October 23 - Cat People

I was going to save this one til next weekend but I find myself running a bit short on DVD's. Since it's the full moon, a werewolf movie would have been perfect right about now but I didn't have any left. Cat People will have to suffice.

Back in the days when women were women and men were... jungle... cats... the ancient tribes revered the Cat People, a race of mystical were-cat-people type thingymabobbers. Yea, there wasn't a lot of background on them, all you see is a tribeswoman being led to a tree where a big black leopard is hanging out, and then we are looking into Nastassia Kinski's eyes.

Which... are pretty spectacular, by the way. Nastassia Kinski was big back in the 80's when this was made, but I'm not sure why exactly, might have been ice skating, gymnastics or some olympic sport like that there. I think the only qualification she needs is that she is totally freakin hot, or at least, that's the only one I need to know about. She had a whole string of movies back in the 80's and early 90's, but I haven't seen her in anything lately.

Nastassia is apparently one of these cat people, on her way to meet her brother (Malcolm Mcdowell) in New Orleans. This is pre-Katrina New Orleans, becauuse most of the movie is set at the zoo. In fact, after meeting her brother at the airport, she doesn't see him for a few days, and ends up meeting the curator of the New Orleans zoo, who takes a liking to her and offers her a job at the gift shop.

The curator isn't the only one who likes her, apparently, since a female member of the zoo staff (Annette O'Toole) takes her out sightseeing and asks a lot of personal questions about her love life. Come to think of it, just catching her in shorts and hip waders while I'm typing this, I'd have hit on her too. I'm not really sure how a woman can look sexy in hip waders, but she manages to make it look easy. Of course, one day at the zoo a staff member (Ed Begley Jr) is mauled by a big black jungle cat, and voila! Irina (Nastassia Kinski) has her brother back again... who also hits on her. Yikes! Being goddamn attractive is one thing, but when you are so freakin hot your own family is hitting on you, it might be time to, I don't know, wear baggy clothing, or something.

It's around this time the police become interested in her brother... pardon me... Nastassia Kinski nude scene... god what an ass she has... I remember it must have been gymnastics she did because she has one finely toned body there... Oh it's over, I can think again. Yea, so... The police become interested in her brother because there's been a black panther being seen around the city mauling folk and he apparently has a criminal record involving cats or something. So the police check out Irina but she seems fine and they suggest she go live somewhere else while they are looking for her brother. It's at this point in the story that Irina goes to stay at the curator's... well, I guess i can best describe it as a swamp cabin? Yea, so, Irina has a dream, gets all hot and bothered, wanders into the woods, disrobes and eats a bunny. This woman is definitely not a vegatarian, DO YOU GET ME???? I've never been so turned on in all my life.

So yea, I'm not going to mention any more about Nastassia there because I'd probably just leave a puddle of drool on the keyboard and they generally don't function too well under those conditions.

You know, Malcolm Mcdowell actually plays the sanest person in this movie. I mean, let's think about it. Sure, he kills, wants to mate with his sister, and spends most of the movie on the run from the police, but here's the problem. He's one of them there Cat People thingamajigs. Every time he gets horny, he turns into a raging jungle cat, and can't turn back unless he eats someone or makes love. So he ends up going from one woman's bloodied corpse to another until he finds the one woman he can turn into a panther with and NOT maul to death... his sister. Makes sense he'd put the moves on her, you know what I am saying? A man, just like a jungle cat, has needs!

This movie is pretty decent. The music's good, the actresses are hot, the plot's coherent, and did I mention Nastassia Kinski naked? Plus, how horrifying is it not to be able to have sex without someone dying? I mean, I know the french call orgasms Le Petit Mors (The Little Death) but this is taking it a bit far!