Okay, I admit I'm not a huge Kevin Costner fan. But seriously, do you guys know how hard it is, NOT to review horror movies? I'm trying to save them til next month! And Carrie doesn't count. That movie wasn't even that good. So you'll have to settle for action til then. Not long, now. Ten whole days. Seems like forever.
3 Days to Kill (2014) stars Kevin Costner as Ethan Renner, an aging CIA agent who's dying. He's got glioblastoma something or other, which is bad, I guess. The doc gives him 3 to 5 months to live, and he goes home to his estranged wife, and the daughter he barely knows. Only, the CIA has one last mission they'd like him to do. The Wolf, the architect behind Ethan's last near-disastrous mission, is still out there. And Ethan's the only one who's seen him.
Yea, I know it's kind of a short synopsis, but it's pretty much a simple movie. I've never really liked Kevin Costner in.... well, anything, really. He played a serial killer in Mr. Brooks, I think it was? That role sort of played to him. I think his, uh, acting instincts, shall we say, made him very suitable to playing the bad guy. He doesn't really play a bad guy in this movie, but he does go around killing people. Not enough people, in my opinion, but some. This movie kind of drags a bit, there's a lot of him trying to make up with his family, who, frankly, aren't very interesting. His wife doesn't like him very much, and his daughter's pretty pissed at him for not being around for, oh, her entire life. Hailee Steinfeld plays the daughter, I guess she is a popular up and coming actress, but eh, I'm not seeing it. I can't recall who played the estranged wife but she's probably the best actress in this film (Connie Nielson, thank you imdb.com). Amber Heard plays Ethan's "handler," which, if you don't regularly watch spy movies, means his immediate superior who provides him with mission objectives and details and so on. Amber Heard completely and totally overacts this part, which, is fine. Considering the rest of the movie is drab and mainly uninteresting, Amber Heard overacting a bit here and there is a welcome change.
There's a scene in this movie where Amber Heard is watching some girl dancing nude (and yes, I know she's lesbian, so it makes perfect sense), and they don't actually show anything. There's some like, smoke and lights obscuring the naughty bits. I'm not really sure why they did this, maybe it's because Kevin Costner was in the scene, and he doesn't like seeing that kind of thing? Who knows, maybe he plays for the other team, so to speak. Totally off topic, but have you ever noticed how many euphemisms pop up in everyday speech? Back on-topic, why the hell wouldn't they add nudity to spice up this movie? I am sure Amber Heard wouldn't have objected. Odd, that they had nude dancers and blurred it out, considering I saw this on Netflix. They certainly shouldn't have needed to blur anything. On that same note, it's rare that Netflix gets a movie that was finished this same year. Which probably means that 3 Days to Kill wasn't very good, and hey, guess what? I agree.
Oh, there were some good parts. Kevin Costner's character does some good shooting, kidnapping, torturing, killing, blows a few things up, but really, he's dying. I mean, how active and spry can a dying cancer patient be? The various sub-plots where he's trying to torture people so he can find his main target, and his daughter calls, and he asks them for advice, is pretty funny. There's also some holes, not necessarily in the plot, but they don't really let you know how things worked out. For instance, the daughter gets a chance to be alone with this supposedly really nice guy, who happens to be the son of the bad guy's partner. She gets locked in a room alone with him, and... what happens? They don't show anything. Just, all of a sudden, it's the end of the movie. Did he try and kill her? Did she kick his ass? Did someone save her? Did they have hot messy sex? Who knows?
Mostly, the movie dragged a little bit too much. I think Amber Heard managed to step in at just the right moments for me not to stop it and eject it from my Netflix queue. Hey, if you like watching Amber Heard overact, take a gander at 3 days to kill. Kevin Costner doesn't overact here, in fact, I don't think Kevin Costner can overact. He's more of a chronic under-actor. Everyone else does okay, and the villains do a good enough job of acting villain-y. If you're looking for action, this movie is a bit lacking, but there is some. If you're looking for comedy, well, there's a tiny smidge. If you want to see an aging Kevin Costner act like a guy near death, hey, you're in luck, there's a lot of that. The fight scenes didn't particularly seem realistic, in my opinion, at least not compared to other movies of similar ilk, and frankly, a cancerous guy, fighting off unconsciousness, taking out a trained killer is, well, unlikely. (shrug) I'm trying to be nice, but honestly, the movie wasn't that good. I'm definitely not going to watch it again.
You guys are in luck tonight. You get a bonus review! I managed to catch Madame Secretary, Tea Leoni's newest show. Yes, she produced it, too. She plays the new secretary of state after the last one gets killed in an airline crash. Sure, there's enough here to keep it going for years, but I already figured it out. The president's chief of staff is the bad guy. He's running a CIA-backed drug operation and raking in the millions, and he had the last secretary of state killed because he knew too much. And, there's no monsters, aliens, naked chicks, and so on, so, why am I watching this again? Can't think of a good reason. Well, at least I checked it out, now I can cross it off my list of shows to watch. Sorry Tea, I know you're producing it and all, but I'll just have to come up with another reason to pick you up in a bar the next time I see you in one. And if I can't think of anything, please, just come on over and pick me up. I'm lonely. So lonely. It's too quiet here. I can hear the house creak when the wind blows.
Another bonus review, caught The Secret Life of Walter Mitty last night on HBO. Yea, I'm not recommending it. It's a Ben Stiller movie, for god's sake. I'm not going to make a determination on his acting skills, because I don't think he's actually tried to act yet, but personally, the only person I dislike more in Hollywood right now is Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise just seems, I don't know, wrong somehow, like he's actually an alien parasite hell-bent on world domination, and we all know it, but we don't talk about it because it's just too crazy to say out loud. Oops. There, now I've done it. I've gone and said it. Shit. Now what do I do?
There's basically 3 main characters in this movie that mean anything. Walter Mitty, played by Ben Stiller, Kristen Wiig, the love interest, who, well, let's just say she's not exactly a Hollywood sex object, but I guess that's the point, and Sean Penn, who plays a supporting role, but the only other role in the movie that really means anything. Sean Penn did a decent job, but it was more of a cameo than anything else. Also, the movie is a remake of an earlier movie, probably a much-better-done one, as well, but I haven't seen the original, so i can't compare the two. So let's see, we've got a remake of a comedy that's not funny, not exciting and not terribly interesting. Blech. And, hey, there's no monsters, and no nudity. Don't ask me why I watched it. Must have been day-dreaming about a better movie while it was on.
That's all for tonight. It's late and I feel like I'm coming down with something. Yes, I know. What, me? I never get sick! heh Fall arrives on Tuesday, and I'm already getting started on cold and flu season. Oh, speaking of fall, as it turns out, my weather prediction for summer was way off! Remember that weather prediction I made back in June, how summer was going to be smoking hot and there'd be hurricanes galore and shit? Well, I was wrong! I am man enough to admit it. June WAS warm and toasty, above average temps all month, but July and August, and probably September as well, were way below average, temperature-wise. Which made for a goddamn crappy summer. I haven't even been able, for various reasons including the weather, to work on my tan, probably since July. I am pasty white again. :-( Can't get any geekier than that, I suppose. Oh well. Maybe next summer will be warmer. Now I get to try and make it through 9 glorious months of winter. Whee. Feel my excitement.
Til next week, and hopefully a better movie or series to review!
No comments:
Post a Comment