Sunday, January 26, 2014

Winter Is Not Harshing My Mellow

My first post of the new year!  :-D

I don't know why that should be so exciting but I'm in a good mood so I'm just going to run with it.  So let's sum up the past month where I haven't done any reviews, but seen a ton of movies and TV shows.

JACK REACHER: Yes, this is the first tom cruise movie I have seen since...  probably the racecar one with nicole kidman.  Nicole, just as an aside, is always a good reason to watch a movie, but she wasn't in Jack Reacher.  So, Jack Reacher is the story of a six foot five monster of an investigator who is all secret ex military hush hush and stuff, and is called in to investigate a sniper killing.  The movie is actually not too bad, but the real story here is how Tom Cruise managed to get the part, when he's barely 5 foot 2 while standing on the shoulders of a stout dwarf.  In any case, the movie is all action and Tom is not required to actually do any emoting so they pretty much could have gotten a trained gorilla to play the part and it would have done just as well.  Or, maybe better.  Then it would also have been an entertaining comedy, as well.

LAST STAND: I think this is probably Arnold Schwarzenegger's first lead acting gig since the Governator role he had for ten years on that series, what was it called... Being the Governor of California, that was it.  But hey don't get me wrong, I am impugning neither the way he governed (which I really know nothing about anyways) or his acting skills, because he's certainly a better actor than Tom Cruise.  I know, that's not saying much, but hey, I've been waiting for Arnold to get back to acting for over a decade, and this was a suitable attempt at returning to his action movie roots.  Arnold may be a little old to be duking it out with badass villains nowadays, but he at least acts like he is able bodied, which is good enough for me.  Plus, there's explosions, gunfights, and Johnny Knoxville!  okay, I could have done without Johnny knoxville.  That guy is way way down there on my favorite actors list.  Or, at the top of my least favorite actor's list.  Something like that.  Arnold, on the other hand, is way up there.  He's not exactly a Clint Eastwood or anything, but his movies are always enjoyable and filled with explosions and guns and what's not to like there?

HELIX:  This series premiered on SyFy a few weeks ago, and I've got to say it's probably the best show SyFy has managed to produce to date.  Sure, Battlestar Galactica had some good episodes, but it was basically Edward James Olmos (or however you spell his name) surrounded by a bunch of hot young cylons who couldn't act very well, and special effects.  All of which was cool and all, but it's nice to have someone to act WITH when making a movie.  I have this theory that if you're a good looking actor/actress, you're there just to show off your pretty face.  If you are ugly, you may actually have some acting talent.  Go on, think of any great actor.  Are they attractive?  Now think of all the attractive actors and actresses out there in most of the series and movies you see nowadays, and ask yourself, can they act?  There you go.  You answered my question.  So SyFy switched gears and decided to fill Helix with good actors instead of pretty ones, and BAM.  Shit works.  First time I ever logged onto Syfy.com to see if I could find out more about the show, and damn if I can't wait to see wtf happens next, although last week's episode was too soap opera-y for me.  Lots of people dying and getting sick and hidden secrets and drama, which, I guess is great for the show, but I was all about the science and the infection and stuff, being a trained scientist and all.  Anyways, there's always some nice action tossed in here and there, and suspense, and everyone's scared shitless, which is always good.  Best series I ever seen on Syfy, at least since they opened their channel with old reruns of Star Trek.  Basically, this series is about a virus that runs rampant at an isolated research station in the arctic circle or something, way the frig away from anything considered civilization.  Good acting, good writing, good special effects, extra good considering Syfy's usual special effects consisting of a computer generated lizard or snake or sharktopus.  Bitten, another new show from syfy, is about werewolves, and is cast entirely with good looking people who really can't act.  So.  Which one's going to last longer, or is more enjoyable?  Who knows?  Which one do I want to watch?  Helix.  lol

SLEEPY HOLLOW: Ending the season in January is a ballsy move for this series which premiered in October of last year.  Centered around the headless horseman legend of sleepy hollow fame, Ichabod crane leads a cast of attractive actors who have no idea how to stop the coming apocalypse while fighting off the mystical moves of a demon called Moloch.  So far, I've got to say they're losing badly, even with the addition of the guy from Fringe who appeared as a Sin-Eater, then turned out to be (SPOILER ALERT) the second horseman of the apocalypse.  Old Headless being the first horseman, of course.  So here we are halfway to the apocalypse, and I've got to wait til October for new episodes?  Wtf!  Goddamn sleepy hollow, with your all-attractive cast and leaving me hanging like that.  I doubt you'll even make the cut in the fall season.

IN OTHER NEWS: I was almost on TV earlier this month!  That's right, during that Arctic Vortex or whatever, the Weather Channel was spamming webcam views of a little place called Hamburg in Western New York, constantly commenting how Buffalo was getting hammered by lake effect snows.  Well, we were!  I live right next to hamburg and if I had been out in that blizzard of snowy white that you could barely see on the webcam, you might have seen me freezing to death.  lol  Thirty six straight hours of whiteout conditions outside my front door.  Was awesome!  I didn't even bother shoveling til the snow stopped.  lol  I love a good blizzard.  if you ask me, it should snow all the time during the winter, because I hate the look of dead, leafless trees and grass gone to winter brown.  So depressing.  Just cover everything in clean, pristine white until spring comes and makes everything green again.  I guess Jack Frost agrees with me this winter, because it's snowed a ton and it's not supposed to go above freezing for the next three weeks.  lol

SO, A QUESTION...  Are you considered "old" when the radio station that used to be called "easy listening" and the "elevator music station" is now your favorite radio station?  Hmmm.  All I know is, I can't find Heart or the Eurythmics playing anywhere else.  Come on, where's the Heart Reunion tour?  I would buy tickets!  If I had money.  Wait, was there a Heart Reunion tour?  Did I miss it?  :-o

BONUS VIDEO GAME ROUNDUP:  Call of Duty: Ghosts seems pretty sad.  I didn't realize til I bought it that it was basically panned in the gaming community, and it plays almost the same or worse as every $10 independently-made shooter out there.  Also, I can't get through the goddamn campaign.  Stupid tank missions always defeat me.  I think I'm just glitching out of my tank or something, or maybe I'm supposed to leave it, but either way I always die like a bitch and the mission starts over.  Stupid game.  Not even cheating helps.  That can't be right.  Wasteland 2 was supposed to be a nice Scifi RPG.  Turned out to be a crappy Scifi rpg that is still very buggy and in alpha state.  State of Decay only scored an 80 on the ratings (70 is about average, and denotes a pretty crappy game, in my opinion), but actually turned out to be pretty fun.  If they could make a better version of it where I could choose what survivor I wanted to play instead of making me switch every time my main character got tired, and didn't end the adventure every time the military decided to blow it's way out of the valley, this game might have made it to 90.  Still fun to play and replay.  Different every time, which is a big selling point in my book.  There's some DLC (downloadable content) which resets the valley every time you get to a certain point, but that seems goofy and I didn't buy it.  But at least State of Decay is finished, fleshed out and suitably polished.  Not like this "early access" crap nowadays that lets the game developers release games completely unfinished and supposedly lets you "shape" the game by offering your feedback to the game developers before they "officially" release it.  Yea, like they aren't just getting the money early and releasing a piece of shit game that they can stop work on whenever they feel like it now that you've already shelled out the cash.  Come on, you really think they are going to listen to "My GOD that game sucks!  Scrap it and start over!"  Nope.  No, they aren't.  You already paid, now you're stuck with whatever they do with it.  You were warned, and you still bought it.  Idiot!  I'm speaking mostly to myself here.  lol  No more "Early Access" crap for me unless the game ROCKS in the current unfinished state.  Like Minecraft did.

That's all for now, folks.  The snow plow just plowed me in, so I need to go go shovel that icy slush at the end of my driveway.  Enjoy the winter, or just stay in your house and keep warm til it's spring.  lol  I'll try and post more reviews as soon as I can find a decent movie.


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