lab and these missions you go on are just HALLUCINATIONS. Yea, apparently they are making you remember your past lives, or some such bullshit. Now, I am down with the whole having past lives thing, but wtf guys, why am I in a goddamn lab? And you can't even DO anything in the lab portions. just, you know, mope around in your little prison uniform and piss in a glass for the lab guys or whatever. There's not even hot lab chicks to show your balls to. Fuck that shit. Ridiculous goddamn game. And that minaret mission, I really hated that goddamn thing. You got to climb up to the highest minaret (tower) in this medieval arabic city and look out from there to spot someone. Well, just climbing the thing was a chore, I kept falling off at the lowest levels, having to climb back up until i got the hang of jumping to every outcropping or ledge, working my way around to the next one, and the jumping to that. So I make it almost all the way to the top of the tower, one last jump, and due to the stupid way the jumping system worked, instead of making a tiny little hop up to grip a ledge, I LAUNCHED MYSELF OUT FROM THE SIDE OF THE TOWER ABOUT 30 FEET. Yea, it was all downhill, errr, straight down from there. Splat. And I'm scared of heights.

Okay, I started this post yesterday, it's tomorrow (er, today, I mean), I'm back at work (because that's where I have the time to do all my blogging, what, you think I have time from home? I'm a busy guy) and I got settlers 7 yesterday. The DRM is pretty sucky, first it takes like a full minute of trying to connect to ubisoft's servers to go ahead and let you know whether they are working or not. It's told me twice that they weren't working, only to let me back in immediately when I tried to reconnect. Theorhetically, since I use Steam (an online service) to buy and download all my gaming titles, then there's no actual need for the DRM that ubisoft has. I an thoroughly tempted to track down the pirated executable for this game so I don't have to deal with ubisoft's idiotic method of trying to keep piracy to a minimum. What's that you say? Only the users who have legitimately purchased the game have to deal with the long load and wait times, the frequent closings to desktop and the need to stay connected at all times while playing? Why yes, that is correct, they like punishing their legitimate users. I don't think downloading the cracked version would even be a crime for me at that point, since I already purchased the product? Eh, I don't know, I am sure I am making too big a deal out of it.

The game itself, well, it's not that exciting. It deals with victory points now instead of actually making a huge army and smashing your opponents into the earth, which is how I like to do things. It adds a tech tree and prestige points, and you can't even build certain structures until you are allowed certain prestige points, and I have NO IDEA how to generate prestige points, so I am sort of stuck with farms and houses at this point. Makes it rather hard to work on the tech tree, forge units or the like. Which, is pretty damn boring. Also, your city is now penned into a small circular enclosure, you can't free-form build anymore, and I have no idea how to make a road. I tried building a woodcutter's near a forest, only to be unable to connect a road to it and have it lay unbuilt there for the rest of my time. I can't even build walls, so I am sure it'd only be a matter of time before my enemies came and crushed me like the sad sad panda that I am. Also, because I have purchased it through Steam, i do not have the luxury of a 100-page manual telling me how to do these things, so telling me to RTFM (Read The Fucking Manual) does not help me one bit. So, not only am I at a loss for why the hell I bothered to waste money on this POS game, but there's no way to return the damn thing and get my money back.

I hate you, Ubisoft. I hate you and my two broken toes hate you. May your company flounder, your stocks plummet, and your employees abandon you for greener pastures so we can be rid of your stupidity and bad game design. May EA buy you and close you down. If they haven't already.

Well now, I think that about sums it up. I am going to find a trainer for Settlers 7 later so I can at least get some buildings working. It won't help me figure out how to build a road, but maybe it'll give me enough prestige points to unlock one, so I can at least slap a few houses into my penned-in city before i get fed up with the game and fart in Ubisoft's general direction. And they took archers out of the game and replaced them with musketeers. Wtf. I LIKE ARCHERS. Dicks.