When I was a young kid, things weren't like they are today. There weren't channels devoted to horror. No Syfy. No Cloo. No Chiller network. There was 2, 4, 7 and 29. And 29 was the 'new' channel. There weren't any horror movies on saturday nights. There wasn't even much on TV on saturday nights, and if there was, nobody watched it. Because everyone was out on saturday night. Terminator wasn't around. Friday the 13th hadn't become a movie series. Freddy Krueger wasn't stalking kids on elm street, alive or dead. HBO wasn't even invented yet, let alone any other premium channels. Sure, Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman were still around, but by that point, they were more like guest stars for Abbott and Costello (a pair of old comedians) than they were scary.
There was one thing new. Godzilla. After getting bombed at the end of World War 2, Japan was really freakin' scared of one thing. Atomic power. Can't blame them, really. They are, as far as I can recall, the only country that has ever actually had atomic bombs dropped on them. And yet, in 1954, only nine years after World War 2, they came up with an idea. Godzilla. A giant lizard that was not only created by atomic power, but was determined to prevent Japan from using it, at least according to what the movies seemed to be saying. Japan, or more specifically, Toho studios (I think they created him), poured all their fear of atomic power into one creature. Godzilla. Or Gojira, in the original Japanese. The King of All Monsters.
In time, as Japan quickly grew in technological know-how and made more and more Godzilla films, the giant lizard stopped being a terror, and became an ally. Monster after monster attacked Japan, and Godzilla was always there to take them down. Sure, Godzilla was a bit tricky to deal with, at times. Much like nuclear power itself, or perhaps, the element of fire, it can be a useful tool when properly used and respected, and really dangerous when it isn't. Godzilla even spawned his own genre, Kaiju, which, i guess, means 'giant monsters that try to kill tokyo and are eventually eaten by godzilla.' Roughtly translated.
Godzilla (2014) is the latest iteration of the giant lizard. In this particular movie, Godzilla is something of a myth. Giant monsters are not the norm, but a geological disturbance in a nuclear power plant in 1999 causes a man to lose his wife. Fifteen years later, the man has lost his job, because he believes there is something more to the accident that cost him his wife. His son believes his father is a bit of a lunatic, and comes out to Japan to retrieve his dad after his father has been arrested for trespassing. His dad asks him for an hour, just one hour, so that they can sneak into the home they had to evacuate 15 years earlier, so he can retrieve a photo of his dead wife. The son agrees. But... a lot can happen in an hour.
I can't say I particularly liked this Godzilla movie. For one thing, there wasn't a japanese guy looking up at the sky and screaming GOJIRAAAAAA! and running for his life. Which, is just a tradition. I kid. Seriously, they totally revamped Godzilla, for one thing. His appearance has changed over the years, but he's never looked this... I don't know, odd. Instead of an agile-looking lizard, who breathes fire and bites things alot, this Godzilla looks like a pudgy american kid with tiny arms and head, and back-boobs. So, like Chris Farley in a lizard costume. I would take this moment to do a Chris Farley impression, and sing "Fat Man in a Lizard Suit," but my impression would be so horrible that Zombie Chris Farley would return from the grave to Great White Ninja me to death. So I will pass.
Aside from Godzilla looking a little off, the whole focus of the movie seems to have changed. Instead of giant monsters beating the snot out of each other, which was the focus of every other Godzilla movie (even the one with Matthew Broderick had Godzilla on-screen more), they focus more on what the humans are doing. And seriously, if I wanted to see humans running around acting important, I'd watch CSPAN or something. I watch Godzilla movies to see Godzilla, and the other monsters. There's a whole lot of blather-all about the man who lost his wife, and the relationship with his son, and his son coming to terms with his father not actually being crazy, and so on and so forth, and who really cares? Godzilla only finally comes out of the water with like 20 minutes left in the movie, and then, they keep cutting away from him duking it out with the monsters to show some idiot army guy trying to do his job, that he never actually does, because there's debris flying everywhere. In fact, if I remember correctly, Godzilla popped out of the water like an hour into the movie, and he stands up to face off against the other beastie, and then...! They cut to the ocean, where Godzilla is back in the water, chasing the thing down. Wait, what? Was there a fight? What happened? They never say. They just jump to the next scene. More humans. Running around. Acting important. Like humans do.
Everything was pretty much CGI, as far as I could tell. Computer Generated Godzilla just doesn't look as good as old rubber-suit Godzilla, sad to say. The acting was reasonably good, or at least, the acting talent was mostly composed of veteran actors. I don't really understand the point of having a movie about a giant lizard-monster trying to focus on the human actors, but hey, I don't write these things. Suffice it to say, that this particular Godzilla movie was pretty bad, in my humble opinion.
Bonus review, Robocop (2014). Short summary, since my hand hurts because I think it's broken. Basically a remake of the Peter Weller film back in the 80's, but with a slightly different script, Robocop is gunned down in the line of duty, remade into a cyborg, and put out on the streets to patrol Detroit. As in the first movie, Omni-Consumer Products, or OCP, is pretty corrupt, and interested only in the almighty dollar. They take every shortcut, and circumvent every law, to try and prove their robots are better for law enforcement than actual police officers. Eventually, they seem to prove their point, but they piss off Robocop in the process.
Robocop has Michael Keaton in the role of the president of OCP. He doesn't get much screen time, but Michael Keaton is pretty awesome as an actor, so he does a decent villain in this movie. Samuel L. jackson plays an OCP-funded TV shill who lambastes anything and everything that gets in the way of OCP's interests. I think it's gary oldman, that plays the doctor that revives Robocop this time? He does a pretty good job playing a conflicted scientist.
All in all, the acting was pretty decent, but much like in the Godzilla film, they put the good actors in the supporting roles, and the young, inexperienced (read: bad) actors in the pivotal roles. I don't really understand why Hollywood thinks that attractive = good actor. Have they never seen a Gene Hackman movie? I mean, Gene Hackman looks like he could stop a bus with his face. And has. But he can act like a goddamn supermodel if he wanted to, and pull it off. However, you cannot take a supermodel, and have them act like Gene Hackman. Sorry. Just doesn't work that way. Never has, never will. Please, stop trying. Your box office results will thank you for it. Trust me.
Robocop is on Netflix, and Godzilla is on Cinemax, if you want to see them. As always, feel free to watch these films for yourself, and make up your own mind about whether you want to watch them again or not. I may be just an idiot who wouldn't know fine art if you shoved a Monet up my ass and lit it on fire. But seriously, who wants a movie about fine art? I'm a guy. Old-school. We want tits, ass, guns, explosions and monsters. Period. At least, I hope there's a "we." I'd hate to think I was the only one left.
That's all for this weekend, unless I come across something awesome tomorrow and just have to post about it. March starts tomorrow, and spring officially begins a few weeks later. I still have mounds of snow 5 feet high next to my driveway. Pfeh.
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