IN THE BEGINNING there was Prodigy, and I looked upon Prodigy with it's multiple chat rooms and subject matters and the ability to create your own chat rooms, and I saw that it was good. I learned much of LOL and LMAO and ROFL, and even chanced upon the great and powerful ROFLMAOPMP on rare occasions. And I didst wander amongst the chat rooms, and frolicked, and I was happy for a time. But Prodigy became greedy, and charged per hour, and after spending $1100 just to chat one month, I cast it down into the lake of fire to burn forever in its own excrement. This was back in 1995, shortly after the birth of the internet universe.
After Prodigy, I realized the true freedom of the Internet Universe that is IRC, or Internet Relay Chat. And again, I roamed free and unfettered, and in my wanderings I learned many things, but IRC is a vast vast desert of nothingness where only the few Oases have any life, and frankly, the view is terrible. I mean, seriously, there were no graphics at all, unless you count ASCII porn, and, errr I mean, uh, and Yea verily didst I pass happily out of this parched land, in search of something more.
And though I wandered through the dark ages of the internet, searching and yearning for the promised land of milk and honey, or at least a good place to chat, I found nought, and spent many years wandering aimlessly. It felt like 40 years, though it was probably closer to 3, maybe 2 and a half, which, in internet time, is like, forever!!! OMG!!!!!!
And lo, there in the darkness I chanced upon a thriving city named Yahoo, and made it my home. There were many many many many many many many fine chat rooms, and you could create your own, and the ale was cold, and the whores were mostly clean, and there was much rejoicing. But as in most cases where something is good and clean and fine, the powers that be decided, in their infinite wisdom, NOT to follow the old adage, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." And lo, Yahoo was smited. Or, maybe smitten? Smoted? Smote, I think it's smote, yea that's probably the past tense of... errr. And lo, yahoo was smote... that sounds wrong somehow. Yahoo was whipped, and the user created rooms were cast out, and none could again find their majesty. And thus the city of Yahoo was reduced in size, and many fled it's fewer wonders, but still I kept a summer home there, for the views are nice that time of year.
And in time I looked upon the fields of Myspace, where the shepherds and peoples and minstrels frolicked, and I created another place there. And amongst my peoples, there was much rejoicing, for I am funny and weird and wondrous, and they marveled at my blog, and probably had to change their undergarments a few times from their endless mirth. And long did I keep my house there, at least until Myspace decided that all my works would be theirs, and they could useth tham as they pleaseth. It was then that I didst decide it wast time to move on, and burnt my homes and holdings to the ground so that myspace couldst not despoil my great works for their own betterment. I am a spiteful god.
Fleeing the greediness of Myspace, I chanced upon Facebook, and dwelled not long amidst its youthful gaiety. For gay it was, and annoying it became, with its constant alerts and emails and messages from a thousand sources, keen to whittle my spirit down to the nothingness from whence facebook was born. But I am not a god of peace and surrender, I am a god of War, and Facebook could not scratch me. I threw its slings and arrows to the side of the road, and continued my journey unchallenged.
I briefly traveled through the myriad roads of AOL Instant Messenger on my travels, but I did not stop, simply greeted travelers along the way, and perhaps pausing to shoot the shit while kicking the road dust off my boots.
But no road is without peril, nor curve, nor incline, not to mention the occasional pothole, and I wouldst briefly list my trips and falls upon the road on Twitter. I didst not spend long on this road, for its length is stopped at 140 cubits (what the hell is a cubit, anyway?), and no man may lengthen his time there, though he travel it back and forth. I quickly grew short with such brevity, and longed again to expound at length.
And we have come to the crux of our journey, where I stand at the crossroads of life and extoll the virtues of blogspot. Truth be told, tis but a small Inn by the side of the crossroads, and I shant know how long it will be ere I move on. But for the nonce, tis fine. For the nonce.
Plus, it's freakin easy to post here, I just log in and type. Yea, I know, I am pretty lazy, that's why I do things the easy way. :-)
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