Saturday, April 15, 2017

Reviews - Suicide Squad, It Follows

Wheee, that's it, people!  We made it through another 40 Days without Sex!  Or, whatever it was you gave up for Lent.  I gave up Pink Unicorns, which, well, let me tell ya, it was HELL living without for 40 days.  HELL.

Suiceide Squad (2016) is all about a guy who also, by some strange coincidence, loves Pink Unicorns!  :-o  He also throws Boomarangs, and is an aussie, which, I mean, can you get any more stereotypical for an aussie?  Ugh.  DC Comics, you're killing me, guys.  Killin me.  There's also some other "meta-human villains" as they called them in the movie. Deadshot (Will Smith), Harley Quinn (no idea who played her), and a bunch of other, lesser known actors playing other super-powered villains.  As we all know by now, Harley Quinn is the Joker's sidekick, who makes a few brief cameo appearances in this movie, though I'm not sure how they managed to convince him.  Offerred him some dirt on Batman, maybe?  Meh.

So, erm, the plot, which, takes a VERY slow and plodding 45 minutes to build up, basically revolves around a sort of demonic possession similar to the Exorcist only without Linda Blair and with a little less split pea soup.  The "Suicide Squad" is a group of villains who are recruited by the star league to defend the frontier against Xur, and the Ko-Dan armada...   wait.  No.  Wrong movie.  That's the Last Starfighter.  Suicide Squad is about a group of Villains recruited to fight bad guys, yes, yes, that's it.  Sort of like throwing a hand grenade at another hand grenade to render the explosion from the first hand grenade moot, or maybe that would just make a bigger explosion or something.  I guess at that point, you really don't care about making a bigger explosion?  Meh.  Not sure about the logic behind the whole thing.

So, was the movie any good?  Well, I almost turned it off half an hour in because it was taking so long to get anywhere, but I kept watching because the possessed girl was really hot.  After it got less talky talky and more fighty fighty, the action moved along pretty fast, so I suppose they had to toss that 45 minutes of filler into it to make the movie make sense, or just have it last slightly longer than your average episode of Grimm.  I thought there was a little too much CGI, but I guess that's where all the action is in movies, nowadays.  Would I watch it again?  No.  Not much else to see, and nothing particularly exciting or original about this movie.  I've never really been fond of DC comics for some reason.  It's like the heroes are, I don't know, too fake, or something.  Viola Davis is always fun to watch, though.  Good actress.  Suicide Squad is on HBO this month, if you want to watch it.

It Follows (2014) is about what may possibly be the worst STD ever.  This poor girl sleeps with her new BF for the first time, and he ends up Chloroforming the shit out of her.  When she wakes up, she's tied to a wheelchair in an area that looks like the underside of a highway, and not in a good way.  Apparently, there is now something following her, and only she can see it.  What follows (HAH I MAKE JOKE!) is not exactly scary, but filled with a few jump scares and the kind of horror that simple camera tricks can achieve, because this movie apparently didn't really have a big budget for special effects.  Meh,  I guess it was okay?  Didn't exactly power my vibrator, as the saying goes.  What, that's not really a saying?  Well, it is now.  It Follows is on Showtime Women (where i saw it), or also on Netflix, I believe, if you'd care to have a peek at it.

That's all for tonight, peeps.  Heh.  Peeps.  Cuz tomorrow is Easter.  Geddit?  Yeah, I'm laugh-a-minute guy tonight.  See you next time.  Enjoy your break from Lent until next Fat Tuesday!  Go have sex, ya heathens.  Or eat chocolate bunnies, whatever powers your vibrator.

1 comment:

  1. "Didn't exactly power my vibrator, as the saying goes. What, that's not really a saying? Well, it is now." THAT, my friend, is why I am still in Love with you after all these years, rofl!! Classic, that line is an instant classic, that is now going to be oft-repeated on the other side of the world, I promise you! Well Done Mate! :)