#3 - All Cheerleaders Die (2013)

Okay, a little late tonight, but better late than never, so I'll make this quick.

All Cheerleaders Die (2013) is about a group of cheerleaders who have an accident, and are brought back from the dead by a local Witch.  Unfortunately, the cheerleaders were killed by the captain of the football team, and he's not happy about them coming back from the dead.

Yeah, I know I gave most of the plot away in my synopsis, but this is actually an okay movie, and it's not like you couldn't have guessed "Zombie cheerleaders" just from the title of the movie, right?  Well, I did.  So, I was pretty close.  Apparently, this movie is actually a remake of a 2001 movie by the same name, which I don't recall seeing, but sounds familiar.

So, the bads and goods.  Goods, lesbian cheerleaders.  Partial nudity.  Sister body swapping, so we almost have a "freaky friday" sub-plot going on here.  "Mystical orgasm..."  I pulled that one right off the IMDB page, so if it's on the internet, it must be a real thing!  I think I had one of those once, but it was the first time I had pistachio ice cream.  Average special effects, not used terribly often, so that counts as a good thing.  Reasonably attractive cheerleaders.  Revenge sub-plot.  Lost love sub-plot.

Bads, I would add a "coming-of-age" sub-plot, but if these girls are 17, then I just graduated college.  There's a lot of lead-up to the actual good stuff, and I think most of it is actually necessary, but it tends to drag on a bit.  On the plus side, right when you're starting to think "Jesus this is starting to drag on a bit," all hell breaks loose.  The Cheerleaders actually die, which is a waste of a perfectly good cheerleader.  Also, this is apparently a "part 1" and I don't see a part 2 coming out anytime soon, so I guess the story is incomplete, much like a football captain's first pass.

Would I watch this movie again?  Yea, maybe.  Certainly if they come out with a part 2, because I'd need to review the story up til the cliffhanger ending so I can get back into the spirit of things.  Heh.  Spirit.  Dead Cheerleaders.  geddit, geddit?  I make joke!  You laugh!  All Cheerleaders Die is on Netflix if you want to watch it.

In other news, I'm still working my way through Luke Cage, but so far, it's not getting much better.  They use the N-word a lot, and as a pasty white guy who isn't a racist, it just makes me feel uncomfortable every time I hear it.  Thus far, none of the villains seem particularly memorable, so I hope they get better.  The hero's not really that memorable either, but meh.  Honestly, I know why they came out with the Power Man comics in the 70's (or whenever), to make some black superheroes to make up for all the white ones and all, but I think Power Man is gone on long past the time when he was relevant.  It's like he never grew up past that 70's Black Panther mentality, and maybe it has some relevance in light of all the police shootings lately and the Black Lives Matter movement, but I just don't think this story is particularly relevant to most adults or children today (of any color).  I could be wrong.

I also disagree with Marvel making Thor and Hulk into women full-time now, too, just to make up for the fact that there aren't many women superheros out there.  Sure, you need more women superheroes, and yea, I think She-Hulk is hot, too, but why kill off the Hulk just so Jen (Bruce Banner's cousin) can go through the same goddamn shit that the Hulk went through?  What's the point?  Just because the artists like drawing boobs?  Why make Thor a woman at all?  The freakin guy lasts thousands of years as the thunder god, is actually worshiped by the Norwegian people as a god, but he can't survive women's lib without getting a sex change operation?  Really, marvel?  Are you that out of ideas that you couldn't just come up with some other goddamn superheroes and make them female?  Putzes. Old Stan Lee must be losing his touch, but he's rich and I'm an out-of-work dork, so what the hell do I know?  Exactly.

Saw Westworld on HBO last night.  Wasn't bad, but I'm also not terribly impressed.  I think it was pretty much an excuse for HBO to throw a bunch of naked chicks up on the screen at one time, but hey, I'm heterosexual.  I'm good with that, but could they maybe have got some, I don't know, slightly hotter, or maybe more famous, actresses?  Somebody I might actually have wanted to see nude, before this show came along?  Meh, maybe they're saving them for next season.

That's it for tonight.  To sleep, perchance to dream...