Saturday, October 19, 2013

Horror Movie Review #19 - Friday the 13th (2009)

I particularly despise remakes, mostly because they can never seem to capture the feel of the original.  The Freddy Krueger remake a few years ago was a perfect example.  I never really like Freddy as a  villain, he was too wimpy.  He couldn't kill you when you were awake, he couldn't kill you unless you were scared, he couldn't kill anyone who wasn't still a teenager, there were just so many things he couldn't do, it totally crippled him as a scary villain.  And to think the townsfolk captured him because he was a child molester/killer and burned him in a furnace?  That is not a particularly scary villain.  Now, Jason, he kills everyone.  That's just what he does.

Friday the 13th (2009) was supposed to revitalize the series.  I thought maybe I had seen and reviewed this one before but I don't remember doing so, so if I did, that's Alzheimer's for ya!  lol  So, without further ado, let's get down to the summary of the movie.

Bunch of teens go to a cabin near Crystal Lake planning to get drunk, high, naked, and any number of other innocent teenage activities that are frowned upon by Jason Vorhees.  As the original story goes, Jason supposedly drowned as a boy while the camp counselors were drinking, flirting and smoking pot, so that's basically why jason likes to kill everyone around the lake and especially anyone who's engaging in any of those activities.  Most of the cast is there just for slaughter, which is normal for these sorts of movies.  Another wrinkle in the tale is a guy looking for his sister, who vanished about 6 weeks previous in the area.  I think we all know where this is going!

Now for the review!  The feel of the movie isn't the same as the originals, for one thing.  In a lot of the original Friday the 13th movies, Jason Vorhees is a legend that no one wants brought up, not a local hero that people protect.  Many of the campers mention him before they get killed.  There's a bit of fear, suspense and tension built up just by doing so.  The "legend" of Jason Vorhees isn't mentioned in this movie as far as I can tell, just an old woman who says "all he wants is to be left alone."  Which, frankly, is a pile of crap.  The old Jason Vorhees just wanted to kill anyone and everyone near the lake.  Maybe that's what the "new" Jason wants, who knows.  I've heard it's based off of movies 1 through 4 but, wouldn't that introduce Tommy Jarvis as a possible nemesis?  You'd think so.

Also, jason kidnaps someone?  I'm not sure what that's about.  I mean, he basically keeps her chained up in his ruined basement or something, but how does he feed and water her?  And yes, I did just infer that woman are like houseplants.  lol  It's not like Jason spends his nights killing people and his days puttering around the kitchen making sandwiches and pot roasts for his captive.  And it's not like he lets her out to cook and clean up, sooooo...  how did she make it 6 weeks?  Six days would have been a stretch without food or water, but 6 weeks is just impossible.  And why kidnap her, I mean, even if she resembles his mother, why keep her chained up?

Also, while jason seems as strong and hardy as the original, he doesn't seem as aware of his surroundings.  I mean, somehow in the originals, no matter who was in his forest, or where they were in the cabins or sheds or outbuildings, jason always found and managed to sneak up on them somehow.  Sure, you could fool him a little while maybe, but suddenly he'd just look right the fuck at you, see where you were, and come after you.  This Jason doesn't seem to have that ability, making him far less terrifying.  Maybe they didn't think it was realistic, but seriously, if you're a killer zombie who drowned as a child, still grew to adulthood, and are coming back from the dead again and again to kill campers, how realistic do your powers have to be?  lol

At least the had his head in a sack for a while before he found the hockey mask.  And, he didn't speak, nor did they try to find another origin story for him, so at least they did that right.  I didn't see any nudity, but I watched this on SyFy, so maybe I missed the good stuff.  The chicks were attractive, and I apologize if I have any actual female readers as I'm not politically correct.  But I am all for equal rights, so that balances it out, right?  :-D

That's it for tonight.  Still can't find a good set of movies for a double feature, and I have a sore throat!  Man.  Maybe I should just let you guys know when I'm healthy, because that'll be a surprise.  Sheesh.  On the plus side, AMC has been showing different scary movies for the past few days, and are running them constantly right up through Halloween.  Now THAT's some good TV viewing.  TMC does an overnight now and then, and SyFy does their usual thursdays and saturdays, but every day for a week and a half is some serious consideration for fans of horror like myself.  Thanks AMC!  :-D  Luckily, they'll show a few movies over now and then so I can get a nap in.  lol

Til tomorrow night then...

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