Thursday, October 29, 2015

Horror Reviews #26 - 27: Prophecy (1995), Prophecy 2 (1998)

I can't recall if I have reviewed Prophecy at some point, but it's a fairly decent horror movie, and I need something to review, so I watched Prophecy 1 and 2 on Netflix.  I honestly tried watching the Septic Man on hulu.com, but I only got halfway, and I'll briefly tell you why.

First off, for the same price as Netflix ($8 a month) hulu gives you commercials throughout all your movies (unless you want to pay for the commercial-free option, which is $12).  Which seems retarded, because HBO and all the rest of the premium channels (as well as Netflix) give you commercial-free movies.  Frankly, that seems shady to me.  Not only do they collect money from advertisers to spam commercials at you while you're trying to enjoy a movie, but they want money from you, as well?  So they're getting paid twice for the same showing?  Seems totally crooked to me.  Also, most of the commercials I'm seeing throughout the movie are for hulu's commercial-free option, which begs the question...  If hulu wasn't interrupting my movie to show me commercials for their commercial-free option...   wouldn't my movie be commercial-free?  Why, yes.  Yes, it would.  I was actually considering getting a subscription to hulu, but if they're going to show commercials throughout my $8 worth of movies, and continuously spam commercials for their $12 service while I'm paying for the $8, then screw them.  Crooked bastards.

Also, if you get a chance to watch Septic Man, don't.  Boring as hell.  Seriously.  Oh, the first few minutes are disgusting, and you think "Oh geez, this is going to be one of those movies where I shouldn't eat a meal during it." and then...  you watch a sewer worker walking and crawling around the sewers for the next 45 minutes.  Yea.  He's going nowhere, nothing exciting is happening, there's some whackos supposedly living around the sewers but they're so ridiculously uninteresting that one of them files the other's teeth to try and make it more exciting.  And no, watching someone file teeth down to points isn't exciting.  It's like watching someone floss.  So, while nothing is happening to the sewer worker, nothing else is happening anywhere else in the movie, which makes for a whole lot of boring, from a handful of boring characters.  Which is, well, boring.  Duh.  I expected so much more from the guys who made Pontypool.  Very disappointing.  Between the commercials and general boredom, I had to shut it off, or risk even greater levels of insanity than I already display on a regular basis.  And nobody wants that.

Prophecy (1995) is about an archangel, Gabriel, who comes to Earth to tip the scales in an angel-on-angel war, and I'm not talking about the one against Lucifer.  Only it's not really an angel on angel war, because Gabriel is actually pissed off that god likes humans better than angels, so Gabriel is looking to gain an advantage in order to destroy all humans.  In Prophecy, Gabriel seeks the soul of a colonel who served in the Vietnam war, a particularly vile sort who enjoyed vicious fighting and supposedly sacrificed children to drive fear into the hearts of his enemies.  The colonel has only recently died, and another angel, one loyal to god, has hidden the soul from Gabriel.  It's up to an ex-priest and a schoolteacher to prevent Gabriel from finding it.

Gabriel is played by Christopher Walken, who is creepy enough to scare Lucifer (who is actually played by Viggo Mortensen in this movie) out of hell, so he makes a perfect evil angel for this movie.  Elias Koteas and Virginia Madsen play the ex-priest and schoolteacher, and Eric Stoltz and Amanda Plummer round out the supporting cast.  Obviously these are all talented actors, and the plot is like something out of the Exorcist, so you have a decent movie on your hands.  Could have done with a bit more action, but still, twasn't bad.  I've seen it before, and I'll probably see it again, so repeat viewings are fine on this one.  Solid start to a whole series of movies.

Prophecy 2 (1998) picks up with Gabriel again.  This time, he's after a woman who has been impregnated by an angel.  The offspring of an angel and a human is called a Nephilim.  Supposedly, they have the power of an angel with the free will of a human (though Gabriel seems to have a lot of free will to do evil in these movies, so I'm a little confused about that), and Gabriel can't stand that idea.  Of course, all the angels who are still loyal to god are going to be standing in his way.

Christopher Walken reprises his role as Gabriel in Prophecy 2, with Eric Roberts doing a short bit as the Archangel Michael.  Jennifer Beals plays the pregnant woman, but I really don't recognize anyone else in the movie except for Gabriel's undead henchman, uh, hench-woman, that is, played by the late Brittany Murphy.  Acting and plot aren't as good as the first movie, though the added benefit of a short nude scene by Jennifer Beals ups the excitement level by a fraction, for a fraction of a second.

Prophecy 2 wasn't as good as the first one, so if you only have time for one, watch the first one.  Prophecy 2 may or may not add anything to the series.  I'll have to let you know since I am watching the other Prophecy movies tomorrow.

That's all for now.  Til next time!

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