October 24 - Jennifer's Body

I had thought at one point I actually did review Jennifer's Body already, and I hate to repeat myself. But after looking through my blog, I don't see any actual reviews about it. I know I've mentioned it enough times, but since I am short on time today, and I actually did watch this movie again last night after midnight, I've got a movie to review! Yay!

Let's start with the basics before I get into how great this movie is. High school. Two girls, Jennifer (Megan Fox) and "Needy." One is popular, one is a bit nerdy. Perhaps I am stating the obvious when I say "Needy" is the nerdy one. I don't know who the actress who plays Needy is offhand, but she's great in this movie. Also the narrator of the story, Needy states that "sandbox love never dies." Which apparently explains why these two so completely different girls are BFF's. Or, one is a dominating, controlling sex addict, and the other is so short on male company that she lets Jennifer tell her what to do and gets a sexual thrill out of it. I'm going with option 2, since the narrator of the story is obviously in lust with Jennifer. Not to mention just about everyone else in this story is in love with Jennifer too.

Okay, so. Jennifer decides that she wants company to visit a local bar to see this new band play. So of course Needy is dragged along, and Needy makes a great show of not being a lust-puppy for Jennifer's desires, but it's terribly obvious that Needy is the bottom in this relationship and Jennifer is the top. I mean, her nickname is Needy, for crying out loud. So Needy and Jennifer get to see the band play, and they are underage high school girls, so how they even got into this bar is beyond me (no, i've never heard of fake ID's), but Jennifer is apparently banging a police academy cadet so maybe he helped. I think someone slipped some rohypnol into Jennifer's drink, because she's a little out of it, and next thing you know, the bar's on fire. Needy gets Jennifer out of the bar, but the band, Low Shoulder, manages to make it out too and the lead singer convinces Jennifer to come along in their van. I don't know about you, but getting into a van with an all-boy emo band is terrifying in and of itself. But Jennifer is a girl so she's probably safe. Or is she?

Not long later, after Needy gets home, and is freaking out over Jennifer getting into the van with the obviously creepy band after barely surviving a fire, Jennifer arrives at her house. She's disoriented, covered in blood, can barely speak, and is terribly, terribly HUNGRY. But then she vomits black oily stuff all over the floor, scares the bejeesus out of Needy, and takes off. Needy is all discombobulated over the whole thing, but the next day in school, Jennifer shows up for class and appears perfectly fine. Needy is confused, she knows what she saw, but Jennifer's perfectly normal... OR IS SHE? :-o

What follows then, and I'm going to spoil it for you because this movie is awesome no matter how many times you watch it, is basically this. Jennifer was sacrificed in a ritual by the emo boy band, who thought she was a virgin (come on, I didn't even buy that one, but then, they all seem gay so maybe their experience with girls is limited) but since she was not a virgin, a demon just took over her body. Now the band got what it wanted, the demon sort of got what it wanted, and Jennifer, well, Jennifer wants to eat boys. So, boys start disappearing, and turning up looking like "lasagna with teeth" after Jennifer is done feeding on them. I'm not giving away the end, but Needy finds out what happened to jennifer, and the rest of the movie is Needy and Jennifer facing off in a no-holds-barred, girlfriend-eat-girlfriend grudge match of truly epic proportions! :-o

I know, this movie has Megan Fox in it, and according to the internet, she can't act. As we all know, if it's on the internet, it must be true, which can mean only one thing. She actually IS a lesbian-sex-crazed, demon-possessed bitch. because I totally believed her in this movie. Seriously, maybe she can't act, but she can certainly play a lusty, sensual girl who likes to play with men's minds. And girls' minds. As Jennifer herself says "I go both ways." Or, something to that effect.

The rest of the movie is just as awesome. The relationship between the characters is perfect, the banter is excellent, I don't even remember if there was nudity in this movie, and Jennifer is the most frighteningly horrifying monster of all time... OF ALL TIME!!! By which I mean, she's a girl! :-o Ick. Girls have cooties.

The only thing I DON'T like about this movie, is the whole starting-at-the-end-and-telling-the-story-from-there tactic. Yea, it kind of works in this movie, but honestly, it just distracts you from the flow of the movie as you try and figure out that everything is a flashback, it's just kind of annoying, but doesn't really detract from the4 overall value.

And then, just when you think the good parts are over, they hit you over the head with LANCE HENRIKSON! :-o Goddamn Lance Henrikson made a cameo at the end. W. T. F. Lance goddamn motherfucking monster movie god Henrikson. I love the man. I want to have his hairy yeti thong babies. And I'm a guy. Errr, anyway, great actor.

I've seen this movie a half dozen times already, and IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER. It's like being Beetlejuice and watching the Exorcist! Only without the humor part! Yea! What does that mean, you ask? I have no fuckin idea. It's just that awesome that I've lost the ability to form coherent thought.