Two completely unrelated movies that were made aaaaaaaages ago, but I want to review them both, so I shoved them into one post. Suck it up, I write the songs that make the whole world sing. Errr. The posts.. that.. make the two followers I have.. chuckle. Maybe.
First, to tie Liev Shreiber in from my last post about him putting some character into the part of sabretooth in Wolverine, I'd like to mention his part in Phantoms. Phantoms is an older movie based on a Dean Koontz book. Liev is in this movie too. Let me do a short synopsis of it because I don't want to ruin it for you, but it's a decently good horror flick you should check out.
So the movie starts as all horror movies do, showing the relaxing ride these two sisters are taking up to this mountain community to maybe do some fishing or skiing or reconnect with each other or run naked through the woods, eh whatever, they never get that far. They are driving into town and they notice... nobody's around. Sure, it's night and all, but they stop at a hotel and there is just nobody there. No bodies, no pets, no canaries, no sound at all. Then they get the shit scared out of them because a bunch of deputies burst into the hotel. Now at this point, I can't remember whether they were deputies of that particular town or had driven over from a neighboring town because they lost contact with the town the girls are in. Anyway, the situation and general creepiness freaks out Liev Shreiber, and I don't want to give anything else away so I will shut up now. Go watch it. Now. Shut up. Do it. Do it for the love of all that is horror-y.
The second movie I want to mention is Troll. Now this isn't exactly a grade-A movie here. I'd almost classify it as more of a kids horror movie, except it really isn't, or maybe it is, and it just skirts that line between being for kids and being for adults. Like stripper poles. Uh. Yea. So basically what happens in this movie is, a family moves into a first-floor apartment in an old apartment building. The dad's name is Mr. Potter, and his son's name is... Harry. HOLY SHIT IT'S HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!!!!! :-o And there's a witch in his building and he asks her to teahc him to be a WIZARD!!!!!!! :-o Yep, that whole series of Harry Potter movies was ripped off of this one. Because I just said it was, that's why, stop interrupting me, dammit. I don't need evidence, it's OBVIOUS. This movie was released in like 1986 or something and whatsername didn't wrote those books til after this. So there. :-P
Anyway, there's a lot of similarities between Troll and Phantoms. Basically, there's a Troll that takes possession of Harry's little sister, and proceeds to kidnap/enslave/transform the residents of each apartment, one by one, until he can complete his diabolical plan and the world of evil faeries and trolls will spill over into the real world and all humans will die of explosive diarrhea. Errr. Something like that. And don't give me that "Evil faeries?" shit. Way back in the day, Faeries were some evil fucks. We're not just talking little winged sparkly tinkerbell things here, we are talking baby-eating, soul-destroying monsters from beyond the veil of reality that tended to rip your heart out through your chest soon as look at you. Much like Demons. Come to think of it, I guess Demons are a form of Faeries. Both have wings, anyway. Eh. Close enough.
Some nice points about Troll, it has some great character actors in it. Anne Lockhart and her mother June (or maybe that's the other way around) are both in this, and Phil Fondacaro plays a short but erudite english professor with such style that he singlehandedly stopped me from my drunken midget tossing binges back in the 80's. I think the ending could have been better, but I think that about a lot of movies, so, eh. There was even a Troll 2 made but don't watch that. It's horrible. I can't even remember it, that's how bad it was. Troll, by comparison, flows nicely, has great music, and while it may or may not be geared more towards kids because of having a couple child actors in it, nevertheless deals with the serious issues of trollish ex-husbands, sibling rivalry, social ostracisizification (i just made that word up) and odd folk. I thoroughly enjoyed it, anyway.
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