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You ever been so angry you lose the ability to type?  I hit that a few minutes ago trying to figure out this new posting format.  I think I'm making progress.

My family is full of assholes. I'm not sure whether it's a genetic thing that started generations ago, or more of a viral craziness that just gets passed onto the offspring through contact with psychotics.  I have a mother who is diabetic and hides and eats entire boxes of cookies, but if I want a cookie, I'm a pig, just for asking for one.  I have an older sister who constantly needs to use my charge to purchase things, but when I ask for the money back, she asks me if I really need it.  Of course I need it, I've been out of work for almost a year!  DUH!  Why the fuck do you even borrow the money if you have no intention of paying it back?? Completely despite the fact that she makes more in a month than I do in a YEAR.  Seriously, if you are making that much and you need to borrow money from ME, you are doing it wrong.  And my nephew... well he needs his own paragraph or three.

Now, this guy is on his fourth ex-wife, but hey, everyone has girl problems from time to time.  He's paying out more in child support than he is actually earning, but I'm sure that's not all his fault.  I mean, if you take his word for it, all his ex-wives are cheating whores!  I can't tell you how many times he's come home from a hard day's work to find his wife in bed with another man!  No, wait.  I can tell you exactly how many times.  According to him, that's what happened to him, four times.  Yea, he uses the same story to explain his divorce every time.  I'm not really sure if he believes that's what actually happens, like an alcohol-induced hallucination (he drinks a lot), or whether he's just not smart enough to think of another excuse, or whether he's just decided that if it worked the first time, he may as well use it again?  I mean, I suppose it's possible that he picks just the sort of women who are going to be cheating on him within months of getting married, but if so, why is he then surprised when they actually cheat?

Now, if you didn't know my nephew like I do, you might be inclined to take his word for it, that he's just an unlucky sod who's had his wife cheat on him, the same way, four separate times (what are the odds?).  But let me tell you about why I think he's just nuts.

When we were kids, he would aggravate me to the point of beating the crap out of him, and then duck behind an adult for protection.  Yea, he's one of THOSE.  And then he'd do it again.  And again.  And believe me when I say, I am really hard to aggravate.  I'm a nice, easy going guy who understands that other people get bored, or are in bad moods, or are just too fucking stupid to not be a moron.  Like someone once said, everyone is an asshole once in a while, just don't abuse the privilege.  And he abused it.  Oh, did he ever!  But in case you're going "what are you on about?  you were both kids, this was years ago!"  Yes, I know, and I'm not angry about shit that happened when we were kids.  I got even with him on several occasions in such a way that it still brings a smile to my face, and yes, I am petty enough to enjoy remembering how I outsmarted and beat him all those years ago.  And don't give me that "you beat up your nephew?" look.  He's only three years younger than I am and was a little SHIT when we were kids.  What really annoys me is what he's doing now.

Apparently, and I only discovered this when we were playing cards one night with his latest wife, he's been telling everyone how I used to aggravate HIM when we were kids, and then I would hide behind an adult for protection.  Now, before you go all "your word against his! how are we, your readers, to know who's telling the truth?"  Well, when he first mentioned it, my older sister and I looked at each other like "did he just...?"  Yea, she confirmed it afterwards, my nephew stole my childhood and has been telling everyone it's his.  Apparently, either he's trying to hide what an asshole he is from everyone, or his guilt over being such an asshole has made him insane.  I'm pretty sure either way, it confirms he's an asshole.  lol

So how much of an asshole do you have to be, to steal someone else's childhood, to take the aggravation they suffered at your hands, and pretend the roles were reversed?  Apparently, so much an asshole that your soon-to-be 4 ex-wives either turn to another man for solace or you make up a story about how your ex-wives have been cheating on you to...  perhaps...  cover up the fact that you've been cheating?  Yea.  Hey, if role reversal salvaged your conscience once, why not do it again, right?  Hmmm.  I think I've just proved to myself that my nephew is a cheating asshole.  lol

Oh well.  Not everyone's family is perfect, right?  On to other things.

So I watched HBO's new show, Veep.  Apparently it stars julia-louis-dreyfus (i may have hyphenated that wrong) as..  well, I'm not really sure.  The vice president, apparently.  And she looks disturbingly like sarah palin.  So...  apparently the show is about what might happen if whatsisface had got elected and sarah palin then became VP.  Now, I am not politically knowledgeable, so maybe just the thought of this is so ridiculously funny that you'd laugh yourself hoarse through the whole half-hour show and completely miss any of the dialogue.  Which is probably a good idea.  They are really trying to sell the show, it was on every HBO channel earlier tonight.  Including one channel where the premiere episode was replayed three times in a row.

Honestly, the show blows.  I watched it for about 10 minutes and I'm not sure why.  If it's supposed to be a serious look at politics, it's boring as hell.  If it's a comedy show, it's boring as hell.  If it was actually trying to be funny, which would make sense to me since it's starring well, someone who generally tries to be funny (and usually fails), then it is a failure.  Maybe it's more of an inside joke thing, where you have to be politically in-the-know to get the jokes, but either way, I was bored.  I watched her go to her office, do all the things some VP might do, even one supposedly playing sarah palin, and I wasn't amused.  Didn't giggle, didn't chortle, not even a smile.  And I'm a man who belly-laughs like santa claus.  So, yea...  I think HBO should probably cancel that one pretty quick.  lol

Watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off, now.  Classic.  I recently read an article online about how Ferris was actually just cameron's alter ego, and doesn't actually exist.  It's an interesting idea, but honestly, I'd just like to see a sequel.  Cameron, Ferris and Sloane as adults, getting together for a crazy skipping-work-all-day-party kind of thing.  Maybe at the end, Ferris just disappears entirely because he really IS just Cameron's alter ego?  I would laugh my ass off at that.  Come on Matthew Broderick!  You're rich enough!  Produce another bueller movie!  Get Ben stein to come back as the teacher!  Shit, you could even hire jeffrey jones as the principal again, I think he's out of jail now!  lol

And now, let's post and hope the options I changed make my posting look all nice and pretty again.