Little change of pace tonight, horror fans. I'm not even sure this is technically a horror movie, but it has Zombies in it, so I don't see how it can't be, right? In any case, it reminds me of Return of the Living Dead 3, which, as we all know from reading my blog, is The Greatest Zombie Romance Movie of All Time. I realize it's a very small field, I grant you. In fact, up until I saw Warm Bodies, it was the only entry in the genre. But hey, Warm Bodies, runs a close second. Since, technically, there's only two movies in the entire genre, it's also dead last (geddit, geddit? DEAD last? I'm witty!), but don't let that stop you from watching it, if you happen to have Cinemax, where I saw it. It's actually pretty good.
So here's the summation. The Zombie apocalypse happened eight years ago. The dead have pretty much overrun the earth. What we have left are a few small, isolated communities of humans trying to live off the dregs of humanity's last gasp. One city has managed to wall itself off and has a semblance of normal life going on inside it, due to roving packs of food collectors heading out into the surrounding areas to collect food and drugs and so on. John Malkovich plays the City's leader, and his daughter Julie (Teresa Palmer) has joined one of the bands of roving collectors. Needless to say, outside the walls of the city, the small squads of collectors have to go armed, and are careful not to let the zombies overwhelm them. The zombies are bad enough, but there are worse things out there. The "boneys" are zombies that have lost all memory of being human, torn off their skins, and wander the land eating anything with a heartbeat.
But, as we all know, there are two sides to every story. Enter "R," a Zombie with a heartbeat. Well, technically, he didn't really have one before he met Julie. In fact, when he runs into Julie's band of gatherers with a group of fellow zombies with him, they pretty much slaughter Julie's friends, and R actually kills Julie's ex-boyfriend. To be fair, Julie's ex did shoot R first, but hey, he's dead. It didn't really bother R other than to piss him off. So, R eats Julie's ex-boyfriend's brains. Pretty much your standard Zombie-human interaction up til this point. Then, of course, R being a bit emo, and lonely, and, you know, being a zombie and all, while eating Julie's ex-boyfriend's brains, R "remembers" loving Julie. Which is why Zombies eat brains, to remember what it's like to be human.
So, now we have a problem, and the conundrum of the whole movie. I'm not going to give anything else away, but what does a Zombie do when he's in love with a human? I mean, if nothing else, it's hard to raise the kids. On the plus side, if they misbehave, you can eat them. You just can't do that with real kids. At least, most of the time. Plus, I mean, there's the whole social issue. School dances just aren't the same, you know? Ah well. Marriage counseling should be easy, at least. Think about it, it's not like your husband can argue his point of view, right? Right.
Then again, who'd want to argue with someone as hot as Teresa Palmer? I sure wouldn't. I even checked her imdb profile, she had a meteoric rise to fame after being pretty much discovered right off the street. She was in I am Number Four and the Sorceror's Apprentice (yes, the love interest) And now she's pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. Sigh. Oh well. Enough of my perving.
I thought this movie was decent. There wasn't a ton of action, but it was sprinkled pretty liberally throughout the film. And plus, zombie love story! If you see this one and Return of the Living Dead 3, you can honestly say (like me) that you have seen every zombie love story ever filmed! How cool is that? No nudity in this one, sad to say, much as you might like to see Teresa Palmer naked. And Wtf, John Malkovich! How many zombie movies has John Malkovish done? I don't know, but I think just this one! So there you go. John malkovich's only zombie movie. So far.
I'm trying hard not to give anything away here, but this movie also explores one of my theories about zombies. I mean, let's think about it, everything changes. Even zombies have changed over the years, from being slow, wobbly dead things to fast, brain-eating terrors. Humans, as a general rule, have been evolving for millions of years. Why wouldn't we continue to evolve after we die? And shit, if we're dead, won't we all be around to see it happen? I think so. If the Zombie Apocalypse ever does happen, I'll probably be one of the first zombies. I mean, I'm fat, and slow. So I'll be a zombie, and I would hope people would let me exist in my undead form long enough to see what happens next! I mean, corpses are people too, right? Right.
That's it for tonight. This one wasn't particularly scary, except for the "boneys." Which, were pretty scary. So. There's that. I'll see about continuing my werewolf story of the week motif tomorrow night!
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