If you've ever wanted to see a combination of the movies Twilight and Wanted, this movie is for you. Personally I thought Wanted (with angelina jolie) was all right. Not exceptional in any way, but just all right. I mean, there was lots of action, and I like action. Not in Twilight. And yes, I did see Twilight. Hell, I even reviewed it in a previous post! But it's not worth two posts, so I'm not going to review it again. Let's just say, I was curious, and now I regret the two hours of my life I wasted. Yes, just like that time in college with the llama.
So let's run down the plot of the Howling Reborn. Emo teen boy (actually if kristin Stewart and robert pattinson had a love child, he would look EXACTLY like the main character in this movie... for those that don't know, those are the stars in Twilight) graduates high school the day after his 18th birthday, when he finds out he's becoming a werewolf. And, i have so little respect for this movie, i am going to spoil the SHIT out of the plot for you, so what happens is...
First, the main character is doing a voice-over narration for the entirety of the film. basically, he's recording things for posterity or as a warning or something or other, and he's retelling the events of the film leading up to the point where he starts doing the narration. So basically, the entire movie is a flashback. Only, first we REALLY flash back, 18 years, to the moment of his birth. Then we flash forward to his last two days in high school. Which, are pretty emo. He's being picked on by an older boy, who somehow manages to get a gun past the TIGHTEST GODDAMN SECURITY I HAVE EVER SEEN IN A HIGH SCHOOL. Literally. Now I realize I haven't been to high school in a large number of years now, but does EVERY DOOR AND WINDOW in the entire SCHOOL have to be sealed with steel shutters? Really? Ridiculous. Sorry about the caps. I just had a green tea and it still revs me up a little (yes rich, you introduced me to my first one at work all those years ago and I still like them). So the older boy gets his ass kicked by the now-strong as an ox emo bitchboy (because he's werewolfing out) and emo bitchboy grows a pair and tosses him down a stairwell. So then we go back to real-time for the last, i don't know, ten minutes of the movie, where his mom basically returns to life to try and have her son join her army of killer werewolves, only it doesn't happen that way and then we flash forward to what happens after the end.
Honestly, I couldn't really care about anyone in this movie. The mom was old and overbearing, the son was an emo bitch, the dad was still pining over his supposedly dead wife EIGHTEEN YEARS after she died (get over it already) and this really hot slutty chick apparently has a thing for emo bitchboys. I mean, the guy freaks out over nothing! if he's this nuts over turning into a werewolf I can't even imagine how much crying he did when he finally grew hair on his balls. Of course, maybe that only just happened when he finally turned into a werewolf, and he was too growly to whine about it, who knows. I think the only redeeming feature of this film was that his emo-loving girlfriend WAS a slut, and looked like one, and wasn't all "oh, no, don't turn me into a werewolf, icky!" but instead was "Shit, I'm about to die anyway, let's fuck, you turn me into a werewolf and maybe i can defend myself!" Yea baby! You go! Way to think outside the box! No one ever thinks outside the box in horror films. I didn't even like the end. And no goddamn nudity again! I am so sick of these pg13 horror films. We are so messed up in this country, you can show someone's spleen getting ripped out and eaten and that's OK FOR KIDS but if you show half a boob it's ZOMG THINK OF THE CHILDREN! and it gets like an NC-17 label or some shit. What the fuck is wrong with america when a half naked boob sends the country into a goddamn whirlwind of fear? It's a BOOB. Get over it, already.
So, all in all, pretty crappy. Lots of action at least, huge brawl amongst werewolves at the end of the movie, instead of that crappy human-kills-werewolf bs. I was really hoping for the emo bitch to turn out to be an "alpha" since they mentioned it in the movie, which would have at least made me have a modicum of respect for him, but I think his girlfriend has all the balls in THAT relationship, so I can't exactly say I am looking forward to Howling Reborn part 2, if by some miracle this crappy movie made enough money to qualify for a sequel, which i doubt.
On to better news, 666 park avenue (sunday nights) and hawaii 5-0 (monday nights) are also on my watch list for this season. Hawaii 5-0 may drop off the list because, quite frankly, Grace Park is hot but she's the only redeeming feature on the show, and she doesn't get enough air time. Or nude scenes. 666 park avenue has potential. it's got Terry o'quinn (i think that's his name?) in the role of the lead villain, a really hot chick in the role of the smart as a whip housewife who gets her and her live-in boyfriend the job of apartment managers to 999 park avenue, which is actually 666 park avenue. I guess the city surveyors were too religious to make an actual 666 park avenue, so we get stuck with 999. Close enough! Acting's good, chick is hot, has some semi-sexy scenes, and there's various plots, subplots, spooky shit and supernatural going-on to pique my interest, at least for now.
I have, for yet another season, skipped watching NCIS and NCIS:LA again. NCIS has nice characters, I like them, but there's no monsters! Not for me. I even tried watching Vegas, dennis quaid's new series. It's basically what Las Vegas was like back in the.. i don't know, 50's? 60's? Couldn't really say. Before it got huge, i guess. I don't really know the history of the place, but Dennis quaid is the new sherriff in town, michael chiklis (again, i think that's his name) is the new mobster, and the two are not going to be getting along in this series. Honestly, I don't think it will last out the season. it's like an NCIS when there weren't any forensics and when cops could actually just beat the shit out of someone when they felt like it and it wasn't against the law. Unlike now, when they still beat the shit out of someone when they feel like it, and it's against the law, but nothing is done about it. lol Anyway, I'll try watching vegas again this evening (it's on tuesday nights), but I doubt it'll keep me interested.
There goes movie review number two! I'm actually keeping pace this year. Hopefully soon I'll find a movie on netflix that I actually enjoy watching instead of all these remakes. I was actually going to watch the Howling Reborn on the 1st, and review it yesterday, but I turned on showtime to catch up on Dexter and homeland last night and Fright Night was just starting, so I got lucky in the sense that i found something new to watch on TV instead of netflix (where the Howling reborn is now available). NOT lucky in the sense that I got to watch the "meh" remake of Fright Night. lol
So to sum up, Fright Night, pretty average, Howling Reborn, pretty sucky, but so far, all new movies that i have not watched before. Would I watch either again? Not likely. See you tomorrow for another review!
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