Hey Memorial Day Weekend Double Feature Review! Or, something like that.
I originally started this blog to whine and bitch, and then kept it going to do horror movie reviews, and I'm going to get back to those pretty soon. But, every once in a while, when you're feeling like you could use a romantic comedy or a feel-good happy ending, you need to change up the pace a little. Or, maybe I'm just getting old and sappy. It's been known to happen. Tonight we have two movies on Netflix up for review, what I like to call feel-good movies, because when they're over, you either feel-good, or you're a heartless psychopath who needs psychiatric help. They may not be the best movies ever made, and they're not going to change anyone's lives, but they're entertainment you can waste an hour and a half on when it's ninety freakin' degrees out and you're sweating your goddamn balls off.
I'm going to start with The Do-Over, a Netflix original movie they just finished like, last week, or something. Starring Adam Sandler and David Spade, The Do-Over is essentially about a loser (played by David Spade) who's done nothing at all with his life since High School. While attending a high school reunion (and don't ask me why a loser would attend a high school reunion, it seems to me that people do that kind of thing to recapture their glory days, which, if you're a loser, high school probably wasn't your best time, anyway... wow, no wonder I never attended any of my high school reunions... that explains so much), the loser runs into an old buddy (Adam Sandler) and they stay up half the night chatting about the good times they had in high school. Drunk and high, the loser confesses that he wishes he had his life to do over, and, well, without giving too much way, his buddy finds a way to make it happen.
Okay, I read fark.com, and every other news story lately is why nobody likes adam sandler anymore. I grant he's not exactly a stand-up comedian anymore, and probably wasn't a good one to start with, but if nothing else, the guy's a veteran actor. Toss David Spade into the mix (who I think is especially funny when he has someone to play off of), and you got a shot at some decent source material. I don't know how well these two get along, but I can see a whole series of buddy movies playing out here. Buddy cop movies, buddy... uh.... some... other kind of movies... uh... Yeah, okay I don't know what other sort of buddy movies there are. You caught me.
My point is, the movie wasn't bad. I had some moments where I chuckled, and Luis Guzman is always hilarious, I don't care what movie he's in, or how serious his lines are. I chuckle just seeing him on TV. Good supporting cast, a few funny moments, not exactly a hilariously funny movie, but you end up feeling pretty good at the end. I liked it. I doubt I'd watch it again, BUT, if Sandler and Spade want to make a sequel, or team up for more buddy movies, I think that might go over well. The Do-Over is recently available on netflix, if you want to check it out, and decide for yourself. Maybe I was just really depressed, drunk, and needed a pick-me-up, who knows.
Home (2015) is an animated feature, also on Netflix. I'm not a huge fan of cartoons (I have so many anime I want to watch, and it seems like I just don't ever have the time), especially the more recent ones, but I do enjoy them from time to time. Home is about a race of aliens who invade Earth, and how one oddball alien befriends an oddball human and how the two of them become friends. It's kind of sappy, but I rather identified with "Oh," the oddball alien. He's a perennial misfit who finally figures out what he's good at, and that makes him different from everyone else, which also makes him someone I can readily identify with. Let's face it, if you're reading a book or watching a movie, and you can't find anyone in the story to identify with, it's hard to place yourself in the story, and really get into enjoying it. I managed to identify with Oh, so I could enjoy this tale of an oddball alien.
The story itself wasn't too bad, the voice acting was decent (Steve Martin and Rihanna, of all people), and again, the movie makes you feel good at the end. Rewatchability is again, probably zero, I mean, once you've seen it, you've seen it. Why watch it twice? It's a cartoon. You've enjoyed it once, now move on with your life, and go find a good horror flick to enjoy, am I right? You're damn right, I'm right. Horror movies are rewatchable. Cartoons? Not so much. Unless they're horror cartoons. Then, it's okay.
So, feeling down this memorial day weekend? Remembering all those heroes who gave their lives so you could enjoy the freedom of being able to vote for Donald Trump? If that doesn't make you sad, I'm not sure what will. Watch some feel-good movies on Netflix, get hammered, and eat obscene amounts of food, because let's face it, as my sister once told me... "It doesn't matter if you have seconds or thirds, because come tomorrow, you're still going to be fat." Words of wisdom, right there. Words of wisdom. No wonder I call this blog Scrolls of Wisdom! :-o
Happy Memorial Day weekend, everybody! Well... Everyone who's actually having a Memorial day weekend, this weekend. If you're not, shit, just enjoy the beginning of summer in the northern hemisphere, or the... beginning of winter in the... southern one. Yea. Hmmmm. Seasons R Cray-cray, and that's the extent of my knowledge of slang.
Til next time, hopefully sooner than several months from now.
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Monday, May 2, 2016
Review - Jurassic World (2015)
Yes, that's right, your long international nightmare is finally over. My crappy movie review blogs are back. Now, without further ado, let's just get right into the meat of why exactly I took a 4-month hiatus from blogging: I was busy. Yep. Now you know. I've upended your world, haven't I? Now let's get to the review.
Jurassic World (2015) is playing on HBO this month. Honestly, I was going to review it last weekend, but, you guessed it, I was busy. Yeah. Crazy shit happens sometimes. Jurassic World is, I think, the 4th or 5th movie in the Jurassic Park series, although, without the return of any of the major stars of the first 3 or 4 movies (I at least expected Jeff Goldblum in this one, he's not doing much but TV commercials lately, right?), I'm not sure you can even call this one part of the original series. Instead, we've got a completely new set of human actors, although, if you want to count the T-Rex and Velociraptors from the original movies as returning stars, then they have returned to shock and awe us again with their awesome CGI effects! Ahem. Well. I hope they at least fed them a CGI cow, for all the work they did to try and make this movie good. After all, without the CGI dinosaurs, it's just a bunch of rich people driving around in a jungle. WITH the dinosaurs, well, let's just sum things up real quick.
Jurassic World is an amusement park, built over and on top of the original Jurassic Park. It's already open, has been for years, run by Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) without any incident. But with attendance dropping off as people get used to the dino-attractions, the park's chief investor Masrani (played by Irrfan Khan) has requested "more teeth," so to speak. To meet his goals, the labs have made the dinosaurs bigger, meaner, more aggressive, well, more predatory. Enter the military, represented by Hoskins (Vincent D'Onofrio), who also want meaner, more aggressive dinosaurs... and are paying Owen (Chris Pratt), an ex-Navy Seal (or something) to train the Velociraptors to respond to commands. So, you've got more aggressive dino's, military bungling, and Velociraptors tossed into a hot, steamy blender! I know what you're thinking. Recipe for disaster! Well, you're right. You'd think someone, at some point, would listen to Malcolm from the last three movies, and take the hint. But, you'd be wrong.
The CGI dinosaurs are the stars of the Jurassic movies, and I like that they gave the raptors more personality, but made them more tamable. The old raptors would never have let themselves get caged up for long, but these raptors strangely spend a large part of the movie completely immobilized, their heads poking out of steel boxes, like muzzled horses kept in stalls. I'd love to know how they actually managed to muzzle raptors, and frankly, the raptors are worse off for the humiliation. How do they even eat, caged up like that? There are two other dino-stars in the movie, and I'll let you figure those out, because I don't want to give too much away.
There's a little gut-wrenching twist about 2/3rds of the way through this movie that I didn't quite see coming until just before it happened. Honestly, it's kind of a dead give-away, if you watch the behavior of the raptors, which I was, but I didn't realize it until right before it happened. Should probably have been obvious, but meh. I may be slipping. Getting old, and all. :-)
The human acting wasn't all that great. I didn't identify with any of the characters, or particularly like any of them. You've got someone trying to tame a raptor, you've got a military jerk, you've got a controlling woman trying to run a park who can't remember her nephew's names and ages half the time, and a rich guy who can barely fly a helicopter who thinks he can run combat missions. Although, I have to admit, I did like Masrani's guts. Maybe the only sympathetic character in the entire movie. And of course, they end the movie pretty much the same way as every other Jurassic Park movie, so, not particularly surprising, how it turned out.
Did I like Jurassic World? Meh, it was okay. Fulfilled my dino-fix for the next few years, until they come out with another Jurassic movie. Maybe the next one will be better, and maybe they will take all the previous mistakes into account, and just come up with a better script next time, instead of making the same tired old mistakes. I know they are plot elements, but come on, guys. Even an idiot learns something after half-a-dozen failures. Repeat watching isn't too bad. Like I said, the CGI dinos are the real stars, just like the CGI superheros are the stars of Avengers movies. Maybe give the dinos more character, and do the same for the actors, next time? Just a suggestion.
In other news, Jon Snow still knows nothing, but at least he has the chance to learn. Yes, as most of you have heard (and huge spoiler for those who haven't), Jon Snow is alive, and the latest season of Game of Thrones has started on HBO. It was kind of obvious as soon as I saw last week's season opener. A few loyal Night's Watch, upset their Lord-Commander was killed, and secreting his body away, I can understand. A bunch of people hiding the body in a store room, and guarding it with their lives? Who guards a dead body? I mean, unless you're expecting it to rise from the dead (which in this case, it does), you just burn it or bury it. Corpses aren't worth dying over. The minute they started guarding the corpse last week, I knew some freaky shit was going on. Given the prophecy about whoever the heck was supposed to be wielding some fiery blade (always knew that meant Jon Snow, myself, because of his Valyrian steel sword), and that the North is pretty much going to be lost to the Walkers without Jon Snow leading the Watch, well, they couldn't very well let him die. Enter Ser Davos and the Red Witch, and BLAM! Mystical shitstorm! Yea, I knew it was coming, and all that crap about Jon Snow being dead was a smokescreen. Hell, I read the books. I know things. I'm not like Jon Snow. Did anything else interesting happen? Nope, that's pretty much it.
Only three people I like in the whole series, that's Tyrion (who may have befriended a couple dragons last night), Jon Snow (who knows nothing EXCEPT how to fight a battle well), and Arya Stark (always liked assassins, a holdover from my fascination with Ninjas back in the 80's). Well, I do also like Ser Davos, because that Liam Cunningham is a damn good actor, and he plays the onion knight very well. Liam Cunningham for the next Bond, anyone? Anyone? Okay, maybe not. Bond's not about good acting, he's about blowing shit up and looking good doing it.
That's all for tonight. Don't want to wear out my blogging fingers on my first night back, now do I? Yea, you're damn right I don't. And, I lost a follower! Woohoo! Back down to 1. Heh. Sorry, I'm shy. Not much for the attention, you know? Why do I even write a blog, I bet you're asking, if I don't want followers? Who the hell knows why anyone does anything? It's a crazy world. I call it movie therapy. :-) Well, it's the first time I ever called my blog movie therapy, but from now on, I will.
Have fun out there in the intertoobz, everybody! I always do.
Jurassic World (2015) is playing on HBO this month. Honestly, I was going to review it last weekend, but, you guessed it, I was busy. Yeah. Crazy shit happens sometimes. Jurassic World is, I think, the 4th or 5th movie in the Jurassic Park series, although, without the return of any of the major stars of the first 3 or 4 movies (I at least expected Jeff Goldblum in this one, he's not doing much but TV commercials lately, right?), I'm not sure you can even call this one part of the original series. Instead, we've got a completely new set of human actors, although, if you want to count the T-Rex and Velociraptors from the original movies as returning stars, then they have returned to shock and awe us again with their awesome CGI effects! Ahem. Well. I hope they at least fed them a CGI cow, for all the work they did to try and make this movie good. After all, without the CGI dinosaurs, it's just a bunch of rich people driving around in a jungle. WITH the dinosaurs, well, let's just sum things up real quick.
Jurassic World is an amusement park, built over and on top of the original Jurassic Park. It's already open, has been for years, run by Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) without any incident. But with attendance dropping off as people get used to the dino-attractions, the park's chief investor Masrani (played by Irrfan Khan) has requested "more teeth," so to speak. To meet his goals, the labs have made the dinosaurs bigger, meaner, more aggressive, well, more predatory. Enter the military, represented by Hoskins (Vincent D'Onofrio), who also want meaner, more aggressive dinosaurs... and are paying Owen (Chris Pratt), an ex-Navy Seal (or something) to train the Velociraptors to respond to commands. So, you've got more aggressive dino's, military bungling, and Velociraptors tossed into a hot, steamy blender! I know what you're thinking. Recipe for disaster! Well, you're right. You'd think someone, at some point, would listen to Malcolm from the last three movies, and take the hint. But, you'd be wrong.
The CGI dinosaurs are the stars of the Jurassic movies, and I like that they gave the raptors more personality, but made them more tamable. The old raptors would never have let themselves get caged up for long, but these raptors strangely spend a large part of the movie completely immobilized, their heads poking out of steel boxes, like muzzled horses kept in stalls. I'd love to know how they actually managed to muzzle raptors, and frankly, the raptors are worse off for the humiliation. How do they even eat, caged up like that? There are two other dino-stars in the movie, and I'll let you figure those out, because I don't want to give too much away.
There's a little gut-wrenching twist about 2/3rds of the way through this movie that I didn't quite see coming until just before it happened. Honestly, it's kind of a dead give-away, if you watch the behavior of the raptors, which I was, but I didn't realize it until right before it happened. Should probably have been obvious, but meh. I may be slipping. Getting old, and all. :-)
The human acting wasn't all that great. I didn't identify with any of the characters, or particularly like any of them. You've got someone trying to tame a raptor, you've got a military jerk, you've got a controlling woman trying to run a park who can't remember her nephew's names and ages half the time, and a rich guy who can barely fly a helicopter who thinks he can run combat missions. Although, I have to admit, I did like Masrani's guts. Maybe the only sympathetic character in the entire movie. And of course, they end the movie pretty much the same way as every other Jurassic Park movie, so, not particularly surprising, how it turned out.
Did I like Jurassic World? Meh, it was okay. Fulfilled my dino-fix for the next few years, until they come out with another Jurassic movie. Maybe the next one will be better, and maybe they will take all the previous mistakes into account, and just come up with a better script next time, instead of making the same tired old mistakes. I know they are plot elements, but come on, guys. Even an idiot learns something after half-a-dozen failures. Repeat watching isn't too bad. Like I said, the CGI dinos are the real stars, just like the CGI superheros are the stars of Avengers movies. Maybe give the dinos more character, and do the same for the actors, next time? Just a suggestion.
In other news, Jon Snow still knows nothing, but at least he has the chance to learn. Yes, as most of you have heard (and huge spoiler for those who haven't), Jon Snow is alive, and the latest season of Game of Thrones has started on HBO. It was kind of obvious as soon as I saw last week's season opener. A few loyal Night's Watch, upset their Lord-Commander was killed, and secreting his body away, I can understand. A bunch of people hiding the body in a store room, and guarding it with their lives? Who guards a dead body? I mean, unless you're expecting it to rise from the dead (which in this case, it does), you just burn it or bury it. Corpses aren't worth dying over. The minute they started guarding the corpse last week, I knew some freaky shit was going on. Given the prophecy about whoever the heck was supposed to be wielding some fiery blade (always knew that meant Jon Snow, myself, because of his Valyrian steel sword), and that the North is pretty much going to be lost to the Walkers without Jon Snow leading the Watch, well, they couldn't very well let him die. Enter Ser Davos and the Red Witch, and BLAM! Mystical shitstorm! Yea, I knew it was coming, and all that crap about Jon Snow being dead was a smokescreen. Hell, I read the books. I know things. I'm not like Jon Snow. Did anything else interesting happen? Nope, that's pretty much it.
Only three people I like in the whole series, that's Tyrion (who may have befriended a couple dragons last night), Jon Snow (who knows nothing EXCEPT how to fight a battle well), and Arya Stark (always liked assassins, a holdover from my fascination with Ninjas back in the 80's). Well, I do also like Ser Davos, because that Liam Cunningham is a damn good actor, and he plays the onion knight very well. Liam Cunningham for the next Bond, anyone? Anyone? Okay, maybe not. Bond's not about good acting, he's about blowing shit up and looking good doing it.
That's all for tonight. Don't want to wear out my blogging fingers on my first night back, now do I? Yea, you're damn right I don't. And, I lost a follower! Woohoo! Back down to 1. Heh. Sorry, I'm shy. Not much for the attention, you know? Why do I even write a blog, I bet you're asking, if I don't want followers? Who the hell knows why anyone does anything? It's a crazy world. I call it movie therapy. :-) Well, it's the first time I ever called my blog movie therapy, but from now on, I will.
Have fun out there in the intertoobz, everybody! I always do.
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