So, I start watching the Hunger Games. And honestly, the first thing I notice, is... this heroine, supposedly from a starving mining district (at least, they show everyone thin and scrounging for food), is chubby. Now I generally have nothing against the lead actress, she was in X-Men: First Class and all, and I love a good comic book movie. But let's be honest here, she doesn't LOOK starving. Despite supposedly actually almost starving at one point in her past. I wasn't unduly impressed with her acting talent in this, either, but maybe it had something to do with the movie in general.
So let's get to picking this movie apart, since I absolutely found it not only confusing, but what parts I could understand, I found offensive. First, it's based off a japanese movie by the name of Battle Royale. To sum up the japanese movie, which I had no trouble understanding (except for the very beginning and the very end), a bunch of high school students are selected, supposedly at random, by the japanese government because they are, essentially, unruly. Not all of them, mind you, but I guess a fair portion of them don't get along with authority very well. See, apparently the japanese government passed a law allowing them to choose students at random this way to serve as a lesson to other unruly youths. Although, from what I got from the movie, I doubt there was anything random about how this class was chosen. So what we get is a bunch of high school students sent in secret to an island, where most of them fight it out to the death, and all sorts of relationships and rivalries come to the fore and add to the excitement. Now to the confusing part. At the very beginning of the movie, they show a clear winner being brought off the island by the authorities. It's a girl. I'm ashamed to say after watching most of the movie (i was in a bit of a hurry to watch it, and honestly there was a fair bit of romance and mushy mushy stuff in between the cool killing stuff, so i sort of fast forwarded through those parts), i could not identify the girl they showed at the beginning of the movie, since, at the end, they show a boy and a girl sneaking off the island by boat and disappearing amongst the average citizens. So... Who actually won, I have no idea, but that battle was limited to 3 days. Also, Battle Royale was much more entertaining than Hunger Games, in that I wasn't going "Huh? what the f.. how does that make sense?" every few minutes. So, Hunger Games was actually swiped from Battle Royale. I guess it's true, to be successful in Hollywood, you actually have to be successful elsewhere first. lol
So now we come to the actual movie, Hunger Games. Here's the setup. There was a war of some kind. The government chose to break up the defeated areas into 12 Districts, and require as tribute, 24 children between the ages of 12 and 18 every year, to be sent to an island where they battle to the death, and there is only one winner. Okay, let's dissect this right here and list everything that's wrong with this picture. First off, it's supposedly a civilized society, requiring children to be sacrificed. Not nice. Two, all of these districts willingly give up their children. Absolutely ridiculous. It's one thing if they take them off to fight a war or something, like a military draft, where they are outfitted with weapons and given a fair chance to survive. Out of 24 kids, 12 boys and 12 girls, only ONE will survive. That's a 96% chance of dying. Almost a certainty. No parent, and certainly many of the adults, friends and relatives, would willingly allow their children to die. They show one instance where a district revolts, attacks and kills the guards, and destroys some of the government facilities, in response to the death of one of the children from their district. And the attackers are hosed down with water cannons. Look, when you've killed soldiers, taken their weapons, and destroyed government buildings, a water cannon isn't going to slow you down much. lol This isn't even mentioning that anyone requesting the yearly deaths of 23 children is simply retarded and ASKING to be overthrown.
Here's something that proves how retarded they are. They TELEVISE the whole thing. To all the districts. Yea, here, not only are we taking 24 of your children and making them fight it out to the death, we're going to let you watch them die! lol Now this confuses the shit out of me. At first I got the impression, from what the dialogue was, that the actual fight would only last 24 hours. But even watching 24 hours straight of tv seemed ridiculous to me, and I watch a lot of TV anyway. But I was wrong, apparently, the actual games last weeks. So starvation is really a factor, even though realistically, people could survive on just water for weeks at a time, anyway. But realism really doesn't seem to be the driving force behind what goes on in this movie. They broadcast the games to EVERYONE, in every district. Who the hell has time to watch WEEKS worth of tv? Maybe the rich people in the main district or whatever, but the conquered ones, who apparently are starving, would have to resume their daily tasks of trying to find food, wouldn't they? Who the hell has time to watch weeks worth of tv? Nobody. The main heroine's (her name is Katniss, i think) boyfriend says to her at the beginning of the film "What would they do if we all just stopped watching? it would ruin them." So apparently, the government gets some kind of ratings boost by broadcasting it everywhere? I mean, look, let's be frank here. I get tired of watching a 4 hour miniseries. Something that lasts weeks, well, forget it. This is why we have half hour sitcoms, hour long shows and 2 hour movies. People simply cannot watch something for days straight. And where's the advantage to having people watch it? There didn't seem to be any advertisements, and even if there were, the people of the poorer districts certainly couldn't afford them. So if not watching would ruin the games, and you can't realistically watch them anyway, why not just stop? Makes no sense. Not to mention, you are SHOWING the districts how their children are dying horribly. If that doesn't piss them off, nothing will. But, moving on to the next ridiculous thing.
The technology. Apparently they can make holographic fire, realistic looking robotic dogs (or real dogs, some kind of wild animals), flying ships, but they still need people to mine for them and grow their food. Makes no sense, again. Now I know, I am supposed to try and suspend my disbelief here and just enjoy the movie, but how the hell can i when the movie seems to keep contradicting itself over and over? There's a part where Katniss is miles away from the others, and this upsets the game-runners. So they engineer a forest fire to herd her back to the others. Now here's where I get confused. A fire's a good idea. But these kids are on an island, by themselves. Fire is inherently uncontrollable. Once you start one, it gets everywhere. A holographic fire might work, but katniss' leg gets burned by the flames, so it has to be real. So Katniss is running from the fire, and it's everywhere, it's consuming an entire forest behind her, fireballs are flying everywhere, and finally she dives into a pond, and she's safe. And then the other kids come by to get her, and she runs.. back the way she came... and EVERYTHING'S GREEN. No fire, no smoke, no burning. No trace of the fire. So. How did her leg get burned? Holograms do not burn flesh. Where did all the fire go? Likewise, later in the movie, they create some wild dogs to chase the kids. And one of the dogs knocks down one of the kids. And Katniss wounds one with an arrow. So. They are mostly real, I guess? Who knows. I'm all confused. I'd like to note that there was none of this crazy technology shit in Battle Royale.
Let's take the main characters. As I said, katniss is a bit chubby. i wouldn't call her overweight or anything, but she doesn't look hungry. In a district that's supposedly starving, where she has to hunt for her own food in order to survive. But she's a good hunter, so fair enough, she eats well. Only... in her district, there's acres and acres of forest she hunts in. Why the HELL don't they just clear the forest and farm on it? DUH! Her counter-part, the guy selected from her district, works in a BAKERY, decorating cakes. Right. So let me get this straight. Everyone is starving. And yet there's a successful bakery right down the street. That sells decorated cakes. To... who? lol They make a big deal out of this boy, I think his name is Peeta? Somehow being strong as an ox by lifting sacks of flour... SACKS OF FLOUR? Where do these sacks of flour come from, if there's no farms and everyone is starving? I'm confused again. So they make a huge deal out of him tossing her a moldy loaf of bread that he wouldn't feed to his pigs. And this was somehow an act of kindness on his part. Wait, PIGS? And everyone is starving? Who the hell is starving if there's pigs and decorated cakes and food? Katniss' boyfriend hands her a roll or a cake of some kind at the beginning of the film, and she asks "IS IT REAL?" like she'd never seen bread before, despite having been given a loaf of moldy bread by a boy who works at a bakery, which is apparently just down the street from her. Look, if I am a starving kid, standing outside the bakery staring at the freshly baked bread would take up much of my time, trust me. Why would she not think it was real? lol So yea, makes no sense. Moving on again.
So some more issues. They say 50% of the kids in the Hunger Games die of exposure and starvation or whatever. Some crazy percentage. But you can't start a fire because that will attract the other kids, and since there's only one winner chosen, they are all going to want to kill you sooner or later. But more on that later. So you can't start a fire... how exactly are you supposed to stop yourself from dying of exposure? For those that don't know what "exposure" means, it means COLD. Temperatures of 55 or below may not mean much to you when you are going to be out of your house for 10 minutes, but it can quickly wear you down and make you die of hypothermia if your clothes get wet and/or you don't have a way to keep yourself warm. And yet katniss sleeps in a tree every night. With a jacket on. And frequently spends time tromping through streams and diving into ponds. So if exposure is such a danger... Why is she fine? I got nothin.
On to the "other kids." Apparently, they are hunting in packs. Sure, makes sense, you get dropped off on an island, you have to team up to survive. Only... you don't. Because there's only ONE winner chosen. Just one. So... wouldn't you be better off on your own, trying to outlast the others? I mean, who the hell is going to team up with you knowing that eventually, one of you has to kill the other anyway? Makes for awkward meal times, if nothing else. Which brings me to another weird thing. If they are so intent on causing Katniss to get found by the other kids so she can get killed off, why the fuck do they let the other kids team up in the first place? Why do they hate katniss so? lol Again, no apparent rhyme or reason to any of this.
Later in the movie, they make an announcement that two people may be chosen as winners if they are both from the same district. I, of course, mistrusted this announcement immediately, and I was, of course, right. Spoiler ahead! So here they are, at the end, Katniss and Peeta, and they decide to eat poison berries rather than kill each other. So all of a sudden, the game-runners say NO STOP YOU'RE BOTH WINNERS! So let me get this straight. You sentence 22 children to death. You show it everywhere in your civilized world. People are cheering them on to violently kill each other. And... you can't handle a couple of kids eating poison berries? Kids who you have spent the entire MOVIE trying to kill off? Now I'm really confused.
So here's something more confusing. Let's say you're Katniss, or any one of these kids. You have a 96% chance of dying in the upcoming games. You've basically been sentenced to death. They invite you to "show your stuff" to the people running the games. To "get sponsors" they call it. Patently ridiculous from the get-go, but lets move on quickly before I get bogged down in how asinine this movie is. Katniss has a bow and arrow, and she's shooting targets to try and impress the judges, or whatever. So she shoots an apple out of the mouth of this roast pig, which is right between a group of sponsors. Seriously? An apple? That's your target? Look, if I'm being sentenced to death by a bunch of fuckers in weird outfits, and I've got a bow and arrows in hand and there's no one guarding these fuckers, I AM TAKING THEM OUT. How's that for showing my stuff? If I have 6 arrows, 6 of those sponsors are DEAD. I am not wasting a single one on the damn apple, the target, fuck that. Those bastards are representatives of the government, they sponsor these games, they are going to watch me die and cheer on the one who killed me. I am putting a goddamn arrow through their necks. Let them try watching the games from a hospital bed, IF they survive. Am I right? Wouldn't someone have already thought of that? I would think so. Stupidity. Moving on again.
Woody Harrelson has a decent role as a mentor in this, but he spends little time on screen. The rest of the actors, for the most part, are acting veterans who are not well known and get little screen time. Donald Sutherland plays a president who, and this part confuses me, wants the other districts to be afraid, but to have a spark of hope. Because, he says, Hope is the only thing stronger than fear. Well Love is stronger than fear, too, and if you believe the Green Lantern movie, so is Will. But, he says, only the spark of hope, and it needs to be contained. You can't have it spread. So he seems wise enough to know how to handle people, even if he's a bit wrong in his views... and yet he can't see the harm by sacrificing 23 children a year in tribute? Again, I guess this movie is not made for the thinking man. Or thinking woman. Probably for the Twilight crowd.
I can't really recommend the Hunger Games to anyone. Long movie. No nudity, nothing sexy, a bunch of stupid teens running around hacking each other to bits. At least it has more fighting than Twilight, but not much more. The battles are quick and usually one-sided. The technical effects of the advanced technology can be cool for a few brief seconds before you get bored of it. I'd recommend Battle Royale more. The teens are cuter, the battles bloodier, and the whole movie generally makes sense until you get to the end and you're left wondering who actually won the thing. There is already a Battle Royale 2 out (the japanese movies came out in 2000 and 2003 respectively) and they are making a Hunger Games 2 now. I have serious doubts that i will watch Hunger Games 2, because even if it's free to do so, I wouldn't waste my time. Battle Royale 2, on the other hand, is already in my instant queue on netflix. Maybe i can piece together who actually won the first one. lol
That's all for now. Nothing left on my movie docket for the next few days. See you next time i come across a good movie. :-) OH something I forgot to mention! I'm 43 now! I actually had a birthday days ago but I kept forgetting to mention it. lol OH something else. Out of the blue, my one nephew points out that my favorite weather website, wunderground.com, was 5 degrees off on it's forecast about the temperature today. Yes, this is the one I had an argument with 2 or 3 years ago about whose weather website was easier to use. He's still going on about it. And thinks it being 5 degrees off was something he absolutely had to point out, or somehow made him right about what weather website he chose to frequent. And he says he doesn't like to argue. lol Ah, kids nowadays. Maybe we should have an "Intelligence Games" where the kids are chosen at random and sent to a school where they can have their brains tested to see whether they can actually learn any wisdom or common sense. I wouldn't go so far as to kill the losers, though. Given the current state of the education system, I suspect we'd never have a winner. Sigh.
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