I'm not usually fond of the newer horror movies. They usually rely too much on gore and torture, or they are just a plethora of bad acting, poor effects and poor production that they are generally unwatchable. I miss the good old days when good actors got naked and suspense and tension ruled the day, because the "special effects" was Christopher Lee in a set of plastic fangs. You only had the acting to carry you along then, and that had to be enough. Or the boobs. There's always the boobs to get you through.
House of Fears (2007) doesn't have Christopher Lee. Or plastic fangs. Or boobs. Which, normally would mean it sucks. But somehow, it just doesn't suck as bad as I figured it would. As Inigo Montoya would say, "Let me explain. No! Let me sum up."
House of Fears begins with an african artifact heading back to the states by way of a haunted house collector. Apparently some rich lady funded a trip to africa to bring back fake antiquities for her fake haunted house, only one particular antiquity turned out not to be so fake. An african death idol winds up in one of those Halloween haunted house tour things, and of course, a group of teens sneaks into the house and the artifact does its dirty dirty magic thing and people start dying.
This wasn't the greatest movie. I couldn't really identify with any of the characters in this movie because they didn't give you enough time to to do so, or maybe I just couldn't see myself sneaking away from a perfectly good party with chicks and alcohol to go see a haunted house. Then again, maybe I would, I'm a bit weird. They introduced a couple parents of some of the main characters, then you never get to see them again. I'm not particularly sure why they got introduced in the first place. There was surely a better way to get one of the characters along for the party, but oh well. If they were going through the trouble of introdcuing them, it would have been nice to see them again. The mom was kind of attractive. Another problem I had here was I could see the end coming along about ten million miles away. Pretty much at the start of the movie, so, it's not exactly a twist ending. Also, the "fears" end up being little more than extras from your typical haunted house tour, although they do get a bit more violent than your average minimum wage earner. lol Honestly, the only one I felt sorry for was the poor night guard who ends up getting ripped apart by his own dog, and he's only in the movie for about 5 minutes, poor bastard.
On the plus side, the acting was passable, and the girls were attractive, and the effects, though minimal, weren't totally crappy, so I suppose I will grudgingly accept this as a horror movie. Not a good one, but it tries, and none of the actors seem to be making fun of themselves while they are doing it, so what the hell. Not the worst horror movie I have ever seen, by any means. Of course, it's no Killer Klowns from Outer Space, but then, what is? They really need to make a sequel to that movie. Did I mention there's no nudity in this movie? Would have been SO much better with nudity. Sigh.
So, House of Fears, worth a watch if you've got time to kill and haven't seen it before. If you have, I don't think watching it again will show you anything you missed the first time. I can't see myself watching this again, so it fails the rewatchability test, but there's a lot of movies like that. Sixth Sense failed the rewatchability test for me, can you believe that? Yea, that big blockbuster thing with bruce willis. I saw the end coming and then once I found out I was right and the "big twist" ending was what I had suspected all along, there was no point in seeing it again. Of course, if you've seen the movie you know there's no point in watching it twice once you've seen the end anyway, so maybe it failed everyone's rewatchability test. Who knows. House of Fears is available on netflix, but I think only for a few more days, so catch it fast if you want to see it. If not, give it a pass. Nothing particularly great here.
Last weekend coming up before Halloween! I know many of you will be drunk off your asses, getting half naked or fully naked at halloween parties, and I envy you. On the plus side, I'll try and watch a double feature this weekend and review it for you, and raise a can of cheap, tasteless beer in your honor! If I'm lucky, I can pig out on ice cream and Halloween candy and ride the sugar high til monday morning. lol I've had to give up premium channels entirely, due to my decreased financial status, but hey! I've still got AMC's fear fest! Til tomorrow night then!
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