#9 - Cold Moon (2016)

Okay, so now I'm two movies behind, all because my flu kicked it up a notch.  Look, I am all for the little guy trying harder and overcoming the bigger guy, but this virus has kicked my ass enough.  Tonight's movie I found on Vudu, so if you want to watch it, go there.

Cold Moon (2016) is a bit of a ghost story / murder mystery. A girl goes missing in a small town, and after a few days, her body is found.  The sheriff can't seem to solve the murder, but that only encourages the murderer to be even bolder.  Then some strange things started happening.

Oh geez, yeah, I really need to work on my plot summaries.  That sounds horrible.  Hey, I still got that fever/flu thingy, so I'm blaming that.  I chose this movie based solely on the fact that Christopher Lloyd was in it, though he doesn't get a lot of screen time.  There's a bunch of other veteran actors too, recogniazable ones, so at least the acting was mostly decent.  Not really much special effects to speak of, good production values as far as I can tell, decently well done plot, though a bit more explanation might have helped at the end, there.  Other than that, solid horror movie.  Again, watch it on Vudu, if you feel like it.

Going to call it a night and get some rest. Hopefully, I'll be able to catch up on the horror movies this weekend.  I hate falling behind.  Then I have to scramble to catch up and my work becomes shoddy, and shoddy is just too weird an adjective to use on a regular basis.

#8 - Exorcism of Molly Hartley (2015)

There have been so many movies out about exorcism lately, and I can understand the draw.  The Exorcist (1973) has been repeatedly voted one of the scariest movies of all time, and there's a lot of people that want to re-create that experience.  There have been so many exorcism movies made in the last ten years, that I actually didn't even see this one when it came out.  :-o  I know, right?  Wtf!  What can I say?  My bad.

The Exorcism of Molly Hartley (2015) starts out with an exorcism gone horribly wrong, and the surviving priest is immediately de-frocked.  No, not stripped, you pervert.  De-frocked is what they call it when a Priest is cast out of the Church.  The de-frocked priest, to avoid jail time (ok, the exorcism went REALLY wrong) takes an insanity plea.  The insanity plea puts him in an insane asylum, where, you guessed it, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!  Wait, wait, hold on, I skipped a step.  They bring in Molly Hartley, who, as you can tell from the title, is in need of an exorcism.  A de-frocked Priest and a possessed mental patient in the same Psych ward?  Say it ain't so!  :-o

This movie actually wasn't horrible, and stars Devon Sawa (Idle Hands) as the defrocked priest, Sarah Lind as Molly Hartley, Gina Holden as Dr. Laurie Hawthorne and Peter MacNeill (most recently from the Good Witch series) as Chaplain Henry Davies, who is ... uh, a frocked priest?  (cough)  Yeah.  Anyways, it's got veteran actors, a decently understandable script and the dialogue doesn't make you want to rip your ears off and throw them into a blender, with ... the rest of ... the ears.  Yeah.  Did I mention I have the flu?  Yep.  Feverish.  Oh, I caught this movie on Starz, if you want to watch it.  Like I said, not a bad movie, even some nudity, so it checks all my boxes for decent entertainment.

In other news, I'm still running a movie behind!  Maybe I can do a double feature one of these days.  Been a busy week, and the flu isn't helping any, but my fever's not horrible and I'm not vomiting every 15 minutes, so that's something, right?  Right.  Maybe I can catch up with the review when I feel better.  Catch you guys tomorrow night, assuming all goes well, and the monsters don't get me. Or life.  That's the one you really got to watch out for.  Monsters, you can usually see coming, but Life just fucking sneaks up on you and then you're married with 7 kids and wondering how the fuck you're going to pay your mortgage when you just gambled away all the kids' college money on your fantasy football league.  Fucking fantasy football league.  Now there's a horror story.

#7 - The Rake (2018)

Yep, I know, I'm behind a day.  I came down with the flu and it was my mom's birthday yesterday, so things got busy.  I'll toss in a double feature one of these days and get all caught up!  Hey, this is what happens!  Life.  Either that, or the monsters get you.

The Rake (2018) is, sadly, not about a possessed lawn care tool.  Which, would be totally awesome, and I'd watch it.  Ben and Ashley are just kids when their father is treating a deranged mental patient who breaks into their home.  Years later, Ben and Ashley are trying to make their way through life with the help of their adopted sister, when the past comes bubbling back up again.  Can Ben and Ashley stuff the genie back into the bottle, or is that just a stupid Christina Aguilera song?

Yeah, sorry, I know, my plot summaries need work.  I has a fever, okay?  :-/  I caught this movie on Vudu, and despite there being commercials and it being a short movie (an hour and fifteen minutes or so), it's actually pretty decent.  The acting was decent, the special effects were okay, but the story was good and the action went fast.  The action escalates so quickly, in fact, that a death occurred and they didn't even show it on-screen.  You'd think they could have spared a minute or two to show the death scene, but maybe they couldn't afford to hire another actress.  Anyways, the movie was either actually pretty decent for a low-budget no-name-actor flick, OR it was a good fever-dream and I have no idea what's going on right now.  I guess chances are 50/50, either way.  :-/

Okay, that's all for tonight, I've been kinda zonin' in and out all day so I'm gonna keep it short.  Hope everyone had a nice Oktoberfest (it ended sunday) and is looking forward to the Halloween season!  Me, I just like the horror movies.  Oh, and the candy.  Fall colors are nice, too.  I'm rambling.  Fuck it, I knew I should have ended this post five minutes ago.  Told you when I started this month!  Fucking, out-of-control dumpster fire, that's me.

#6 - Slaughterhouse Rulez (2018)

Time for a new movie!  I saw this one on Starz, which is one of the pay-cable channels.  Not everyone has those anymore.  Might show up on netflix at some point, who knows?

Slaughterhouse Rulez (2018) is a story about a less-wealthy lad getting into to a posh school over in england, and then trying to navigate the complicated corridors of knowledge. meandwhile, the school has decided to frack the land for extra cash, which, of course, causes all hell to break loose!

Slaughterhouse Rulez is a slow-starter, so be warned.  Mostly, you're dealing with the eccentricities of rich lads in a fancy english school.  There's the whole rules-breaking, rules-following, infighting, all the usual school carp that I am so glad I don't have to deal with anymore.  At least there's some laughs along the way.  It's got Simon Peg and Nick Frost, and Margot Robbie sort of phones in a performance, literally.   Then, finally, just when you think you're going to die of sheer boredom waiting for something to happen, it does.  And yes, all hell breaks loose.

I don't think I'd watch slaughterhouse Rulez again. I mean, once was okay. and it is, technically, a horror movie and there are actual monsters, so, I mean, it checks some of the boxes and all.  Plus, there's a latin orgy, ffs.  I haven't seen that sort of thing since Caligula!  So, don't miss that, if you feel like watching a horror comedy kinda thing.  Can't say that the acting was stellar but meh.

That's all for tonight, pressed for time as usual!  :-D

#5 - Return of the Living Dead 2 (1988)

I've give Return of the Living Dead (1985) and ROTLD 3 (1993) lots of love over the years, but It's rare I even mention part 2.  It's not that it's a bad movie, it actually has its own unique plot and has two of the same stars from the first movie, but it does kind of spoof itself, which I don't usually enjoy.  But hey, it's late and I'm half in the bag so let's do this!

Return of the Living Dead 2 (1988) starts out the same way all the Return of the Living Dead movies start out, with a barrel of 2-4-5-Trioxin (the chemical that reanimated the dead from the first movie) falling off the back of a truck and someone finding it.  Honestly, It makes me wonder how many barrels of this stuff are floating around out there causing havoc.  Kind of like with Superman, how there's more Kryptonite on Earth than there was on Krypton, ffs, but I digress.  So, a bunch of kids find the barrel this time, and let loose a zombie and the gas, and of course there's a graveyard nearby, so all hell breaks loose!

So let me tell you what I don't like about this flick first.  The same two actors from the first movie (James Karen who played Frank and Thom mathews who played Freddy) who got hit by the gas are back this time, playing grave robbers who get hit by the gas.  There are several instances where the same lines from the first movie are re-used, and in one instance where one of the characters say this all feels so familiar.  It's kind of jarringly reminding me of the first movie, which was actually better than this one, but still kind of annoying.  Also, this one is more child-focused, mainly dealing with some kid who is being bullied by another kid who turns into a zombie, and then he has to deal with zombie bullies.  It's not the only thing that goes on in the movie, but it's a lot of it, so it's kind of, i don't know, meh.  Other than that, hey, zombie movie, dead things running around screaming for brains.  Oh, and in this movie, the dead are back to staggering around like stiff corpses instead of running like they were in the first movie, although one zombie does hop a fence, so, there's that.  I may not watch this one as much as I watch 1 and 3, but hey!  I love the whole ROTLD series, so I figured I'd gve this one some love.

I do not recall where I watched this movie, but it was probably one of the premium channels, like HBO or Showtime or starz or something.  I havea  movie all set to watch tomorrow, so unless I get attacked by zombies, I should be able to actually get the review done before midnight.  That's all for tonight, folks!  Now I feel like bugs bunny, and not just because I'm wearing rabbit ears and a fuzzy puffball for a tail.

#4 - Ghost Light (2018)

If you've ever said to yourself, "Hey, I wonder what Cary Elwes and Carol Kane have been doing since Princess Bride?" wonder no more.  I found a movie they did in 2018!  It's on one of the showtime channels, showtime women, I think.

Ghost Light (2018) is about a group of Shakespearean actors trying to put on a production of Macbeth at a Canadian theatrical-style retreat/resort.  Apparently there's some superstition about not saying the name of the scottish king during the production, without it being part of the actual play.  There's also a tradition of keeping a "ghost light" (just a lamp of some kind, apparently) lit on the stage, whenever there are no actors present.  Apparently, this keeps the production on track, and forestalls any accidents from screwing up the play.  Unfortunately, a brash young understudy disregards the traditions, and...  you guessed it...  all hell breaks loose!

Yes!  I got to say it, only 4 days in!  Yes!  Yesyesyesyesyes!  YES!  Yeehaw!  Sorry, "all hell breaks loose" is one of my favorite lines.  Anyways, this movie has Carol Kane playing an older actress who portrays one of the Witches in Macbeth, and Cary Elwes playing the scottish king.  Most of the rest of the cast are recognizable acting veterans, even if I can't always recall their names right off the bat.  The acting was decent, even the meta-acting, which was kind of confusing at times.  I'm not even sure this movie qualifies as your standard horror movie, but there are a couple deaths, ghosts, blood, hallucinations, and hey there's even a good thunder and lightning storm.  There are nice outdoor scenes of fall foliage, and hell, there was even some mild nudity!  This movie has everything but a monster, which, alas, is my favorite thing for a horror movie to have.  Still, skilled actors doing skilled acting, a bit of an odd style of horror movie, but a fun watch.  Catch it on Showtime Women if you have that.

Pressed for time tonight, so you guys have a fun friday, and I'll see you next time for movie #5!

#3 - The Final Wish (2018)

One of the perks of my job as a horror movie blogger is watching horror movies I haven't seen yet.  It's also one of the downsides, since many of the newer horror flicks are complete and utter trash.  Tonight's crappy pick came from one of the showtime channels, so if you have that, you can waste an hour and a half of your valuable time that you can never get back!  And that, people, is a true horror story.

The Final Wish (2018) is about a guy who's been away from home for a long time, coming back after his father's passing.  The guy finds an old relic in his father's belongings that might actually be worth something, and then things start to go downhill from there.

Can you tell I wanted to say "all Hell breaks loose?"  I did, but that's not actually what happens, so I had to abandon that fun line of thought.  Lin Shaye (of Insidious fame) plays a nice supporting role as the guy's mother, who has been, shall we say, slightly unbalanced by her husband's passing?  Tony Todd (Candyman!) makes a cameo or two as the Librarian, and the rest of the actors are those guys where you go "hey, he looks oddly familiar, didn't I see them in...  oh, what was it?"  and then you realize that the guy you're thinking of is someone completely different, and you have no idea who the guy is, where your pants have gone, and how that bloody knife got into your hand.

There's a few unscary jump-scares, and a lot of yelling in this movie.  At one point, the main character totally goes apeshit, screaming unconvincingly at a guy who has no tongue, trying to make him verbally answer a question he's already frantically scrambling to write out an answer to.  The whole movie was pretty much like that, supposedly creepy scenes where I, as the viewer, was not actually creeped out at all.  I don't know, maybe I've just seen too many horror movies for this kind of schlock to scare or even entertain me, but I don't think anyone else really found the movie that scary either, so maybe it's just a crappy horror flick.  Again, it was on one of the showtime channels, if you want to see how bad it was.

Maybe I can try watching two or three horror movies a day, and seeing which of the three is best for a review.  I'm not sure I really have that kind of time, but meh, I'll see what I can do.  That's all I got for tonight.  Have fun, hope everyone is enjoying the cooler temperatures, and enjoy horror movie season!  :-D