IN THE BEGINNING there was Prodigy, and I looked upon Prodigy with it's multiple chat rooms and subject matters and the ability to create your own chat rooms, and I saw that it was good. I learned much of LOL and LMAO and ROFL, and even chanced upon the great and powerful ROFLMAOPMP on rare occasions. And I didst wander amongst the chat rooms, and frolicked, and I was happy for a time. But Prodigy became greedy, and charged per hour, and after spending $1100 just to chat one month, I cast it down into the lake of fire to burn forever in its own excrement. This was back in 1995, shortly after the birth of the internet universe.
After Prodigy, I realized the true freedom of the Internet Universe that is IRC, or Internet Relay Chat. And again, I roamed free and unfettered, and in my wanderings I learned many things, but IRC is a vast vast desert of nothingness where only the few Oases have any life, and frankly, the view is terrible. I mean, seriously, there were no graphics at all, unless you count ASCII porn, and, errr I mean, uh, and Yea verily didst I pass happily out of this parched land, in search of something more.
And though I wandered through the dark ages of the internet, searching and yearning for the promised land of milk and honey, or at least a good place to chat, I found nought, and spent many years wandering aimlessly. It felt like 40 years, though it was probably closer to 3, maybe 2 and a half, which, in internet time, is like, forever!!! OMG!!!!!!
And lo, there in the darkness I chanced upon a thriving city named Yahoo, and made it my home. There were many many many many many many many fine chat rooms, and you could create your own, and the ale was cold, and the whores were mostly clean, and there was much rejoicing. But as in most cases where something is good and clean and fine, the powers that be decided, in their infinite wisdom, NOT to follow the old adage, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." And lo, Yahoo was smited. Or, maybe smitten? Smoted? Smote, I think it's smote, yea that's probably the past tense of... errr. And lo, yahoo was smote... that sounds wrong somehow. Yahoo was whipped, and the user created rooms were cast out, and none could again find their majesty. And thus the city of Yahoo was reduced in size, and many fled it's fewer wonders, but still I kept a summer home there, for the views are nice that time of year.
And in time I looked upon the fields of Myspace, where the shepherds and peoples and minstrels frolicked, and I created another place there. And amongst my peoples, there was much rejoicing, for I am funny and weird and wondrous, and they marveled at my blog, and probably had to change their undergarments a few times from their endless mirth. And long did I keep my house there, at least until Myspace decided that all my works would be theirs, and they could useth tham as they pleaseth. It was then that I didst decide it wast time to move on, and burnt my homes and holdings to the ground so that myspace couldst not despoil my great works for their own betterment. I am a spiteful god.
Fleeing the greediness of Myspace, I chanced upon Facebook, and dwelled not long amidst its youthful gaiety. For gay it was, and annoying it became, with its constant alerts and emails and messages from a thousand sources, keen to whittle my spirit down to the nothingness from whence facebook was born. But I am not a god of peace and surrender, I am a god of War, and Facebook could not scratch me. I threw its slings and arrows to the side of the road, and continued my journey unchallenged.
I briefly traveled through the myriad roads of AOL Instant Messenger on my travels, but I did not stop, simply greeted travelers along the way, and perhaps pausing to shoot the shit while kicking the road dust off my boots.
But no road is without peril, nor curve, nor incline, not to mention the occasional pothole, and I wouldst briefly list my trips and falls upon the road on Twitter. I didst not spend long on this road, for its length is stopped at 140 cubits (what the hell is a cubit, anyway?), and no man may lengthen his time there, though he travel it back and forth. I quickly grew short with such brevity, and longed again to expound at length.
And we have come to the crux of our journey, where I stand at the crossroads of life and extoll the virtues of blogspot. Truth be told, tis but a small Inn by the side of the crossroads, and I shant know how long it will be ere I move on. But for the nonce, tis fine. For the nonce.
Plus, it's freakin easy to post here, I just log in and type. Yea, I know, I am pretty lazy, that's why I do things the easy way. :-)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
LifeForce, a Story of Love
So I am talking to my nephew the other day, and I forget the title of an older movie I used to love. It took me a few minutes to recall the name of the movie, mostly because i am old now, but the movie was called LIFEFORCE. This immediately made me want to see the movie again, because it had been my favorite movie for YEARS. Yes, even more than Aliens.
So, being the internet junkie that I am (I exaggerate, I'm actually a gaming junkie, the internet is just my normal mode of playing games), I promptly go to hulu.com. Hulu is a website where they have some TV shows and movies that you may have missed during the week, so you can watch what premieres you missed or catch up on your favorite shows. I've watched Kung Pow there (the entire movie) before, so I thought, HEY, MAYBE THEY HAVE LIFEFORCE!!!!! Yes, that was exactly my thought exclamation points and all. Hulu did not have Lifeforce, however, it linked me to Crackle.com, which did. So, within 30 seconds of wanting to watch an old movie that you probably couldn't rent or buy on DVD anymore, i was watching it over the internet. I turned to my nephew and said THE INTERNET IS AWESOME!!!!! I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!!! He's deaf now.
So basically, Lifeforce is a story of love. This shuttle commander flies off to visit Halley's Comet (hey the movie was made in 1985, Halley's comet was big back then), intending to study um... you know... comet-related... stuff... And instead they find an alien spacecraft! Well, not instead. I mean, the comet was there, too, but who the hell really cares? It's a goddamn comet. It's like made of ice and rock and space shit, and has a long tail made of tied-together space ribbons. Whatever. ANYWAY, if you'll quit goddamn interrupting, I'll get back to my story.
So basically, it's a story of astronaut-boy meets space girl, boy loses space girl, space girl wakes up naked inside a secret SAS base (SAS because the entire movie was filmed in and is based on london, i believe, and is entirely believable, I mean, who here hasn't woken up naked inside an SAS base after a bender?), spacegirl wanders off naked, SAS recruits boy to find spacegirl, boy finds girl, boy loses girl, boy finds girl, boy and girl engage in kinky alien space sex scene in a catacomb beneath a london church. Now, I am a little kinky, but in a catacomb beneath a CHURCH? Good god, man. Have some respect for the dead. Oh, and somewhere in there, there's zombies and aliens and vampires thrown in.
If you don't want me to give away anything because you think you may watch this movie, then stop reading here. Or don't. Because you may find my synopsis of this sordid tale of love has little to do with the actual movie, and my insane ramblings may only confuse you. Which may be another reason to stop reading here. But anyway, I am going to mention some of the good parts.
First thing I'd like to mention is, the space chick is naked for half the movie. I first saw this when I was like 16 or 17, and I can tell you as a 16 year old geek, there's nothing quite like a naked chick walking around. Come to think of it, I don't mind naked chicks walking around much at 39. Hot naked chicks, I mean. And the space girl is pretty hot, I mean, she's french, and we're not talking year-1990+ stinky hairy skanky french chicks, like in La Femme Nikita or anything, oh noes, Mr Bill. Oh NOES. We are talking primo, mid 1980's french chick here, when france was still cool to visit and they didn't lynch americans in the street. So think John Cusack's french girlfriend in Better Off Dead walking around naked for half the movie, minus the orange-tossing-at-stopsigns thing, and that will give you some idea of what I am talking about.
For that matter, Better Off Dead would have been a much better movie if whatever her name was had been naked through half of it, don't you think? Hollywood, you guys should pay attention, I may be onto something here. Keep remaking films, I mean obviously, no one can stop you from raping my childhood, but make all the hot female leads spend half the movie nude. Think how much more money transformers would have made if Megan Fox had been naked during most of Transformers! And honestly, do you think she'd have minded? I don't want to sound mean here, but she doesn't seem like the type to mind showing off her naughty bits. I could be wrong. But anyway, I digress.
LifeForce seems to have all the pieces of every sci fi or horror film ever made, and instead of sucking, like you'd think it would, it turned out to be AWESOME. I mean, maybe none of the actors are particularly well known nowadays, but back in the mid 80's these actors were pretty big deals. Well, one of them was slightly popular, anyway. Hell, it's got Captain Picard in it, for crying out loud! And they wanted Anthony Hopkins to play one of the male leads! And they wanted Billy Idol for it, but he was getting his hair restyled, or something. But basically, it's got zombies, vampires, aliens, space ships, naked chicks, it's like a teenage geek's dream come true. The only thing that would have made it better would have been to include giant robots (and the alien ship might count since it's something of a transformer itself) and possibly a lesbian sex scene might have made it the best movie of all time. It does have Steve Railsback in it, and in the 80's, steve railsback was The SHIT. I have no idea what he's doing now, maybe putting on a spider man costume and playing at kid's birthday parties for cash, like I hear Tobey Mcguire's doing. Or whoever that guy was who played in the spider man films. The films were decent but I had never heard of tobey-whoever before or since. Maybe that's why he's doing birthday parties now.
There's also this awesome scene where they think they have the she-alien trapped in the body of captain picard, but as they are taking her and another body back to a secure facililil... a secure facilill... a secure location, the bodies start erupting with blood and piss and bile and vomit and snot and it all flows into the center of the helicopter and forms into the body of the space-girl, but she only maintains this form long enough to eject her mental essence from the place and then splashes to the floor like a half-digested dinner at a cheap bar. I mean, where the hell else can you see shit like that? I haven't seen anything even close to that kind of special effects since the time someone spiked my melonball with acid back in '94.
The interesting part about this movie is, you could take all the aliens, zombies, vampires and space ships out of it and it'd still be a wonderful story about love. Probably one of the most romantic movies ever, not unlike Return of the Living Dead 3. Shut up, that movie was THE most romantic movie EVAR, and I will not hear your lies. I cried at the end.
So basically, without the aliens, zombies, etc, the movie plot goes like this. Man meets woman. Woman destroys all man's friends and wrecks his ride. Man flees. Woman becomes a slut and proceeds to suck the life out of anyone she meets and infecting all the survivors with STD's, as many women are wont to do. SHUT UP I AM NOT BITTER, YOU GODDAMN LYING WHORE!!!!! Man cannot live without woman and goes back to her. Man and woman die in a tragic suicide pact during wedding ceremony.
You know, if you were to call the man Bubba Joe and the woman Lorna, there'd be a great country music song in there somewhere. I'd write it myself but I can't see through the tears. Poor Bubba Joe. He shoulda frying-panned that bitch. He shoulda frying-panned that bitch and SENT HER TO HELL!!!!!!
So, being the internet junkie that I am (I exaggerate, I'm actually a gaming junkie, the internet is just my normal mode of playing games), I promptly go to hulu.com. Hulu is a website where they have some TV shows and movies that you may have missed during the week, so you can watch what premieres you missed or catch up on your favorite shows. I've watched Kung Pow there (the entire movie) before, so I thought, HEY, MAYBE THEY HAVE LIFEFORCE!!!!! Yes, that was exactly my thought exclamation points and all. Hulu did not have Lifeforce, however, it linked me to Crackle.com, which did. So, within 30 seconds of wanting to watch an old movie that you probably couldn't rent or buy on DVD anymore, i was watching it over the internet. I turned to my nephew and said THE INTERNET IS AWESOME!!!!! I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!!! He's deaf now.
So basically, Lifeforce is a story of love. This shuttle commander flies off to visit Halley's Comet (hey the movie was made in 1985, Halley's comet was big back then), intending to study um... you know... comet-related... stuff... And instead they find an alien spacecraft! Well, not instead. I mean, the comet was there, too, but who the hell really cares? It's a goddamn comet. It's like made of ice and rock and space shit, and has a long tail made of tied-together space ribbons. Whatever. ANYWAY, if you'll quit goddamn interrupting, I'll get back to my story.
So basically, it's a story of astronaut-boy meets space girl, boy loses space girl, space girl wakes up naked inside a secret SAS base (SAS because the entire movie was filmed in and is based on london, i believe, and is entirely believable, I mean, who here hasn't woken up naked inside an SAS base after a bender?), spacegirl wanders off naked, SAS recruits boy to find spacegirl, boy finds girl, boy loses girl, boy finds girl, boy and girl engage in kinky alien space sex scene in a catacomb beneath a london church. Now, I am a little kinky, but in a catacomb beneath a CHURCH? Good god, man. Have some respect for the dead. Oh, and somewhere in there, there's zombies and aliens and vampires thrown in.
If you don't want me to give away anything because you think you may watch this movie, then stop reading here. Or don't. Because you may find my synopsis of this sordid tale of love has little to do with the actual movie, and my insane ramblings may only confuse you. Which may be another reason to stop reading here. But anyway, I am going to mention some of the good parts.
First thing I'd like to mention is, the space chick is naked for half the movie. I first saw this when I was like 16 or 17, and I can tell you as a 16 year old geek, there's nothing quite like a naked chick walking around. Come to think of it, I don't mind naked chicks walking around much at 39. Hot naked chicks, I mean. And the space girl is pretty hot, I mean, she's french, and we're not talking year-1990+ stinky hairy skanky french chicks, like in La Femme Nikita or anything, oh noes, Mr Bill. Oh NOES. We are talking primo, mid 1980's french chick here, when france was still cool to visit and they didn't lynch americans in the street. So think John Cusack's french girlfriend in Better Off Dead walking around naked for half the movie, minus the orange-tossing-at-stopsigns thing, and that will give you some idea of what I am talking about.
For that matter, Better Off Dead would have been a much better movie if whatever her name was had been naked through half of it, don't you think? Hollywood, you guys should pay attention, I may be onto something here. Keep remaking films, I mean obviously, no one can stop you from raping my childhood, but make all the hot female leads spend half the movie nude. Think how much more money transformers would have made if Megan Fox had been naked during most of Transformers! And honestly, do you think she'd have minded? I don't want to sound mean here, but she doesn't seem like the type to mind showing off her naughty bits. I could be wrong. But anyway, I digress.
LifeForce seems to have all the pieces of every sci fi or horror film ever made, and instead of sucking, like you'd think it would, it turned out to be AWESOME. I mean, maybe none of the actors are particularly well known nowadays, but back in the mid 80's these actors were pretty big deals. Well, one of them was slightly popular, anyway. Hell, it's got Captain Picard in it, for crying out loud! And they wanted Anthony Hopkins to play one of the male leads! And they wanted Billy Idol for it, but he was getting his hair restyled, or something. But basically, it's got zombies, vampires, aliens, space ships, naked chicks, it's like a teenage geek's dream come true. The only thing that would have made it better would have been to include giant robots (and the alien ship might count since it's something of a transformer itself) and possibly a lesbian sex scene might have made it the best movie of all time. It does have Steve Railsback in it, and in the 80's, steve railsback was The SHIT. I have no idea what he's doing now, maybe putting on a spider man costume and playing at kid's birthday parties for cash, like I hear Tobey Mcguire's doing. Or whoever that guy was who played in the spider man films. The films were decent but I had never heard of tobey-whoever before or since. Maybe that's why he's doing birthday parties now.
There's also this awesome scene where they think they have the she-alien trapped in the body of captain picard, but as they are taking her and another body back to a secure facililil... a secure facilill... a secure location, the bodies start erupting with blood and piss and bile and vomit and snot and it all flows into the center of the helicopter and forms into the body of the space-girl, but she only maintains this form long enough to eject her mental essence from the place and then splashes to the floor like a half-digested dinner at a cheap bar. I mean, where the hell else can you see shit like that? I haven't seen anything even close to that kind of special effects since the time someone spiked my melonball with acid back in '94.
The interesting part about this movie is, you could take all the aliens, zombies, vampires and space ships out of it and it'd still be a wonderful story about love. Probably one of the most romantic movies ever, not unlike Return of the Living Dead 3. Shut up, that movie was THE most romantic movie EVAR, and I will not hear your lies. I cried at the end.
So basically, without the aliens, zombies, etc, the movie plot goes like this. Man meets woman. Woman destroys all man's friends and wrecks his ride. Man flees. Woman becomes a slut and proceeds to suck the life out of anyone she meets and infecting all the survivors with STD's, as many women are wont to do. SHUT UP I AM NOT BITTER, YOU GODDAMN LYING WHORE!!!!! Man cannot live without woman and goes back to her. Man and woman die in a tragic suicide pact during wedding ceremony.
You know, if you were to call the man Bubba Joe and the woman Lorna, there'd be a great country music song in there somewhere. I'd write it myself but I can't see through the tears. Poor Bubba Joe. He shoulda frying-panned that bitch. He shoulda frying-panned that bitch and SENT HER TO HELL!!!!!!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Under The Dome
Monday night, I finished Stephen King's latest book, Under the Dome. Now the first thing I want to say about this book is, it's heavy. I don't mean in a metaphysical sense (although it is), I mean this sucker is over 1000 pages and in hardcover, and frankly, my scrawny arms got freakin tired holding this thing up long enough to read it. Sweet Jesus Mr. King, I know I could have just waited a few months for the paperback edition, but have a little empathy for your readers! Maybe you got the money to have naked love slaves holding up your book and turning the pages for you while you eat bon bons, but holy crap, man! I got it for christmas and I thought it was a fully loaded toolkit before I opened it!
Now before I get into the review proper, I want to say two things. One is, I been reading Stephen King books since I was 7 years old (I started with Christine), and he's definitely one of the longer lasting and more famous authors out there, so this review probably doesn't mean squat to him. Two, I don't like his endings, despite the fact that he's probably the reason why I want to write books for a living.
Something I always disliked about novels was the giving away of plot points or hinting to the end. I mean it's one thing to give hidden hints, you know, little clues that you might remember later on and go "Ohhhhh, so that's what he meant... The Stars Above!" to quote Kung Pow, but Mr King just randomly throws in flashforwards for his characters. I mean, here I am, trying to get into this monster of a book, and my friggin arm is aching from the strain, and here's Mr King letting me know that this character will come to regret their action later on, and that character will never pass by this point again, and what not. I mean, what the hell, isn't the point of reading the damn book to FIND OUT what happens to the characters? Shit, if I wanted to know at the beginning what happens at the end, Mr King could have just wrote "Almost everyone Dies" in the first paragraph and I wouldn't need surgery for torn biceps trying to hold this 800 pound book up so I could read it.
Another thing just pissed me right the hell off, I mean, I know we're reading the book from a 3rd person omniscient viewpoint, so we can zoom in wherever we want and just see what's going on here and there. It's a given, and I get that we're trying to focus on the action or the major plot points so we know what's going on. But what I don't need during the zooming is Mr King describing the action like it's a handheld camera on a porn film set. At one point, he talks about zooming across town, and the READER bumps a streetlight and makes it sway. What the fuck? I'm not in the story, Mr King. If I wanted MY actions to have some effect, I'd be playing a video game, and I'd have killed all the bad guys in the beginning of the book so the good guys weren't all dead at the end. It's a jarringly annoying way of taking me right the hell out of enjoying the book and letting me know it's just old Stephen King there, tapping away at the keys and writing whatever the hell he wants. Look, Mr king, I know you're a famous rich author, but that's like seeing a boom microphone in an action shot. In a movie, it's just sloppy, but in a book, it's like you're slapping the reader across the face to get his head out of the book. If you wanted to put in a spot for a bathroom break, just put in an intermission! Slap a coupon for a mars bar in the middle of the book or something! That'll do an even better job and you won't have to spend time actually typing it out!
Other than those annoying things, I guess the book was okay. I didn't like the end, Stephen King's books have gotten more and more preachy lately, but the characters were well written if not particularly interesting. The climax was rather short, though, no epilogue, so I really don't have a clue what happened to some of my favorite characters. I guess they lived? Eh. This is definitely not something you want to read while on beach during the summer, but if you happen to be snowed in for the winter and have a week to kill (and strong biceps) you could give it a shot. It is kind of depressing, though, so the combo of the book, winter and being snowed in could make you off yourself. On the plus side, if you hold the book between the gun and your head, I don't think a bullet would make it through all the pages. I don't recommend trying this at home, though. Maybe we could line police vests with hardcover copies.
Now before I get into the review proper, I want to say two things. One is, I been reading Stephen King books since I was 7 years old (I started with Christine), and he's definitely one of the longer lasting and more famous authors out there, so this review probably doesn't mean squat to him. Two, I don't like his endings, despite the fact that he's probably the reason why I want to write books for a living.
Something I always disliked about novels was the giving away of plot points or hinting to the end. I mean it's one thing to give hidden hints, you know, little clues that you might remember later on and go "Ohhhhh, so that's what he meant... The Stars Above!" to quote Kung Pow, but Mr King just randomly throws in flashforwards for his characters. I mean, here I am, trying to get into this monster of a book, and my friggin arm is aching from the strain, and here's Mr King letting me know that this character will come to regret their action later on, and that character will never pass by this point again, and what not. I mean, what the hell, isn't the point of reading the damn book to FIND OUT what happens to the characters? Shit, if I wanted to know at the beginning what happens at the end, Mr King could have just wrote "Almost everyone Dies" in the first paragraph and I wouldn't need surgery for torn biceps trying to hold this 800 pound book up so I could read it.
Another thing just pissed me right the hell off, I mean, I know we're reading the book from a 3rd person omniscient viewpoint, so we can zoom in wherever we want and just see what's going on here and there. It's a given, and I get that we're trying to focus on the action or the major plot points so we know what's going on. But what I don't need during the zooming is Mr King describing the action like it's a handheld camera on a porn film set. At one point, he talks about zooming across town, and the READER bumps a streetlight and makes it sway. What the fuck? I'm not in the story, Mr King. If I wanted MY actions to have some effect, I'd be playing a video game, and I'd have killed all the bad guys in the beginning of the book so the good guys weren't all dead at the end. It's a jarringly annoying way of taking me right the hell out of enjoying the book and letting me know it's just old Stephen King there, tapping away at the keys and writing whatever the hell he wants. Look, Mr king, I know you're a famous rich author, but that's like seeing a boom microphone in an action shot. In a movie, it's just sloppy, but in a book, it's like you're slapping the reader across the face to get his head out of the book. If you wanted to put in a spot for a bathroom break, just put in an intermission! Slap a coupon for a mars bar in the middle of the book or something! That'll do an even better job and you won't have to spend time actually typing it out!
Other than those annoying things, I guess the book was okay. I didn't like the end, Stephen King's books have gotten more and more preachy lately, but the characters were well written if not particularly interesting. The climax was rather short, though, no epilogue, so I really don't have a clue what happened to some of my favorite characters. I guess they lived? Eh. This is definitely not something you want to read while on beach during the summer, but if you happen to be snowed in for the winter and have a week to kill (and strong biceps) you could give it a shot. It is kind of depressing, though, so the combo of the book, winter and being snowed in could make you off yourself. On the plus side, if you hold the book between the gun and your head, I don't think a bullet would make it through all the pages. I don't recommend trying this at home, though. Maybe we could line police vests with hardcover copies.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
I have PROOF!
I've long been convinced that humanity is composed entirely of the stupid and the insane. I fall into the insane category. And finally I have proof of my convictions. After reading through several pages of this, tell me you don't agree with me. About the people part. I think everyone agrees that I am insane. No argument there. (crickets) That's what I thought.
http://notalwaysright.com
http://notalwaysright.com
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I'm Such A Stud
I just wanted to brag about how great I am with the ladies, and since I don't like to brag and nobody actually reads this thing, I think this is the place to do it.
So I have this, I don't know, you could call her a friend of a friend. I see her regularly, let's say. And whenever I ask her how she is, you know, just trying to be polite (not really caring how she is, to be perfectly honest), she responds with "I hate you." in that oh-my-god-is-this-asshole-talking-to-me-again tone of voice. Now I know it's not me, because I am not only smooth with the ladies, but am adored by one and all, so I know it's a problem on her end. She's obviously insane. I mean, I'm just trying to be civil, I have to see this person occasionally and I try to make nice and this is the response I get, so she's obviously a psychotic who's off her meds and I am sure we can all agree on that.
There's also this co-worker, I mean, I know we have to work together and all, so I do my usual "Hey, how are you, how did that visit with the psychic lady go?" Yes, this is the one who believes in psychics. She promptly responds with "It was interesting, I'd talk about it but you don't believe so I'd just get frustrated." And that was the end of that. Now honestly, I don't mind not talking to her, but at least I am trying, and since I am a manly stud who all women adore, I guess we all know who has the real problem here, don't we? She's obviously smitten with me and can't stand that I don't share her faith in the psychic lady's prediction that we should be married. Because frankly, I'm not really up for the whole wedding thing right now, I mean, I'm keeping my options open for the time being.
I use to have a friend who I emailed regularly but she stopped returning my emails. I'm not sure if she did it because I kept asking her to leave her husband for me or because I kept sending her nude pictures of myself in a santa hat. hey, it was the holiday season, isn't that a tradition?
Pfeh, these women nowadays, you give em pants and they want the world. I think my mom has even stopped speaking to me.
So I have this, I don't know, you could call her a friend of a friend. I see her regularly, let's say. And whenever I ask her how she is, you know, just trying to be polite (not really caring how she is, to be perfectly honest), she responds with "I hate you." in that oh-my-god-is-this-asshole-talking-to-me-again tone of voice. Now I know it's not me, because I am not only smooth with the ladies, but am adored by one and all, so I know it's a problem on her end. She's obviously insane. I mean, I'm just trying to be civil, I have to see this person occasionally and I try to make nice and this is the response I get, so she's obviously a psychotic who's off her meds and I am sure we can all agree on that.
There's also this co-worker, I mean, I know we have to work together and all, so I do my usual "Hey, how are you, how did that visit with the psychic lady go?" Yes, this is the one who believes in psychics. She promptly responds with "It was interesting, I'd talk about it but you don't believe so I'd just get frustrated." And that was the end of that. Now honestly, I don't mind not talking to her, but at least I am trying, and since I am a manly stud who all women adore, I guess we all know who has the real problem here, don't we? She's obviously smitten with me and can't stand that I don't share her faith in the psychic lady's prediction that we should be married. Because frankly, I'm not really up for the whole wedding thing right now, I mean, I'm keeping my options open for the time being.
I use to have a friend who I emailed regularly but she stopped returning my emails. I'm not sure if she did it because I kept asking her to leave her husband for me or because I kept sending her nude pictures of myself in a santa hat. hey, it was the holiday season, isn't that a tradition?
Pfeh, these women nowadays, you give em pants and they want the world. I think my mom has even stopped speaking to me.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Why Does That Seem Odd?
Okay, so I'm at work and I am reading this article about how there was this offshoot of human beings about, oh, 10,000 BC called the Boskops man, I believe they termed it. I've already lost the link for the article and I am too lazy to look it up again, so don't quote me on this, but what they said was, there was this offshoot of humanity that had a brain capacity about 35% larger than the average human being of today. That's right, the skulls weren't smaller than modern humans, they were LARGER. Now I know we probably aren't all up on the latest research in neuro-archaeology (I have no idea if that's a real term or not, I just made it up), but what the article suggested was that this meant the average Boskops fellow had an IQ of about 150, with the smartest individuals having an IQ well beyond what was measurable by today's standards.
Now the interesting part about this article was that it was wondering WHY the Boskops offshoot (and it was an actual offshoot, they found many specimens) died out instead of taking over with their obviously superior intelligence. Apparently, according to the article, the much larger Boskops guys would have been more able to process clues from their environment, better able to establish the correct connections with those clues, and planned much farther ahead than their less intelligent counterparts. The article writer seemed confused why they didn't make it, this superior race of dreamers, thinkers and planners.
DOH! I don't know who wrote this article, but even a look at today's culture should make the answer obvious. INTELLIGENCE IS NOT SELECTED FOR SURVIVAL. Oh sure, you have the occasional genius as well as the occasional moron, and certainly there's a lot of varieties in between, as well as multiple varieties of genius and moron respectively, but come on now. Who has the most kids in today's society? Sports stars. Actors. Bubba Jimmy Joebob from east bohunk, tennessee. The Octomom. Jon and Kate Gosselin. No offense to Bubba Jimmy Joebob, because he is an awesome guy, and I want to do those muddy drunken doughnuts in the kid's go karts with you again soon, but these people are not known for their awesome intellect. Sure, Bill Gates might have a wife, but he has no kids that I know of. There's no little Stephen Hawking Jr running around solving quadratic equations while he's waiting for the bottle to heat up for his afternoon feed. For every baby a smart person has, there's about 20 of those Duggins kids, was that their names? The mom pops out a new one every year or so. I'm not saying they aren't bright kids, mind you, but how many geniuses do you know of who claim to have fathered a dozen brats? Let's face it here, smart people just don't breed as much.
Sure, smart people will keep popping up along the evolutionary chain every so often, I mean, when you have 20 kids per couple, there's bound to be a brainy one in the bunch somewhere. Not that he's going to seem very smart. When you're brainy and you're outnumbered 19 to 1, you try to blend in just to survive, right? So the smart guys won't even try to do anything smart, they'll just act stupid so they can fit in with the other idiots.
Now I don't know whether it's just that smart people are pickier, or have the brains not to want to deal with 20 screaming kids at one time, or it's just an entirely genetic thing, but less intelligent people are always going to outnumber and outbreed the smarter ones, which means, any offshoots with brains are going to have a hell of a time making it in the long term.
I should think that would be obvious to anyone with intelligence. Not saying which side of the fence I'm on, mind you. That should also be obvious.
Now the interesting part about this article was that it was wondering WHY the Boskops offshoot (and it was an actual offshoot, they found many specimens) died out instead of taking over with their obviously superior intelligence. Apparently, according to the article, the much larger Boskops guys would have been more able to process clues from their environment, better able to establish the correct connections with those clues, and planned much farther ahead than their less intelligent counterparts. The article writer seemed confused why they didn't make it, this superior race of dreamers, thinkers and planners.
DOH! I don't know who wrote this article, but even a look at today's culture should make the answer obvious. INTELLIGENCE IS NOT SELECTED FOR SURVIVAL. Oh sure, you have the occasional genius as well as the occasional moron, and certainly there's a lot of varieties in between, as well as multiple varieties of genius and moron respectively, but come on now. Who has the most kids in today's society? Sports stars. Actors. Bubba Jimmy Joebob from east bohunk, tennessee. The Octomom. Jon and Kate Gosselin. No offense to Bubba Jimmy Joebob, because he is an awesome guy, and I want to do those muddy drunken doughnuts in the kid's go karts with you again soon, but these people are not known for their awesome intellect. Sure, Bill Gates might have a wife, but he has no kids that I know of. There's no little Stephen Hawking Jr running around solving quadratic equations while he's waiting for the bottle to heat up for his afternoon feed. For every baby a smart person has, there's about 20 of those Duggins kids, was that their names? The mom pops out a new one every year or so. I'm not saying they aren't bright kids, mind you, but how many geniuses do you know of who claim to have fathered a dozen brats? Let's face it here, smart people just don't breed as much.
Sure, smart people will keep popping up along the evolutionary chain every so often, I mean, when you have 20 kids per couple, there's bound to be a brainy one in the bunch somewhere. Not that he's going to seem very smart. When you're brainy and you're outnumbered 19 to 1, you try to blend in just to survive, right? So the smart guys won't even try to do anything smart, they'll just act stupid so they can fit in with the other idiots.
Now I don't know whether it's just that smart people are pickier, or have the brains not to want to deal with 20 screaming kids at one time, or it's just an entirely genetic thing, but less intelligent people are always going to outnumber and outbreed the smarter ones, which means, any offshoots with brains are going to have a hell of a time making it in the long term.
I should think that would be obvious to anyone with intelligence. Not saying which side of the fence I'm on, mind you. That should also be obvious.
Oh That Was Not Nice
It's starting to be a crappy new year already. I'm back at work now, but I missed my first day back because, for no apparent reason (most likely food poisoning, I swear I didn't have any alcohol for days before this), I woke up just before my alarm for work was supposed to go off, wandered into the bathroom with a belly ache, and promptly threw up. Since throwing up is unusual for me (might happen once every year if I am unlucky), I decided it best not to head into work. Thereby negating my holiday pay for both christmas AND new years. Then all of yesterday I felt bad. All that wonderful food gone down the drain. Sigh.
This morning, I am standing at my parents' bedroom door, and my Dad (who's been dead for several years now, obviously I am dreaming), wakes up and asks me if I will be home today. "Yes," I reply. "It's saturday, I'll be home all day." And then I turn to go back to bed... And my alarm goes off, waking me for work. On a Tuesday. Just stick the knife in and TWIST!
So I've already used my Vomit Day up for the year, and I'm only 5 days in. I guess I am going to have to give up drinking til 2011. I don't know if I can make it through the entire year sober. Happy Bloody New Year. On a related note, I've decided to start up Gaming and TV/book review blogs as well. Site addresses to follow once I make them. This one being my more personal, warm, fuzzy blog. The "intimate one" he says in a deep Barry White week-long bender voice.
This morning, I am standing at my parents' bedroom door, and my Dad (who's been dead for several years now, obviously I am dreaming), wakes up and asks me if I will be home today. "Yes," I reply. "It's saturday, I'll be home all day." And then I turn to go back to bed... And my alarm goes off, waking me for work. On a Tuesday. Just stick the knife in and TWIST!
So I've already used my Vomit Day up for the year, and I'm only 5 days in. I guess I am going to have to give up drinking til 2011. I don't know if I can make it through the entire year sober. Happy Bloody New Year. On a related note, I've decided to start up Gaming and TV/book review blogs as well. Site addresses to follow once I make them. This one being my more personal, warm, fuzzy blog. The "intimate one" he says in a deep Barry White week-long bender voice.
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