Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Review - Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

After a brief summer hiatus, I'm back with a review of the most-anticipated movie of the summer season, Sharknado 3.  I'm watching Sharknado 3 as I type this, and so far it's just ridiculous.  Before I get into the review, let me just sum up why SyFy keeps pumping out Sharknado films.  They love tornado films, and they love shark films.  Yea, that's pretty much it.  Shove the two together, and you get Sharknado.  The only thing that could make the Sharknado series of movies more a signature of the SyFy channel is to make the next one Sharknado 4: Zombie Sharknado!  And now, on to the review.

Sharknado 3 opens with Fin Shepherd getting some presidential award in Washington, DC for his shark-killing efforts in the first two movies.  By this point in time, the Sharknadoes have become a fairly commonplace meteorological phenomena, and Sharknadoes seem to be spinning out of control all over the country.  Needless to say, shortly after Fin receives his award, a Sharknado devastates DC, and Fin and the President fight back to back against the oncoming horror of Sharknado 3!  And that's just the first ten minutes.

At this point, as the third movie in a series that doesn't look to be losing steam at all, there's a whole host of cameos and guest stars.  Lou Ferrigno made a brief appearance as a Secret Service Agent who got eaten, and Bo Derek is showing up as Fin's wife's mother.  For those of you who don't know who Bo Derek is, she was pretty hot back in the 80's.  The entire cast of the Today Show is in there, too, looks like.  The actor who played Teal'c from Stargate SG-1 was just there as another Secret Service Agent (who i originally mis-identified as Worf from ST:TNG, my bad).  I'm sure there will be more guest stars as the movie progresses, or maybe they stuffed them all into the first ten minutes.

Nova's back, and just as an aside, she needs to stop waving that gun around.  The big honkin' blade on the end of her shotgun is bobbing around in a very rubber-like fashion.  :-/  Well, at least Fin's wife is in Florida, where the next Sharknado appears to be headed.  I don't know who that one girl in the black bikini running into the 'shelter' of the all-glass building was, but she had a nice butt.  :-)

Yea, Nova just said she really hates sharks, and her sidekick said "Could be worse, could be zombies."  Yep.  Zombie-Sharknado, coming soon, I can feel it in my juevos.  There's Tuvok from Star Trek; Voyager, and I'm pretty sure that was Lorenzo Lamas, from a shitload of crappy B-movies.  I wonder who else they'll manage to squeeze into this thing?  Just going to take a moment here to add that Nova has a nice behind as well.  I can only imagine they added the chicks-in-bikinis deal to spice things up, but the Universal Studios theme park doesn't exactly look particularly warm at the time Sharknado 3 was filmed.  Ooooh, Jerry Springer just got eaten!  Okay, that part was all right.  And there's David Hasselhoff.  Well.  At least he's working.  Sort of.  Michael Winslow!  Holy crap!  Okay, I wasn't geeking out til I saw Michael Winslow.  Now, I'm impressed.  Don't ask me why Michael Winslow impressed me, out of everyone else in the movie, but eh.  Celebrity Overload, I guess.

Okay, Sharknado 3 is almost over, and it's pretty much exactly what I expected.  Ridiculous.  If you want to watch it, it's replaying again immediately after this, at 11pm Wednesday, and again on Saturday on SyFy channel at 7 pm, I think it was.  I'd say, only watch it if you love sharks and tornadoes as much as SyFy does, or if you just want to see how the celebrities are holding up after all these years.  Or, of course, the ridiculous ending.  Okay, I hate the ending.  I just do.

That's all for tonight.  I'm a little 'nado'd out.  Catch you guys next time.

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