Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Angels, Demons and Princes of Darkness

I think I am going to make this a recurring thing, just comparing two movies in one post. :-D

So I finished seeing Angels and Demons last night, with Tom Hanks. After, you know, seeing half of it this past weekend and then missing the last hour to watch Wolverine. Yea, that was probably a mistake, but seemed like a good idea at the time, like so many bad ideas often do. Anyway, Angels and Demons was okay. I may reveal some spoilers here so if you haven't seen it, and want to, stop reading here. It was a pretty decent thriller for a while there, I like the whole, sherlock holmes aspect of it, and that tom hanks doesn't start picking up guns and shooting people was awesome, quite frankly. The guy's a professor, not an international spy, after all. Anyway, I didn't really have a problem believing that there was some subplot designed to put the "right" pope in office. I admit I was a little confused by who it was going to be, at least until near the end, but I knew it wasn't going to be any of the obvious choices. I was hoping for a change, that it would be the evil cardinal who's plans for world domination just got completely nixed by a random event, which I'd just totally love to see, because that NEVER happens in the movies. It's always the good guys fighting through hordes of evil, shotgun wielding zombies to stop the bad guy's plans, when really, all it would have taken would be one random charge going off at a bad time and blowing up the super-secret spy chip the master assassin needs to vaporize the world with a space laser and saving the good guy all the work. I mean, think about it, the evil villain has the awesome plot, well thought out, nothing can possibly go wrong, and then the hero has to work his ass off to get it taken down, while the villain just sits there and laughs maniacally or something. I want to see the villain work his ass off for a change, and destroy the GOOD GUY'S plans for world domination, or something. It'd just be cooler.

Anyway, Angels and Demons was entertaining to watch, at least. There's dead bodies, branding, shooting, sherlocky-holmesy shit, and a number of plot twists and turns. Only thing I didn't see were a lot of breasts, which makes sense, I mean, it's a movie about the pope and the catholic church, so I didn't expect to see a lot of hookers and blow. Note to Tom Hanks, Hookers and Blow can only make a movie BETTER. Never worse.

As an interesting followup, right after angels and demons ended, I saw Prince of Darkness starting on another channel. Now, this little gem from the 80's was produced by John Carpenter, if I am not mistaken, I think it's actually called John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness. It's even more exciting than Angels and Demons, there's more blood, more bodies, more evil, and ... wtf. still no breasts. Son of a bitch. Where the FUCK are all the goddamn BOOBIES?? Anyway, this movie was pretty awesome. It starts out where things are already fucked. I mean literally, at the beginning of the film, it's pretty much already too late. All the characters have to attend this meeting or whatever in this old abandoned church where all the bad shit is about to happen, and not only don't they know it, but they have to go ANYWAY, even if they did. They are so fucked. Then things just get worse form there. I mean, it can't be a good thing when the catholic church invites a bunch of physicists and scientists to examine a religious object... much like in Angels and Demons, come to think of it... but in this case, there's no Tom hanks to save the day. I don't think even tom hanks could have helped here. There was a bunch of stars from the 80's, including the asian guy from Big Trouble in Little China, who was sort of comedy relief in this movie. Alice Cooper was even in it. I mean the cast was definitely a bunch of established acharacters, i don't think any of them, well, there was this asian chick I haven't seen in anything else, she was quite adorable, in fact, there's this scene where this girl climbs onto her cot and slowly walks her way up the asian girl's body on all fours until their lips are almost touching, and I was like OH YEA BABY but unfortunately, the other girl had been possessed by an alien demon from beyond the universe and only wanted to vomit alien goo into the asian girl's mouth... which, i guess if you have a fetish for that kind of thing, was awesome, but I don't, sooooooooo.... yea.... anyway, after that, the asian girl just sort of hung around and stood motionless through much of the film. Yea, I was upset, usually when you get taken over by an alien demon from beyond space, there's at least some loss of clothes. At least, in the films I watch on Cinemax.

Anyway, this was an awesome horror film. i have heard some people complain that it wasn't scary but honestly, I started watching it before bed last night and I was sitting in a dark house watching it alone and I had to keep checking behind me to make sure the alien-demon chick wasn't waiting there for me. She had really creepy eyes, and I don't mean they used contact lenses and crap, this was all done just by the actress, who stared unblinking at the asian girl for like, hours before finally vomiting in her mouth. I mean, the asian girl was pretty hot, and I admit I'd have stared for hours, too, but without blinking? My eyes would burn after 5 or ten minutes, I am sure. And I'd certainly have been done thwacking after about 45 seconds. Uh. So. Yea, the movie starts out a little slow but the tension builds constantly right up until the end, so it's a good horror flick to watch, there's not really any relaxing parts to it. lol

I'd like to say it gave me nightmares, I mean, it was a good enough flick to do so, but I slept like a baby. Yea. I am kind of immune to horror flicks at this point. I watch them like fat kids eat candy bars. I could go for a candy bar right now, too.

So there you go, Angels and Demons compared to a movie made 25 years ago? Both fairly similar plots except angels and demons didn't actually have any angels and demons innit, and Prince of Darkness actually did have some pretty fuckin scary goddamn demonic entities involved. Hell, I pissed myself. No, not last night, just now. Why do I always do this at work? I gotta lay off the sauce. Fuckin hangovers are brutal.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Happy Halloween!

And OHMRAT 2023 ends just as it began.  With a quiet whimper.  Sadly, I had no time this month.  Too busy trying to stay alive.  But, I did ...