I would like to take a moment to talk to everyone about drugs.
Do not drug and drive.
That is all.
I missed my customary giving thanks post around thanksgiving! :-o I'm shocked. My only excuse is that my mom was having some health issues around that time, which she is all better from now, so, here I am. And I am thankful for that and of course, for computer games. Which I have been playing pretty much non-stop since Thanksgiving. So. There's that.
Did you understand all that? Yea, I re-read it and my grammar is probably a little off. It's Christmas Eve! So, everyone have a happy and healthy new year, Merry Xmas / Yule / Holiday of choice, whatever.
My Holiday Xmas movie list pretty much consists of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Yea. That's pretty much about it. I like other holiday movies, but that one is right there at the top. Nothing even comes close to the chemistry between Clark and Cousin Eddie. lol I think the biggest obstacle to making another vacation movie (and supposedly there's one in the works, focusing on rusty instead of clark, which I just don't agree with), will be getting Randy Quaid cleared of whatever legal trouble he's having and extradited back to the states. Perhaps he can do some community service in the form of making another vacation movie! :-D
Mindy Abair (I think that's the spelling) also has a very nice song about being ready for Xmas, that I find quite jazzy this time of year, but rarely hear on the radio nowadays. Something titled "Can't wait for Christmas" I think? Anyway, it's currently my favorite Xmas song. It even beat out Silent Night! Which, I never hear on the radio either. Hmmmm. Mostly, I think I like it because the song talks about being ready for Xmas, which, we never, ever EVER are. At least, not until very late on Xmas eve, and usually sometimes not by Xnas day, which, I suppose is pretty normal, but wouldn't it be nice to actually be ready BEFORE the holiday sometime, so you can sit back, relax and enjoy it? I think so. If nothing else, it would be a nice change from normal. lol
So here's a little internet myth I'd like to destroy. And I'm not afraid to just throw this out there and utterly denounce the internet in this case, because I have testicles. That's right. I do.
The sound that comes from cracking your knuckles is NOT the popping of an air bubble in your joints.
I know, this goes against everything you've been told by the internet. But guess what? Just because you read it on the internet, doesn't mean it's TRUE. I know, this is confusing, because you've heard this many many gazillion times before and you went HAHA HAHA HAAAAAH and then thought secretly that it WAS true, JUST because it was on the internet, but NO. No. Stop that. Bad doggy.
So here's the internet theory, and I actually first heard this from a guy I was sitting next to in computer class back in 1998, so it's not a new theory. Supposedly, what happens when you crack your knuckles, is air either builds up in the synovial fluid between your joints, or the very cracking of your knuckles causes the air to build up there, something called the cavitation theory. Now, cavitation is what happens behind a submarine when it rides through the water, but you can see a similar effect when you pour a glass of soda pop. All that fizz coming up, is air bubbles forming in the liquid and rising to the top to pop. That happens behind a submarine because of the giant blades of the sub's rotors forcing the liquid to stretch, which, according to the internet's explanation, happens when you crack your knuckles because you are stretching them to 3 times their normal range of motion.
Now, cavitation is real, carbonation is real, and if you actually DO stretch a liquid to three times it's normal volume, or something like that, I suppose it's entirely possible for bubbles to form in it. So theorhetically at least, the whole "air bubbles forming in your joints" thing might SOUND correct.
But let's put it all together and see if it adds up, shall we? First off, my joints, and those of most people, crack just going through the normal range of motion, not THREE TIMES the normal range of motion. That's just ridiculous. You're talking about twisting your head around from maybe 45 degrees to the left or right to like 130 degrees or so. You twist a person's neck that far and well, you're talking about The Exorcist. Knuckles go through a range of 90 degrees normally. Three times that would be your knuckles pointing up through the back of your hand. Next, you've got the actual sound. Have you ever heard the sound a glass of pop makes when you pour it? is it a loud POP? No? More of a fizzing noise, you say? So, have you ever heard someone's knuckles fizz when they cracked them? Yea, me neither. Next, let's take how your joints feel after you actually do crack them. They feel better, don't they? More flexible, less painful?
I don't know about you, but that sounds like realigning joints that have gone slightly out of joint to me. Which would also explain the crack noise. But hey! If you want to believe a bunch of little tiny bubbles form and then all pop at the same time, which makes a loud cracking noise through layers of bone, ligaments and muscles and flesh, well hey! Who am I to disturb your beliefs, eh?
Next week, I take on catholicism. lol
Merry Xmas and Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Horror Movie Review #31 - The Wolf Man (1941)
I've reviewed a lot of werewolf movies this month, but this was the very first one ever made as far as I know. Lon Chaney Jr, man of a Thousand Faces, plays Lawrence Talbot. Ralph Bellamy, who was in this one, and lived long enough to star with Eddie Murphy, Jamie Lee Curtis and Dan Akroyd in Trading Places, played an investigator. Claude Rains and Bela Lugosi co-starred.
"Even a man who is pure of heart,
and says his prayers by night,
may become a Wolf
when the wolfbane blooms,
and the autumn moon is bright."
The Wolf Man (1941) opens with repetition of the above phrase. No less than three separate characters repeat it to the main character, as if to warn him that his good natured-ness cannot defend him from the supernatural. The main character is, of course, Larry Talbot, an Americanized descendant of the Talbot family, who has been called home to take over the family estate on the death of his older brother. As the second son, his only goal is to prove to his father that he can handle running the family affairs now that his older brother has passed away. Larry's father, for his part, embraces Larry warmly, and father and son make a pact to never have secrets from each other. Larry meets a nice young girl by the name of Gwen, and while trying to get her alone in the woods, runs across a wolf attacking a friend of Gwen's. Killing the wolf with his newly-purchased silver cane, Larry is savaged by the beast before he can manage to kill it. But in the morning, Bela, the gypsy fortune teller, is found dead as well as the girl, with Larry's silver-handled cane nearby. Worse, Larry's wounds are healed, so he can't verify his part of the story. Larry begins to doubt his own version of events, and seeks out the dead gypsy, Bela, regretting whatever part he had in the man's death. An old Gypsy woman, Bela's mother, speaks another phrase over the corpse of her son, a phrase that will soon begin to haunt Larry's life as well:
"The way you walked was thorny
through no fault of your own
But as the rain enters the soil,
the river enters the sea,
so tears run to a predestined end."
This was classic horror. Great acting has to compensate for the simple makeup effects of the transformation sequence. This was 1941, after all. A shorter movie, a lot of action happens in a short time span, between the sudden appearance of the first werewolf to the frenzied hunting of the second. There's not a ton of character development, but I think you get to see the characters truly reveal themselves as the story proceeds. Lon Chaney Jr does a great job trying to portray a man of reason and skill driven to near-madness by a supernatural curse, and then finally accepting his fated end.
No nudity, of course, so fun for the whole family, if your whole family is into monster movies, of course. lol That's it for the October Horror Movie Review-a-thon! I did it! Wheeeeee! I made it to the end! YEEEEHAAAWWWWW!!!!! Now, I overdose on Halloween candy, and spend the weekend playing computer games while drunk! Yea, that's almost as much fun as watching Horror movies. :-)
Fun event of the day, I was driving down my street on my way home today, and a black cat ran across my path! I wasn't even close to the cat, but I'm pretty sure it definitely was black, or at least, very dark charcoal gray. I've almost never had a black cat cross my path, and to have it happen on Halloween was awesome! I cracked up laughing at the coincidence of it. Or... was it a coincidence? Maybe Witches are running rampant in my neighborhood! :-o lol
I hope everyone enjoyed this year's Halloween Horror review a thon! Happy Halloween, everybody! :-D
Horror movie review #30 - Darkness Falls (2003)
I know I've reviewed this one before at some point, but I didn't do it last October, so I'm doing it again. I searched and searched and searched but couldn't come up with a decent flick I felt like watching this evening. I feel a little under the weather as well so maybe that's a contributing factor, but anyway, let's get to the movie.
Darkness Falls (2003) is a story about a kind, gentle woman who traded coins for the lost teeth of the town's children, a woman who would later become known as the tooth fairy. Unfortunately, after a horribly disfiguring fire, the woman became withdrawn and distant, and one day, when two children disappeared, blame fell on the old woman. Lynched by the townsfolk, burned to death, she vowed revenge. "That which I took in kindness, I shall forevermore take in vengeance." Or, you know, something sinisterly evil like that. One hundred years later, a ten-year old Kyle loses his last baby tooth, and accidentally catches sight of the spirit of the tooth fairy, which tries to kill him. Apparently, seeing the tooth fairy is a huge no-no. Anyone who catches sight of her, dies horribly. To compound his error, instead of dying quietly in the darkness of the night, Kyle goes and flashes a light in the tooth fairy's face. The tooth fairy hates the light, and never leaves her comforting darkness. Kyle is a little too fast for the tooth fairy,, hiding in the well-lit bathroom. However, the tooth fairy does manage to catch Kyle's mom. Since, obviously, no one is going to believe that the tooth fairy killed Kyle's mom, Kyle goes away to an insane asylum for 7 years when he tries floating that story to the authorities. You'd think even a little boy would know enough not to tell them THAT one. Five years after he gets out of the loony bin, Kyle gets a call from his childhood girlfriend, Caitlin, who he hasn't seen or heard from since the night his mother died. Caitlin has a little brother, it seems, and her little brother has lost his last baby tooth. He's also suddenly developed a crushing fear of the dark. The dark that the tooth fairy dwells in...
I really love this movie. The acting is exceptional, for one thing. The actors aren't exactly well known talents, but they do their best. There is maybe one funny line in this entire movie, when someone rhetorically asks Kyle if he's crazy for suggesting they move through the darkness to get somewhere, and Kyle says "Yea, a little!" without missing a beat, referring to his stint in psychiatric care. I laughed. But the rest of the movie was serious, tense, with a lot of atmosphere and suspense. I can't even say it was a slow build up, because it didn't feel that way to me. Perfectly paced, if you want my opinion. Just the right amount of character building mixed in with terror and action. Plus, more of a monster movie than horror, which, I always enjoy. Not even sure where you'd classify the tooth fairy at this point, spirit? Monster? undead? Who knows. To the Ghostbusters, it's maybe a "full torso free floating apparition." lol
I saw this last Halloween, so very rewatchable. Love the characters, too. Police force that suspects Kyle is just the resident psycho, a typical sneaky lawyer type, and even a damn bar fight with a drunken lout. Where do they get these people? lol I do not understand the concept of a bar brawl, honestly. You see it in movies all the time, but I have been in many many bars and never once has there been a brawl. If there's a bar brawl, three of three things have to happen. One, there has to be a violent drunk present. It doesn't happen that often, but there's always the possibility. I have even been a violent drunk on rare occasions, when I have had too much to drink too fast. Thankfully, I have noticed it immediately when it's popped up due to the uncharacteristic anger that comes with it, and stopped it in it's tracks. At most, I raised my voice a bit. But, I guess that means it can happen to anyone. Two, I don't know how often you notice how relaxed other drunks are when you're drunk, but I do. It's like there's this big buzz going around and everyone is feeling it and everyone just sort of knows everyone else is feeling it too. There's an exceptional amount of civility between people when they're totally soused, or at least, that's what I've come to notice when I was drunk, and that whole "we're both drunk, isn't this fun?" thing has to completely fail to calm down the situation. Three, the bouncers have to completely fail to do their jobs. Now, the first thing happens rarely. The second thing happens rarely, and the third thing, well, let's just say that if there's a lot of brawls in a bar, you get better bouncers. Or more of them. So all three of these things have to occur in order for a bar brawl to happen. And yet, there's a small one in Darkness Falls! lol Which isn't really a knock against the movie, it's just funny that one happens, and the way that it happens is so uncomfortable for both me as the viewer, and for Kyle, it's just almost funny. Until, well... bad things happen. Then it's not so funny.
Kyle's love interest was pretty nice, too. Emma Caulfield (Anya from Buffy) plays Kyle's love interest, Caitlin. I've always found her reasonably easy on the eyes. Emily Browning, interestingly enough, plays the young Caitlin, who later went on to play in the Uninvited and Sucker Punch. I think all the actors in this movie did a good job, but it's always good when the actresses are actually good looking. No offense to the, perhaps less attractive actresses out there, to be polite, who are probably better actresses in general, but it's always nice to see some eye candy in a horror movie, you know? What can I say, I'm a guy. :-)
That's it for tonight. This post was quite late, as I have had a very busy, chaotic evening. When the chinese say, may you live in interesting times, they don't mean it as a compliment or well-wishing. lol Til tomorrow night then. October 31st, now. Merry Samhain, or Happy Halloween, if you want to be all modern about it. :-)
Darkness Falls (2003) is a story about a kind, gentle woman who traded coins for the lost teeth of the town's children, a woman who would later become known as the tooth fairy. Unfortunately, after a horribly disfiguring fire, the woman became withdrawn and distant, and one day, when two children disappeared, blame fell on the old woman. Lynched by the townsfolk, burned to death, she vowed revenge. "That which I took in kindness, I shall forevermore take in vengeance." Or, you know, something sinisterly evil like that. One hundred years later, a ten-year old Kyle loses his last baby tooth, and accidentally catches sight of the spirit of the tooth fairy, which tries to kill him. Apparently, seeing the tooth fairy is a huge no-no. Anyone who catches sight of her, dies horribly. To compound his error, instead of dying quietly in the darkness of the night, Kyle goes and flashes a light in the tooth fairy's face. The tooth fairy hates the light, and never leaves her comforting darkness. Kyle is a little too fast for the tooth fairy,, hiding in the well-lit bathroom. However, the tooth fairy does manage to catch Kyle's mom. Since, obviously, no one is going to believe that the tooth fairy killed Kyle's mom, Kyle goes away to an insane asylum for 7 years when he tries floating that story to the authorities. You'd think even a little boy would know enough not to tell them THAT one. Five years after he gets out of the loony bin, Kyle gets a call from his childhood girlfriend, Caitlin, who he hasn't seen or heard from since the night his mother died. Caitlin has a little brother, it seems, and her little brother has lost his last baby tooth. He's also suddenly developed a crushing fear of the dark. The dark that the tooth fairy dwells in...
I really love this movie. The acting is exceptional, for one thing. The actors aren't exactly well known talents, but they do their best. There is maybe one funny line in this entire movie, when someone rhetorically asks Kyle if he's crazy for suggesting they move through the darkness to get somewhere, and Kyle says "Yea, a little!" without missing a beat, referring to his stint in psychiatric care. I laughed. But the rest of the movie was serious, tense, with a lot of atmosphere and suspense. I can't even say it was a slow build up, because it didn't feel that way to me. Perfectly paced, if you want my opinion. Just the right amount of character building mixed in with terror and action. Plus, more of a monster movie than horror, which, I always enjoy. Not even sure where you'd classify the tooth fairy at this point, spirit? Monster? undead? Who knows. To the Ghostbusters, it's maybe a "full torso free floating apparition." lol
I saw this last Halloween, so very rewatchable. Love the characters, too. Police force that suspects Kyle is just the resident psycho, a typical sneaky lawyer type, and even a damn bar fight with a drunken lout. Where do they get these people? lol I do not understand the concept of a bar brawl, honestly. You see it in movies all the time, but I have been in many many bars and never once has there been a brawl. If there's a bar brawl, three of three things have to happen. One, there has to be a violent drunk present. It doesn't happen that often, but there's always the possibility. I have even been a violent drunk on rare occasions, when I have had too much to drink too fast. Thankfully, I have noticed it immediately when it's popped up due to the uncharacteristic anger that comes with it, and stopped it in it's tracks. At most, I raised my voice a bit. But, I guess that means it can happen to anyone. Two, I don't know how often you notice how relaxed other drunks are when you're drunk, but I do. It's like there's this big buzz going around and everyone is feeling it and everyone just sort of knows everyone else is feeling it too. There's an exceptional amount of civility between people when they're totally soused, or at least, that's what I've come to notice when I was drunk, and that whole "we're both drunk, isn't this fun?" thing has to completely fail to calm down the situation. Three, the bouncers have to completely fail to do their jobs. Now, the first thing happens rarely. The second thing happens rarely, and the third thing, well, let's just say that if there's a lot of brawls in a bar, you get better bouncers. Or more of them. So all three of these things have to occur in order for a bar brawl to happen. And yet, there's a small one in Darkness Falls! lol Which isn't really a knock against the movie, it's just funny that one happens, and the way that it happens is so uncomfortable for both me as the viewer, and for Kyle, it's just almost funny. Until, well... bad things happen. Then it's not so funny.
Kyle's love interest was pretty nice, too. Emma Caulfield (Anya from Buffy) plays Kyle's love interest, Caitlin. I've always found her reasonably easy on the eyes. Emily Browning, interestingly enough, plays the young Caitlin, who later went on to play in the Uninvited and Sucker Punch. I think all the actors in this movie did a good job, but it's always good when the actresses are actually good looking. No offense to the, perhaps less attractive actresses out there, to be polite, who are probably better actresses in general, but it's always nice to see some eye candy in a horror movie, you know? What can I say, I'm a guy. :-)
That's it for tonight. This post was quite late, as I have had a very busy, chaotic evening. When the chinese say, may you live in interesting times, they don't mean it as a compliment or well-wishing. lol Til tomorrow night then. October 31st, now. Merry Samhain, or Happy Halloween, if you want to be all modern about it. :-)
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Horror Movie Review #29 - The Evil Dead (1981)
Way back when I was still getting beaten up by girls, Sam Raimi was writing, producing and filming amateur movies with his college buddy, Bruce Campbell. One of these turned out to be pretty good, and pretty much launched his career, Bruce Campbell's career, and didn't hurt the rest of the cast any, either, I am sure.
The Evil Dead (1981) stars Bruce Campbell as Ashley "Ash" Williams, who's heading with his friends up to a remote cabin in the mountains to have some fun. Along with him are his girlfriend, his sister, and his buddy and his girlfriend. Upon reaching the cabin, the group pretty much ignores the decrepit state of the place, the weird goings on, and proceeds to try and have dinner, when they discover an old tape recording machine and an odd book. Heedless of the warnings of the more religious person among them, they play the recording back of the translation of the book, and raise ancient sumerian demons from the dead, and then... yep, you guessed it. All hell breaks loose. :-D
As we all know from my review of the Ghostbusters a few nights ago, ancient Sumerian demons are nothing to sneeze at. I'm not really sure if the entire mythological pantheon of Ancient Sumer were all violent, bloodthirsty demons, or if the tales of the demons were all that's survived to the present day, but they sure make for some grisly movies. Makes me wonder how Sumer survived as long as it did if they were constantly sacrificing their populace to feed the demons. Hmmmm.
The Evil Dead was Sam Raimi's first big break into the movie scene. A cult classic nowadays, I've been a fan of the Evil Dead movie since I first saw it. Of course, I'd actually seen Evil Dead 2 first, and then had to backtrack, because Evil Dead 2 is essentially a remake of The Evil Dead. Does that mean Sam Raimi inspired Hollywood remakes? Who knows. I liked Evil Dead 2 more than The Evil Dead, but that doesn't mean the Evil Dead isn't a good movie itself. Bruce Campbell stars in both movies, and there's hilarious and scary scenes in both, as well, so either one is a good watch, really.
Hey! Movie news! They've announced Army of Darkness 2! :-D Army of Darkness would be the sequel to Evil Dead 2, for those of us who've seen it. I think I have it on DVD, honestly. I'd have to check my collection. Can't wait for that, but it says 2016 on the release date. Cripes!
That's it for tonight, people! I'm off to drown myself in Minecraftian zombie fighting. Two more days til Halloween! W00t!
The Evil Dead (1981) stars Bruce Campbell as Ashley "Ash" Williams, who's heading with his friends up to a remote cabin in the mountains to have some fun. Along with him are his girlfriend, his sister, and his buddy and his girlfriend. Upon reaching the cabin, the group pretty much ignores the decrepit state of the place, the weird goings on, and proceeds to try and have dinner, when they discover an old tape recording machine and an odd book. Heedless of the warnings of the more religious person among them, they play the recording back of the translation of the book, and raise ancient sumerian demons from the dead, and then... yep, you guessed it. All hell breaks loose. :-D
As we all know from my review of the Ghostbusters a few nights ago, ancient Sumerian demons are nothing to sneeze at. I'm not really sure if the entire mythological pantheon of Ancient Sumer were all violent, bloodthirsty demons, or if the tales of the demons were all that's survived to the present day, but they sure make for some grisly movies. Makes me wonder how Sumer survived as long as it did if they were constantly sacrificing their populace to feed the demons. Hmmmm.
The Evil Dead was Sam Raimi's first big break into the movie scene. A cult classic nowadays, I've been a fan of the Evil Dead movie since I first saw it. Of course, I'd actually seen Evil Dead 2 first, and then had to backtrack, because Evil Dead 2 is essentially a remake of The Evil Dead. Does that mean Sam Raimi inspired Hollywood remakes? Who knows. I liked Evil Dead 2 more than The Evil Dead, but that doesn't mean the Evil Dead isn't a good movie itself. Bruce Campbell stars in both movies, and there's hilarious and scary scenes in both, as well, so either one is a good watch, really.
Hey! Movie news! They've announced Army of Darkness 2! :-D Army of Darkness would be the sequel to Evil Dead 2, for those of us who've seen it. I think I have it on DVD, honestly. I'd have to check my collection. Can't wait for that, but it says 2016 on the release date. Cripes!
That's it for tonight, people! I'm off to drown myself in Minecraftian zombie fighting. Two more days til Halloween! W00t!
Monday, October 28, 2013
Horror movie review # 28 - Dracula's Curse (2006)
The biggest regret I have during the month of October is a lack of sufficient time to watch all the horror movies I want to watch. Despite not being currently employed, despite playing computer games for but a few hours each day, I regret I must still eat, sleep and attend to the mundane activities that are so closely associated with the realm of the living. Perhaps if the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'll stay in my room and waste all my hours rotting away, catching up on all the horror movies I've missed over the years. Since, you know, I'll probably be zombified right away and just spend the rest of eternity dead. Whether NetFlix still functions during that time, or the internet stays up, who can say. Assuming I'm an undead corpse at that time, I can only hope that I'll be interested more in watching horror movies than I will be in eating brains, but who knows. Until that day comes, there are just other things that I have to do to get through each and every day. Therefore, my time, alas, is limited. But keep your hopes alive. There is always next October, and I can and do occasionally watch a horror movie when it's not Halloween month. lol
Dracula's Curse (2006) is a movie I chose solely for the fact that it was made by Asylum. Having reviewed the remarkably decent Beast of Bray Road and another asylum movie earlier this month that just wasn't as good, I decided to give them another chance. Alas, despite appearances by many of the Asylum regulars, it just doesn't renew my faith that they'll ever make a good movie again.
Dracula's Curse begins with a team of Vampire Hunters going about their business. Killing vampires, that is. Suddenly, their leader, Rufus King, is called to meet with the vampire council. The vampires, it seems, are scared. They want a truce. They will agree to stop hunting humans, as long as the humans stop hunting the vampires. In an effort to preserve the peace and save lives, an accord is signed that lasts for but a short 5 years, when one of Dracula's vixens decides to go rogue and break the pact. Then... yea. All hell breaks loose and all that. lol
So, this movie just wasn't that good. The overacting was worse than an emotional monologue by James T. Kirk. Vampires switched sides so often and there were so many breeds of vampires involved that I couldn't tell who was human and who wasn't, or what side anyone was on. Worse was the fact that the vampires didn't even look dead, which further confused matters, and didn't even show fangs half the time. I guess the budget didn't have quite enough after paying the rather large cast to be able to afford plastic fangs for everyone. I was rather hoping the one vampire would stick to his side of choice, but he didn't, and I was rather hoping the end didn't turn out to be as predictable as I had assumed, and it was. More nudity might have spiced up things, but instead, the shots were limited to a single pair of, shall we say, rather saggy mammaries.
All in all, it was rather unsatisfying as a horror movie. I was tempted to watch and review at least one other movie this evening, but, as I said... time is rather limited. :-/ If you are a fan of any of the Asylum regulars, they probably showed up in this movie. Otherwise, I would suggest taking a pass on this one, although the chick who played Countess Bathorly was rather cute. I would have liked to have seen a bit more of her bathtub scene, but alas, no. No. I was denied. These movies are such a tease.
I hope everyone's enjoying the horror movies this month, and the halloween festivities. To me, they are like old friends, coming around to visit me once more. Watching the better ones is like hanging out with an old war buddy who always tells the same story of his time in the foxholes of WW2 when shit got real and what he did to survive. Sure, you've heard it before, but he's your buddy, and it's a good story. Meh. Maybe I just need to get out more and meet real friends. lol
That's it for tonight. See you guys tomorrow!
Dracula's Curse (2006) is a movie I chose solely for the fact that it was made by Asylum. Having reviewed the remarkably decent Beast of Bray Road and another asylum movie earlier this month that just wasn't as good, I decided to give them another chance. Alas, despite appearances by many of the Asylum regulars, it just doesn't renew my faith that they'll ever make a good movie again.
Dracula's Curse begins with a team of Vampire Hunters going about their business. Killing vampires, that is. Suddenly, their leader, Rufus King, is called to meet with the vampire council. The vampires, it seems, are scared. They want a truce. They will agree to stop hunting humans, as long as the humans stop hunting the vampires. In an effort to preserve the peace and save lives, an accord is signed that lasts for but a short 5 years, when one of Dracula's vixens decides to go rogue and break the pact. Then... yea. All hell breaks loose and all that. lol
So, this movie just wasn't that good. The overacting was worse than an emotional monologue by James T. Kirk. Vampires switched sides so often and there were so many breeds of vampires involved that I couldn't tell who was human and who wasn't, or what side anyone was on. Worse was the fact that the vampires didn't even look dead, which further confused matters, and didn't even show fangs half the time. I guess the budget didn't have quite enough after paying the rather large cast to be able to afford plastic fangs for everyone. I was rather hoping the one vampire would stick to his side of choice, but he didn't, and I was rather hoping the end didn't turn out to be as predictable as I had assumed, and it was. More nudity might have spiced up things, but instead, the shots were limited to a single pair of, shall we say, rather saggy mammaries.
All in all, it was rather unsatisfying as a horror movie. I was tempted to watch and review at least one other movie this evening, but, as I said... time is rather limited. :-/ If you are a fan of any of the Asylum regulars, they probably showed up in this movie. Otherwise, I would suggest taking a pass on this one, although the chick who played Countess Bathorly was rather cute. I would have liked to have seen a bit more of her bathtub scene, but alas, no. No. I was denied. These movies are such a tease.
I hope everyone's enjoying the horror movies this month, and the halloween festivities. To me, they are like old friends, coming around to visit me once more. Watching the better ones is like hanging out with an old war buddy who always tells the same story of his time in the foxholes of WW2 when shit got real and what he did to survive. Sure, you've heard it before, but he's your buddy, and it's a good story. Meh. Maybe I just need to get out more and meet real friends. lol
That's it for tonight. See you guys tomorrow!
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Horror Movie Review #27 - Ghostbusters (1984)
I know what you're going to say before you've said it. "But, but.. Ghostbusters is a COMEDY!" And then you're going to give me that :-o face. Yea, Ghostbusters is as much a comedy as Frighteners, which also made my list this month. Both movies are written as comedies, I grant you, but both have a hard edge of horror to them that you just don't generally see in most comedic movies. Think about it. Ghost Busters. You're dealing with ghosts, the paranormal, supernatural entities, moldy babylonian deities, sorry, make that sumerian deities, and what the hell part of that is funny? All of it, but my point is, it's based on a horror subtext, so if the actors weren't doing it for laughs, then this whole movie would be classified as horror.
Ghostbusters (1984) stars Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, and Harold Ramis (who also co-wrote the script, I believe, but don't quote me on that) who are three paranormal researchers working for the University. After a botched call to investigate a ghost at the campus library, the three of them are thrown out of their comfortable college existence and decide to go into business for themselves as... you guessed it... The Ghostbusters. Unfortunately, their timing couldn't be worse, because their latest client's (Sigourney Weaver) hauntings include an ancient sumerian deity of destruction that is about to be unleashed! Yes, now you can do your :-o face, because that shit's scary.
You've seen this movie, I am sure. I've seen this movie about a hundred times. I watch it every damn time it's on TV. Even the song is stuck in my head. I mean, let's be serious here, given all the horror movies you have ever seen, if you HAD an option to turn to someone for help, Who ya gonna call? GHOST BUSTERS! Damn straight. Because if they can't handle whatever it is you've called them for, you can be sure they'll at least distract it long enough for you to get away. lol You've got Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd and Sigourney Weaver at the heights of their comedic careers. Sure, Bill Murray and Sigourney Weaver have done more serious roles since then, but who cares? Not me. I'm a monster and horror movie fan and I don't really give a damn about their other movies. Well, except Sigourney Weaver has that whole Aliens franchise thing going, which I am a big fan of, and I hope she can return to someday, but she does comedy in THIS movie, and that's pretty much the extent of her comedic career. lol
Also, this is one of the few movies where you can see Jennifer Runyon at her beautiful best. She plays a test subject for one of Venkman's experiments early in the film, but she's also been in such films as Up The Creek! and Carnosaur (after which she retired from acting, unfortunately). I probably fell in love with her character in Up the Creek, but I think I was in my mid-teens at the time, and had a tendency to fall in love over the course of an hour and a half movie, so that was nothing unusual for me. lol
Just like Frighteners with Michael J. Fox, this movie has a lot of funny moments, but the gist of it is straight up horror. From the first startling scene in the library to the goings-on at the apartment complex that Dana Barret (Sigourney Weaver) lives in, there is some scary shit going on here. I must admit, first watching this movie, the library scene alone had me tense and scared. Sure, Venkman (Bill Murray) was putting up a brave front, trying not to take the ghost stuff seriously, but he was right out in front of the pack when they were running out of the library at full speed afterwards! lol Even "Slimer" (as he was referred to in the cartoons that this movie spawned) was a bit scary, a ghost that could eat real food can certainly interact with the living in some godawful way. Plus, how many moldy Sumerian deities do you know of that look like a slovakian glamour model? EXACTLY NONE! This movie was the first to showcase the Sumerian deities as they truly are. Yes, that's right, the Sumerian deities all look like Slovakian glamour models. Who knew? The Ghostbusters did, that's who.
I could watch this again and again, and I challenge anyone to watch this movie and not like it. I even liked William Atherton as Peck! He was so incredibly annoyingly perfect in his acting skill! lol When he got covered in hot marshmallow at the end of the movie, I laughed my teen aged ass off. Even nearly 30 years after this movie came out, it still kicks ass. Why the HELL can't we make movies nowadays that are this good? Hell if I know, but dammit, there's no good reason why we can't, except we aren't trying hard enough. You can watch this one on Netflix, right now if you want.
Come on, where's Ghostbusters 3? Ghostbusters 2 pretty much sucked, but there can be a 3! We don't need Bill Murray if he doesn't want to show! Look, all the actors are old now, so play that up. Ray Stanz, Egon Spengler and Winston Zeddmore are getting too old to be running around snatching up ghosts on a daily basis nowadays, so they're training a new team of ghostbusters... an all female team. Oh yea. An all female team of ghostbusters that like to do the ghostbusting in the nude! yes! It's perfect! And we can have Slimer back to slime them with ectoplasmic goo! And while they're in training, the team learns of some darker threat underscoring some of their recent captures, maybe some ghost-eater is scaring the shit out of ghosts, and the ghostbusters have to deal with THAT mess while training the naked newbs! I love it! I'll even volunteer to play Slimer! :-D
lol Okay aside from my total pervy-ness, I am sure there's a decent script for Ghostbusters 3 floating around out there somewhere and we'll see it someday. It may be horrible and it may destroy more careers than it makes, but what the hell. If Ray Stanz can get a blowjob from a dream-ghost in the original Ghostbusters, I can perv my way into hollywood glory as the next Slimer. Maybe they'll use my script for Ghostbusters 4: Slimer Vs the Swedish Bikini Team! It's brilliant! I'm going to fire off a script to Bill Murray right now! lol
Okay, I may be a little sauced right now, but I'll see you guys tomorrow night for more horror reviews! Only a few days left til the end of my month-long horror movie review-a-thon! Can I keep reviewing movies til the end of the month? Only time will tell! Stay tuned! Same bat-time, same bat-channel! Biff! Zam! Zowie! And those are just the names of my body parts! I'm not saying which ones! :-D
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Horror Movie Review #26 - Zombie Night (2013)
I like to find as many new horror movies as I can, in the hopes of finding another horror movie favorite to watch. Anyone who watches horror regularly knows they aren't all perfectly done masterpieces of cinema, so it takes a LOT of viewing before you find a good horror movie. OR, a good guide. Which is where I come in.
The SyFy Channel isn't exactly known for their movie excellence. But the ones they make are generally enjoyable. Zombie Night (2013) is about a pair of families living next door to each other who have to cooperate to survive a zombie attack. We have some major stars in this one, Anthony Michael Hall of Weird Science and the Dead Zone, Darryl Hannah of Splash and Kill Bill, and Alan Ruck of Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Twister. There's even Shirley Jones! Of... The Partridge Family. lol
Zombie Night starts pretty innocuously. A family is caught in a traffic jam. Although this traffic jam is apparently caused by people trying to evacuate the city, in advance of the zombie horde. As the cars are overrun, a father (a barely recognizable Anthony Michael Hall) and daughter manage to escape (through a graveyard no less), and make it home to the wife and mother (played by Darryl Hannah). The neighbors have a safe house, more of a panic room, I guess, stocked with provisions. Unfortunately, the father (played by Alan Ruck, who I just saw in Ferris Bueller's Day off a few hours ago, man he's aged) is too scared to open the door long enough to let anyone inside. Apparently, the zombies are quiescent during the day, so the families only have to make it through the night to survive. The trouble is, making it through the night...
I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. Big name actors, perhaps a little past their prime, but still popular. Good acting. Special effects were about average for a zombie flick, and the story was pretty much non-stop action, with an almost continual chase from scene to scene, beginning to end. Reminded me of my days playing Left 4 Dead, only without the Tanks and the Boomers. lol I am sure I'd watch this one again. But, being a fan of monster and horror movies, I'd probably watch a lot of SyFy's movies over. And do. lol
That's it for tonight, people! In a bit of a rush, more horror to watch! lol Until tomorrow, then.
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