Continuing last night's Pet Sematary review, tonight we've got Pet Sematary 2! :-D I am sure there will be some more awesome movies on cable and TV this weekend, and if not, there's always netflix, so the mid-week, early october doldrums should be just about over.
Pet Sematay 2 (1992) is about a boy who loses his mom to a horrific prop accident while filming a hollywood horror movie, and then moves to the same town where Louis Creed brought his daughter's cat back to life in last night's movie. This time around, the kid just has his veterinarian dad, and the dad has past issues with the bullying town sheriff, and he has to navigate all of this while there's a haunted Pet Sematary just at the outskirts of town. I'm sure everything would have been just fine, but don't you know it, a pet dies, and that damn Pet Sematary raises another undead animal! :-o
The success of the first pet sematary spawned this sequel just three years later, and while both movies seem like they were made for TV, this one has a tiny smidge of nudity in it. This one is loaded with acting veterans this time, like Edward Furlong (Terminator 2) as the teenaged kid, Anthony Edwards as his dad, and Clancy brown as the Sheriff. I don't think Clancy Brown has a good time being a Sheriff. I've only seen him play two Sheriffs, and (minor spoiler) he dies both times. I can recall being super excited that he was going to be the sheriff in the Sleepy Hollow series, but he died 9 minutes into the pilot episode. NINE MINUTES IN! I'm still a little miffed about that, quite honestly. I was watching the series for him in the first place. He plays a great villain, despite the fact that he probably wants to play the hero a few times, according to his IMDB.com page. Well, he got to play a hero for 9 minutes. I guess that's something?
This movie was not as good as the first Pet Sematary, despite the more experienced actors. Everyone seemed to do a decent job, but it seemed like there wasn't much suspense or drama. You pretty much knew what was going to happen, and it did. No surprises, and even if there was, they weren't very dramatic. This seemed to feel like a made-for-TV movie even more than the first one, which was a made-for-TV movie that didn't feel like one. About the only continuity between these two films is the Pet Sematary, the indian burial ground behind it (that looks different now) and the mailbox that says "CREED" that some boys bicycle past. Meh. Oh well. I also caught this one on Epix Drive-In, so if you want to watch it, start looking there, if you can.
No other news tonight. Tomorrow night is Friday the 13th, in October, no less! :-D What are the odds? Actually i think we had one last year, too. Oh. Well, FINE THEN! (pouts) Yeah, I argue with myself a lot. It makes for better reviews. Catch you guys tomorrow!
Thursday, October 12, 2017
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
#11 - Pet Sematary (1989)
I've never had a dog or a cat for a pet, though I have had fish. When a fish dies, you just flush it. There's no real ceremoney, no finding a plot in the backyard, no expensive fees from the Veterinarian for "putting the animal to sleep." I've never had a use for a pet cemetery, though I'm sure such places exist.
Pet Sematary (1989) is a movie adaptation for another Stephen King story. The title is misspelled because it was kids who wrote the sign for the Cemetery, misspelling the word as "Sematary." Pet Sematary is about a doctor and his family who move to new place in the country. There's a pretty busy road out in front of their home, and when their pet cat "Church" is hit by a truck and killed, they bury it in the cemetery. Only, when something is buried in this cemetery, it doesn't stay dead. It comes back...
Acting is pretty good in this film, with Dale Midkiff as Louis Creed, Denise Crosby (of Star Trek fame) playing his wife, Brad Greenquist playing Victor Pascow (the dead guy), and Fred Gwynne playing Jud Crandall, the elderly neighbor living across the street. I'd say Fred Gwynne really anchors the whole cast in this movie. Most people know Fred Gwynne from the Munsters, or his appearance as the judge in My Cousin Vinny, or Officer Muldoon in Car 54, Where are you? If you really want to see his acting range, watch him in Pet Sematary, then check him out as Max Green in Disorganized Crime, where he plays a safe-cracker who becomes increasingly disgruntled at how badly his latest crime caper is going. Then, realize that these two movies came out the very same year, 1989. Sadly, he passed away in 1993, just 4 years after Pet Sematary movie came out.
A little bit more about Jud Crandall, the character Fred Gwynne plays. Spoilers to follow, so if you don't want those, skip this paragraph. I'd like to say he's just an old man in this movie, but I am not sure if that's absolutely correct. The minute the Creeds move into the house across his street, he's already keeping an eye on them. First, he saves their son from dying a horrible death, just to ingratiate himself into their good graces. Then, their cat dies, on Jud's property. Sure, it COULD have been an accident. MAYBE the cat was just hit by a car. But was it? Then, he's showing Louis the way to the Pet Sematary (the other one), and he's moving like a man a third of his age. Sure, maybe it's just because Jud's a farmer, and Louis is a big-city doctor, and Jud's in a lot better shape than the doc is... but is it? They climb rocky cliffs, travel over log barricades and up and down hills, and Jud's always way out in front of the doc. "Just a little farther, Doc." Jud keeps calling back. The old man's not even breaking a sweat by the time they get there, and then he stops and has a cigarette, like he has breath to spare. Louis Creed would never have found that old cemetery by himself, not without Jud's help. Old man, what kind of game are you playing at? Are you even really an old man? I wonder!
I caught Pet Sematary on Epix Drive-In, one of the premium channels, if you guys want to check it out. Obviously I've seen it before, so it certainly passes the rewatchability test. Few effects to speak of, and they age well. I'd certainly watch it again, so check it out if you haven't already. Good way to introduce kids to the concept of death, as Jud says. Let them watch Pet Sematary, I say! If that doesn't introduce them to the concept of death, I'm not sure what will. It's how I learned, and look how great I turned out! Actually, this movie came out when I was 19, so, I probably had a small grasp of what death was before this. Maybe.
Kooky and creepy little coincidence, while I was looking this movie up on IMDB.com. I'm listening to Halloween music on the "sounds of the season" music channel, typing up this review, and I'm looking up the cast of the movie to see what they're doing nowadays. Obviously the younger cast members are all grown up, and I'm guessing the older cast members are probably retired by now. So I'm looking up Denise Crosby, because I remember her from Star Trek (where she played Tasha Yar), and I see she's doing a movie called "Itsy-Bitsy" that's due out in 2018. At that moment, the "Itsy-Bitsy Spider" song plays on the sounds of the season music channel. Just one of those creepy Halloween coincidences, right? Sure! (laughs nervously) Sure it was... OR WAS IT? :-o
No other news to discuss tonight. Hope everyone is enjoying the fall colors, or spending their every waking moment watching horror movies! Yes! Can you think of a more fun existence? I can't! Well, maybe not every waking moment. There's that whole eating and sleeping thing to deal with. Yeah. Til next time!
Pet Sematary (1989) is a movie adaptation for another Stephen King story. The title is misspelled because it was kids who wrote the sign for the Cemetery, misspelling the word as "Sematary." Pet Sematary is about a doctor and his family who move to new place in the country. There's a pretty busy road out in front of their home, and when their pet cat "Church" is hit by a truck and killed, they bury it in the cemetery. Only, when something is buried in this cemetery, it doesn't stay dead. It comes back...
Acting is pretty good in this film, with Dale Midkiff as Louis Creed, Denise Crosby (of Star Trek fame) playing his wife, Brad Greenquist playing Victor Pascow (the dead guy), and Fred Gwynne playing Jud Crandall, the elderly neighbor living across the street. I'd say Fred Gwynne really anchors the whole cast in this movie. Most people know Fred Gwynne from the Munsters, or his appearance as the judge in My Cousin Vinny, or Officer Muldoon in Car 54, Where are you? If you really want to see his acting range, watch him in Pet Sematary, then check him out as Max Green in Disorganized Crime, where he plays a safe-cracker who becomes increasingly disgruntled at how badly his latest crime caper is going. Then, realize that these two movies came out the very same year, 1989. Sadly, he passed away in 1993, just 4 years after Pet Sematary movie came out.
A little bit more about Jud Crandall, the character Fred Gwynne plays. Spoilers to follow, so if you don't want those, skip this paragraph. I'd like to say he's just an old man in this movie, but I am not sure if that's absolutely correct. The minute the Creeds move into the house across his street, he's already keeping an eye on them. First, he saves their son from dying a horrible death, just to ingratiate himself into their good graces. Then, their cat dies, on Jud's property. Sure, it COULD have been an accident. MAYBE the cat was just hit by a car. But was it? Then, he's showing Louis the way to the Pet Sematary (the other one), and he's moving like a man a third of his age. Sure, maybe it's just because Jud's a farmer, and Louis is a big-city doctor, and Jud's in a lot better shape than the doc is... but is it? They climb rocky cliffs, travel over log barricades and up and down hills, and Jud's always way out in front of the doc. "Just a little farther, Doc." Jud keeps calling back. The old man's not even breaking a sweat by the time they get there, and then he stops and has a cigarette, like he has breath to spare. Louis Creed would never have found that old cemetery by himself, not without Jud's help. Old man, what kind of game are you playing at? Are you even really an old man? I wonder!
I caught Pet Sematary on Epix Drive-In, one of the premium channels, if you guys want to check it out. Obviously I've seen it before, so it certainly passes the rewatchability test. Few effects to speak of, and they age well. I'd certainly watch it again, so check it out if you haven't already. Good way to introduce kids to the concept of death, as Jud says. Let them watch Pet Sematary, I say! If that doesn't introduce them to the concept of death, I'm not sure what will. It's how I learned, and look how great I turned out! Actually, this movie came out when I was 19, so, I probably had a small grasp of what death was before this. Maybe.
Kooky and creepy little coincidence, while I was looking this movie up on IMDB.com. I'm listening to Halloween music on the "sounds of the season" music channel, typing up this review, and I'm looking up the cast of the movie to see what they're doing nowadays. Obviously the younger cast members are all grown up, and I'm guessing the older cast members are probably retired by now. So I'm looking up Denise Crosby, because I remember her from Star Trek (where she played Tasha Yar), and I see she's doing a movie called "Itsy-Bitsy" that's due out in 2018. At that moment, the "Itsy-Bitsy Spider" song plays on the sounds of the season music channel. Just one of those creepy Halloween coincidences, right? Sure! (laughs nervously) Sure it was... OR WAS IT? :-o
No other news to discuss tonight. Hope everyone is enjoying the fall colors, or spending their every waking moment watching horror movies! Yes! Can you think of a more fun existence? I can't! Well, maybe not every waking moment. There's that whole eating and sleeping thing to deal with. Yeah. Til next time!
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
#10 - Truth or Dare (2017)
I can't say as I ever really liked playing Truth or Dare, not even when I was a kid, and certainly not as an adult. I don't think anyone ever tells the truth, and the dares just get real stupid real fast, and then the game is over. Not really sure why anyone would bother. Wouldn't spin the bottle just be easier? Meh, what do I know? I haven't been a teen since 1990.
Truth or Dare (2017) was Syfy's movie on sunday night. Apparently they are playing new movies on the weekends this month, Lucky ... us? This one is about a bunch of teens who rent a scary house with a haunted past to play a game of truth or dare. Things begin to go downhill almost immediately, as these sort of things do. On the plus side, all hell did not break loose, so... I guess that's good?
Cassie Scerbo of Sharknado fame was the only actress I recognized in this movie. This movie involved your typical group of teens tossed into a meat-grinder of turture-porn, which is a kind of movie I completely and unabashaedly loathe. Typical level of acting for one of Syfy's movies, and nothing out of the ordinary here. I wouldn't watch it again, but if you feel like checking it out, sniff around Syfy for your torture-porn fix.
One thing that bothered me about this movie, is that there was absolutely no explanation for the "force" or whatever was making these people act out their truths or dares. None whatsoever. No ghosts, no hauntings, no spirits of the undead, nothing. Just a bunch of teens in the house and WHAM torture porn! Not even any warning. Normally, I don't think an explanation for the otherworldly events is entirely necessary, but it seemed important for this movie, for some reason. Mostly because, there wasn't any reason whatever for any of this to happen, except, Syfy wanted to show some people torturing themselves. Why? No reason!
Also, the people arrive at this supposedly "scary" rent-a-place, and the doors are covered in cobwebs. They walk in, and the polished wooden floors are so shiny you'd think the cleaning crew had just walked off-screen. I don't get it. Why cobweb up the door but leave the rest of the house looking like they had just sold it to rich folks? I got nothin.
In other news, I'm keeping up with "The Gifted" on Mondays. Nothing particularly plot-worthy happened in last night's episode, but nothing so horrible happened that I'm going to stop watching it, either. I'll let you guys know when shit gets interesting. Lucifer was getting kind of stupid, because apparently this season, he's an angel again. I guess now he's back to being his old devilish self, so maybe I'll keep watching it. I also caught "Valor," just one of the new shows about special military operations groups. Much like the other navy seals show with David Boreanaz, it's boring as shit. Too much talky-talky, not enough shooty-shooty. I got bored and shut it off 13 minutes in. The one with David boreanaz didn't even get that far.
That's all for tonight. Catch you guys tomorrow with another horror movie review! Definitely not something from Syfy again. Ugh. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson that those movies suck by now, but no! I guess I'm a slow learner. :-/
Monday, October 9, 2017
#8 - House of the Witch (2017), #9 - The Wailing (2017)
I watched a couple horror movies yesterday, but I didn't finish watching the second one til late, so I didn't get a chance to write up the reviews. Let's catch up today with a double feature! :-D
House of the Wtich (2017) is about a group of bored teens who decide to break into an old mansion on Halloween, and steal some items from inside the place. Turns out the house is rumored to be the home of a witch, and when bad things start to happen, the teens begin to think that the rumors might actually be true.
I caught House of the Witch for the first time on Syfy channel, and that tells you a lot about the quality of this movie. Acting is sub-par, there are no veteran actors to be found, the CGI is cheap and the location is mostly shot inside a boarded-up house. About the only things this movie has going for it is the general attractiveness of the teenage cast, and the somewhat-coherent plot, which (minor spoiler, mostly given away by the title) involves the ghost of a witch. I did kind of like the ending, which I won't spoil for you, if you want to catch this on Syfy at some point before the end of the month. Would I watch it again? No, probably not, although the witch was kind of attractive (eventually).
Syfy is promoting their usual "31 Days of Horror" for Halloween in October, which, if they hadn't been using that phrase for their own channel, I'd have used for my October Horror Movie Review-A-Thon. To be fair, I probably came up with my idea to review 31 horror movies in october before Syfy came up with their 31 days of horror idea (OHMRAT is what, 8 years old now?), but let's not quibble. They show bad horror movies, and I review them, so it's not like we're competing for viewers. This year, Syfy is actually showing a few new horror movies, mostly on the weekends. Sure, the movies aren't great, but hey, maybe you're bored and looking for something you haven't seen before, and maybe a light-horror Syfy movie of the week is right up your dark alley! That... sounds wrong, somehow... but my point is, I wanted to make you guys aware that Syfy was showing new horror flicks this month. Mission accomplished. Moving on.
The Wailing (2016) is a Korean horror flick, which starts out rather horribly, and not in a bad way. Seems there is a gruesome murder, and a police sargeant is called to the scene. Apparently, a ginseng farmer butchered his wife, and possibly his entire family. While investigating this crime, the Sargeant begins to realize the murderer is actually suffering from some sort of horrible disease, which causes his skin to erupt in a blistering rash. Soon the rash begins to spread, triggering other horrific murders, and the Sargeant's own daughter is infected. Can he find a cure for this mysterious disease before it takes his own daughter?
The Wailing is kind of a long movie, well over 2 hours, which makes it seem like it's a slow-starter. There's a lot of promise that's shown in the first part, how mysterious the illness is, and the murders. The acting is decent (hard to tell since it's a foreign-language film, but it seemed okay), and the effects are decent. I don't think the second half of the movie lives up to the promise of the first half, but there's certainly a lot going on in this film, so you won't get bored. I caught this one on Netflix if you want to watch it yourself. I might watch it again, because it seems like one of those movies where I should have caught on to what was going on, and I just didn't get it until the end. This movie was a bit confusing. Either way, it wasn't a bad watch, certainly not the first time through.
In other news, yesterday was the last day of Oktoberfest, so I said to myself "Hey, let's pop online and see how drunk those wacky Germans are on the last day of Oktoberfest!" and I answered myself "That's a great idea!" because I am alone most of the time, and have no one else to talk to, but myself. So, I cue up some Oktoberfest Webcams, and see nothing but wet, dark alleys and mostly-dark buildings. On one of the live webcams, I saw a couple guys come out of a building, toss something onto a pile of building materials, and then the camera cut to another view. Then I remembered that there was a big time difference between here and there, and realized Oktoberfest was already over! "Missed it by THAT MUCH!" I said to myself, in the voice of Maxwell Smart. "That was the worst Maxwell Smart impression I've ever heard." I observed. Indeed.
Whew, all caught up, and two brand-spanking-new movies got reviewed for a change! Wheeeeee! Now I get to "Netflix and chill" with myself for the rest of the day! If that's even possible. Happy Columbus Day? Sure, why not! See you guys tomorrow! :-D
House of the Wtich (2017) is about a group of bored teens who decide to break into an old mansion on Halloween, and steal some items from inside the place. Turns out the house is rumored to be the home of a witch, and when bad things start to happen, the teens begin to think that the rumors might actually be true.
I caught House of the Witch for the first time on Syfy channel, and that tells you a lot about the quality of this movie. Acting is sub-par, there are no veteran actors to be found, the CGI is cheap and the location is mostly shot inside a boarded-up house. About the only things this movie has going for it is the general attractiveness of the teenage cast, and the somewhat-coherent plot, which (minor spoiler, mostly given away by the title) involves the ghost of a witch. I did kind of like the ending, which I won't spoil for you, if you want to catch this on Syfy at some point before the end of the month. Would I watch it again? No, probably not, although the witch was kind of attractive (eventually).
Syfy is promoting their usual "31 Days of Horror" for Halloween in October, which, if they hadn't been using that phrase for their own channel, I'd have used for my October Horror Movie Review-A-Thon. To be fair, I probably came up with my idea to review 31 horror movies in october before Syfy came up with their 31 days of horror idea (OHMRAT is what, 8 years old now?), but let's not quibble. They show bad horror movies, and I review them, so it's not like we're competing for viewers. This year, Syfy is actually showing a few new horror movies, mostly on the weekends. Sure, the movies aren't great, but hey, maybe you're bored and looking for something you haven't seen before, and maybe a light-horror Syfy movie of the week is right up your dark alley! That... sounds wrong, somehow... but my point is, I wanted to make you guys aware that Syfy was showing new horror flicks this month. Mission accomplished. Moving on.
The Wailing (2016) is a Korean horror flick, which starts out rather horribly, and not in a bad way. Seems there is a gruesome murder, and a police sargeant is called to the scene. Apparently, a ginseng farmer butchered his wife, and possibly his entire family. While investigating this crime, the Sargeant begins to realize the murderer is actually suffering from some sort of horrible disease, which causes his skin to erupt in a blistering rash. Soon the rash begins to spread, triggering other horrific murders, and the Sargeant's own daughter is infected. Can he find a cure for this mysterious disease before it takes his own daughter?
The Wailing is kind of a long movie, well over 2 hours, which makes it seem like it's a slow-starter. There's a lot of promise that's shown in the first part, how mysterious the illness is, and the murders. The acting is decent (hard to tell since it's a foreign-language film, but it seemed okay), and the effects are decent. I don't think the second half of the movie lives up to the promise of the first half, but there's certainly a lot going on in this film, so you won't get bored. I caught this one on Netflix if you want to watch it yourself. I might watch it again, because it seems like one of those movies where I should have caught on to what was going on, and I just didn't get it until the end. This movie was a bit confusing. Either way, it wasn't a bad watch, certainly not the first time through.
In other news, yesterday was the last day of Oktoberfest, so I said to myself "Hey, let's pop online and see how drunk those wacky Germans are on the last day of Oktoberfest!" and I answered myself "That's a great idea!" because I am alone most of the time, and have no one else to talk to, but myself. So, I cue up some Oktoberfest Webcams, and see nothing but wet, dark alleys and mostly-dark buildings. On one of the live webcams, I saw a couple guys come out of a building, toss something onto a pile of building materials, and then the camera cut to another view. Then I remembered that there was a big time difference between here and there, and realized Oktoberfest was already over! "Missed it by THAT MUCH!" I said to myself, in the voice of Maxwell Smart. "That was the worst Maxwell Smart impression I've ever heard." I observed. Indeed.
Whew, all caught up, and two brand-spanking-new movies got reviewed for a change! Wheeeeee! Now I get to "Netflix and chill" with myself for the rest of the day! If that's even possible. Happy Columbus Day? Sure, why not! See you guys tomorrow! :-D
Saturday, October 7, 2017
#7 - Club Dread (2004)
Following on the heels of last night's horror-comedy, Idle Hands, comes another horror comedy, Club Dread. I picked this movie for several reasons, not least of which is the sloshy beer-and-alcohol fueled theme of tonight's movie, which fits in well with the final weekend of Oktoberfest this weekend. Also, it's got Bill Paxton in it, which just always makes a movie better.
Broken Lizard's Club Dread (2004) is about a pleasure resort off the coast of Costa Rica, called Pleasure island. Pleasure Island is owned by Coconut Pete, a retired singer who spends his days boozing it up with the resort staff, and his nights with the more attractive female guests. But there's a legend on the island, the legend of Machete Phil, who hacked his own winkie off with a machete, and still prowls the island to this very day... Winkieless, and pissed off.
This movie is a lot of fun, and gets right into the goofy mix of nudity, killing and alcohol-induced hijinks in the first few minutes. Bill Paxton plays Coconut Pete, the boozy retired singer who bought Pleasure Island, and there's a bunch of other people who I think made Super Troopers, or were in it, or something. MC Gainey is Pete's bodyguard. Brittany Daniel plays Jenny, the Aerobics Instructor for the island, who looks incredibly good in a bikini. The acting is pretty decent for a horror comedy, which I guess isn't saying much, but hey, it works. There's nudity, and gore, and lots of hot machete action. Plus, Pena-lope, played by Jordan Ladd. She's a gymnast. Yeah. Not much else to say about Club Dread, except it was good, and funny, and even a little scary in spots. I've seen it before, and I'll watch it again, if only to see Brittany Daniel in a bikini. I caught this on MoreMax, one of the Cinemax channels.
I meant to watch the premiere of Superstition on Syfy last night, but I missed it! Cheesedoodles! I did see more of Exorcist, which is slowly building up to the plot, I guess. I saw Inhumans again, which still has the royal family running around hawaii, trying to find each other. I hope they don't keep this up for long. Not sure what they'd do once they got together, though. Bemoan the loss of Attilan, and start up a business making surfboards? Too stereotypical for hawaii, perhaps? Yeah.
Okay, that's all I got for tonight, folks. Catch you guys tomorrow night!
Friday, October 6, 2017
#6 - Idle Hands (1999)
At the end of a long day, there's nothing more relaxing than plopping your fat ass down in front of the screen, sipping a cold brew and enjoying some comfort foods. To me, there's not much more comfortable than watching an old horror movie you know and love. The Shining's a good one for that, or maybe Dog Soldiers, or even Idle Hands.
Idle Hands (1999) is mostly the story of teenaged Anton, a slacker who wants nothing more in life than to eat, sleep, and smoke a bong, while simultaneously lusting after his neighbor, Molly. Anton wakes up early one morning to find his parents missing, and seeks out his stoner buddies, Mick and Pnub. Looks like just another day of getting high for Anton, but there's a problem. Mick and Pnub are out of weed, and there's a serial killer on the loose! Can Anton successfully score some herb while avoiding a psycho killer, and still work up the nerve to tell Molly how he really feels about her?
Just like that first hit of marijuana after a long day, Idle Hands is comfort horror for the weary horror-movie fan. Devon Sawa was pretty huge when this movie came out, but I don't think anyone even knows who he is, nowadays. He does a bang-up job playing Anton, and Seth Green and Elden Henson play his stoner buddies, Mick and Pnub. And wth kind of a name is Pnub, anyways? Seth Green is still around, behind and in front of the camera, last I heard. Vivica A. Fox plays a Druidic Priestess, sent to kill the evil spirit that is (CENSORED to prevent spoilers), who shows up early on in the movie. Of course, there's also Jessica Alba in this movie, who was 18 when she appeared here, briefly shown in just a bra and panties. Damn, I'd like to (CENSORED because of explicit sexual language). Sigh. Yep, I'm a dirty old man who's going to hell. :-) See you guys there!
Idle Hands isn't a horror movie that takes itself very seriously, but it flows along very well. At no point does the story lag, and Anton's misadventures while trying to score weed can be pretty amusing. Then there's the whole horror-movie sub-plot, that's also actually quite entertaining, and scarier than some of the serious horror movies I've seen. All of the characters seem to be pretty well fleshed out, entertaining in and of themselves. I caught Idle Hands on one of the premium channels, but I just deleted the movie from my DVR, and I forgot what channel it was on. Dangit! Yeah, it's been one of those days. Moving on.
Somehow, I even found Anton to be amusing to watch, even though we have absolutely nothing in common. All he wants is to eat, sleep, get high, watch TV and hang out with Molly, and all I want is to eat, sleep, watch horror movies, play video games and hang out with Jessica Alba. See? Totally and completely different people, who have absolutely nothing in common whatsoever. I'm surprised I identified so well with the guy. I'm sure it's a testament to how hard Devon Sawa tried to nail this role, and the writing and dialogue were just pretty awesome. So, if you can catch Idle Hands at some point this month, go for it. It's a fun bit of horror, and did I mention, 18-year-old Jessica Alba? Yeah. Yeah.
I was going to review the next episode of Inhumans and let you guys know how it's going, but I finished early for a change, and Inhumans isn't on for another 20 minutes. Oh well! I'll watch it and let you guys know how it's going. Til tomorrow night, have a nice weekend, and enjoy the horror while you can! :-D
Thursday, October 5, 2017
#5 - Gerald's Game (2017)
Did you guys know Stephen King's "Christine" was the first horror novel I ever read? Did I ever tell you that? I saw my sister reading "The Stand" when I was 7 years old, and being a general lover of books at the time, I asked her if I could read it. She said she wasn't done with it yet, but handed me "Christine," and suggested I start with that one. "It's scary." she warned me. I nodded, dismissively. Even at 7 years old, I knew the words in the book couldn't hurt me. I devoured Christine, and The Stand, as soon as my sister had finished it. I was hooked on horror from that day onward (though to be fair, I may have been hooked on monsters before even that). Ever since then, I've had a soft spot for Stephen King's works.
Gerald's Game (2017) isn't one of my favorite Stephen King works. I never read the book, if it was a book, or even the short story. Gerald and his wife haven't been getting along terribly well lately, and for some reason, they settle on a quiet weekend full of sex games at a remote summer home to "spice things up." Gerald thinks a nice set of handcuffs will do the trick, and his wife seems to go along with it, at first. Then she gets cold feet, and they get into a fight, and well, things just go downhill from there.
Gerald is played by Bruce Greenwood, his wife is Carla Gugino. There's a lot of dialogue in this movie, and a movie full of dialogue won't make it without some decent actors, so I guess Carla Gugino and Bruce Greenwood did an okay job, but maybe there was too much dialogue. More action probably would have been better. So, how to classify this movie? I'm not even sure I could call it a horror movie. I don't really recall any parts that were even that scary. Not much happens during this movie. I would have gotten bored and turned it off at a couple points, but the dog had me curious. Not that anything actually happened with the dog, but I like dogs. I kept hoping that the wife's attempts at befriending the dog would pan out at some point, but things didn't seem to work out that way. This certainly wasn't a monster movie, or anything close to my usual kind of horror movie. Meh. I wouldn't watch it again, but it's on Netflix if you want to check it out. Hey, I can't like all of the movies I watch, can I? This is one of the crappier ones.
Okay, so I'm watching The Orville, and they just went through a "Dark Matter storm." Is it just me or are we taking this dark matter thing a little too far? I know, the Dark Matter/Energy theory is the darling of the physics geeks nowadays, but let's recap, shall we? Tens of thousands of years ago, when primitive man looked up at the storm clouds and blamed the thunder on an angry, invisible sky god, I'm pretty sure we were just making things up. As far as I know, we've never had any proof of any gods that we have ever worshipped, and we've worshipped a whopping shit-ton of them. I mean, I don't want to upset any religious fanatics out there, but gods really don't have any place in our pursuit of knowledge. I certainly don't understand why the gods would grant us the curiosity to seek out knowledge, and then suggest that we shouldn't, as in the "Apple in the garden of eden" story. Just seems like a stupid contradiction that religion doesn't adequately explain, and makes me even more curious to seek out additional knowledge.
So, nowadays, physics geeks looked at the math, and went "There's not enough matter and energy in the universe, according to our best guess. It must be something invisible that we can't see, can't detect by any means, and that is having some influence on our universe." Gee, does that sound familiar? Hey, I'm no expert, but do you think, maybe, we got the math wrong? It is a best guess, after all. There's no way we know enough to be sure of most of the values we attribute to the huge complicated mathematical equations we use to figure this shit out. Back in college physics, the professor would give us a single equation to work out for homework. Each of us would do the equation, and the next day in class, every single one of us would have a different result. And according to the professor, we were all correct, no matter how much our answers differed from each other. How is that even possible?
Let's just take the speed of light, which is supposed to be the most reliable constant that we can base all our physics on. According to all the theories, light had to move faster than the actual speed of light in order to illuminate the universe as we know it, and at the same, time, we've discovered through scientific experimentation that we can actually slow or even "freeze" light in a medium of frozen gas. So if the speed of light isn't a constant, then what can we possibly base all our math on? Look, maybe I'm wrong on this, maybe there are chunks of dark matter flying all over the place, and maybe I am sitting on one right now. I know in this day and age, committing suicide is often preferable to admitting you made a mistake, but let's think about this. If there is one single thing we can absolutely, positively be sure of, it's that humans make mistakes. All the time. Without fail.
Didn't we estimate the age of the universe at 13.8 billion years old? And didn't we just discover a star that was 14.6 billion years old? I think we did. So, is the star older than the universe, or did we get the age of the star wrong? Come on people. We don't know enough about much of anything to get it all correct. Hey, maybe we got the math wrong, maybe we didn't, but isn't it time we stopped blaming invisble things we couldn't see on the things that happen in our lives, and just went looking to see wtf was going on? Aren't we evolved enough to just set aside the need to postulate answers that sound good to our fellow man, and just investigate the truth? Wouldn't that make more sense? Meh, what do I know, right? I sit around and watch crappy horror movies all day. Please ignore me, and return to your regularly scheduled sacrifice to the flying spaghetti monster.
That's all for tonight. Catch you guys tomorrow with another review.
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