October 18 - Phantasm

If you've been paying attention, you've realized by now that I like the classics. And by classics, I mean movies that were made before the year 1990. Phantasm was made back in 1978. I was 8 years old back in 1978, and I didn't see this movie until I was in my late teens, but I can see 1970's influences all over it. This movie, much like Willa Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, looks like it was written by someone on some serious drugs. Maybe even... maree ju wanna! :-o

The main protagonist of this movie is Mike. Mike is a 13 year old boy. Like most 13 year old boys, Mike is a little weird. Mike spends a lot of time following his older brother Jody around, not necessarily because he idolizes his older brother (which I think he does) but because Jodi is the only family Mike has left. Their parents died 2 years before the start of this film, and Jody's just back in town for his buddy Tommy's funeral.

While at the funeral parlor, Mike sees the mortician, a "Tall Man," (beautifully played by Angus Scrimm), lift up a heavy coffin with a body in it practically with one arm and toss it in the back of a hearse like it was nothing. A bit disturbed by this, Mike realizes there is something odd going on up at the enormous mortuary, and proceeds to investigate as only a 13 year old boy with no parental supervision can.

There's a bunch of funky characters in this movie. Firstly, the villain, the Tall Man, is an evil, lanky man who walks around wearing a suit and has the strength of ten men. Since he moves about in daylight, he can't be a vampire so what exactly he is, I have no idea. Scary? You bet he is. Nobody with a name like Angus Scrimm can be warm and cuddly.

Mike is a curious young boy with a knack for fixing car engines. Aside from following his brother around, his hobbies are consorting with psychics, driving a motorbike around the cemetary and stalking his older brother. He drives his brother's car like he was mario andretti, runs really fast, and when he gets really freaked out, he screams like a girl.

Reggie is Jody's buddy, the local ice cream vendor. As scary as it sounds for a nearly bald-headed man in his 30's, Reggie spends his time driving an ice cream van around town, selling frozen treats to kids, and playing the disbelieving friend to Mike and Jody's worries.

The dwarves, for lack of a better name, are the reconstituted dead that the tall man has been taking out of the coffins at the mortuary. They basically assist the tall man, and despite being like 3 feet tall, they weigh as much as whatever body they were reconstituted from. Think Jawas from Star Wars, only vicious and with a liking for hiding in the shadows and jumping out at people. These dwarves seem to be made when the tall man takes the bodies, transport them to some alternate desert world, and stuffs them into a metal barrel half their body length. Apparently when they get out of the barrel, they are mean little hooded dwarves. Also, when Mike gets a glimpse of the alternate world, the dwarves are there, stacking barrels or something, so obviously the Tall Man is either an alien or a supernatural parasite or something equally wacky.

The Spheres, I guess they are called, are little silver balls that go screaming through the air. If they slam into your forehead, a pair of hooked spikes implant themselves to hold the ball to your skull, and then it drills into your brain and generally kills you. Their hobbies include... well, they don't have hobbies. They just fly around and kill people. Like sharks... if, you know, sharks had wings, or something.

This movie is kind of scary in parts, if you watched it as a hormonal teen, or happen to be scared of the dark still. There is nudity in this movie, but I'm not sure a boob really counts. There was a sequel made in the 80's, I think, which was just as dark, just as scary, and had Reggie back again to rejoin the fun, as well as, of course, the Tall Man, Angus Scrimm. Mike is a bit older in the sequel, and there's a hot teen chick who joins in the fun.

Despite getting me halfway through the month, crackle.com is remaking it's website, making it nearly impossible to find horror movies on it now. I am going to have to make it through the rest of the month with just my collection of horror movie DVD's (like Phantasm) and what's available on cable TV. :-o Luckily we are almost in the home stretch! Less than two weeks to go...