I'm letting Netflix pretty much pick my choices of what to watch over the last few days. If they say it's popular on Netflix, I'll check the reviews. If the reviews say it sucks, screw it. If the reviews are generally positive, I'll watch it.
The Haunting of Whaley House (2012) got mixed reviews on Netflix. It's about an old house that is so famed for being haunted that Tour Guides give daily tours through the house for tourists. One of the new tour guides is given the rules by her boss. Rule one, don't talk about Fight Club. Wooops. Wait. Wrong movie. Let me start over. Rule One, don't call the ghosts out. They hate that. Rule Two, Don't damage the house. The ghosts hate that, too. Rule Three, no tours at night. The daytime is for the living, the night is for the dead. That same day, our new tour guide, who doesn't believe in ghosts, promptly decides to break rule number three. And of course (and you can say it with me), ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.
I mean, it's like trying to drown a gremlin after you've fed him after midnight. Some rules are there for a good reason, you know?
This movie was done on a very low budget. Special effects included people in various costumes, in bad makeup, running around behind the actors who pretend that they don't see them. Sure, this can describe most horror movies, but my point is, this looked more like one of those Halloween Haunted Walk-Through things where people jump out at you to try and scare the bejeesus out of you. Sure, it works the first time, but after that, you're pretty much ready for it.
I must admit, it did work the first time in this movie on me, as well. There's a scene about halfway through where one girl freaks out, and as she's walking past an open door, something jumps out and grabs at her. It's pretty much what they do in Halloween haunted house walk-throughs, too. I must admit, I jumped a little when the thing leapt out at her. Okay, I jumped a lot. I may have even peed myself. Just a little.
Of course, after that, it's all just bad special effects. People in obvious rubber suits. Little girls in scary makeup. Rubber walls where people behind them are pushing their hands through, etc. So, don't watch this movie for the effects.
It's the acting that really makes a horror film. Look at the Hammer films back in the 60's. Sure, Peter Cushing knew it was just his buddy Christopher Lee wearing plastic fangs in his mouth and wearing his hair slicked back, but he acted as if Count Dracula himself was looking to possess Peter Cushing's soul, and dammit, THAT's what made those films so good. I can't say as the acting in this movie was that good, but they did try.
Too much reliance on jump-out-and-grab scare tactics was probably what did this movie in. There's also no nudity. OH wait, there was a little bit of nudity. For about 5 seconds. And she was rather attractive, too, so I guess it counts, but it seemed like it was only done for the camera, to throw a little nudity into the film. I don't know. The actress was only on screen for about half a minute, and then was never seen again. I guess the rest of the cast didn't feel like getting naked, and they couldn't work a topless scene into the script, so they just had a walk-on role by a prostitute. Who knows?
Also, there's a scene where a guy supposedly runs into a water pump sticking out of the ground, and impales himself. First off, okay, that's pretty hard to do. I've tried. Second, those pipes that attach to those pumps go down into the ground, pretty far. I'm sure they're not supposed to sway back and forth like that, even with a guy stuck on the end of them. In fact, if it sways that much, how the hell did it stay upright long enough to impale the guy? Some ridiculous special effects, but again, low budget shit that could have been done better with a better budget, I suppose.
So, if you want a halfway decent low-budget thriller that looks like it was made by a bunch of people who usually organize halloween scare walk-throughs, this is your movie! If not, well, you maybe won't like this one. As usual, one viewing of this is enough for me. They might have made the movie better by recounting a bit more of the Whaley family history, or finding a bloody dungeon in the basement, but most of the action was kept to like 3 rooms. Maybe with the dozens of dollars they profited from making this movie, they can go on to do bigger and better? Hey, Evil Dead started kind of the same way, right? Well, I wish them luck.
In other scary news, Roger Moore turned 87 yesterday, making him one of the oldest living Bonds (yes, I know almost all of them are still alive, but so what? it's like talking about ex-presidents), and making me feel old, because he's the Bond I grew up watching. I was just hitting double digits when I first discovered the 007 movies, and though I'd eventually come to think of Sean Connery as looking more like the type of rough-and-rowdy person who might actually be able to handle physical combat with a russian agent, I hadn't really seen any of the Bond movies before that point in my life. To me, Roger Moore was the first Bond, and he had a good enough run that I was already into my 20's by the time I realized that they had replaced him, and I found out that there were other Bonds besides Roger Moore. Old Roger has been married to some attractive european Countess for a decade or more, so good for him. I wish him many more birthdays. or at least as many as he can handle, at his age. On the other hand, if he ever gets into a brawl with Daniel Craig, I'm still putting my money on Roger.
That's all for tonight! Catch you guys tomorrow evening, hopefully with a movie I might actually want to see again at some point. I been looking. So hard to find one lately. Maybe I should restrict my search to Asian Horror and hope for the best. :-/
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