Almost done with my October Horror Movie Review-A-Thon 2016! Otherwise known as OHMRAT, which is also my death metal ballad band name. Just a few more reviews, and it'll all be over for another year. I know, you guys have been through hell this month, having to read reviews of all these crappy, Z-grade horror movies I watch, but what are friends for? :-D
Silent Night (2012) is more of a Christmas story than a horror story, sort of a combination of the Charlie Brown Christmas, and Friday the 13th. A female cop is called in to work on Christmas Eve, only to find that a rogue Santa Claus has run amok, slaughtering the innocent, and punishing the guilty. In a town filled with hundreds of Salvation Army Santas, can our rookie heroine cop find the bad santa amongst all the good santas in time to save Christmas? Or is it already too late?
The Good, the Bad, the Ugly: It seems they start the Christmas season earlier and earlier every year, and every year, Halloween draws the line, and pushes back. Thanksgiving has already been overrun, but Halloween will not fall, not whilst I draw breath! Errr.... yea. Ahem. Got a little excited, there. This wasn't a terribly awesome movie, but it wasn't bad, either. The rogue santa has the unstoppability of Michael Myers, and the moral compass of Krampus. Unfortunately for our heroine cop, all she seems to have to fight with is a pretty face. Will it be enough? Check it out on Starz Edge to find out.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016) seems to be another entry into the zombie love story genre. I didn't think there were that many, but it seems everyone wants to capitalize on the success of that pioneering blockbuster, Return of the Living Dead 3, the very first and best zombie love story, and the only one involving actual zombies. Which makes all the other zombie love story movies, FAKES AND PRETENDERS. That's right. I went there. Ahem. Seriously, this movie is about Victorian-era England being overrun by a zombie apocalypse, and how one family of girls trains to fight them, and how one girl from that family lives and loves...
The Good, the Bad, the Ugly: There's a lot of heaving bosoms and tight bodices in this movie, and not a whole shitload of zombies. Mainly, the story revolves around Elizabeth Bennett, who isn't that interesting, and her future lover, who isn't that interesting, and how they temporarily avoid the zombie apocalypse, a story which really isn't that interesting. There's a bit of fighting, shooting, and zombie killing, interspersed with polite scenes of people eating scones. Honestly, any zombie movie that ends in a double wedding can't be good, can it? This movie is on Starz if you want to see it, but why? Why would you do that to yourself? Shouldn't you be out getting drunk on Wild Turkey in an alley somewhere? Surely, that would be better than watching this movie.
In other news, I have other horror movies to watch, and I've talked too much as it is. You guys must be totally sick of hearing me blab by now. Just two more reviews to go! :-D