I searched high and low for a good horror flick to watch today, but in the end I couldn't really find any, so I guess I'll have to review a movie I caught last night.
Halloween 2 (since it's the second of the month, the second in the series is sort of appropriate), the more recent one. I guess it has something to do with Rob Zombie, but I don't know in what capacity he worked with this movie. I'm tempted to look it up but I'm certainly not feeling that energetic right now. It's got Malcolm Mcdowell in it, and that young girl who was in Halloween 4 and 5 (back in the late 80's) is all growed up and is playing in this movie too. They even got Brad Dourif to play the Sherriff, of all people. And Howard Hesseman! Doctor Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinnati! :-o I just realized I have no idea how to spell Cincinatti. lol And Howard Hessmeman!? Geez, I thought he was dead.
So basically, this movie is a remake/reboot of that classic flick, Halloween 2 with Jamie Lee Curtis. Let me just say that I LOVE Halloween and Halloween 2 with Jamie Lee Curtis, the old versions. There's a TON of atmosphere in the movie, the killer is just some nameless faceless psychotic who's entire backstory is merely enough to explain where he's been and what connection he has with the people he's trying to kill. I mean, come on, Donald Pleasance was in that movie! FUCKIN DONALD PLEASANCE!!!!
Right, so. As for the remake. I didn't like it. First, having seen the remake of the first movie, Halloween, I really didn't care to see Michael Myers life fleshed out. I mean, who cares? He's a mysterious, faceless killer, and why he does it or what makes him the way he is is PART of why he's scary. You start fleshing him out, letting people know he had a bad childhood and an abusive stepdad, well, that just diminishes him. Everyone's had a bad life at times, right? Saying poor little Mikey just went and snapped his mental leash just makes you feel sorry for the poor bastard, and makes him look like a weak little puppy who couldn't handle it. Personally, I think it would have been scarier if his childhood had been perfect, and he just went and killed for no reason, but who asked me? NOBODY, that's who. I woulda told em. Yessirree bob, I woulda. So by the time we make it to this movie, he's already just some lonely hulking psycho who isn't even wearing his masdk anymore, and is just living out in the woods growing his beard. The guy's not an unstoppable force of nature anymore, he's just a stinky old hermit.
Jamie Lee Curtis is replaced by some poor actress who got totally scarred up from the first movie. She looks like raw hamburger when they bring her into the hospital at the beginning of the movie, and I know she's supposed to be some teen hottie but she doesn't get much better looking. So instead of Halloween 2 continuing with the events immediately following Halloween, like the movies from the 80's, the reboot takes place a year later. Poor little whatserface has been healing up, at elast physically, because mentally she's still a basket case. Sure, being kidnapped, stalked and nearly killed by a psycho can really fuck up your Halloween, but I think this girl is just overdoing it. I mean, it's been a year already, and according to all reports, Mikey's gone all dead now, so stop yer petulant whining already and get over yourself, you know?
Next we got the Sherriff, and instead of a rock-solid, stable member of society.. we got Brad Dourif. I mean, the guy just OOZES LSD-overdosed Hippie. I don't know HOW they could have picked him to be the Sherriff, of all things. Not that he isn't a good actor, and he tries here, sure, but he ends up coming off as a crazy guy with a gun looking to shoot someone. Maybe that's what they were going for, but it just seems to destroy what little respect I had for the acting law enforcement in the old Halloween movies.
And then we got Malcolm McDowell! Awesome actor, but he plays the caring, scared, ominous sounding Dr Loomis, originally played by Donald Pleasance, off as a money-grubbing asshole who just gets in the way. I know he's at least capable of the level of acting Donald Pleasance portrayed, so I don't know why they didn't use his talents in this movie, but again, nobody asked me, did they?
Honestly, I can't even remember how the second movie ended. I'm not sure if it was that forgettable, or if I just switched it off to watch old Hammer studios Dracula movies. It's seriously amazing how someone can take an awesome movie like halloween 2, something I don't think I could switch off if I had a gun to my head, and turn it into something I couldn't watch with a gun to my head.
And wtf is up with the psychotic flashbacks/hallucinations? Scattered all through the damn movie, you got Michael Myers having these weird hallucinations or flashbacks or bad acid trips or something, and you never know whether they are just in his head or just in the girl's head or are actual ghosts or something, and it really does NOT add to the movie in any way, shape or form, other than to confuse the shit out of you. Then again they make up half the movie, so if you took them out it'd be like 20 minutes of Mikey killing half-dead hicks and then the credits would roll.
I'm not even sure if there was nudity in this movie, that's how disinterested I was. Seriously, take Danielle Harris, the grown up girl from the Halloween 4 and 5 movies, and make her the killer or something, Like make a Halloween 7 and have the spirit of Michael Myers take her over and do some killing, because (1) she's hot and (2) nothing else in the movie needs saving. Brad Dourif and Malcolm mcdowell will have fine acting careers away from this movie, and the rest of it should be trashed. Rob Zombie may know music but a horror expert he is not.
Seriously, your time is better spent watching Young Frankenstein (it was on this afternoon but I missed it) or Jennifer's Body (a truly nice horror flick) or something. I just saw Jennifer's Body again (I would have reviewed it but I already did so months ago), and seriously, Megan Fox may not be the best actress but she does a slutty Demoness really well. They need to make a sequel, and definitely, goddamn DEFINITELY, bring back Megan Fox for it. I don't care what excuse they use, come on, she's a goddamn demon from hell, what's a little thing like being stabbed to death with a box cutter?
Oh well, let's hope I can find something good to watch tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment